A recent study performed using the common method of random sampling reveals

that 100% of childrens' entertainment contains some unmitigated act of

violence.

That said, enjoy Digi-Dorks: version 4.0 - A Digital Murder Mystery

***

THE BIG THANK YOU SECTION!!!

I owe a lot to the following people and would like to thank them for their

kindness, helpfulness, and other services rendered on behalf of the throne

:P

UCCHAN-SENSEI: Thanks for all the help you've given, and for teaching me

how to use .html, and some other computer stuff!!! When are we going to get

started on the page?

LIZZY-CHAN: *hugs* THANK YOU!!!!! You've done me so many favors!!! I'll

learn Homestead, I promise!!! I'll try so hard!! This week!!!

MERC-SAMA: Thanks for your unending support and constant advice!!! You're

such a big help with my Digi-Dorks endeavors!!!

KYRA-CHAN and MERREDITH-CHAN: Let's go shopping again sometime!! YEAH!!!Um,

as soon as I get a job...

ASHMORIA-SAMA: I guess I owe something to you too, since you made this

website chic... *curtseys* merci beaucoup!

PEOPLE WHO HAVE SLIPPED ON THE ICE SKATING RINK THAT IS MY MIND: I'm

sorry!!! But you helped too!!!! Thank you!!!!!

EVERYONE-SAN: Thank you for the encouragement and support and for reading

the story! Your emails are so great!!! Even those of you who I couldn't

reply to, since you used your parents' email... *wink wink* you know who

you are.....

***

Okay, I know this is everyone's FAVORITE section of Digi-Dorks, I'll try to

keep it short this time *wink*:

Things You Need to Know Before Reading Digi-Dorks: version 4.0 - A Digital

Murder Mystery:

1) Toei has once again refused my offer to buy Digimon from them...

something about my being a bad influence. Go figure. Anyway, until I

convince them otherwise, Digimon and all these character don't belong to me.

Except Furbymon. He does. And the Yokomansion does. It's where I live

with my relatives, the Yokos. And all the deleted digimon, and of course,

Devidramon. Don't ask.

2) THIS ONE'S IMPORTANT!!! Due to...a lot of stuff, I'm changing my email

address. You can now contact me at:

yokomansion@hotmail.com

Please stop sending me things at my old address. I'll probably check it one

or two more times, and then make the switch. All my IM names are the same

as always.

3) This story is written, not in script form, but is sections of narration.

Each section is from the POV of a different person or digimon. I'll tell

you who is narrating.

4) Takeru's a sweetheart....

5) This story is l-o-n-g. Get the idea? I DARE you to read it one shot!!! I

am not responsible for any negative side-effects!!!

6) Have fun!!!!

Digi-Dorks: version 4.0 - A Digital Murder Mystery

(What happens when you cross a homicidal Yama-Sama with 10,000 or so

Yokomons at their mansion? It's the latest Whodunnit this side of the

Mississippi: Digi-Dorks!!! WAIT NOT YET!!!! First, we review. After much

singing, dancing, and confusion in Digi-Dorks: version 3.0, our digital

heroes have rejoined with their beloved Digimon, and the gifts received from

Jar Jar Gennai. They are on a path to a whole new adventure, this

time...TOGETHER....*sigh*)

***

IZZY

Well, the whole affair began with a mysterious email....

It was a bright and sunny day. We were resting in a clearing of the forest,

by a small river. While the others acted like the mindless dolts they are,

I was implementing a virus in the United States' email system. I cleverly

designed it with the enticing subject line, "ILOVEYOU". I look forward to

seeing how it turns out...but I digress. After sending my pet virus safely

on its way, I checked my email in case that naiive old pawn of mine, Gennai,

had sent me anything important. He HAD sent me the address of a Sailor

Moon site from which one can download the senshi's transformations...but

what I noticed was a letter from a certain: yokoburger@theyokomansion.com.

Intrigued, I opened the note and read an official-looking invitation:

THE YOKOS would like to take this opportunity

to invite THE DIGIDESTINED and THEIR DIGIMONS

to an all-expense-paid weekend stay,

complete with individual master bedrooms,

continental breakfast,

and 13th-century style outhouses.

At THE YOKOMANSION,

Over the River, and Through the Woods.

Please R.S.V.P. when you arrive.

Sincerely,

THE YOKOS

Pushing aside TK and his profanity-related inquiries, I lugged my laptop to

the nearest person intelligent enough to comprehend the situation.

Unfortunately, the only person not absorbed in sniffing mind-altering

chemicals at the time was the least-intelligent, imbecilic leader of our

group, Tai. He lay on his stomach in the dewy grass, holding a stick in one

hand and a rock in the other. He waved them around, alternating his

pre-adolescant voice between low and EXTREMELY high pitches. Apparently he

was playing some sort of Barbie game. I denied my better instincts and

showed Tai the email.

"Mmm...so?" he said, sitting up in his grass stained t-shirt, still

clutching the rock and stick.

"Tai," I said slowly, attempting to condescend to his level. "Tai see happy

email? See nice invitation?"

"Uh-huh!!!" Tai nodded, with all the sweet and idiotic eagerness of a

puppy.

"Izzy confused..." I went on, ashamed at my pathetic attempt to make

contact with an obviously lesser-evolved species. "Izzy don't know what to

do..."

Tai knitted his eyebrows. He was obviously in a state of extreme

perplexity. Too many words in one sentence often sends him into a trance.

He would be even more useless than usual that day. I gritted my teeth.

"He's just an idiot..." I reminded myself. "He can't help it...he can't

help it...okay, Tai, let's try this...one...more...time..."

***

GABUMON

It had been a quiet and peaceful morning that far; we were all relaxing in

the sunshine. Matt had been generous enough to lead us to a patch of what

he called 'special' clover in the forest, which he taught us how to properly

inhale. It put everyone in such a good mood that we forgot all about the

evil digimons and rested without a care in the world. I knew my Matt was

really a good, kind boy at heart!

Our bliss didn't last for long, however, because suddenly Izzy was rolling

in the grass and beating up Tai. It was strange to see them fight - the one

with the brain of Einstein, the other with less brains than an earthworm -

now both reduced to the same neanderthal level, locked in a wrestling match.

Suddenly, it seemed everyone had taken sides. TK, Matt, Joe, Mimi, Kari,

and their digimons stood behind Izzy, waving banners, pompons and flower

petals and chanting Izzy's name. Sora and Agumon exchanged uncomfortable

glances near Tai.

"Stop! Stop!" I cried, apparently the only one interested in breaking up

this fight. I got a black eye for my efforts. The fight continued for

hours, until the spectators became bored with the mundane gore and

bloodshed, and the belligerents were both little more than bloody pulps,

cowering in patches of worn grass, stained with vomit and dried blood.

"Hot damn, that was some fight!!!!" commented Matt.

"Matt!!!" I cried, shocked. "They're your friends!!! How can you-"

For some reason that sent Matt back, rolling on the ground in roars of

laughter. I shook my head and left to speak with Izzy, who was glaring at

everyone, his mind obviously whirling with ingenious schemes to pick off the

rest of us, one by one.

"Izzy..." I ventured. "What exactly started that fight between you and

Tai?"

He simply glared; eyes, face, and hair glowing red. Boy, I thought, if

looks could kill....I didn't say that, for fear of giving our genius any

ideas. Deciding to try the approach that usually worked with Matt, I sat

down, put my paw around Izzy's bruised and bloody shoulders, and said:

"Izzy, you can tell me. I'm your FRIEND!!!"

Well, that sent Izzy into another rage, and by the time this one was over,

most of us were bleeding in several different places. I must admit, I've

never seen Izzy act so....primevil before. Soon after the massacre he

became himself again, and typed furiously on his laptop for a while,

muttering phrases none of us could understand. Then he stood up, laptop

open, and walked confidently into the woods. The rest of us, not having a

clue as to where he was going, yet hesitant to allow Izzy to be alone, filed

into a line behind him. We marched off into the unknown.

After hours of trodding through gooseberry, poison ivy, and other unpleasant

concoctions of Mother Nature, we reached a huge plain. We murmured in awe.

It was the first any of us had said during the entire march. What we were

gazing at was a larger-than-life, bubble-gum pink, fairy tale castle,

situated right in the middle of the plain. It was surrounded by huge flower

gardens, fountains, reflecting pools, and most importantly, enough Yokomons

to make you want to lose your lunch.

"We are enchanted to meet you, digidestined!" the Yokos said as one.

"Welcome to our humble abode, the Yokomansion!!!!!"

***

TK

It took us forever to get my big bro to quit beating up the Yokomons with a

tree branch he found; but when we did, the Yokos took us inside their big

old castle. They kept on calling it the 'Yokomansion'. It was so big!!!

From the main lobby, you can see a BILLION feet up to the ceiling and all

the higher floors! It was like in those fancy hotels where you step out of

your room onto a balcony and look down ten floors onto the lobby.

Anyway, we all got separated, and the Yokos took each of us to our own room.

I got a big room WAY up at the top of a really tall tower. It had a huge

bed and a lot of pillows!!! And there were TOYS everywhere!! So I sat on

the bed and talked to the Yokos. They told me that April First was their

inter-dimensional Fest of Yokomons, and that was why we had been invited for

the weekend. I also found out that our bedrooms were scattered all over the

castle. I remembered all of that so I could tell it to Matt later; I

thought maybe he'd like to know, and then he could teach me how to mix a

yummy desert he called a "Screwdriver"!!!

On the wall of my room I saw an old painting. It showed eight kids who

looked a lot like us kids from camp. Then there were eight more kids, a lot

of cheerleaders and another kid besides... Matt was there, and he was waving

around a pretty pink star-shaped wand. He was wearing a dress. I don't

know what it is, but Matt dresses up in girls' clothes a LOT. I try not to

tell other people, because Matt says if I do, he's gonna do me like he does

the Yokomons. Anyway, I didn't know who the other kids in the painting

were, so I asked the Yokomons about it.

