This evening, I took a CD of mine, put it in the CD player and set track 4 to repeat endlessly. I suspect that the song will continue playing for weeks now. At least. It is called Wish You Were Here and acts as a theme song of sorts for what's happened to me and what has resulted in the complete silencing of everything that was once written here on Et cetera. Although the song was written with a different intention, it applies equally well to what some people like to call a "long distance relationship," a term that carries so many negative connotations of immaturity and disconnection that I refuse to use it anymore. I suggest you listen to it. Though, considering that the target audience for this paragraph should've left this page by the end of the first, I'm not sure what I'm trying to accomplish by talking about it.

Naturally, most everyone who visits this page will not stop at the first paragraph, and I can deal with that. But if you are one of those strangers from the internet, like Pepper for example, keep in mind that although I'm not really speaking to anyone in particular, there is definitely a select number of people who I am not directing this towards, and that is you. This doesn't mean that you're not allowed to read it. It just means that because it is not directed towards you, you may not understand it and anything you don't understand will not be explained to you. Now kindly crawl away to some other webpage, or more realistically, the next paragraph.

Since I can't think of where to start or what I'm even going to say, this will be in no particular order. There's two things that really need to be clarified to accurately explain my situation. Perhaps "two" is a far too specific way of putting things. I guess it can't really be narrowed down to a number because each is so complex that they can't be called "one" of anything. Friends are a good place to start. Or in this instance, a lack of them. Everyone, when going through school, sort of naturally form a group of peers whom they regularily associate with and thereby call them friends. Friendships at this age are very strong. Stronger than most people realize I think. Countless people have said that you don't really realize what something means to you until it's gone. I guess there's some truth in that. But anyway, getting back to how strong these friendships are. Over time, friends begin to confide in one another and communicate with each other. And believe me, communicating doesn't just mean talking. It's getting involved in the life of someone else. Playing a part. It's very important to have people to talk to. Friends look to friends for support when trouble comes along and that is the most important thing of them all. Having friends who will support you and help you last through the worst of situations.

Switching to something else for a moment. Over a period of ten day over the summer, I had the misfortune of falling in love with a girl who came to visit for ten days and then went back to her home, 450 miles away. That leaves what? The telephone and the internet. Those seem to be the main ways of talking to one another now. The internet is very faulty, let me tell you. Everything gets horribly distorted and misinterpreted sometimes when trying to talk on the internet. There's no facial expressions, no changes in tone of voice. It's all just words, which are powerful yes, but still inferior to the flexibility the voice has to offer. Anyway, these ten days during the summer consisted of countless high points and a few extreme emotional lows. They are most definitely the best ten days of my life, I've decided and I am unable to distinguish between them as to which ones were superior to the others. But they were all very complete. All very full. There were things to do all the time and each day was very fulfilling. Every other day during this summer had been empty and boring. If only everyday were like those ten, I think I could do anything. A utopian holiday, if you will. But to have these ten wonderful days end is one of the worst feelings I have ever experienced, second only to what happened to me over the past week or so.

Initially, those 450 miles hit me very hard because going from having her not three feet away from me to being all the way to Victoria in the space of about two hours is quite a jump. I was able to get over that, though. It's always easy to come to terms with things like that if you have something to look forward to. Before the summer, the original plan was for me to go to Victoria rather than her come here. After about a month of arguing with my parents, they had decided that they weren't going to let me go during the summer so the plan was reversed. Since the day she left Calgary, I have been asking my parents if I could go to Victoria when the Christmas holidays came around. That seemed to be the next opportunity to see her again, anyway. The point is, this week I was actually forced to accept a definite NO to my request. I was officially and firmly denied the chance to go at Christmas. I tried so hard to convince them and I still don't really know why I'm not allowed, but I just can't. Just because of my parents. I tried so hard. You don't know how hard I tried. No, not even you. I survived the week on the notion that perhaps Lindsey could come to Calgary at Christmas once again, providing a safety net for my stubborn parents as it had in the summer. This evening I was told that there was a definite no at her end, as well. Which means that we won't see each other for an indefinite period of time. "Indefinite" is a very scary word for me. I was able to stay stable for the last few months on the notion that I was looking forward to something. Now there's nothing to look forward to and everything is so far away.

There are definitely two different situations here, though. Fortunately, Lindsey will probably be able to function normally and all that regardless of the fact that it will be a rather lonely and boring New Year. I'm glad that it won't hit her quite as hard as it has hit me. The biggest difference between both our sides is basically just that she has friends. I do not.