Hi! The usual legal stuff...copyrights: none of these characters belong to me, nor do the songs (which all rock!)...but the story does, so please don't steal/plagiarize!! Other than that, this is kind of angsty...so don't read it if you're depressed! Yup, someone dies, you can probably guess who early on. And you can also probably guess who my fav character is, since I'm writing from his POV. =) I wrote this story as an alternate, what-if...to kind of develop Matt more and explore his emotions, and what an awesome person he is...and also to show what a good leader Tai is =) Please enjoy...and email me!

Jehana

jehana_argent@yahoo.com

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The dust has finally settled on the field of human clay

Just enough light has shown through

To tell the night from the day

We are incomplete and hollow

For our maker has gone away

Who is to blame?

We'll surely melt in the rain

Say I

Creed, "Say I"

"Come on, Matt. Please? Pretty please?" Almost unwittingly, I found myself staring at two pairs of pleading eyes, one pair an unusual light morning blue, and the other cornflower blue, a twin reflection of my own.

It was full night in Digiworld, or whatever this place was called, and we had just made camp after hours of trudging through what seemed like hill after hill of dry, yellowed grass-over and over again. Tai, being the fearless, noble leader that he is, was keeping first watch with Agumon, a little apart from the others, throwing twigs into the crackling fire. Sarcasm, me? Naw.

It had been about a week since we had returned to Digiworld from Earth, after defeating VenomMyotismon. Since we had met the Dark Masters, and faced Puppetmon. Ugh...what a stupid name. And come on..."puppet power?" Still, I think we were all a little scared...even Tai. Yeah, and even me. I looked at TK, and it suddenly hit me how frightened and homesick he must be, and yet he was always trying to put up a brave front with me. I loved my little brother and cherished his innocence. And it made me scared for him too, but I had long ago vowed that I would protect him and keep him safe. Not just for my parents, but for me.

The night sky was achingly beautiful, the stars like a tapestry of diamonds laid out across an infinite sea of black. A warm, summer breeze caressed my senses with the faint scent of honeysuckle and jasmine. I had been sitting apart from the other, sleeping kids, and playing my harmonica, the music blending into my consciousness to form some kind of turbulent peace in my mind. Well, that is, until now.

"Yes, Matt, I would like to hear a human fairy tale," Gabumon added, giving me a hopeful look. "You play music so beautifully, that I'm sure you are able to tell wonderful stories."

I glared at my digimon companion. "Uhh..."

"Yeah!" TK grinned up at me, apparently taking that for assent.

I sighed, shrugging. "Ok, sure, why not." I stole a surreptitious glance at Tai to make sure the other boy wasn't listening. Nope, lost in thoughts of his own. Not that it really mattered anyways. Sure, he would tease me for it, but what are friends for. Too bad I didn't have my mental dictionary handy to look up the definition of friendship, but it wasn't something I liked thinking about. So I let TK snuggle under my arm, Patamon perching on top of his head, and Gabumon plopping down next to me.

" Ok, well it's not really a fairy tale, Gabumon," I warned. "It's more like a nursery rhyme."

"What's a nursery rhyme?" Patamon piped up.

"Shh. Just LISTEN," TK admonished him.

(note to reader: It might make more sense if you read the nursery rhyme at the very bottom of the story...unless you know it by heart! =) )

I cleared my throat. "Ok. Old Mother Hubbard, went to the cupboard, to get her poor dog a bone-"

"What's a Hubbard?" Patamon broke in.

"What's a dog?' Gabumon said at the same time.

TK started laughing. "You guys...Hubbard is just her name, Patamon. Like TK. Or Matt."

"Well, I think it's a strange name," Patamon replied indignantly. "It should be something like-"

"Hubbardmon?" TK suggested, now really laughing. Patamon looked like he didn't know whether to laugh or be insulted, so I quickly broke in.

"Well, uh, Patamon, you see, she was a human, like me and TK, so her name wouldn't end in '-mon.' And Gabumon," I gave my digimon a grin, "a dog is kinda like a wolf, except smaller and more friendly. Kinda like you, I guess."

"Really?" Gabumon's eyes lit up. "Could this 'dog' digivolve like me?"

I couldn't help it. I snickered. "If he could've, he wouldn't have starved, now would he?"

"He starved?" Gabumon repeated, horrified. Oops, Matt. Forgot how much digimon love their food.

"Yeah," TK answered blithely. "He wants a bone and everything but the cupboard's bare so he's really hungry so-"

"That's terrible!" Patamon shouted. He and Gabumon were exchanging disturbed glances.

"Is this a sad story, Matt?" Gabumon asked me. "Is this the kind of story children like in your world?"

"Hey!" TK protested. "It gets better. Just listen."

"Yeah, it gets a whole lot better," I agreed, giving Gabumon a little pat just cause he looked so worried. They both looked at me warily, but didn't say anything else. "Ok, where was I? Oh yeah. Ok, so..."

It was about an hour later when I finally finished, after a lot of interruptions.

"The dog died? Stop, Matt! I don't like this rhyme nursery."

"Hee hee, he was laughing! Are you sure he's not a digimon?"

