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Signs of a Battering Personality
The following signs are ones to watch for while dating. They are signs of a battering personality. If the person you are dating has three or more of these signs, there is a strong potential for physical violence. The more signs a person has, the more likely he is a batterer.
JEALOUSLY: At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser will always say that his jealousy is a sign of love. Jealousy has nothing to do with love. It is a sign of insecurity and possessiveness.
CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR: At first, the batterer will say that this behavior is because he "is concerned for your safety," "you need to use time well," or "you need to make good decisions." The abuser will be angry if you are "late" coming back from the store, or an appointment. If you had to break a date, you will be questioned closely about where you went, and to whom you talked.
QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Many battered victims dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they were engaged or living together. The batterer comes on like a whirl wind, "you're the only person I could ever talk to," or "I've never felt loved like this by anyone."
UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: The batterer is very dependent on you for all of his needs. You are expected to be the perfect girlfriend, wife, lover, or friend. The abuser expects you to take care of everything for them emotionally. But no matter how hard you try, you can't make, or keep, the abuser happy.
ISOLATION: This may start slowly with the abuser saying, "If you really loved me you would want to spend moretime with just me." Soon if you want to spend time with your family, "You are tied to the apron strings." If you have friends of the same sex, "You are gay." If you have friends of the opposite sex then, "You are sleeping around." Soon to try to keep the abuser happy you stop seeing anyone but him. Now you are truly isolated with no friends you feel close enough to talk to about what's going on.
BLAMES OTHERS FOR HIS PROBLEMS: Any mistakes made by the batterer will be blamed on you or someone else. The batterer will tell you it is your fault for almost anything that goes wrong.
BLAMES OTHERS FOR HIS FEELNGS: The batterer will say things like, "you make me mad," "you're hurting me by not doing what I ask," or "I can't help being angry." The batterer is really making the decision about what he thinks and feels, but will use the feelings to manipulate you.
HYPERSENSITIVITY: The batterer is easily insulted, becoming very angry over silly things that most people would not be angry over. The batterer will "rant and rave" about the injustice of things that have happened to him even if it is a normal part of life.
CRUELTY TO ANIMALS AND CHILDREN: This is a person who punishes animals brutally or is insensitive to their pain or suffering. They may expect children to be capable of doing things far beyond their ability or may tease children or young brothers or sisters until they cry. A baterer is mor likely to also batter their own children.
THE BATTERER MAY USE FORCE IN SEX: The batterer may show little concen about whether you want to have sex and use anger to get you to give into having sex.
VERBAL ABUSE: In addition to saying things meant to be cruel and hurtful, they can be degrading, cursing you, running you down on your accomplishments, making you feel you can't do
anything right even when you have made accomplishments.
RIGID SEX ROLES: The batterer may believe that women should stay home and take care of the house and children; and that men should rule the household and earn the money.
LOW OPINION OF THE OPPOSITE SEX: The batterer may believe the opposite sex to be stupid , inferior, unable to function without help, unable to be a whole person without a relationship with the opposite sex.
DR. JECKYLL AND MR. HYDE: The batterer will change moods "suddenly." One minute they may be nice and loving and the next, explosive. Mood swings and explosiveness are typical of a battering personality.
This site and graphics are copyrighted by The Runaway Bride unless otherwise noted........©The Runaway Bride
2001. The Music "Why?" is ©2001 by Bruce DeBoer and used with permission.
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