They talked really funny, but I could tell they were saying that there was a

story about a magical pink wand that had the power to make Digimons change

form. It wasn't the same as Digivolving, but they changed into different

animals. And the Digidestined were the ones who had the power to yield the

Magical Pink Wand. They said that in the Time of Greatest Need, the

Digidestined would use the power of the Wand to change the Yokos themselves

into their Magical Forms.

"Cool!" I said. "I've gotta tell Matt later"

"Matt...." the Yokomons said as one. "Yes, most Omnipotent and Merciful

Matt..... and his most Kind and Just Brother..." then they all started

bowing down to me.

"Ah! You're scary!!!" I cried. "Hey, d'you wanna play poker??"

"Poker...???" They asked. "What is poker, most Kind and Just Brother of

most Omnipotent and Merciful Matt???"

"It's a fun game!!! Most Omni- I mean, my big brother Matt taught me!!! So

do you want to play???"

"Hm..." They all frowned. It made them look really funny, like angry pink

broccoli. "We are Digital Monsters. Digital Monsters do not play 'poker',

most Kind and Just Brother of most Omnipotent and Merciful Matt."

"Okay." And the Yokomons left the room.

I stayed on my big fluffy bed and thought for a while about what the

Yokomons had said. Digital Monsters, huh? Monsters..... Matt always said

monsters weren't real.... but there were the Yokomons, monsters, bowing down

to me. As if I were their master... hm. So, that must mean, logically,

that....

"Cool...I can rule monsters!!!" I said happily. "And that makes me a

SUPERHERO!!!"

I ran over to the big closet on the other side of my room and dug around in

some old Yokomon things.

Pillows stuffed with Yokofeathers.... no....

A Yokomon with a bad taxidermy job.... no....

An autographed photo of my big brother.... um,no....

A Magical Pink Wand..... hm, maybe..... I kept it for later

A recipe for Yokomon Pie.... no....

A big red cape.... YES!!!

I grapped the cape and tied a knot around my neck. With my brand new wand I

ran out of my room and I yelled to everyone:

"I'm a Superhero!!! I'm a Superhero!!!"

To prove my powers to Kari, who was standing in the lobby at the time, I

stood on the railing, about five stories above the lobby floor.

"Watch me, Kari!" I cried triumphantly. "I CAN FLYYYYY!!!!!"

Kari looked really surprised and cried out something I couldn't hear, but it

sounded kinda like those words my big brother likes to use. I just gotta

find out what those mean, they must be a lot of fun...

So I leapt out over the railing and soared for a few feet... then I started

to drop. I remembered what Patamon had told me about positive thoughts and

how they can help you do anything.... so I thought about candy and I flapped

my arms. It didn't help. So I quit thinking about candy and screamed.

Kari screamed too. Then, before I hit the floor, I got caught by something,

and heard something crack. It was Izzy!

"Hiya Izzy!!!" I said. "Gee, thanks for breaking my fall!!!!"

"No.... problem." he muttered, in between those words the big kids use

sometimes. "Say, TK, in exchange for a favor, how would you like to help me

in my next experiment? I'll give you half a box of animal crackers..." Izzy

held out the open box.

"Hm... where's the other half?"

"I used them as coding and later nutrition for my endocriotic animalian

phenotypes, and-"

"Sure!!! I'll help you out Izzy!!!" I always like to help the big kids! I

think, if I help out enough, someday Matt might tell me what his special

words mean...

"EXcellent!" Izzy murmured, making that funny face he makes sometimes.

"Meet me at the foot of the elavator after dinner..."

"Sure!!!" I saluted, then ran off in my big red cape to battle some more

evil monsters....

***

GATOMON

It was our first meal at the Yokomansion, and I was more than a little

nervous. These eight children had never sat down for a meal without an

attempt or two on each others' lives. Kari and I were the first to the

table since her bedroom was in the middle of the main floor. It was an

enormous dining room, and one side of the room was big and open for Yokomon

dances. The table was huge, and low to the ground so as to accomadate all

of the Yokos.

Matt arrived next, with a mysteriously battered-looking Gabumon trailing

behind. He self-righteously sat himself at the head of the table, and

scanned the room for any Yokos before he said:

"What's for supper?!?!? It better not be that grainy, dry stuff they gave

us before, or a few pink radishes are gonna find themselves on a shishkabob

stick!!!!"

"Be nice Matt. The Yokos are our friends," preached Biyomon as she and

Sora sat in the middle of the table; not too close to Matt, yet not too far

away to prevent genocide, should Matt be so moved. "You don't REALLY want

to roast them, do you?"

"Roast those overgrown, bubble-gum-pink, pre-adolescant cult-like

houseplants?!?" Matt shot back. "Why the !*$%)! not?!?!?"

Thus began the first skirmish at the dinner table that night. When it was

over, we had to request extra silverware, mapkins and crackers. I believe it

was then that I realized the true horror of eight children, eight digimons,

and a few thousand Yokomons; all at the same dinner table.

Before long everyone, including the innumerable Yokos, had been seated. Matt

had been put in a straight jacket, after having been declared unable to

restrain himself from murdering the hosts. Gabumon was at Matt's side,

faithfully spoon-feeding his human, since Matt's arms were so tightly bound.

As the Yokos brought out the main courses (Yokostew, Yokos on Rye...) I

noticed that one Yoko seemed to be focusing its attentions on something

other than the meal it was carrying. Even my catlike reflexes couldn't stop

it in time, and the entire plate of Speghetti and Yokoballs it was carrying

soon rested upon Tai's grotesquely oversized head. I winced.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!" Tai shreiked, his pubescent voice rising to a

soprano-like frequency, "My hair!!!!! I spent AN HOUR AND A HALF

blow-drying this, your freakish talking vegetable!!!!" As the rest of us

fought desperately to supress our giggles, the Yokomon pleaded with Tai:

"P-please, young sir... I-I thought it was an evil digimon of top of your

head, sir!!!"

"That does it!!!!!" Tai shreiked, his voice now squeaking uncontrollably.

"TAKE THIS!!!!" Tai threw a punch toward the Yoko, but was a mile off and

hit Biyomon instead.

"Don't you DARE hit my Bi!!!!" Sora shreiked, generously soaking the

tablecloth with her tears. Like a raging bull, she bent over and charged,

helmet first, towards Tai. The sheer force exerted by the Helmet sent Tai

flying over the table and into T.K., who began to choke on the jelly bean

he'd been eating.

"LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY BROTHER!!!!" Matt howled like a rabid dog. His

arms being firmly bound by the straight jacket newly bestowed upon him, he

took the only method of vengeance he could see. The boy leapt on top of the

table, blood lust burning in his eyes, and pinned Tai beneath his knees. He

leaned down, bit into a generous mouthful of Tai's bountiful hair, and

pulled up as hard as he could. Tai let loose a peircing, blood curdling

scream that rose almost beyond the decibal level of human hearing. With

cries of protest the other children fought to pry open Matt's iron jaws.

Eventally Sora and Tai had been calmed and scolded, and Matt had been

padlocked, glued and stapled to his chair by the seat of his blood stained

blue jeans. Once more we sat down and attempted a semi normal dinner. The

Yokos were seated, twenty or so Yokos separated each child and digimon. I

hoped this would discourage any more fighting. I was wrong.

I was just helping Kari pour some good German alchohol into her cup when I

heard a commotion from the other end of the table. Pink must set off some

violent reaction in Matt. While he had been firmly bound to the chair, we

had failed completely to secure the CHAIR to the FLOOR. Matt was awkwardly

bouncing about, rendering Yokomons unconcious in mass numbers with every

blow. In trying to 'talk' with him, Sora had also fallen to the Deadly

Chair. Sadly, the giantish Joe was also hit directly on the head as he

attempted to duck. He fell among the pink radishes. Next thing we

survivors stood trembling behind Tai. Across the room we faced a bloody and

deranged Yamato and more dead Yokos than we could count. Tense seconds

passed.

Then Tai raised himself up and gave a triumphant cry. All of us charged

over the filthy table, our minds focused on naught but out group's goal; to

overtake the enemy before HE overtook US. A few of our ranks tripped over

the Yokos, but there was no time to look back. I tried to ignore the death

cries of my fatally wounded comerades as we managed to trip head-over-heels

across the bloody field of Yokomons. We trudged on, through broken glass or

bloody digimons, until we could finally catch the crazed Yamato and pin him

down. We applied Joe's allergy medicine as a sedative. The blond boy

finally relaxed and began to murmur pretty-sounding words in a strange

foreign language. With the few Yokos remaining, we hauled him to his

bedroom on the West end of the main floor. It was an unspoken agreement

that dinner that day was finished. I led Kari back to her bedroom to sleep.

It was late that night when Kari's voice woke me from my catnap. She asked

me if I'd heard anything. In my sleepy voice, I assured her that it was

probably just another unknown entity trying to take over her body. But she

was convinced it was TK trying to see her in her underwear again. So she

pleaded with me to go out and search the hallway.

"Oh course," I thought to myself as I crept out the bedroom door.

"Just wake up the sweet, innocent kitty and make HER go hunt for the

second-grade pervert...." I glimpsed a green light down the hallway. "OR

for the psychotic scientist!!!"

I snuck down by the floorboards and made my way, inch by inch, towards the

door from where the green light came. I was almost there when I got my

stupid, clumsy, oversized foreclaws caught in the rug and tripped head over

heels, hissing and spitting all the way until I hit the door with a thud.

Those claws have a mind of their own, I swear...

I heard dull footsteps and heavy, forced breathing approaching from the

other side of the door. It opened to reveal a short, bulky figure, clothed

in layers of what appeared to be armor, and veiled by a thick layer of toxic

gases. The gases made me grow faint, and the last thing I heard before I

passed out was a young voice saying:

"Izzy, what does &@#^%&%% mean???"