"Fish?? You'd better not let Gomamon hear that!"

"Was the hat like Mimi's?"

"What's beer??? Do you think I could try some?" this last one from Gabumon, who gave me a serious, earnest look. I couldn't help it, and started laughing. Teaches me to try telling a nursery rhyme to Digimon...

I pretended to think for a while, then nodded. "Ok, Gabumon," I said. "But only if you dance a jig."

"Oh! A jig?" Gabumon looked a little worried.

I grinned. "Just kidding. You wouldn't like beer anyways. It's just fermented grain."

"You mean you've tasted it before, Matt?" TK asked, eyes wide. "Ooohh...I'm gonna tell mom you drink!"

"No, no, TK," I amended hastily. THAT would not be pretty. "I mean, so I've heard." I glanced at him, smiling when he couldn't suppress a yawn. "Ok, lil' bro, I think it's time you and Patamon go get some sleep. It's gonna be a long day tomorrow." Oh yeah. Real long. I wouldn't be surprised if that deranged puppet made another guest appearance.

"I guess I am a little sleepy," TK said. "C'mon, Patamon." He poked his sleeping digimon, then turned to face me. "Uh, Matt?"

"What's up?" I looked at him, noticing he had a hesitant expression on his face.

"Do ya...I mean, will...is Puppetmon gonna..."

"Doncha worry, TK," I assured him, silently despising the Dark Master for daring to mess with TK's life, "it'll be ok. We're all gonna stick together and beat him. As a team. Just like we did VenomMyotismon."

TK's sweet blue eyes brightened. "I know, Matt. I know ya wouldn't let Puppetmon win. Cause you're the best!" He gave me a quick hug before skipping off with Patamon towards the warmth of the fire.

Urrghh. I knew I was blushing. Man, I didn't deserve all that, did I? I sure didn't deserve TK.

"You are the best!" Gabumon said behind me, voice firm as if he knew my inner doubts. Which he probably did, being my best friend and all.

I shrugged, toying with my harmonica. "Umm. Yeah, whatever. I just want him to be safe."

"He will be," Gabumon assured me. "You know why?"

I looked at my digimon, watching the play of fiery light on the striped fur. He winked. "Cause Matt...you are da man!"

I grinned, despite myself. "Thanks, Gabumon," I said, finishing our little ritual. "And you are da wolfman!"

We both settled down to sleep for the night, but for some reason, I couldn't fall asleep, watching the wheeling stars above us and wondering if all worlds had stars or it was just something reserved for the darkest ones.

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Starry Starry Night

Paint your palette blue and gray

Look out on a summer's day

With eyes that know the darkness in my soul

Shadows on the hills

Sketch the trees and daffodils

Catch the breeze and winter chills

In colors on the snowy linen land

--Don McLean "Vincent"

"I think I'm allergic to trees," Joe complained, breaking the tired silence that had blanketed our group after what seemed like hours of trudging through thick, unyielding forest. It seemed like we had been doing a lot of "trudging" lately. Maybe too much, I thought wearily.

"My eyes are tired," Mimi agreed. "Brown and green are such an ugly color combination."

"Hey!" Palmon protested. "Green's not ugly!"

"Of course not," Mimi soothed her digimon. "Green and pink are all the rage now, Palmon. It's just brown that's...ugh."

"Just a little further," Tai insisted, looking as tired as the rest of us. "I mean-"

"We've BEEN going a little further for the past two or three hours," I snapped. "And we're not getting anywhere. Admit it, Tai. We're lost." I stopped in my tracks, fixing him with a stubborn look.

"We are not lost," Tai said, giving me an equally annoyed look. "We have to keep moving, before it gets dark. It's not safe here."

"Tell me something I don't know," Joe mumbled.

"Look guys, I think you're both right," Sora broke in, before things could get really ugly. "This forest is obviously a trap set by Puppetmon. And he's playing with us. He wants us to start fighting, so we have to stay calm and think things through."

Gatomon looked thoughtful. "You're right, Sora. Maybe we should split up-"

"NO!!!" Everyone screamed in unison, our memories of how THAT had turned out the many times we had tried it before all too painfully fresh in our minds.

"Ok, sorry," the feline digimon said, exchanging 'they're losing it' looks with Kari. "Only a suggestion."

"Ok, guys, let's start moving," Tai said impatiently. "This forest has to end somewhere."

I was about to fire off a sarcastic remark about that but Izzy beat me to it.

"Well actually, Tai," he said thoughtfully, "technically it doesn't have to. It doesn't HAVE to do anything Puppetmon doesn't want it to. You see, I'm starting to think this is a digital creation by Puppetmon, made by combining repeating sets of data so that it truly is never-ending. Kind of like the Moebius strip...we keep traveling the same path over and over again, but without actually perceiving that we're doing so because each side actually does look like the opposite of the one we were just on."

"HUH???"

"Sometimes you really scare me, Izzy," Gomamon said.

Izzy looked at us. "What? What did I say?"

"I think," Tentomon said helpfully, "what Izzy was trying to say is that Puppetmon is making us walk in circles."

