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_____________________________________________________ Mark Twain _____________________________________________________ When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries  disappear and life stands  explained.

Truth is the most valuable thing we have.
Let us economize it. Mark Twain

He that waiteth for all men to be satisfied with his plan, let him seek eternal life, for he shall need it. Mark Twain

I am the entire human race compacted together. I have found that there is no ingredient of the race which I do not possess in either a small way or a large way. Mark Twain

A home without a cat -- and a well-fed, well-petted, and properly revered cat -- may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title? Mark Twain

The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice. Mark Twain

The best way to cheer yourself is to cheer somebody else up. Mark Twain

"I am no lazier now than I was forty years ago but that is because I reached the limit forty years ago. You can't go beyond possibility." Mark Twain
 
 

The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession, what there is of it.  Mark Twain

It is agreed, in this country, that if a man can arrange his religion so that it perfectly satisfies his conscience, it is not incumbent on him to care whether the arrangement is satisfactory to anyone else or not. Mark Twain

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin. Mark Twain

All you need is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. Mark Twain

All gods are better than their conduct. Mark Twain

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. Mark Twain

When angry, count four; when very angry, swear. Mark Twain

APRIL 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four. Mark Twain

Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution -- these can lift at a colossal humbug -- push it a little -- weaken it a little over the course of a century; but only laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. Mark Twain

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. Mark Twain

As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out. Mark Twain

"The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend  money. Mark Twain

Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul. Mark Twain

Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century. Mark Twain

"Classic." A book which people praise and don't read.  Mark Twain

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. Mark Twain

Do right, and you will be conspicuous. Mark Twain

Every one is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody. Mark Twain

Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.  Mark Twain

Man will do many things to get himself loved; he will do all things to get  himself envied. Mark Twain

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. Mark Twain

The human race consists of the dangerously insane and such as are not. Mark Twain

It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt. Mark Twain

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. Mark Twain

Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society. Mark Twain

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. Mark Twain

Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned. Mark Twain

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. I consider them unwise and I know they are dangerous. Also, sinful. If a man should challenge me now I would go to that man and take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet retired spot and kill him. Mark Twain

When in doubt, tell the truth. Mark Twain

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean. Mark Twain

Wagner's music is better than it sounds. Mark Twain

We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for thinking. Mark Twain

I think a compliment ought always to precede a complaint, where one is possible, because it softens resentment and insures for the complaint a courteous and gentle reception. Mark Twain

Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. Mark Twain

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. Mark Twain

Always do right. That will gratify some of the people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.  Mark Twain

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. Mark Twain

It is not worth while to try to keep history from repeating itself, for man's character will always make the preventing of the repetitions impossible. Mark Twain
 
 

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear -- not absence of fear. Mark Twain

It is noble to be good; it is still nobler to teach others to be good ...and less trouble. Mark Twain

The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet. Mark Twain

Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing the matter with this, except that it ain't so. Mark Twain

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress. Mark Twain

I have no color prejudices nor caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. All I care to know is that a man is a human being, and that is enough for me; he can't be any worse. Mark Twain

True irreverence is disrespect for another man's god.

The New York papers have long known that no large question is ever really settled until I have been consulted. Mark Twain

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. Mark Twain

Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it. Mark Twain

To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do. Mark Twain

In religion and politics people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination. Mark Twain

The time to begin writing an article is when you have finished it to your satisfaction. Mark Twain

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them." Mark Twain

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist. Mark Twain

There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life that he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig for hidden treasure. Mark Twain

There are 869 different forms of lying, but only one of them has been squarely forbidden. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. Mark Twain

Let your secret sympathies and your compassion be always with the under dog in the fight -- this is magnanimity; but bet on the other one this is business. Mark Twain

Prosperity is the best protector of principle. Mark Twain

Where prejudice exists it always discolors our thoughts. Mark Twain

On Rudyard Kipling: He is a stranger to me, but he is a most remarkable man -- and I am the other one. Between us we cover all knowledge; he knows all that can be known, and I know the rest. Mark Twain

If you invent two or three people and turn them loose in your manuscript, something is bound to happen to them -- you can't help it; and then it will take you the rest of the book to get them out of the natural consequences of that occurrence, and so first thing you know, there's your book all finished up and never cost you an idea." Mark Twain

OCTOBER 12, THE DISCOVERY. It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it. Mark Twain

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like and do what you'd druther not. Mark Twain

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. Mark Twain

No Californian gentleman or lady ever abuses or oppresses a Chinaman, under any circumstances, an explanation that seems to be much needed in the East. Only the scum of the population do it - they and their children; they, and, naturally and consistently, the policeman and politicians, likewise, for these are the dust-licking pimps and slaves of the scum, there as well as elsewhere on America. - Mark Twain, Roughing It 

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know. - Mark Twain 

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus - Mark Twain 

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. - Mark Twain 

Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to. Mark Twain 

To get the true value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with. Mark Twain 

Man has not a single right which is the product of anything but might. Mark Twain

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. Mark Twain 

In America -- as elsewhere -- free speech is confined to the dead. Mark Twain 

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again---and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore. Mark Twain 

It is not best to use our morals weekdays, it gets them out of repair for Sunday. Mark Twain

If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill came always together, who would escape hanging? Mark Twain 

Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it wont be allowed. Mark Twain 

If I cannot swear in heaven I shall not stay there. Mark Twain
 

More quotes from Mark Twain, about cats, can be found here.