Please note that thie following entry contains numbers, which have been blended with the background. Please only highlight them if you are in a safe place emotionally.I find today a mix of both elation and disgraceful realizations. My dear friend Ana's voice fueled by "success" tempts me today. Why? What success? Sadly a success purely superficial and appearance oriented. it's kind of complicated....A while ago a friend gave me a couple of pairs of pants that she had out grown...all well and good, but i couldn't fit them either....since they were a few sizes too small. I decided to keep them...just as a form of torture you know. A few months later I try on them on and amazingly they fit. How sad that i would be so enthralled by the fact that i fit comfortably into a size 3 pair of jeans. Unfortunately that realization comes on the heels of a very long week of purging. Ana's voice is rampant....you can't eat now...wouldn't want to screw the new you up....see the promise i made you? I kept it. Now you have to get into the other pair of pants too....size 1. Such is life with ana. How can i let go now that I'm seeing something that seems so good?