"No wonder I'm dizzy," Mimi murmured.

Palmon nodded. "Me too, Mimi! My leaves are starting to droop!"

"My wings are tired," Biyomon added, the pink bird digimon giving Sora a concerned look.

"Of course they're not, silly," Sora reassured her with a grin, "you've been walking just like the rest of us. But here, I can carry you." She bent down and scooped up the digimon.

I suddenly had the eerie sensation that we were being watched, but I couldn't really pinpoint from where. The forest was quiet, no birds singing, no squirrels chirping or whatever it is they do, nothing. Just pure, unnatural silence that was so complete that it was deafening. Then it started: a soft, sibilant whispering, like an invisible hand was brushing through the trees, rustling the leaves...

"Matt?" Gabumon broke into my thoughts, voice shaded with concern.

"Huh?" I looked at the group, noticed everyone was staring at me. "What?"

"Well," Izzy replied. "Tai just said we should get a move on and based on the high probability that you and he always disagree, we made the reasonable assumption that--"

"Don't you hear it?" I interrupted. Something wasn't right....

"Hear what, Matt?" TK asked, looking scared but trying to hide it.

And then it happened. A blur of color shot past us, followed by the unmistakable, high-pitched laughter of the puppet Dark Master. "Digibrats! Don't you wanna play?"

"It's Puppetmon!" Tai shouted angrily. Agumon's green eyes blazed fiercely as the dinosaur took a protective stance in front of his friend.

"You think, Tai?" I asked sarcastically, reaching for TK when the sound of a loud snapping reached us. The trees-they were moving, their branches whipping back and forth wildly and sending Joe and Sora flying.

"Joe!"

"Sora!" Biyomon and Gomamon shouted. Then:

"Biyomon...digivolve to...Birdramon!"

"Gomamon...digivolve to...Ikkakumon!"

"Ok, Gabumon, time to fight," I growled. Gabumon nodded. "Gabumon..."

And then the ground split, a huge gaping wound that bled pure blackness...and TK---no!---TK was falling into that abyss, and Puppetmon was laughing insanely,

"TK! You're gonna play with me!"

"NO!!" I shouted, the words ripped from my throat. Then, before I could even think about what I was doing, I lunged forward, and I was falling into that dark embrace, Gabumon beside me. The last words I heard were Tai's "Matt! No!" before I was drowning in darkness.

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"Ow," Gabumon said.

"Tell me about it," I muttered, dragging myself to my feet and wincing as I strained countless bruises. At least I hadn't hit my head...

"You ok, Gabumon?"

"Uh-huh," the digimon affirmed. "What about you, Matt?"

"I'm fine. Where's TK?" I scanned the darkness ahead of me, but saw nothing. Not a glimpse of golden hair, a shadowy figure, nothing. What if he were lying unconscious....?

"I don't see him," Gabumon replied. "But at least he has a helmet on," he offered helpfully.

"Somehow, I don't think a helmet's gonna do him much good against that walking piece of firewood," I muttered angrily, fists clenched. If Puppetmon even thought of hurting TK...

"TK!" I shouted, Gabumon adding his voice to mine.

"Matt!" his voice came back, oddly muffled. An overwhelming feeling of relief washed over me. He was closer than I had hoped.

And then: "Hi TK!" The insanely cheerful, childlike voice said brightly. A sudden light washed over us and I saw we were in what looked like a small cave. And there, ten feet in front of me, TK was sitting on the floor, Puppetmon in front of him.

"Puppetmon!" I cried out furiously, and lunged forward. And slammed into something with a painful impact. I forced myself to stand and tried again, but there was some kind of invisible wall.

"Nice try!" Puppetmon crowed triumphantly. "You can't get past my wall, digi-brat!"

"I'm gonna kill you!" I screamed, all thoughts gone from my mind except the fact that I had to get to TK.

"Matt!" Gabumon's hushed voice broke into my heated thoughts, and it was only the horrible, awful quality to it that snapped me back.

"What? I-" I stopped, words frozen in my throat, and suddenly time seemed to come to a terrible, grinding halt. TK was just sitting there and...crying? And then I knew why. There was a large boulder in front of him, and in the wash of the dim light I saw a golden-brown wing sticking out from underneath it.

"No. No," I whispered, my mind numb with the shock. I turned frantically to Gabumon. "We have to help Patamon. Come on, why aren't you digivolving? You can get through, Gabumon, hurry, you have to get that rock off him..." my words trailed off as Gabumon just looked at me with large eyes that held worlds of sadness in them.

"Look at TK's digivice, Matt," he said softly.

I forced myself to look, to stare at the pile of dust and ashes in front of TK that had been his digivice. "No....oh, no..."

Puppetmon was watching us with a horribly smug expression on his face. "Good riddance. I was getting tired of that flying pig-"

"NO!!" TK screamed and before any of us could stop him, he was up and running at Puppetmon with a rock in his hand.

"TK, no!" I ran forward, but it was too late. Puppetmon turned, caught off guard, and instinctively brought his weapon around. "Puppet power!"