***

PALMON

Mimi and I woke in the morning to Biyomon's blissful chirping outside our

window. The storms had passed over, the sun shone his face, and the

youthful songbird had joined her cousins in welcoming the new dawn with a

song...

"STUFF IT!!!!!!!" Bellowed Mimi, hurling the alarm clock at Biyomon, which

also caused the ancient stained glass window to shatter into a million tiny

shards. "YOU SING LIKE A DRUNK FROG!!!"

The critique sent Biyomon into tears, flying back to her comfort zone in

Sora's room.

"Mimi," I said. "was that really necessary?" She turned and glared at me.

Words just can't describe what that girl is like in the morning.

At that moment the door burst open and in fell Matt, who was just recovering

from the sedation and still wearing his straight jacket, which bore food and

blood stains from the battle the night before. By his teeth, he dragged the

semi-concious Tai, and behind the boys stood their dazed digimons.

Matt released Tai's gargantuan head of hair, spat on the floor, and

vehemently asked, "When was the last time you took a shower!?!?!" This

elicited no response from the brown-eyed boy, who was just beginning to

stare at Agumon with imbecilic wonder.

"TK IS GONE!!!!" hollered Matt, flopping upon Mimi's bed like a wounded

seal. "He was here just last night, and now he's gone!!!! It's those

*&@#$&^* Yokos!!!! Join me, Mimi! We'll make them pay!!!"

Mimi said nothing, but slapped Matt hard, knocking him off the bed. She

rose to pay visits to the other children. With her commanding voice, she

assembled all six of the other children with military rigidity in the

parlor.

"You ought to be ashamed of yourselves," She hissed, pacing up and down the

ranks. "Last night at O-200 hours, I performed my nightly exfoliation. I

specifically worked out a schedule to accomodate the MINIMUM essential time

for the lime juice extracts to perforate my pores, and I wake up this

morning to THAT THING....." She pointed to Biyomon. "... belching outside

my window, and THAT THING....." She pointed to Matt. "bouncing on my bed

like a maniac!!! Thus, my exfoliating routine was RUINED!!! What do you

have to say for yourselves!?!! Joe!?!?! JOE!!!!" Mimi was now bellowing

straight into her comerade's faces like an experienced boot camp director.

Joe only stared ahead with a blank expression.

"What are you talking about?" He asked in a wonderous, gentle voice. "I am

Liliuokalanimon, Queen of the Yokos!"

This set off an immediate reaction from Matt, who had tested the limits of

his straight jacket at least 15 times in the past hour. A surprisingly

small number of Yokos were killed in the scuffle - only three, and one

Missing In Action - and we finally got Matt to sit down again.

"He's just upset about TK missing." explained Gabumon. "At least, I hope

that's what it is."

Gomamon seated Joe in a chair and said. "Joe's been acting this way since

he regained consciousness. He really thinks he's a Yokomon..."

"UGH!!!" Mimi cried, squeezing a sparkly pink wand in her fist. "You

people drive me crazy!!!"

Joe cocked his head, smiled gently, and opened his eyes as wide as they

could go. "Do not be crazy, Most Frugal and Sane friend of Most Omnipotent

and Merciful Matt. We will surround you with love, and you will always

belong, here, at the Yokomansion!!!"

I foresaw Mimi's violent outburst and leapt between her and Joe. I took the

brunt of the blow from the pink wand and Gomamon protected Joe. One strike

seemed to be enough for Mimi, as she then sat calmly and asked:

"So, what do we do next?"

Kari stepped forward.

"Gatomon is missing."

"WHAT?!?!" we all screamed together.

"And you didn't TELL us???" Tai cried.

"Would any of you have LISTENED to me?" Kari asked.

We all looked intently at our feet, trying to pretend we hadn't heard.

"Huh?" Mimi asked. "I'm sorry, Kari, did you say something?"

"Okay," Sora said. "But this isn't a problem. Gatomon is probably the

murderer's second victim. What we need to do now is-"

It was at that moment when things took a rapid downward turn; the Yokomons

hopped into the room. Thousands of them filled every square inch of empty

space. It was a wonder to me that there were this many left after the last

night's battle. Apparently Yokomons, as a virtually single-celled,

amoeba-like organism, are capable of reproducing at an astounding rate. To

be blunt; I was not looking forward to the remainder of our stay in the

Yokomansion.

***

THE YOKOMONS

We all entered the parlor, where Most Omnipotent and Merciful Matt was

seated in His Magical Jacket of Straightness, conversing with His Friends.

Once we entered, Most Omnipotent and Merciful Matt greeted us by joyously

slaughtering several of us. The other children tried to restrain Him, but

we explained to them that we enjoyed Most Omnipotent and Merciful Matt's

homicidal sprees through our ranks, because it showed His Most Omnipotent

and Merciful Love for us. Most people love merely by caring, and hugging

the object of their affection. It takes a Very Special Person with a Most

Deep Love to show their Love by killing the objects of their affection. So,

we always appreciate it when Most Omnipotent and Merciful Matt sends a few

more of us to our deaths. On slow days, we sometimes have to kill oursleves

for Most Omnipotent and Merciful Matt, and that is just not as must fun! We

are hoping that, if we are very good, Most Omnipotent and Merciful Matt will

kill ALL of us before he leaves our humble abode, the Yokomansion.

All too soon, however, Most Omnipotent and Merciful Matt tired of showing

such extreme affection and decided to put it off in order to accomplish His

Business. It seemed that Most Kind and Just Brother of Most Omnipotent and

Merciful Matt had become lost. No one knew where he was! Also, Most

Innocent and Feline Digimon of the Eighth Child was also not present. Of

course, we surrounded Most Omnipotent and Merciful Matt to reassure Him of

our Undying Support, and He was so moved that 22 of us died before He ceased

and addressed the others once more. Most Omnipotent and Merciful Matt

addressed we pitiful mortals with an Eloquence and Poise far beyond His

Years. Though somewhat limited by His Magical Jacket of Straightness, He

stirred all of us to find His Most Kind and Just Brother!

The Friends of Most Omnipotent and Merciful Matt appeared very excited to

find Most Kind and Just Brother of Most Omnipotent and Merciful Matt. Most

of the Friends were yelling their cries of Desire to Find Most Kind and Just

Brother. Only one, Most Wise and Reasonable Izzy, seemed to hesitate. The

Friends surrounded him and demanded to know if he knew the whereabouts of

Most Kind and Just Brother. Most Wise and Reasonable Izzy assured us that

he did not know where Most Kind and Just Brother was. Most Omnipotent and

Merciful Matt Passionately Declared that He did not believe Most Wise and

Reasonable Izzy, so we faithfully backed Him up and surrounded Most Wise and

Reasonable Izzy. We prepared to attack in the neurological region, when

suddenly Most Omnipotent and Merciful Matt stopped us. We backed up and

watched a New Friend of Most Omnipotent and Merciful Matt enter the

parlor...

***

KARI

The new boy was small, about my age and size. He was a little scary; he

frowned and wore a solid brown tunic. His sharply angular eyes gazed around

the decorative parlor, intimidating people twice his size.He slowly marched

over the Yokos that lined the floor, and moved across the room to stand upon

the piano bench. He was now raised eye to eye with Matt. The others gaped

at this small wonder, who in the midst of such confusion managed to capture

their attentions.

"Who- who are you?" stammered Tai, after getting brave enough to come out

from behind my back.

"I am Iori."

The name struck pure terror into our hearts. The masculinity of a 50 year

old man came out in the low, treble pitch of this small boy's vocalizations.

"I have been sent," he continued, his unnaturally baritone voice flooding

the parlor. "to aid you in finding the young brother you have lost."

"Oh!" Matt knelt in his straight jacket and rubbed his shaggy head against

Iori's large, brown, third-reich era army boots. "Thank you! Thanks you!!

We've just got to find TK!!!"

For once I was glad Tai was my brother and not Matt.

"Um..." I said. "Pardon me, don't you mean TK AND Gatomon?"

Iori blinked and glanced around. "Hm? Did you say something, little girl?"

"Never mind."

Iori sent a pitiful glance down at Matt and kicked him away. He cleared his

throat.

"You must leave everything to me. I am a trained professional, you are all

just...... there." He removed a pipe from the inner folds of his tunic and

began to puff at it indignantly. "For now, I would like to have a meeting

with this girl," he pointed at Mimi, who blinked discreetly. "Later today I

will summmon you all to my temporary office, here at the Yokomansion-" this

recieved small cheers from the Yokomon section of the audience. "And I will

update you on the situation with the young Takaishi boy. I swear to you,

within three days, your young companion will be returned, unharmed."

Thunder struck with the force of a thousand Machinedramons. I jumped. The

others enthusiastically applauded Iori's small monologue.

I brooded silently. I wanted to find Gatomon, but... it had been kind of

nice not having that little pervert TK always hanging around me. His hyper,

childlike evergy could get nettling at times, and it was a bother having to

always make him feel like the brave one. Not to mention his repleated

attempts to look up my panties.

"Ah," I thought. "The thinks we women have to go through for our men!"

The way I see it, I should get some special perks for being the eighth

child. Maybe I could get the good brother for a change, or get to take one

battle off per month. Just SOME recompense for having had to sit for hours

with Myotismon as he rattled off old 'Wizard of Oz' lines... Yeah....

that'd be nice.

I woke up from my daydreams to see the last of the Yokos drifting out of the

room. Forgotten again, I stormed off to my bedroom to deface more

photographs of my big brother.

***

BIYOMON

I dropped Sora off in her bedroom, and sat with her while she cried for the

better part of an hour over having left her pet rock at our last campsite.

After she was finally taking a nap, I washed my wing feathers in which Sora

had blown her nose several times, then I flew off to see what the Yokos were

up to. They do have strange ways of inciting violent reactions in some of

the children... I don't know why Matt hated them so much.

