Frogg42337's 9th Journal
May 19, 2000
Am I nothing more than a walking, emotional, time bomb? Every step taken leads me deeper into the dark forest of confusion, despair, frustration,and self-loathing. Each tentative step deeper into Ana's playground. I took her hand today and marched along her path, hand and hand. A lost friendship or rather a friendship whose grip had loosened rekindled, tightened leaning toward the definition of choke hold.
Lost in my own circle of self-destruction, I've driven myself deeper. Yet through such self-destruction, Ana's voice calls, "claim your mask of happiness, wear it well" I obey. Today the mask was cracked, when i learned that one of the people most supportive of me is slowly turning to nothing more than a body, a vegetable; unable to communicate with the world. I can't watch him slowly die like that, i don't want that to happen to him...it's undeserved and some how ana says it's my fault. I am poison to those i meet; To those whose lives i touch.
I let my friend know what i was feeling, how lost, how despicable, how alone, and angry. She proceeded to lecture me on self-pity and the misery it brings. Granted she is right, but i deserved no lecture, I wanted her to care, but wait, she does, I know that....it's her way unconventional like me. Perhaps it's half my fault...We are like sisters but i didn't let her know what's going on with my grandfather. Ana says she is fake though.....I should have kept my mouth shut....as punishment i should purge.
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