The next moments were the slowest, most awful ones of my life, indelibly imprinted into my memory with a scorching brand. TK was jerked back by the force of the bullets hitting him, and then he fell, body limp.

"No!" Puppetmon cried out, swinging his weapon around, but it was too late. He stared, shocked. "Come on, TK, get up...come on, what game are you playing..."

I ignored him and ran to TK, bending over his body. "TK, please, come on, open your eyes," I whispered the words over and over like a mantra, almost believing that if I said them enough, they would come true. And even though every fiber of my being fought against it, I knew in my heart that TK, my little brother, was dead. Horribly, completely dead. I let go of the cold hand that I had been clutching and turned around to meet Puppetmon's horrified eyes.

"I am going to kill you." The words came out of my mouth, but I didn't recognize the voice, it was so twisted with hatred and pain. "Gabumon, digivolve."

Gabumon was cradling Patamon's limp form. He met my eyes, tears welling in his own. "Matt, I can't. Your digivice..."

I looked down at my belt and saw that my digivice, instead of glowing with its usual radiant light, was dull and lifeless. "Gabumon," I demanded, turning to my digimon, "kill him. I'm telling you to digivolve, dammit." Gabumon just looked at me with sad eyes.

"Fine, then," I hissed. Without thinking, I lunged for Puppetmon, sending both of us flying and crashing into the wall. Puppetmon recovered swiftly. He grabbed his weapon and swung around and-

"Gabumon...digivolve to...NightGarurumon!"

"What?!" Puppetmon cried out, staring in shock past me. I turned, and saw pure darkness. A nightmarish, twisted werewolf black as night, muscles tensed for attacking and its jaws gaping open to expose huge, razor-like fangs. And in its crimson eyes that promised death, I saw no trace of my gentle, brave Gabumon. And I didn't care.

"Go to hell," I laughed at the look of fear on Puppetmon's face, and then NightGarurumon hurled himself at the other digimon in a blurring mass of black, and I heard Puppetmon's screams before they died out with the jagged sound of ripping wood.

NightGarurumon then turned to me, and I felt absolutely no fear, just a horrible numbness and a terrible desire for him to come towards me...and then NightGarurumon's form started wavering in a rapid blur and Gabumon was left standing there, gazing at me with haunted eyes. I couldn't quite meet them so I turned my gaze to Puppetmon's splintered form which was disappearing into what I supposed was the digital ether...and the hatred in my heart made me wish he would at least give me the satisfaction of seeing him bleed.

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That I would be loved even when I numb myself

That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed...

That I would be good even if I lost sanity

That I would be good.

Alanis Morissette, "That I would be good"

I don't remember much of what happened after that. Gabumon and I somehow made it back up to the forest, through a twisting maze of dark caverns that seemed to reflect the endless darkness in my heart. I was stubbornly carrying Patamon and TK's bodies, refusing to let them be buried in this horrible blackness. Gabumon was silent beside me, weeping openly, the tears staining his fur. And I wondered why I couldn't cry. Why my eyes were dry, and my heart was numb and I just felt...nothing. Even the terrible anger that had possessed me hours before was completely gone, leaving me with just a burning desert of emptiness.

And then we were ascending into daylight, and everyone was standing there in the bright, blinding sunlight.

"Matt!" Sora cried out, running towards me and then stopping dead in her tracks. "Oh no..."

I heard their cries of dismay, and registered that they were crying-all of them. All of them, except for his brother.

"We have to bury him, he would have liked it here in the sunlight," someone was muttering in a broken voice and I realized distantly that it was me.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to meet Tai's tear-filled eyes. "Matt..I'm so sorry. TK...and Patamon...we'll bury them right here..."

Feeling as if my heart were being ripped apart, I met his eyes with a bleak expression. "It should have been me," I whispered. "It should have been me."

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I shouldn't have been surprised that it was Tai. Out of all of them, he was the first one to approach me.

I was standing apart from the others, as usual, but this time, I had never felt so alone. I vaguely remembered burying TK and Patamon. The mechanical act of digging, just plunging the shovel into the dirt, over and over, not too deep because TK was only a child, and so he didn't need a large grave...and then lowering his body, with Patamon of course-he would have wanted to be buried with his best friend-into the cold, unforgiving ground. The pain and sorrow on everyone's faces. I think it made everyone older, just to realize how horribly fragile life is...how one day you're so alive, with the whole world ahead of you, and the next, you're buried deep in the ground on some alien world. And now this.

Tai cleared his throat. "Matt?"

I didn't bother to turn around, just stared into the star-filled sky.

"You all right?'

I shrugged. "Yeah." I don't know why, but I added, "Y'know, when he was little, TK would always bring me dandelions. He thought they were flowers, not weeds. Said they reminded him of the sun. Pretty stupid, huh?" I could hear the terrible bitterness in my voice, and briefly remembered how I had gone to this funeral, maybe two years ago, for a guy that had killed himself. Slit his wrists with a razor. Guess life became too much for him, and one day he decided that he just didn't want to wake up anymore. It was the first time I had really seen death. Seen it, but not known it.