As I flew through the hallways, I heard a very faint, very familiar cry from

behind me. I recalled our adventure a few weeks ago in which the

Digidestined had been captured by the Numemons. We never knew how they

managed to get away, but I remembered flying over the Numemon village and

hearing a strange voice. The voice of a rare Digimon, virtually unknown.

Now here I was, in the ghetto-like hallways of the Yokomansion, hearing that

same voice of that Digimon....

"... me love you!"

Furbymon!!!!

It was that walking, talking, furry, cuddly, pincushion by the name of

Furbymon. As I turned to fly in the direction the voice had come from, I

heard not only Furbymon, but also a loud clang, followed by a crash of

metal.

"@*#&$@%)*%!!!" I thought. "What are the Yokomons up to now?!?"

The noise was radiating from the kitchen of the Yokomansion; a dim,

unsanitary butchery shop tainted with all manner of bacterium. I tentively

perched outside the doorway and looked inside.

Atop the tables and counters stood flocks of Yokomons, attempting to build

pyramids to reach the only source of light in the room; a single burnt-out

lightbulb that hung by a fraying string off of the ceiling. The top Yoko

had in its grubby little mouth a brand new lightbulb. This was not the

first time they'd attempted to change the bulb, as I guessed from the pile

of glass shards covering the floor.

The Yokomons had, once again, mistaken Matt's sarcasm for truth when he'd

asked them earlier that day, just how many Yokomons it took to change a

lightbulb.

"Yokos!" I said, flying into the room, high above the glass shards. The

Yokos stared at me incredulously. "You don't need to go to all this

trouble! I'll change it for you!"

"What's this!?!" I heard a stern voice from behind me. A tall boy with

khaki shorts, a sweater vest, and blazing blue hair, had followed me into

the room. His dark eyes glared through his thick, plutonium-rimmed

eyeglasses.

"Joe!" I shrieked happily. "It's you! Please, help me explain to the

Yokos that they don't need to-"

"SILENCE!!!" He bellowed. "How DARE you disturb these Yokos from their most

sacred task?!? I, Queen Liliuokalanimon of the Yokomons, am displeased!!!

Most Omnipotent and Merciful Matt shall hear of this!!!" He was apparently

still recovering from the blow to the head he'd received the night before.

I found myself backed into a corner of the ceiling, singularly facing

countless vengeful Yokomons and a displeased Joe. I had no other choice...

"BIYOMON DIGIVOLVE TO.... BIRDRAMON!!!"

Now four times bigger than my preceding form, I could hardly help from

crushing most of the Yokos under my talons. The flames on my ever-burning

tail did not go without taking the lives of still more Yokomons. Panicked, I

could not even gather myself enough to de-digivolve. The Yokos' screams

filled the kitchen.

"HEEELP!!!"

"Most Omnipotent and Merciful Matt!!!"

"Help us, Matt!!!"

"SOMEONE needs to see orthodontamon!!!"

"Matt!!! Save your humble servants!!!"

"Save us!!!"

Suddenly above the Yokomons soared a familiar 'mon.

"FURBYMON!" I cried, almost happy to see him.

"ME LOVE YOU!!!!" He yelled, causing at least a dozen Yokomons to fall

back. He held a spatula in one claw and was violently beating one Yoko

after another. Not ceasing there, he went on to attack both Joe and me.

This unexpected ambush caught me off guard, and I de-digivolved, not just

back to Biyomon, but all the way back to my In-training form, Yokomon.

"Oh, no," I murmured. "Most Omnipotent and Merciful Matt will not

recognize me..."

I was the only Yokomon in the room yet standing. The others had all been

knocked down; like turtles lying on their shells, they struggled to roll off

of their oversized middles and onto their tiny little feet. It was a truly

strange sight. Furbymon did not notice that I still stood; I had backed

against a pink cupboard where I wouldn't be easily picked out.

A few feet away, Furbymon was really pounding Joe into the floor. Joe was

reacting oddly. One second he seemed dazed and blank, the next second he

would be himself again, cowardly holding his arms protectively above his

head.

*WHACK* went the spatula.

"Hey, watch it, Furby-"

*WHACK*

"..."

*WHACK*

"FURBY!!! It's JOE! I'm a FRIEND-"

*WHACK*

"ExCUSE me! I am Queen Liliuo-"

*WHACK*

"What's the MATTER with yo-"

*WHACK*

"Most Omni-"

*WHACK*

I leaped out of my hidden place to Joe's aid. Before Furbymon and his

spatuala could lay another blow on Joe's head, I bounced like jello upon

Furby's head. Furbymon became instantaneously disoriented, and staggered

across the kitchen floor, waving his spatula like a drunk. I watched him

disappear around the corner. I hoped that was the last we'd see of him. I

digivolved back to my most comfortable form; Biyomon. That done, I turned

to Joe.

"Joe- I mean, Queen Liliuokalanimon..." I began.

"Biyomon," he said slowly. "What ARE you talking about? I'm no queen, what

do I look like to you?!?"

"You mean... you're NOT the Yoko Queen?"

"If I was, do you think I'd be here, picking bits of Yoko salad out of my

hair?" He said, as he did just that.

"OH JOE!!!" I rushed to him and hugged him as hard as I could, overjoyed to

have the good old Joe back.

"WHOA, there Biyomon." he said, pushing me firmly aside. "I think there's

something wrong with this position..."

I stood back. "Okay, but the others will be SO happy to see you back to

normal! And Matt will have one less thing to kill before he leaves!!!"

I led Joe towards the parlor, forgetting entirely to tell the others about

Furbymon's presence and strange behavior. Once we got to the parlor, we

found Iori and the others waiting for us

"Ah, Joe," Iori's voice rumbled. "I'm glad to see you. I have a few simple

questions I'd like to ask you..."

Joe stepped back and I noticed his knees giving way. "S-sure." he said,

obviously trying hard to sound brave. "Go ahead."

Iora frowned.

"In private, please."

***

JOE

I stepped tentively into the room where Iori waited, my light footsteps

resounding on the linolium floors. The door slammed shut behind me, causing

me to leap at least a foot off the ground and nearly wet my pants. The room

was so entirely black that I had no idea how big or small it might have

been.

"Take a seat." Iori's deep voice led me to a large, firm chair on a

platform. I felt wires all around the chair and within seconds I found

myself bound to the chair at my waist, wrists and ankles. A bright,

blinding light flashed directly into my face. I saw the solid outline of

Iori before me as a silhouette. I began to sweat.

"Now," he grumbled. "WHERE WERE YOU ON THE NIGHT OF JANUARY THIRTIETH,

NINETEEN-THIRTY-FOUR?!?"

I sat, stunned, trying to avoid direct eye contact as his stoic face inched

ever closer to mine.

"I-I don't know," I stuttered. My mouth was so dry that I could hardly

articulate my words. My palms were soaked and my legs became spaghetti.

"I... wasn't really... born....yet...." I gulped down the lump in my throat

and abandoned all pretense of hiding my fear. I threw back my head,

bawling.

"SHUT UP!!!" Iori roared in my face.

I bawled louder.

"I SAID SHUT YOUR OVERSIZED MOUTH!!!"

I screamed and tears flooded my eyes.

"BE A MAN!!!"

"B-but I'm not a man!!!" I cried between sniffles and tears. "I'm just an

adolescent, greasy-faced boy!!!" I began bawling again.

Although I may have seemed like a wimp then, all this crying and whining was

all part of my master plan. I knew that by pretending to be a coward I

could lull the others into a false sense of security, gain their trust,

discover who the murderer was and capture glory for myself!!! But it

required me to pretend to be a crybaby. PRETEND, of course....

Iori muttered something I couldn't quite catch, and suddenly a jolt ran

through me.

"Wha-"

Another jolt. Iori's face came into view, looking very much like Satan's in

the high contrast between light and shadow.

"The chair you are sitting in is a highly classified test model of the CIA."

he said. "It's the latest in electric chair technology. I call it the

Pikachair 3000." Iori grinned wickedly.

Oh, that boy was evil. Pure evil.

"HEEEEELLLLLLPPPPP!!!!!!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. My pleas were

drowned by Iori's insane laughter as he reached for the switch...

***

AGUMON

While Joe was meeting with Iori, the rest of us were meeting back in the

parlor. Fortunately for Matt, the Yokos were too busy in the kitchen to

attend this meeting. Earlier that day, I had followed Tai around as he

ransacked the Yokomansion, and we'd found a large antique pink radio that I

was now setting up.

"Help me plug this in Tai," I said, holding out the cord. "Tai? TAI?!?!"

Afraid the mentally-impaited boy had wandered off and hurt himself again, I

ran frantically around the parlor. Tai had ways of inadvertantly cousing

disasters that the rest of us were often stuck cleaning up. I wasn't about

to spend another afternoon making his boo-boos better...

"PSST!!!" A feminine voice hissed. "Agumon! Over here!"

It was Biyomon.

"Biyomon!" I said. "It was fun last night, but NOW is NOT the time

for-"

"Look!" she whispered, motioning for me to come look behind the sofa. I

looked.

"Oh Sora!"

"Oh Tai!"

"Oh God!" I shrieked, flying back to the other side, where I couldn't see.

"TOLD ya something was going on between those two!!!" Biyomon smirked.

"You owe me 15 Digi-Dollars!!!"

"I think I'm blind!!!"

"Whatever." Biyomon said, snatching the Digi-Dollars from my hand.

Ignorance is bliss, I reminded myself, and went to see Izzy. He was, as

usual, tapping away at the keyboard of his laptop.

"Hey Izzy," I said. "What are you doing?"

He slammed his laptop shut, his wide eyes showing signs of insomnia.

"NOTHING- nothing." he stammered with a yawn. "Uh, if you'll excuse me

Agumon.... gotta go!" the midget genius hopped down from his perch on the

chair and dashed off. I looked after him. Outside, rain began to sprinkle

on the room, an ominous warning of things to come.

