When I began working on web pages I didn't give much thought to doing one on domestic violence. It is a subject hard for me to deal with and a chapter of my life I have tried to put behind me. But as I began gathering poetry and stories for my other pages, one poem sparked my heart. It was called "I Got Flowers Today." It reminded me of my life. The difference being, I got out. And while I don't claim to be an expert on the subject, I am a survivor. If my story can help one other woman then it's purpose is served.


People's favorite question of me is always, "Why did you stay?" I've heard that one so many times and still do from anyone new that I meet.


In my case I had 3 children all under the age of 10 when I left. The last three years we were together were the worst. I have a son born with chronic severe asthma and a clubbed foot. He underwent countless hospital stays and surgeries during those three years. And all the blame for his illnesses was laid on my shoulders. In his words "I didn't take care of myself while I was pregnant!"


I took the abuse to keep a roof over our heads. Taking care of our youngest was a full-time job and my dear ex did not allow me out of the house without him. In the end I had him removed from our house because the abuse started on the kids. Yes, my ex was not only a spouse abuser but a child abuser as well. And my 10-year-old at the time caught the worst of it because he would try to protect me. He is 19 now and still protects me. :)


For the first six months the kids and I lived on the $600.00 a month the court ordered for temporary support. I swallowed my pride and accepted foodstamps to feed the kids. Anything was better than seeing my kids hurt.


Was it tough?? You bet it was but the piece of mind and freedom we all gained by getting this loser out of our lives was worth the sacrifice. My kids got to be kids again instead of the little adults he made them be and they have grown into wonderful adults.


Today, we talk as little as possible. I see him only when necessary in events involving the kids. When I do talk to him it is strictly the business of our children. It's been nine years but the pain is still there when I see him.


They have told me if I forgive him for the abuse I would be closer to recovering from it. But there is no way!!!!! Yes, he has apologized. But never can I forgive the man that destroyed me not only physically but mentally. The scars from the beatings have long faded, but the scars in my heart and mind never will.

"Wife Abuse. To the ignorant, wife abuse is something a wife has coming to her. To the naive, wife abuse is a social problem which isn't desirable yet is somewhat inevitable. To the curious, wife abuse is bizarre and occurs in bad marriages. To Christians, wife abuse is something that happens to non-christians. To most of us, wife abuse is depressing, and we'd rather not think about it.
But to the battered woman the term assaults the senses and lodges hard in the emotions. It unleashes a flood of memories, nightmares, recollections of fear and horror. It reminds her of her shattered dream of marriage; it triggers doubts about her role as a woman, her sex, her femininity. To the battered woman, "Wife Abuse" means more than just that she has suffered pain or that she has been scarred or, possibly, disfigured. It means something more- that attempts have been made to eradicate her identity and her very being."

Taken from "No Place to Hide" by Esther Lee Olson

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