There was an uncomfortable silence before Tai spoke again. "I just thought you might wanna know...we're planning to go to Digital City tomorrow. It's about a mile from here, and according to Izzy's map, it's where Machinedramon is waiting."

I couldn't stop myself. I turned on him, eyes blazing, really seeing Tai, my supposed friend...oh great, he was trying to move on. He was still an older brother, still had a little sibling to look after and protect. He hadn't failed.

"I'm not going," I said coldly.

"What?" Tai stared at me.

I met his gaze evenly. "I'm not going with you, Tai. Not you, or anyone. Not anymore." I could hear my voice rising in anger, but was helpless to stop myself. "This whole mission is stupid! It's not a game anymore, Tai. Open your eyes! I'm not gonna be a part of this anymore. If you guys wanna go on and play heroes and pretend even after all this that you can win, then go right ahead. But you can count me out of it."

I started to leave but Tai grabbed my arm, eyes blazing with anger. "You're giving up, Matt? Is that it? You're just gonna go off and dig yourself into a hole and die? Even after TK gave up-"

I shoved him back, hard. "Don't you dare bring TK into this?" I screamed. "What were you gonna say? That TK sacrificed his life for this mission? That he died for our stupid cause? Well, you know what, Tai? IT MEANT NOTHING! NOTHING."

I was breathing hard, my fists clenched, wanting Tai to shout back, to fight back so I could punch him, find an outlet for all this anger and self-loathing. Wanting him to tell me it was all my fault that TK died, so I wouldn't have to tell myself.

But he didn't. He just gave me an angry look. "Fine, Matt. I think we all know where you stand." He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry about TK...you know we all loved him. And you know he believed in us as a team. The Crest of Hope, remember? Hope that we could beat the Dark Masters. Hope that good would win over evil. Then again, maybe you've forgotten."

"Shut up, Tai," I bit out, turning away. "Just go."

"Oh, man," Tai cursed. "I'm sorry, Matt. I didn't mean that. You know-"

"I'm leaving, Tai," I said, pleased that my voice sounded fairly calm. I walked past him, past all the others, ignoring their protests and pleas to come back. I knew Gabumon was following me, but I didn't look back-couldn't look back, because I didn't think I could deal with the contempt I was sure was on everyone's faces. Because it would only confirm what was in my soul.

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One day it's heaven, one day it's hell

It's no fairy tale, take it from me

That's the way it's supposed to be

You will fly, and you will fall

God knows even angels fall

No such thing as you lost it all

God knows even angels fall.

Jessica Riddle, "Even Angels Fall"

"Matt?" Gabumon finally spoke, voice worried. "Where are we going?"

I had been walking in a kind of daze for what seemed like ages, not really seeing where I was going. I knew distantly that a couple of days had passed because I remembered seeing the sun come up a couple of times. I didn't even remember eating but Gabumon probably had found something edible. And so it had been like this, maybe three, four days...I was running, I knew I was, I just wouldn't admit it to myself. And now, after days of silence, Gabumon finally spoke, a startling sound, and I looked up, realizing we had hit a small lake buried in the forest. With a pang of guilt, I thought Gabumon must have had a really hard time keeping up with me.

"Nowhere," I sighed, coming to a stop and sitting down at the edge of the lake, gazing into the jeweled blue depths. "Anywhere, I guess. Just someplace far away." Far away from memories of TK. Far away from thoughts of my friends, from wondering if they were still alive.

Gabumon was silent for a while, then his eyes met mine in the water's reflection. "You know," he said gently, "I know we digimon are just supposed to be data...but I don't believe Patamon just disappeared."

I turned away, unable to meet his eyes. "What?"

"Well," he said, head tilted in thoughtful consideration, "I think Patamon wouldn't just leave TK like that. He loved him too much. So I think he's with TK right now."

I didn't know what to say, so I just stayed silent, looking at the waters and wanting to drown. Gabumon must hate me, I thought, wondering why he didn't just leave me. I had forced him, my best friend, someone who trusted me, to digivolve to a horrible, twisted version of his real gentle self. So much for the Crest of Friendship, I thought bitterly. Boy, did they choose the wrong person.

And then I felt a warm paw on my arm and Gabumon was looking at me with gentle eyes. "Just like I'll never leave you, Matt," he said firmly. "No matter where you go. No matter how much time it takes. It doesn't matter. I'll be with you forever."

His words hit me like a sledgehammer, breaking down whatever defenses I had left. "Gabumon," I choked out, and realized with horror that I was crying. Me, the self-proclaimed, cool, one...the aloof one who had spent all his life building walls around himself- I was bawling like a baby.

I hugged the digimon to me, sobbing uncontrollably, feeling ashamed but unable to stop myself. "I'm so sorry, Gabumon. So sorry for everything. I made you digivolve to NightGarurumon. I tried to get myself hurt on purpose, so you would kill Puppetmon. Can you ever forgive me? I was so selfish..."

"No, Matt," Gabumon replied calmly. "You were not selfish. You were just very angry and sad about TK, because you loved your brother very much. There's a reason why you have the crest of friendship. Because you are a true and loyal friend, and I'm proud to be your digimon."