"Well...." I heard Biyomon again from behind me as the first clap of

thunder gave way. "Aren't you going to FOLLOW him?!? He's getting to be

more dangerous than Matt these days." She looked back to where Matt was

habitually nibbling away at the leather straps of his straight jacket.

"I'll watch the psychotic killer, you go after the mad scientist!"

"Right!" I ran after Izzy as fast as my stumply legs could carry me. The

thunder and lightning seemed to increase and the rain rattled the windows as

the chase went on. He had descended nearly 20 floors down. I finally was

able to stop running outside a thick pair of metal doors, graced by a sign

that read "IZUMI 5".

"Hmmm..."

The door was slightly open, so I peeked in. There wasn't a soul in sight,

so I proceeded into the room. All around me was the low rumble of bubbles

as various toxic liquids boiled in their respective cauldrons. The stench

was horrible; dead fish and fromaldahyde. My stomach turned. In the low

light, I made out a platform on which lay an open, leather bound book.

Standing on my tiptoes, I could make out a bit of the writing:

"The sky will be darkened by the leaves of Many Yokos,

The Fallen Yokos will invoke the name of the Undead King

The clock will strike the hour of Yamato,

And the Kidnapper will reveal himself in his True Form.

Then a Boy of Crystal Tokyo will wave a Wand of Sparkly Pink

And a Miracle will happen.

Please exterminate the Yokos."

"Hm" I said thoughtfully. "This sounds almost familiar. I wonder what in

the world it could be referring to..."

Suddenly I jumped. My back had been brushed by something cold and soft. I

looked around anxiously. I didn't see anything.

"It was ME, you imbecile." A sultry, female voice said from high to my

left. I looked up, and saw Gatomon in a hanging cage, her tail swinging

menacingly and eyes glaring fire. "Well are you going to help me down, or

not?!?"

As I built up a pile of boxes, jugs, and Digimon bones in order to reach

Gato's cage, I asked her to tell me how she got there. Throwing in some

generous insults just for flavor, she explained that after being knocked

unconcious, she found herself locked in this cage at the mercy of none other

than our own mad scientist, Izzy. In the last 24 hours she'd been put

through tests that she refused to tell me about, but I noticed her stomach

was a little rounder than usual.

Once Gatomon was free, I started towards the exit.

"Where are you going?!?" She hissed. "I'm not about to leave until I know

what that unstable mind is planning..."

So we walked to the inner recesses of the laboratory; down narrow hallways

lined with the rotting entrails of former scientists who had not told Izzy

what he wanted to know. We followed the sound of mad laughter until we found

ourselves outside a plush, carpeted, burgundy colored room. A throne in the

middle was occupied by none other than Izzy himself. He was working on his

laptop, laughing hysterically.

"This is PERFECT, Tentomon," he was saying to his digimon, who was sitting

on the floor to the right of the throne. "Soon I will have accomplished the

very first successful genetic clone in the history of Digi-world!

Multi-dimensional fame will be MINE!!!!! MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!MWAHAHAHAH!!!!!"

Thunder split the sky.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Tentomon repeated.

"Hey," said a younger voice. "Does this mean I'm gonna have another

brother? Will he be a digidestined too?"

It was TK. I gasped. Gatomon shushed me.

"Silence!" roared Izzy, putting a heavy jeweled crown atop his remarkably

large head. "Enough of your questions. They annoy me. Be quiet, young test

subject."

"But I wanna kno-ow!!" TK whined. "Is it a big brother or a little one?

Will it look like Matt? Will it ACT like Matt?"

"ENOUGH!!!"

"Does it have a digimon too? Will its digimon be like Patamon?"

"QUIET!!!!!"

"Does Kari get a little sister too?"

"SHUT UUUUUPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"..... what does !*@^%#)! mean???"

I noticed Gatomon crawling close to the carpet, sneaking around the corner

and into the room.

"GATOMON!" I shreiked. "No, don't!!!"

She hissed and made a swipe at me. "You blew our cover, you freakish

rodent!!! Now he knows we're here!!!"

Before I could reply, I felt the rough cloth of a potato sack being thrown

over my head, and a heavy blunt object hitting me. That was the last I

knew. I fell unconcious.

***

SORA

Maybe it was Biyomon's awful snoring, or maybe it was the persistant chiming

of the Yokomons' favorite grandfather clock, programmed to say, "Hello,

Welcome to our Humble Abode, the Yokomansion!" every five minutes. Either

way, I woke up at midnight that night. Biyomon was sleeping soundly and I

didn't have the heart to wake the snoring parakeet, so I decided to go for a

walk around the Yokomansion. Donning my red, heart-print robe, I set off

through the blank hallways of the house. I'd decided, since my room was at

the south end, to walk all the way to the north end of the Yokomansion and

back again.

On my way, I heard an incessant snoring from a bedroom.

"That's worse than Bi!" I thought, suppressing my snickers. I slowly

turned the knob, and with a click the heavy wooden doors opened to reveal

the source of the noise pollution.

"MIMI?!?!" I squeaked, then ducked behind the door as she sat straight up

in bed. Biting my lip to keep from laughing, I snuck off down the halls of

the Yokomansion.

But I didn't go far before I was stopped by a horrible, shrill scream from

another bedroom.

"NO! NO!!! NO TOGEMON PLEASE STOP!!! NO!!! NO!!! I'M YOUR FRIEND!!!"

I shook my head. No need to look inside; that was Joe. ONlly Joe would

have nightmares about one of our digimon friends.

"He'll be okay." I assured myself, and walked on. When I was nearly at the

north end, I got the strange feeling I was being followed, and I wished

Biyomon was there. When I thought I was going to start bawling, I heard a

tiny girl's voice. That was Kari! Her appearance around the corner

confirmed it. But what was she saying? I stopped the sleepwalking child,

knelt in front of her, and listened.

"... I am an unknown entity. I am an unknown entity. I am an unknown

entity..." she kept repeating the same phrase over and over.

I sighed. By now, we had gone though this with Kari often enough to carry

out Routine Procedure and send her off to bed.

"All right," I smiled gently, holding Kari by the shoulders. "Mr. Unknown

Entity, what's your name?"

Kari paused for a moment. "Sailor Chibi Moon."

"Okay, Sailor Chibi Moon, why did you take over Kari's body?"

There was a long pause.

"Sailor Chibi Moon?!?" I repeated. "WHY did you take over Kari's body?!?"

"Uhhh.... I don't know. I guess... I just thought it would be fun..." she

murmured blankly, eyes glazed over.

"Sailor Chibi Moon?"

"What?!?!"

"Will you please leave Kari's body now? She needs to get back to sleep."

"But she doesn't WANT to go back to sleep!"

"She's just a little girl, and she needs her sleep!!!"

"She's not a girl, she's a woman!!!!!! I'll never leave Kari's body!!!!!"

And with that, the Sailor-Scout-in-Kari's-body ran away from me, down the

hallway. This was one of the more unruly entities that inhabited Kari's

body.

We could take care of it in the morning. I had reached the north end, which

was marked by another heavy bedroom door. I wondered whose bedroom it was.

After all, curiousity killed the Gatomon, not the Helmet Head. I cracked it

open and peeked in.

It was Tai.

Just then, Kari, still believing she was Sailor Chibi Moon, came running up

behind me. I didn't notice, but she had a pair of scissors in her hand and

was waving them behind my head, preparing to give me a haircut. I caught

her just in time. Prying the scissors out of her hand, I planned to set

them down on the dresser in Tai's bedroom. But that dresser was right next

to the pillow on which lay the largest head of hair in the Digital World or

the real world.

May I be struck down by the Plague and a thousand bolts of lightning if I

could help doing what I did next. When it was all done I set the scissors

gently on the dresser, as I had planned, and tiptoed back to my bed. I

slept soundly the rest of the night.

***

PATAMON

I was jostled awake that morning by Matt, who had flopped on top of TK's bed

- which I'd had all to myself since TK's disappearance - and screamed in my

ear:

"GET UP YOU BIG-EARED WANNABE PIG!!! THEY FOUND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO TK!!!"

Gasping for joy, I led Matt down to the parlor. It was decorated

differently than usual. It was dim, except for a giant lightbulb in the

center of the room. Instead of one big, level floor there were several

platforms made of reeds and bamboo. Vines of every shape and size hung off

the dark ceiling. Upon entry, someone handed us two long staffs with

lightbulbs on top and said "Welcome to Tribal Council". We found the others

all in a very good mood. They were huddled together, roaring with laughter,

each holding their own 'torch'.

"What is it? What is it?" I repeated, hovering overhead. As usual, I was

waved aside with all the regard shown when swatting a fly. But suddenly

everyone was dispersed by Iori, who strode in waving a large 'torch' over

his head. I saw what the others had laughed at.

Tai was sitting, arms tightly closed around his bent knees, very close to

tears. His omnipresent goggles were wound around his head as usual, bu

there was something different...

"Tai!" I gasped. "Your HAIR!!!"

The bushy dark mane I had grown to love was now muderously hacked down to

little more than an awkward crew cut. I was devastated. I hovered lower,

next to his head - which appeared astonishingly small and pale without the

flowing, ebony locks which had previously graced it - and said:

"It's okay Tai!!! You look BETTER now, REALLY you do!!!"

He threw back his head and bawled. Not knowing what else to do, I followed

suit. Iori, with that usual stern frown on his young face, beat me down

with the torch he held.

"Welcome to Tribal Council." His voice was even lower than usual today, and

backed by ominous drums from within the Yokomansion. "It is an ancient

Digimon ritual, used only in the most solemn situations. The process is as

follows. I will explain to you the results of my extensive search. The

murderer will be revealed, and we will celebrate by having a wild, rioteous

jungle dance." he cocked an eyebrow at Mimi and puffed on his pipe. "Then

we will sit down, and one by one you will all be taken to the confessional,"

he gestured to the outhouse, now adorned by various species of

jungle-flowers "where you will all write on a secret slip of paper, the name

of the person you THOUGHT was the murderer before I announced it. Then,

that person.... will be BEHEADED!!!!!!!" Thunder boomed and lightning

flashed across the sky outside. I started to cry again, until Iori made

another pass with his torch. I sat on top of Sora's head (the helmet made

it the next best thing to TK's head), and listened again. Iori stood atop a

bamboo platform and obviously struggled to make himself as imposing as

possible.

