Frogg42337's 7th Journals
March 24, 2000
I've spent the day swimming....not literally...but figuratively swimming through my brain. It's an odd feeling...walking through the school halls, yet feeling as though you're floating with swimming eyes unable to focus under glaring lights. this inexplicable inability to focus on anything.... having to make a conscious effort to place one foot in front of the other so as not to fall flat on your face. A cold sweat that engulfs you much to your own dismay as you shiver, attempting to hide your own discomfort. Good night to the world. Good night to life.
April 15, 2000
Once again I've come running to type out my little life to some anonymous audience. Venting my anger, frustration and stupidity to the world.
Here i sit on this evening, lazily stuffing jelly beans in my mouth and cursing myself for this moment of weakness. I'm planning out each move i must do (in ana's reasoning) to counteract the useless extra calories. How many sit-ups must i do in this viscous cycle...do i purge or at least try to....can i do that quietly enough so as to not awaken the rest of the house? Decisions decisions. Of course we all know what' I'm going to do...there's not even really a question of it. Amid all the turmoil I've managed to ponder comments made in the past few days. I realized that for whatever reason I want or need to hurt physically as much as I hurt emotionally. Maybe i deserve pain because i seem to be a horrible person. Why should i have better who knows the answer.....not i not i.
g'night all
ld
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