"Hmmph," I laughed bitterly, wiping my eyes on my sleeve and absently thinking that I was really glad the rest of the digi-destined, especially Tai, wasn't here to see me.

"It's true," Gabumon insisted. "You are a true friend, Matt, because you always think about others first. Especially TK...and nothing can take that away."

"I should have protected him better, then," I said, feeling another crying fit coming on and helpless to stop it. All the anger and pain and sorrow had been building up in me and I lost it. "It should have been me, Gabumon. Why didn't I die instead? What are mom and dad gonna say? I let TK die. I let him die-"

"There was nothing you could have done about it," Gabumon said, tears welling up in his eyes. "You know TK would never have wanted you to blame yourself. I know it's hard, right now, but you must believe-you must hope-that things will get better. Your love for TK is too precious to cloud it with thoughts of guilt."

Gabumon was patting me on the back as I sobbed, listening to his words and trying to believe in them, trying so hard to cling to what little hope I had left...hope in my Crest, in my destiny as one of the digi-destined. Hope in myself.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, I gained control of myself and took a couple of deep breaths. I met my own eyes in the mirror-like lake and saw TK's eyes looking back at me. Except I didn't feel so much guilt anymore. Oh it was still there, but it was less biting, more a dull throb than the sharp pain it had been before. And strangely, I felt more free...more at peace. And I knew what I had to do. Knew what TK would expect me to do.

"Gabumon," I said decisively. "We have to go help the others."

"Of course, Matt," Gabumon replied, eyes shining with excitement. "I knew you would not abandon your friends."

"Yeah, well, let's just hope it's not too late." I unhooked my digivice and held it out for Gabumon to see. "We can use this to track them. From the look of it, we're only a mile from Digital City. We can make it there by nightfall. That is, um, if-"

"Good thinking, Matt," Gabumon answered, giving me a completely trusting look.

"Gabumon...digivolve to...Garurumon!"

And within minutes, we were racing the wind, my only thought that I had to get to my friends soon. Before it was too late, and before I lost everyone I cared about. It had been a mistake to leave them in the first place, but it was one that I was determined to fix.

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It wasn't hard finding my friends. All I did was follow the sound of fighting, which was painfully loud in the otherwise eerily silent city.

Digital City rose before me like a half-awake behemoth, made of twisted metal and soaring spires that looked like it had been designed by a demented architect. Well, I amended, probably cause it had.

"Almost there, Matt," Garurumon said, racing nimbly in and out of the twisting roads. The sound of shouting and battle was closer now, and I caught faint traces of my friends' voices that weren't too reassuring. Especially because Machinedramon was laughing, a horrible, robotic sound that grated on my nerves.

"You know, Garurumon," I shouted to make myself heard to the large digimon, "I'm really tired of hearing any of the Dark Masters laugh."

"We'll see what we can do about that," Garurumon answered fiercely.

"Garurumon...warpdigivolve to...MetalGarurumon!" Fur transformed to metal beneath me as the digimon evolved to his Mega form, still running towards the battle.

And then we were there. I took in the sight with a sinking feeling.

Some of Machinedramon's snake-like lackeys were fighting Garudamon and Lilymon in the air, while MegaKabuterimon and Zudamon were battling it out with tank-like digimon on the ground. I looked around for Tai and saw Machinedramon was fighting WarGreymon, both of them using missiles that were leveling large chunks of the sidewalk. Tai was close to them, along with Kari and Gatomon, watching helplessly as Machinedramon sent WarGreymon flying, bringing a whole building wall down with him as the Mega digimon went crashing to the ground.

"Gatomon!" Izzy was shouting over the deafening clamor, " you've got to digivolve to Angewomon and take our powers! It's the only way we're gonna defeat Machinedramon!"

"No!" Tai shouted back. "Then his flunkies are gonna kill the rest of you guys if the digimon can't protect you!"

I could only imagine how hard it had been for Tai to say that, especially since it was his digimon that Machinedramon was pounding into the proverbial dust.

Kari grabbed his sleeve. "Angewomon can still use WarGreymon's power!"

Tai clenched his fists. He nodded, but I could see in his eyes that he knew it wouldn't be enough.

And I knew I had to act. I rushed forward. "Tai!"

The brown-haired boy whirled, mouth open as he stared at me. "Matt?"

"Uh-huh," I confirmed. "No time to explain." I looked at Gatomon. "WarGreymon's not gonna be enough. Take MetalGarurumon's power too."

"Right!" The feline digimon said fiercely. "Gatomon...digivolve to...Angewomon!"

Blinding light, and the angel was standing before us. "Are you ready?"

"Do it!" Tai and I shouted in unison, and then glowing spheres of light encompassed our digimon...a circle of golden light was growing before Angewomon as we watched. Machinedramon growled, a twisted, metallic sound.

"You cannot defeat me, Angewomon. It is useless."

"We'll see about that," she answered grimly. "Heaven's Celestial Arrow!" The radiant, shimmering arrow hit the Dark Master full force, the following explosion making all of us cry out and shield our eyes. A whole section of buildings crumbled underneath the force, sending clouds of dust flying in every direction.