"Now let tribal council begin."

We watched eagerly.

"The Murderer," he announced. "Is-"

His mouth opened, but any sound he made was drowned by a crash of thunder.

Lightning struck once more, brighter this time, because the power had gone

out. It was dark, and I was scared. I started bawling again.

***

MIMI

It was pitch dark; everyone was screaming, thunder was booming, and I was

kicking wildly on all sides, afraid I would be the murderer's next victim.

Finally we convinced Kari to start glowing again, and in the eerie greenish

light she gave, I saw Matt writhing on the platform in pain. Apparently

he'd been one of my less fortunate victims, and my sandals had made contact

where it hurts.

"Euh... sorry Yama-sama..." I apologized, as he muttered chilling

obcenities under his breath.

"Hey," said Sora, who was picking up her helmet from which Patamon was

anxiously peering out. "Where'd Iori go??? He didn't finish telling us

about-" she froze. Thunder clapped outside. From deep withing the

Yokomansion, a few ominous notes were played on an organ. We all turned to

each other and simultaeneously said:

"THE MURDERER!!!"

We pushed the Yokomons aside and huddled together with our digimons in the

middle of the room; all except Agumon and Gatomon, who were still missing.

"The murderer must've gotten Iori!!" Tai said, his abnormally high-pitched

voice rising rapidly with fear. "One of us is next!!"

"But, more importantly, who IS the murderer?" asked Joe.

"None of us had time to kidnap Iori just now..." Sora thought out loud. "It

must be someone who's not right here, right now!!!"

"IT'S THE YOKOS!!!" Matt laughed unstably, from his compromising postition

on the floor. "I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU ALL ALONG!!! HELP ME GET-"

He was cut chort and knocked flat on his stomach by Gabumon, sho had snuck

up from behind carrying a dead Yoko.

"I'm not taking this abuse anymore, Yamato." he said. "And I won't let you

hurt the Yokos anymore either. This is for your own protection." he

duct-taped Matt's mouth several times over, and chained up Matt's ankles.

Now the homicidal boy had no use of his arms, legs, or teeth. Gabumon took

Matt's place in our circle and recieved pats on the back from Biyomon and

Sora, as Matt flip-flopped unsuccessfully across the sea of Yokos.

"Now," said Joe. "Who's NOT here? We have the Yokomons, Me, Tai, Matt,

Mimi, Sora, and Kari.."

"Don't forget out digimons; Gabumon, Biyomon, Gomamon, Patamon, and Palmon."

"And we know Iori's not the murderer."

"So that leaves only TK, Agumon, and Gatomon, who were kidnapped. We MUST

be missing somebody." murmured Sora. "Is there ANYONE else in the

Yokomansion???"

Biyomon gasped and started to say something, when lightning lit up the

jungle-parlor and two forgotten members of our group rushed in, panting.

"Izzy! Tentomon!" I cried.

"IZZY!!!" Tai gasped.

"MM-HM-MMM!!!" Matt hummed through the duct tape.

"Sorry we're late!" Izzy said hurriedly, sweat glistening of his oversized

forehead. "But look who I found again!!!"

A small blond boy, an orange dinosaur, and a purple and white cat stepped

out from behind Izzy.

"Agumon!" Tai cried, forgetting his miserably shorn head for the moment and

bear-hugging his digimon.

"Gatomon!" Kari ran and hugged Gatomon so tightly she's lucky the cat

didn't suffocate.

"MM-MMM!!!!!" Matt wriggled aver as am inchworm does to hug TK. Funny thing

is, none of the three who had been kidnapped reacted at ALL...

***

TENTOMON

The others started to notice the glazed, blank look in the eyes of the three

we'd brought back. Well, Kari and Matt did. Tai was too idiotically

ecstatic to see anything.

"Gatomon," Kari said. "What's the matter with you?" Matt started to back

away from TK, and all the Yokomons stood behind him, frowning. Thunder

rattled the ancient window panes of the Yokomansion.

Suddenly Sora and Joe jumped out of nowhere on top of Izzy, and before I

knew it, my beloved human was wearing the duct tape, straight jacket, and

chains that had belonged to Matt. Crowded by Yokomons on all sides, the

group bore Izzy away to Tai's bedroom, where they locked him up. Then they

turned on me.

"What do you know about this Tentomon!!!" cried Joe.

"ME???" I said, mustering all the innocence my insectoid eyes could gather.

"W-why would I know anything???"

"Then what are THOSE?!?" Sora inquired, pointing disdainfully at the

nonresponsive TK, Gatomon, and Agumon. The later had not left Tai's

ignorant embrace. "Why would Izzy want to kill TK and two of our digimons?"

Sora looked down at me, her lower lip trembling because she was, as usual,

close to tears.

"Follow me." I said, and led the children and digimons down the endless

stairway to Izzy's laboratory. It was time they learned the truth. Once we

were in the room, I put the false TK, Gatomon, and Agumon away where they

wouldn't be found. That done, I told our side of the story.

"Izzy never killed anyone." I explained. "When we first came to the

Yokomansion, he had high hopes that he would be able to save the Digiworld

by exterminating the Yokos. He figured the most effective way to do this

was to build an army as numerous as the Yokomons themselves." (at this

point, several of the Yokomons in the room started to cry, whether it was

from joy or terror I could never tell)"So, wanting to surprise you all with

his latest invention, he secretly invited TK to the lab one night, where he

performed DNA extraction; the first step in cloning a new human being.

Working from a tiny sample, he refused to sleep until he had built up an

army large enough to protect the children and world he had grown to love."

(Sora burst into tears, followed almost immediately by the Yokomons) "When

Izzy heard the news the next morning that TK had disappeared, he was more

devastated than anyone. Not only did this make the TK clone more important,

it also increased his drive to exterminate the Yokomons and avenge TK's

premature death. Izzy became more adament than ever about his task. He

worked continously, only stopping to meet with the other children. When

Agumon and Gatomon found their way into our lab, Izzy considered it

providence, and also used their DNA to make clones. The three clones we

showed to you were just three of the millions Izzy managed to make.....

before you locked him up." (most of the group was in tears by now) "Izzy

only wanted to be accepted. He cared about all of you so much, he-" I

stopped. I couldn't go on. We all broke down. All except Matt, who was at

last free from his binds and happily engaged in Yokocide at the time, and

Tai, who was just coming to the fact that what he'd been hugging was not the

real Agumon.

"So...." Tai murmured, his small nose wrinkled with perplexity. "Where is

the real Agumon?"

This comment made the group turn on me once more with accusation.

"He's safe, he and Gatomon both are!" I assured them. I led them to the

largest section of the laboratory, where Agumon and Gatomon were sound

asleep. I hoped that it was just by accident that the dinosaur and the cat

were in a very compromising position atop the lab table. Kari and Tai

hugged their digimons so hard I thought they'd never let go. The group

accepted Izzy once more, we freed him, and met in the parlor once again to

think things through.

"So, we know the mystery of Agumon and Gatomon," said little Kari. "But we

still don't know what happened to TK or Iori. That's the murderer!"

"And we know it's not one of us," Sora said.

"Which means..." Tai said, rubbing a pink wand thoughtfully against his

chin. "We're having PIZZA for dinner!!!!"

There was silence.

"Where'd you get that from?" Joe inquired, indicating the wand.

"This?" Tai said, staring at it as if it were the first time he'd seen it.

"Oh, I picked it up in Izzy's lab when we left."

Thunder prophetically struck, and the lights went out for the second time

that evening.

***

TAI

It was so dark that I dropped the pink wand I was carrying. When I thought

I'd found it again, I felt something slap me across the face, so I guessed I

grapped the wrong wand. Anyway, I heard Sora call to Biyomon to digivolve

into Birdramon so that the fire on her tail would light up the room, but

there was no response. I laughed at Sora and said her digimon wouldn't obey

her. I felt myself get slapped again. Then I heard Matt say:

"Why doesn't Kari start to glow again? That worked really well last time

the lights went out..."

"That's a STUPID idea Matt!!!" I said. "You'd have to be STUPID to think

that would work!!!"

A small voice started chanting: "Numemon... Numemon..." and within seconds

my little sister was glowing again. I wonder how she does that anyway...

"Yeah, well," I said. "I KNEW that would work. If you hadn't thought of it,

I was gonna think of it...."

"BIYOMON!!!" Sora screamed. "Biyomon is gone!!!!"

"Wha? What?" Everyone said.

"Not again!!!" Matt cried. "Can't you people keep hold of your digimon for

even two seconds?!?"

"Shut up!!!" I yelled, pushing Matt down. "That's a STUPID thing to say!!!

Only STUPID people would say that!! So there- HA!!!" I sure showed him!!!

"Yeah, Tai, I'm really threatened." he said.

I got really close to crying, so I did what I always do when I feel like I'm

gonna cry; I beat Matt up. We fell on top of a pile of Yokomons, and as

their dying screams rang out beneath us, we socked each other hard in the

stomach. I think I was winning, when suddenly the others started yelling

for us to get off the Yokos, quick. We did, and stood back, then an amazing

thing happened.

All the Yokomons who had died as a direct result of our stay at the

Yokomansion appeared there before us in the parlor. It was really scary; I

had to hold Agumons tail and Sora's helmet, I was so scared.

"Most Omnipotent and Merciful Yama-sama...." the Yokomons chanted together.

