Dear Sir:

We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to model and represent our product--Trojan Condoms.

Although your general apperance is not displeasing, our Board of Directors feel that your wearing our product dose not portray a positive, romantic image of our product. A loose, baggy, and wrinkled condom is NOT considered romantic>

We did admire your efforts to firm it up by using Poly-Grip, but even then it slipped off before we could get a photograph taken. We would like to note, however, that we have never seen a penis that looked like a bicycle grip until now.

We appreciate your interest and thank you for your time. We will retain your application for future consideration, if by chance we decide that there is a market for Micro-Mini Condoms.

We send or greetings and deepest sympathy to your wife and/or girlfriend.

Sincerely,

Burly Dick

President

P.S. -- Remember our slogan! Cover your Stump before you hump; Don't be silly, wrap your willy; Before you attack her, wrap your whacker; and If you are not going to sack it, go home and whack it.