~******~ Entries
As I sat there on the bathroom floor with my head buried deep into the white porclin bowl I thought about how disgusting I must look... on my right hand I had the slimy red remnits of a cherry icee that I selfishly indulged in. God only knows why I do this insane act. For myself? for others? for "ana"? I know that I have let "Ana" down, I never treated her right...I've paid the price...I am still paying for it every day. But I know that she has good intentions for me & for that I can't let her go. The Irony of this whole scene: Young girl in a black shirt sitting on a white tile floor. As I got up to wash the red slime I look in the mirror that covers the wall and looking into my own eyes all I know how to say is, " I don't know you anymore...i don't recognize this place." The red slime goes down the drain of the sink, and the redness in the toilet is easily flushed...but "ana" isn't easily rinsed from my mind, my life....my heart. Her soft whisper says, "you did good..******...look at how strong you are" as I pass down the hall into my room & with that familiar phrase I am sucked back into this vacuum. I am constantly aware that tomorrow will be the same...the same lies as to why I am never hungry at lunch, the same answer to the continuously asked question, "what is wrong with you?" and that I will put on the same uniform as the rest of the seniors come 7:00 am hoping that they are even looser than the day before. Everyday is a sick whirl wind of lies and tears....all for "ana". All because she keeps telling me that she has good intentions and is going to mend the broken fragments of my life back together. -- i love this "ana"--
~******~
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