"Most Omnipotent and Merciful Yama-sama, Lord and Master!!!" They crowded

round Matt and chanted louder and louder until it came to an abrupt halt,

and all the Yokos raised their eyes towards the ceiling. The moment of

perfect silence was broken by the eerie sound of the Yokomons grandfather

clock, stricking the hour of 11:12 pm, the hour of Yamato.

"Hello," said the clock, it's preprogrammed voice resounding through the

halls of the Yokomansion. "Welcome to our Humble Abode, the Yokomansion!!!"

And as Kari's light illuminated the sea of Yokomons surrounding Matt, the

holy scene was broken by the one we knew instantly to be the murderer; that

evasive criminal we'd been looking for:

Furbymon.

His mechanical eyelids blinked at us menacingly, the symbol on his forehead

seeming more potent every second. Suddenly his fur was like needles; his

feet were like talons; and his ears were like knives, ready to attack us at

any moment. I flipped frantically through the 'book' Jar Jar Gennai had

given me about defeating evil digimon. In the Meantime, Furbymon's emerald

eyes moved to Matt, and he made his first attack.

"ME LOVE YOU!!!!" The huge heart eminating from the obese tummy was enough

to knock Matt over, onto a secure cushion of his faithful Yokomons. Matt

rolled on his back, breathing heavily.

"Yokos," he said. "I know I haven't shown you the regard you deserve.

It's true that you ARE nothing more than mindless pink radished, but you're

MY mindless pink radishes. You've all been so kind and faithful to me,

and... and I- I love you..." he leaned his head over a sighed out his last

breath.

"YAMA-SAMA!!!" cried Mimi and Sora.

"MWAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!" laughed Furbymon.

"MATT!" howled Gabumon.

"DIE!!!!" I cheered.

And the Yokomons, shutting their eyes and concentrating, began their chant

again:

"Most Omnipotent and Merciful Yama-sama....."

Louder and louder the chant became, until it overwhelmed the halls of the

Yokomansion and drowned out the rumble of the thunder outside. Matt slowly

rose from his prostrate position, and stood, rejuvinated by the Yokomons'

faith. His tank top, blue jeans, and hiking boots melted away into a silky

white dress, scandalously cut, with gold trimming around the low neckline.

The oversized bows on the back reminded one of a butterfly. Matt stood,

defiantly cross-dressed, before the enemy digimon.

"I WILL defeat you, Furbymon..." he said. "In the name of the moon..."

He raised something in the air.

"HEY!" I said. It was the wand I had lost. I jumped to regain it. "That's

MI-INE, STUPID!!!!"

"YOU'RE PUNISHED!" Matt said, and the wand above his head began to glow.

Cries of "Yama-Sama" filled the room and every digimon in it glowed pink

light from the wand. A miracle happened.

Amid the bright, flashing pink light, every digimon stood tall, its limbs

morphing into two arms and two human legs. Their pudgy waistlines trimmed

to that of a young boy or girl, and their fur dissapeared, becoming long,

flowing hair atop their human heads. The light faded out, revealing seven

colorfully dressed girls and boys. The room was suddenly twice as crowded,

because in place of the Yokomons who lined the floor, there were now dozens

and dozens of young female cheerleaders, adorning pink and blue mini skirts

with matching tank tops, displaying the letter "D". Their pom poms waved

across their faces, which were covered with over an inch of various cover

girl products. This sadly caused their eyelashes to stick to each other in

clumps of inexpensive mascara.

"Oh my God!!!" Sora cried. "They've become.... TEENAGERS!!!"

We shrunk back in fear. The seven sixteen-year-olds before us who had

previously been our digimons looked at us now with lust for power and blood

in their teenaged eyes. We cowered at the mercy of the terrifying young

adults, until the youngest of us, Kari, dared to speak.

"Ooh," she murmered. Then, louder: "I'm Kari. Please tell me who you

are... do you want to talk to us?" she addressed them in the tone she used

with only the strangest, most mysterious digimon we'd encountered. One of

the teenagers came forward. Her hair was outrageously large and curly, and

she wore a long, green, catwalk-style coat.

"OOH, you're so CUTE!!" She said, patting Kari on the head. "My name's

Palmo-"

"NO!" Another one said. His hair was slicked back and his large, round

eyes stood out against his loose, white button-down shirt and tight black

pants. "Palmon, we're TEENAGERS now, we can't use our real names anymore.

We've gotta have cool names... teenage names..."

"Uh, okay..." the girl giggled. "How about.... " she turned to Kari. "My

name is Priscilla. And, obviously, I used to be Palmon."

The others came forward.

"I'm... Presley." said the boy who'd just spoken. "I was Gomamon before we

got- changed."

"I'm BUTCH!!" said a large boy whose face was obscured by his football

helmet. He slapped his chest aggressively. "I used to be Gabumon!!!"

"I'm Winston." the computer nerd of the group introduced himself. "And I

was Tentomon before this strange phenomenon transfigured us."

"Wassup, mah homie-g's???" called a short boy whose long, greasy hair

obscured his eyes. His clothes were so baggy that no part of his skin could

be seen, and he fell flat on his face after having tripped over his baggy

pants. "Yo, I'm Patamon, and my human name is Homie-G!!"

All the cheerleaders surrounding us cried together, waving their pompoms in

the air:

"We are the cheerleaders of Most Omnipotent and Merciful Matt!!! Give us a

"M"!!!! Give us an "O"!!!!! Give us a "S"!!!"

There was no need to find out what the cheerleaders had been before they

changed. It was painfully obvious, even to Matt, who was standing on a pile

of them, still holding the wand and trying in vain to make the neckline of

his elaborate dress higher. Matt's so stupid.

A girl wearing a very... revealing outfit and a lot of jewelry and mascara

came forward. She lit a cigarette, took a puff, and blew the smoke right

into my face; as I hacked up a lung, she introduced herself as: "Kitty." I

noticed Izzy's eyes get very big and his chin drop open. "I USED to be

Gatomon."

The last teenager came forward, wearing suspenders and retro clothes colored

orange. "I'm Tai!!!" he said.

"NO!!!" yelled the other teenagers, whacking him on the head. "That's

cheating, you can't take the name of your human!!!"

"Okay," he said, trying to choose. "Then I'll pick a normal name, like...

Joe!"

Presley kicked him. "You can't take MY human's name either!!!"

"UH... " he started to sweat. "Ummmm.... well, I used to be Agumon," he

stammered. "I- uh, my name is Steve?"

This received nothing but blank stares from the others and scorn from

Presley, who muttered an incomprehensible phrase.

"IN THE MEANTIME," Kari called us back to reality. "WHAT DO WE DO WITH THE

GIANT CUTE TOY?!?!" She indicated Furbymon, who was marching towards her,

preparing to attack.

"KARI!!!" cried Kitty. "Hey, you $&!%)(@#&$ prefabricated piece of

(!@&#$R^(!&%, over here!!!!" She caused Furbymon to turn around and march

the other way, toward the group of Digimons-turned-Human. They cowered,

powerless without their Digi-attacks.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!" I yelled at Matt, who could do nothing but

stare blankly, his skin-tight dress prohibiting most movement.

***

GOMAM- I mean 'PRESLEY'

"Good one," I commented sarcastically to Kitty, who had run back to cower

with us. "What do we do now, without attacks that thing's gonna love us all

to death! Literally!"

"Get off my back!" she cried. "What was I supposed to do, just leave it to

squeeze the breath out of my human?!?"

"YES!!! Honestly, no one needs Kari anyway!!!" protested Priscilla.

"GRRR!" growled Butch. "I'm TOUGH!!!!"

We cowered behind Butch's broad shoulders, certain that these were our last

moments alive. Behind me I noticed 'Steve' and Kitty locked in a passionate

kiss.

"Get a room... Please, YOUR HUMANS ARE BROTHER AND SISTER!!!!" I spat, and

turned to face Furbymon. I was prepared to go down fighting.

But none of that would be neccesary. Suddenly at the entrance arc to the

parlor, the vine ropes brushed aside to reveal our missing companions.

"Biyo!" cried Sora.

"Iori!" cried Tai.

"TK!" screamed Matt, picking up his long, flowing skirts and revealing a

pair of slim, clean-shaven legs tipped off with pearly high heels. He ran

to his brother. "Finally! Now we can get payback to that annoying toy!!!"

Furbymon laughed. "ME LOVE YOU!" he screamed towards we teenagers on the

floor. I shut my eyes and gripped Butch's helmet. Nothing happened. I

raised my head.

"We're all right!!!" I cried. "How did that happen!?!?!"

"It appears," said Winston from behind me. "That his bipolar metallic

zync-based bio-source has been detached."

"Precisely what I was thinking!" agreed Izzy.

I looked back at Furbymon. He was panicking, searching for a reason his

attack had failed. He felt frantically all over him, gasped, and turned to

Iori.

"Looking for this?" asked Iori's characteristically low voice in mockery.

He and TK lifted up an enormous energizer battery. It was at least the size

of TK himself. Iori smiled crookedly.

"Looks like the game's up, Furbymon!" He said, pulling out his pipe once

more and leaving the bulk of the battery's weight to TK's frail body, which

was almost crushed and only saved by Matt, coming to the rescue in his 30th

century Crystal Tokyo apparel. Iori puffed nonchalantly on his cedar pipe.

"There is no choice but surrender. Give up."

Furbymon was not so easily put down. He tried again.

"ME LOVE-"

But his attack was cut short. He fumbled at his back and clutched his

chest. His plastic eyelids rolled shut, and his talons curled back like dry

earthworms. With an enormous thud, he fell to the jungle floor and sent up

a whole cloud of humus around him. Furbymon was no more. A pink rabbit,

beating a bass drum against it's chest, came from nowhere and rolled the

furry corpse away. There was nothing more to fear.

Everyone hugged. Steve and Kitty, oblivious to the situation, were still

locked in each others' embrace. TK was practically being suffocated by

Matt, who, in turn was being suffocated by the cheerleaders surrounding him.

