From Deep Within

By Ishida

A/N: This is my first fanfic. It’s narrated by Matt and it’s about his

feelings toward

his friends and himself, mostly Gabumon and TK. He mentions his family a

little.

It’s all pretty dark if you ask me. Hope you enjoy it and don’t want to

burn it next

bonfire!

The fire cackles in my ears. It’s always cackling. Cackling at me. Or

else I’m just

too paranoid.

That’s the way I’ve always been: scared of the outside world. Since my

parents

got a divorce, since they took TK away from me............I’ve been

alone.

Alone. How I hate that word! It means nothing bad, really. Everyone

stands alone

at on point in life. I hate it because it describes me so well. I’ve

always been alone in my

world.

I guess that’s why I welcome the Digital World with open arms. I don’t

get yelled

at here. No one calls me cold and hard-heartened, except maybe Tai. But

he’s right. As

much as I hate to hear it, I know he’s right. I am cold and

hard-heartened.

But not towards TK. I never was too harsh with my little bro. His big

blue eyes

and his actually somewhat combed blond hair. Somewhat like me.

No. I don’t want TK to be like me. I don’t want to make the impression

on him

that being alone and scared is all right. He can grow up to be open and

out if only he has

the right guidance.

I’m not the right guidance. If you’ve always been alone and scared and

tried to

cover it with a "too cool" mode, you do not deserve to look after a

little kid.

Gabumon says that TK looks like a smaller version of me. Great. I mean,

I love

TK and all and would give my life for him anyday but looking at him and

seeing a little

me is like seeing torture. How can I put up with having to look after a

smaller me?

I’d be perfect at the job. I know all that he would be going through,

what he feels.

And we would always be there for each other. But is that enough? TK

needs friends. I

need friends.

But, I guess I don’t really want friends. I’ve never been great with

them. Nadah.

TK’s so heart warming and loving and kind that he can get friends

whenever he likes. But

I have to work at it.

I never give my friendship, my secrets, willingly. Not unless I’m

persuaded

otherwise.

I used to have a friend who could keep secrets. Used to. But she sold

me out. Now

TK and I live apart and I have her to thank for it.

Since she moved away, I’ve been alone with my harmonica. Dad’s been

after my

butt, telling me to do something around the house. What more is there to

do? I do the

dishes, the laundry. I cook the meals, if you could say that I could

even cook. I think I’ve

got the hang of it now.

But what does Dad do around the house? He’s off working with this new

story at

the news station that I already know all about. There are monsters

storming Japan and the

rest of the world. I know about that. Heck, I’ve been keeping Gabumon in

my room! Dad

would surely freak out if he knew one of those ‘monsters’ was in his own

house!

Then again, what kind of friend keeps his best pal locked up in a small

room with

a TV that doesn’t work and junk all over? Not a good one, certainly. But

Gabumon puts

up with it. That’s Gabumon: so kind and loyal.

Why doesn’t he just leave me?! I’m just a bundle he’s dragging around!

*sobs*

He’s always there for me no matter what crosses our path, no matter what

obstacles we

face! He’s getting my colds for me so I don’t get sick! He’s nearly

getting killed for me so

I’m not harmed! Heck, he even went along with my plan to destroy Tai!

And all because

he’s my friend.

Friend. I’ve always wondered what the word really meant. It’s not for

me, though.

I don’t deserve this crest of Friendship!

It hurts. That what it does. It’s painful. Friendship is the first step

to a broken

heart. Believe me; I know.

But Gabumon’s different, I guess. He’s always there for me, like I

said. This

funny looking reptile with fur is my best friend and darned well going

to stay that way.

I play the harmonica because I’m down or sad or just plain moody. Now,

even the

harmonica won’t help. I need something more. Someone more.

Someone..........

" Matt, don’t cry."

It’s TK. He’s watching me. He’s reading me.

I pull him into a tight big brother embrace and hold him. He’s trying

to comfort

me and I cry silently behind his back. But he knows I’m crying. He’s

knows everything

about me.

Gabumon comes over and sits next to me. He puts his arm around me.

" We’re here for you, Matt," he says softly. TK nods in agreement.

I hug them both tightly and cry. But I don’t let them see me. There are

some

things I will still keep to myself. Until later. Maybe.

Thank you, once again. I'll send in Part Two for " Two Worlds Meet "

soon and Parts Three and Four and as many parts as it takes. Thanx!!!

~ Ishida