"Yeah!" Tai shouted triumphantly. "We did it! Now let's go get the rest of 'em-" his words trailed off as the big pile of broken buildings started moving.

A sinking feeling grabbed my heart as a cheer died on my lips. No...not after all this...not after we were so close...

"MetalGarurumon," I whispered, and felt the digimon's comforting presence next to me. Then the pile of rubble exploded and Machinedramon leapt out, scratched and surrounded by exposed wires, but otherwise...still horribly alive. "You foolish children," the Dark Master roared with a voice that made the nearby buildings tremble, "you thought you could win. It is too bad you will not be alive to see the error of your ways..."

I stared at the Dark Master, hardly believing. I saw my friends and their digimon still fighting the snake and tank digimons, saw they were losing ever so slowly yet inevitably...And I looked at MetalGarurumon, my dearest friend, who was prepared to fight to the end, even if it meant dying...and I remembered TK and his utter confidence in me, in us as a team, in the belief that good would win over evil...

"NO!" I screamed, anger and fierce determination flooding my mind with a crashing, drowning force. Tai stared at me, looking like he thought I had lost my mind, but I was beyond caring. "No," I repeated coldly, meeting Machinedramon's burning eyes. "You. Will. Never. Win. Not while we're all together, as a team, as friends who care about each other. You will never know what real friendship is, never know what good is."

My crest was shining fiercely, a radiant golden light that flooded the city in warmth and life. I looked at MetalGarurumon, met his determined eyes. "Let's do it."

"MetalGarurumon...digivolve to...WarGarurumon!"

Machinedramon stared at the huge, gleaming wolf-like digimon in front of him, who was at least twice his size and covered in shining sheets of impenetrable metal. He regained his equilibrium quickly, and attacked. "Gigablaster!" Twin projectiles sped their way towards WarGarurumon but the other digimon just batted them away like they were harmless flies.

Machinedramon growled in anger, but looked frightened. "Retreat!" he shouted, his forces quickly obeying and disengaging from the other digimon. He turned to go, but WarGarurumon pounced, landing right in front of him. "I don't think so, Machinedramon," he growled. "You're not going anywhere. ICE TORRENT!" Glowing twin blades of white-fire sped forth, unerringly hitting Machinedramon full force, and this time, the explosion really brought the whole city down. The other digimon were shielding their friends, and WarGreymon protected me from the flying debris along with Tai, while we watched in awe as Machinedramon exploded into nothingness and the night sky flared with burning color.

Before the conflagration had died down, I left Tai and WarGreymon and rushed towards WarGarurumon who was now Tsunomon and scooped him up, hugging him to me in a fierce embrace. "You were awesome, Tsunomon!" I shouted enthusiastically. "You were really da man!"

"Ow, Matt, I can't breathe," Tsunomon complained but his eyes were shining in pleasure. "But I couldn't have done it without you. It was your feelings about your friends and how much you cared about them that let me digivolve to WarGarurumon."

"That was awesome, dude!" Tai gave me a friendly punch, laughing crazily. "Even though Tsunomon, you coulda been a little more creative about your name."

"I like it," Agumon protested indignantly.

Sora laughed, eyes shining, as the others crowded around us, all the digimon back to their regular forms. "You would, Agumon."

I felt my laughter die as I looked at my friends, feeling wariness envelope my heart. Would they ever forgive me? They had almost died because I had left them.

"What's wrong, Matt?" Kari asked, voice laced with her usual compassion.

I sighed, as everyone's eyes turned to me. "I'm really sorry, you guys. About TK...dying. About leaving you. I really messed up."

"We never blamed you for any of it," Mimi said kindly. "We're just glad you're back."

"Yeah," Sora agreed. "Without your help, we couldn't have defeated Machinedramon."

"C'mon, man," Tai said, "we're all together now and that's all that matters. Now let's go get some R&R!"

"Yeah!!" Enthusiastic shouts greeted his words, and I nodded, too overcome to speak.

***************************************************************************************************************************************

They say that these are not the best of times

But these are the only times I've ever known

And I believe there is a time for meditation

in cathedrals of our own

--Billy Joel, "Summer, Highland Falls"

Night. Another one, except this time it was like a completely new one, if that makes any sense. I was playing my harmonica, sitting next to TK's grave, while everyone else was sleeping. And I think I was playing for him, for my little brother who would never be older than six years old...and in a way, although it made me sad, I was glad I still had those memories of him as a little boy, so innocent and loving and accepting. And, I knew, forgiving. Maybe he was meant to only live a short time, to bring happiness and joy to all those he touched, before he went back home. A burning soul in a frail body...that was who my little brother was.

I had felt a horrible weight lifted off me after I had realized that none of my friends hated or blamed me. For someone who had pushed people away for so many years, it was an exhilarating feeling to have people care about me...to like me and call me their friend. Yes, TK, I thought, you truly did teach me what friendship is all about. It's all about caring unselfishly about others, and being willing to accept their faults and mistakes.