Me? I was just standing there, congratulating myself on a job well done,

as usual.

***

IORI

I asked my stupefied audience to pick up their torches once more, that we

could complete Tribal Coucil, now that Furbymon had been removed from the

Yokomansion. As we sat by the light of Kari, who remained in the center, I

explained the occurances leading to Furbymon's demise.

"It began with an email I received in the midst of Season Two. Jar Jar

Gennai had been researching extra data from Season One, and found a certain

unsolved mystery at a place known as the 'Yokomansion'." (At this point the

multitude of cheerleaders around me rose in a cheer) "So I was sent back, as

my colleagues had been before me, to solve the mystery of who kidnapped

young Takeru. It was my assignment both to help him survive for Season Two

and to fulfill the ancient prophesy. The prophesy says that a young boy of

Crystal Tokyo will arise with a powerful new weapon, the SPARKLY WAND."

(murmurs of awe) "This wand possesses the power to turn ordinary digimons

into a creature virtually unknow in Digi-world; the American Teenager."

(murmurs of terror) "The boy of Crystal Tokyo was obviously Yamato, who

carries the mark of the crescent moon on his forehead, as a symbol dating

back from the Silver Millenium." (Matt gasped and produced a large tube of

concealer, proceding to hide the crescent moon that graced his blond head)

"I knew that he would come upon the wand, turn these digimons into humans,

and that, as such, they would be helpless against Furbymon's power. So I

came to protect you from him!!!! It was obvious from the beginning that

Furbymon was the guilty party. Only he could be malicious enough to

completely destroy your Feast of Yokomons Celebration, in favor of

kidnapping young Takeru. I was also fully aware of his motive. In

capturing the boy, he hoped to avert suspicions, break the bond in your

group, and single out Yamato, for whom Furbymon bore true affection.

Koushirous's experiments provided the perfect cover for such a kidnapping.

Furbymon was so fond of Matt, that his undying love proved to be his

downfall. He had gone too far in stealing Matt's little brother to gain

attention. He had to be put down, once and for all. So I let him kidnap

TK, and Biyomon as well, because she was aware of Furbymon's motive. When

lightning shut down the power, I disappeared also. This was merely a ploy

to throw Furbymon off. I knew he would be so desperate that he would

attempt to finish all of you off. When he left his base in the recesses of

the kitchen to come after all of you, I cleverly snuck in and freed Biyomon

and young Takeru. Following Furbymon's poorly disguised trail, we returned

to the parlor, where the prophesy had already been fulfilled. The Time of

Greatest Need for the Yokomons had come, and their ancient leader, Yamato of

the Silver Millenium, had performed the miracle. As Furbymon focused his

attentions on destroying these helpless teenagers, I used my pocket-picking

powers to remove his battery without his notice. This removed him forever

as a threat and finished him off once and for all!!!!"

I received the mild applause from my audience.

"Poor Furbymon," Kari observed. "He was so cute, too."

"And so devoted to Most Omnipotent and Merciful Matt!" cheered the

cheerleaders.

"Yes," agreed Matt. "His sacrifice will never be forgotten. Let us observe

a moment of silence in honor of Furbymon."

Butch belched.

"Well," I said. "my duty here is done. Young Takeru is safe, and the

prophesy has been fulfilled."

"Correct!" Boomed a loud voice. It was Jar Jar Gennai. In his beam of blue

light, he descended into our jungle-parlor. He wore khakis, a loose shirt,

and a safari hat, and he carried a torch as we did.

"Thank you for your help Iori." he said. "Now I will beam you back to

Season Two. You're a few episodes behind and you've got some catching up to

do."

"I'm ready." I said.

"Ah, ah, ah.." said Jar Jar. "You know the rules." he gestured to my pipe.

"No smoking in the transport beam."

I reluctantly tossed my pipe aside, and felt myself carried away to Season

Two. Back to the future....

***

MATT

"Jar Jar Gennai," I addressed him, once Iori had safely departed.

"Yes?"

"Thank you for all you have done for us. Iori has been a great help, as have

the instruments you gave us after our last battle."

"Well, you're quite welcome, Matt. I imagine, though, now that the prophesy

has been fulfilled, that you'd like to change out of those clothes and get

back to yourself?"

I fingered the white, silky cloth. "Yes." I said. "I am ready to change

back, and all these teenagers with me."

Jar Jar sent a wave of blue light across the room. When it passed, Jar Jar

was gone, and I found myself in my normal green tank top and blue jeans,

with Gabumon by my side.

"Push off!" I said. "You stink, Gabumon! Ever heard of deoderant?!?"

Then TK and all the Yokomons fell on me with cries of "Most Omnipotent and

Merciful Matt!!!" I was nearly smothered.

"Oh, Matt!" cried TK. "I'm so glad you're back to yourself!!! It was weird

to see you hugging the Yokomons instead of killing them!!!"

"Yeah, well," I said, popping a few Yokomons open. "I don't remember a

thing."

"REALLY!?!?" questioned Tai in my face. "Not even the part about you wearing

a PRETTY DRESS?!?!??!"

I slapped him. "WHAT DRESS?!?!?!"

"THE ONE YOU WERE WEARING, STUPID!!!!!!!!"

"I WASN'T WEARING A DRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"YES YOU WERE, STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"NO I WASN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Cut it out, you guys!" said Izzy. "Look, it's obvious we're all under a

lot of stress here. I suggest we LEAVE, immediately. Our weekend stay is

up, and we have to get going. There's probably another psychotic neo-Hitler

floating somewhere around the Digital World, wanting to 'exact his

vengeance' or something like that. Let's get going."

"Good idea!" I said.

"No, STUPID!" protested Tai. "YOU can't think it's a good idea, 'cause I

think it's a good idea!!!!"

I shook my head, half smiling. "Shut up, Tai. For your own good."

"I DON'T WANNA LEAVE!!!!" screamed Sora, hugging as many Yokomons as she

could at once, which were all squirming to get away. "I LOVE THE

YOKOMONS!!!!"

"Most Omnipotent and Merciful Matt..." one small Yokomon came right up and

addressed me. "Must you leave now? You're more than welcome to stay here

with us forever!!!" it smiled sweetly and sincerely.

I smiled. Then I grabbed the Yokomon who had spoken and threw it out the

window. "WE'RE OUTTA HERE!!!!"

Dragging Sora and Biyomon with us, and plowing over heards of Yokomons all

chanting my name, we exited the Yokomansion. Good riddance, I say. I hope

never to have to go back there in my life. If I can butter up Izumi enough,

maybe he'll blow it up for me. With all the Yokomons inside.

Later on, I heard Joe talking to Sora.

"Sora," Joe asked. "What's that you're holding in your hand?"

"Oh," she said, smiling. "It's a book I picked up from the Yokomansion.

It's called 'Romeo and Juliet'. It's really good."

"Hm." Joe said. "Do you suppose I could borrow it when you're done?"

"Sure!"

Great, I thought, another romantic in our little group. TK was walking next

to me, and Tai walked behind us.

"Matt?" TK asked timidly.

"TK, I swear to you, if you ask me ONE MORE TIME what #*(^$%! means, I'll-"

"No, it's not that!" TK cried. "I just wondered if you really couldn't

remember what went on while you were in that dress."

"TK, I was NEVER in a dress!" I cried.

"Then you don't remember the digimons turned into teenagers?"

"Of course not!"

"Hm, funny, cause when Gatomon was a human, she looked like those girls in

the pictures you always talk to that you hide under your pillow."

"IS THAT SO!?!?" asked Tai mischievously, coming up from behind me. "Why

don't you tell us more about those girls in the pictures, TK???"

"SHUT UP, TAI!!!!" I yelled, daring TK with my eyes to say a word. He

apparently couldn't take a hint.

"Yeah, she looked a LOT like those girls, Matt," TK continued, oblivious to

the fact that I was ready to punch someone. "Except Gatomon was wearing a

lot more clothes-"

Tai burst into laughter. I controlled myself.

"COME WITH ME, TK!!!" I said, taking him - maybe a little too firmly - by

the helmet and walking away, down another path.

"Where are you going?!?!" I heard a voice behind me call.

"AWAY!!!" I answered.

Behind me, I noticed Tai going off in another direction. Behind him were

Sora, Kari, Joe, Agumon, and Gatomon. I noticed that Mimi, TK, Gabumon and

Patamon were following me, while maintaining a reasonable distance from my

person. Biyomon, Gomamon, Palmon, Tentomon, and the computer-absorbed Izzy

alone remained on the original path.

Now split up into three groups and far away from the protection of the

Yokomansion, I wondered how long it would be before another bizarre

adventure brought us back together.

"Matt?" TK ventured from about 20 feet behind me. "By the way, what DOES

&@#^%&*% mean????"

THE END

Soooo... Good? Bad? Insufferable? I know it left a lot of open ends. ^_^

(whatever happened to the clones Tentomon left in Izzy's laboratory at the

yokomansion???)Reach me at:

yokomansion@hotmail.com

Our operators are standing by. Your call is imporant to us!!!

All right, having exhausted my limited supply of "Help! My Spellcheck is

Off!!!"'s, and not feeling my fanfic is complete without some cute,

pointless lil thingy at the end, I decided to write up some stats for the

making of "Digi-Dorks: version 4.0 - A Digital Murder Mystery":

Cans of Cherry Pepsi consumed by the author = 4 2/3

Clones manufactured in Izzy's Yokolaboratory = 46

Yokomons killed = 23,875

Kilobytes (I THINK that's what 'K' stands for) = 99

Entities contained in Kari's body = 3.5

Times the author was yelled at for using the computer again = 11

Bombing of Pearl Harbor = 12-7-'41

Author's oudated locker combination = 12-32-6

Scripts torn up by Izzy = 14

Stunt Doubles hired = 189,321,812

Okay, that's it for now! Make sure to write me with praise, flames, comments

about Yokomons, and ideas/suggestions!!!