1.) Prision Use or Heavy Gorilla Warfare

First there was soap on a rope now there is the one the only ass plug. For use: Just insert this jagged semi-lubricated metal plug in to your ass, the lubrication makes easy instalation. The jagged end makes as a wake up call to unsespecting anal intruders. Only $29.99.

The 2 piece set of iron briefs say you have been abused or gang raped to many times in prison. Say your ass is to loose for the plug, no problem. Thats why we have the new metal briefs. The are bullet proof, dick proof, and fire proof. For best instalation just fasten 17 locks to insure protection agienst blind side pennitrations. There is even an unlockable rear hatch in case the urge to shit comes upon you. Please note.... each lock has a seperate key if one key is lost then the briefs will be rendered unusable. At a low price of 3 easy installments of $39.99..

2.) Home Pleasure Use

Dose your female friend (or for some of you sicko's out there men) hate the taste of your dull semen? Dose she hate the way it's saltieness drys her mouth? No problem now you can have tropical or flavored semen! Just take one of many assorted flavor capsules 27 times daily and that will take care of that semen problem. Flavors include: strawberry, lemon, kiwi, my personal favorite cranberry, and manny more, call for more information. ONLY!!! $1.95 per capsule.

Now to add to your dull life we have colored pleasure. This fine powder you mix with a hot drink transforms your semen in to a bursting ball of color. You can have choose from neon, hot pink, black, red, teal, or orange. Please note... extended use of this product may result in loss of penis, hair growth on tongue, heavy vaginal irratation, that may result in large sensitive sores, peralysis, gangreen, blindness, or paralyzation from waist down/use with extreme caution. One jar of powder lasts 3 months with cupon only $19.95

3.) Home Masterbation Center

STRICTLY for you lonely people out there. This state of the art home masterbation system is made of the latest materials ranging from graphite to gortex. It can comfortably seat 6, if your in to that group type of thing. Only $49.59 add $12.99 for profetional instalation.