I looked at his grave, at the headstone we had erected, which simply read "Hope lives forever," and smiled. It would be a while, I knew, before I would be able to forgive myself, but I knew in a deep part of myself that it would happen someday, and it wouldn't be over a razor or while facing nightmare wolves, but it would be a time when I could look at myself again and not think of how much my eyes looked like TK's. But until then, I was actually...happy. Content. At peace, almost.

"Hey, Matt," I heard his soft footsteps behind me and turned around. Tai. Surprise, surprise. I think he still felt somewhat guilty about his words to me long ago...funny, how we always fought with each other, but then sometimes I secretly thought it was because we were both so alike. We both knew the horrible responsibility of having people's lives in our hands, and the awful weight of balancing that kind of life and death. It colored our decisions and our beliefs, and I truly respected him for that, for being willing to shoulder all our lives. It couldn't be easy, and I probably didn't make it any easier.

"Hey, Tai," I answered, giving him a friendly wave. I gave him a puzzled look.

He had his hands behind his back and was looking...sheepish.

"What's up?"

He had some kind of internal struggle with himself, then spoke. "Matt...I really wanna thank you for what you did today-"

"Tai," I protested, but he cut me off.

"No, let me finish. I really am...we all are. I know it hasn't been easy, losing TK and all...so I'll understand-we all will-if you don't wanna go with us to face Piedmon. If you just wanna have some time-"

"I never said that," I interrupted.

Tai glared at me. "Can I finish please? Really, Matt, I don't want you to give me an answer right now. Give yourself time to think about it, when you really can."

I knew I was staring, truly taken aback. Was this Tai, the reckless, we-have-to-keep-moving leader, the boy who fiercely believed in defeating the Dark Masters as a team?? It surprised me...and it touched me.

"Thanks, Tai," I mumbled, knowing I had an embarrassed expression on my face.

"Thanks a lot, man. I really appreciate it."

"No prob," he mumbled back, looking equally embarrassed. "What are friends for?"

"Tai?"

"Yeah?"

I gave him a curious look. "What do you have behind your back?"

Tai flushed, looking more embarrassed if that were possible. "Oh...uh...well..."

"What?" I grinned. "Is it like a dress or something?"

"WHAT??" he shot me a horrified glare. "No! Um...well see, I remember you told me about how TK used to bring you dandelions and stuff, and- " he shoved his hands in front of my face, and I caught glimpses of bright yellow-"andIthoughtyoumightwannaplanttheseforhim," he finished in a jumbled rush.

Dandelions. He was holding dandelions in his hands. "I-I don't-" I choked out, laughing and yes, crying at the same time. I looked at him, at the bright yellow flowers in his hands. "Thanks, Tai," I said, meaning it.

"Sure, Matt," he answered, eyes embarrassed but shining.

And underneath the gentle, silvery light of the stars overhead, we planted dandelions for TK like we were little kids again.

***************************************************************************************************************************************

The next morning was unusually beautiful, a gold-washed day filled with promise of summer. Puppetmon's forest was gone, replaced with endless fields of long grass that bowed their heads in the gentle breeze.

The other kids were packing up for the long journey ahead, and their voices drifted over to me as I stood in front of TK's grave, silently wondering if I would ever see it again.

"Gomamon!" I heard Joe's shout, "wake up! Why won't you wake up! If I have to tell you one more time..."

Gomamon answered in his typically cheerful voice. "Sheesh, Joe, you sound like my mother."

Kari laughed, a bright sound in the morning air. "You don't have a mother, Gomamon."

"Fascinating," Izzy murmured. "To think that you analyzed the concept of parents though..."

"Aah! Don't super-analyze me Izzy!"

"That would be over-analyze."

"Whatever."

"You sound like Matt," Gabumon commented.

I laughed softly. It was good being back. No matter what. Sometimes, it seemed like you really had to know the darkness before you could see the light. The light of hope...something TK had taught me. How ironic, and yet how strangely beautiful. Life is funny like that sometimes.

"Hey Matt!" Tai yelled. I looked over and he waved. "You coming?" Amazing, how two words could speak such volumes.

I looked at TK's grave, smiling as I thought how in a short time, the dandelions would grow and flood the field with light, like thousands of artificial suns, brightening the darkest nights in this world. "Yeah," I said, turning away to join the others-my friends-down the hill. "Yeah, I'm coming."

~~~~THE END~~~~

Hope you liked it as much as I liked writing it! Please comment/email! =)

--Jehana

jehana_argent@yahoo.com

Old Mother Hubbard (with some verses omitted!)

Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard

To get her poor dog a bone

But when she got there

The cupboard was bare

And so her poor dog had none.

She went to the bakers

To buy him some bread

But when she came back

the poor dog was dead

she went to the joiner's

to buy him a coffin

but when she got back

the poor dog was laughing

she went to the fishmonger's

to get him some fish

but when she came back

he was licking the dish

she went to the alehouse

to get him some beer

but when she came back

he was sitting in the chair

she went to the hatter's

to buy him a hat

but when she came back

he was feeding the cat

she went to the barber's

to buy him a wig

but when she came back

he was dancing a jig