Anyway, I was generally an easygoing person, except for those nights that Dad would come home drunk. Those were the worst nights of my life, the ones I spent huddled in a corner in my room, praying and hoping and wondering if he was going to come in and yell and hit me.

Then, it got worse.

T.K. was born.

I love my little brother, don’t get me wrong, I really do. I’d do whatever it takes to keep him safe. But it was harder, having to worry about the baby instead of just myself. I know that mom didn’t tell anyone because…well, for one, she was afraid that I would get taken away from her, and after T.K. was born, she was just plain terrified that Dad would hurt him.

I mean, it wasn’t always bad. Sometimes he could be so much fun and so nice and…he needed help, and he knew it. But my father was-is-a very proud man. He can’t stand admitting weakness.

I never told anyone about what happened at home. I didn’t know what was going to happen, besides, I figured that whatever happened, I’d deal with it. Not bad for a kid, huh?

If those were the worst nights of my life, then the best ones were definitely the days I spent with Makoto "Kat" Yoshiyuki.

Kat was my very first-and best-friend. We’ve known each other since we were four, and we were always together. At school, we had quite a rep. Kat and I always stuck up for each other and we were always competing in things like sports. It was a friendly rivalry, of course, and it really helped me get a lot better at some things. Pretty soon, Kat and I were first to get picked for soccer and football teams, ‘cause we got so good, not to brag or anything.

Wow. It’s been months since I’ve seen Kat-she moved away-but I’ll never forget what she did for me, or how mad I got at her afterwards.

Kat was the only person I ever trusted completely and entirely, through anything, and I was the same to her. We had a lot in common, including families that were really unstable. Her dad was almost never home, ‘cause of work, and he was always going around behind her mom’s back…She was the only person I ever told about what my dad did. At first, she wanted to go and kick his ass. She was like that sometimes, incredibly impulsive and confident to the point of being cocky. I could see through it, though, and I could tell that, inside, she was crying for me.

That was a new experience. No one ever cried for me except for T.K., and he cried for everyone. My mom had enough on her mind, trying to keep the balance. Anyway, I calmed her down before she did something stupid. I told her I didn’t tell anyone because I was afraid of how they’d react, what they’d do…whether I’d get taken away from mom and T.K. She told me…she told me that she understood, that she wouldn’t tell anyone in the whole world! She lied to me! For the first time in her entire life, and our entire friendship, she lied to me!

She told someone, all right. It was after I got put in the hospital with a concussion and a broken arm. Her mom…Mrs. Yoshiyuki was always the nicest person in Tokyo, or at least that’s what it seemed like. Before I hardly knew what was happening, Mom, T.K., and I were sent to stay with my grandma, and my dad got taken away for "treatment".

God. She was only trying to help, and I hated her for it. I still remember what I screamed to her after that…

"HOW COULD YOU?! YOU PROMISED!!! You swore you wouldn’t tell anyone, you said that it would be a secret! I trusted you! What kind of friend are you? I’m never telling you anything ever again! Now they’re going to send me off to some relative because Mom can’t take care of both of us! I…I thought that you were my friend!"

And then those last words…the words that hurt her so bad, more than anything else I said. "I trusted you."

Somehow, those small words impacted on her harder then any punch I ever could have thrown. She looked so sick…I thought she was going to throw up. I asked her, "Why?"

Her quiet answer threw me into a rage. "Because you’re my friend."

I started screaming again, not even words half the time. I told her that if this was friendship, then I didn’t want it…that I couldn’t understand how she could have done this to me and still called her my friend. I told her that she wasn’t my friend, not if she did this to me. I asked her why, why she betrayed me.

Betray. That word hung in the air for half a minute after I hurled it through the air. I was so cruel, the way I treated her. And I hate myself for it, because she was the best thing I had in my life. We grew up together, learned together, played together, everything! For ten years!

T.K. remembers her a little, I know, but not much. He was only 5 when it happened. Whenever he asks me about her, occasionally, yeah, but it happens, I always feel like laughing and screaming at the same time.

Was it only two years ago? I’m so different now then when I was twelve. When I got put back under my dad’s custody, I built up a whole different kind of reputation at my school. I was rebel, someone who was ‘too cool’ for those ‘popular idiots’. Kat hung out in completely different social circles, and I made it clear to her when I came back that I wasn’t the same little innocent Yamato that told his friends everything…that had friends. I was the loner of my school, the kind of guy that just sort of slinks around to his classes without getting great grades or flunking, and sometimes picks a fight or two.

I’m just sort of civil to my dad now. I think he understands that, and he’s sorry that he doesn’t have my trust and I know that he’s trying his best.

The last time I saw Kat was the day before she moved away. I was cool and calm as ever, but inside I felt like a ruptured elephant. Whatever that is.

She was so timid, god, it broke my heart. Kat was always so outgoing and everything, that seeing her so scared and quiet was like…I don’t know, me and Tai agreeing on everything.

I was on my way home, and she stopped me. I asked her what she wanted, and she told me. "Oh, I know you probably don’t care, but um…I just wanted to tell you, I mean, since we’ve known each other for so long, I’m, ah, moving. My mom and dad just got a divorce, and I’m going to live with Mom. I was wondering, um, if maybe you’d come over. I know you probably really don’t want to, but Mom was just talking about how much she missed having you drop by, and she’s been so upset lately and oh, I don’t know, I thought, maybe…" She sagged, like all the energy came out of her. "Oh, this is stupid. Why would you care? Argh!" She pulled at her hair and grimace, turning away. "Never mind, sorry I bothered you, Yamablue."

I had been considering her offer, I mean, Mrs. Yoshiyuki had been like a second mom to me before, but hearing my old nickname…that just melted me. I know, I know, ‘What? Matt’s got a nickname? Him?’, but it’s true. Kat used to love making fun of the fact that I was practically the only kid in my school with blue eyes, so she called me ‘Yamablue’, much to my annoyance. If Tai ever found out about that, I wouldn’t have to worry about Myotismon killing me. I’d die of embarrassment.

I blurted out the first thing that came to me, which happened to be: "Uh, wait! Um, when did you say you were leaving?"

We had an uneasy conversation, and I did end up dropping by that afternoon to say hello to her mother.

If you asked me what the one thing I regret most in my life is, it would be that I didn’t make up with Kat. The friendship that we had was a really amazing thing.

Someday, if we ever get home, I hope that I can look her up and maybe, I’ll tell her I’m sorry. I’ll tell her that I didn’t mean what I said, that she was the best friend I ever had, that I’ll ever have, and maybe, just maybe, she’ll forgive me. I hope so.

You might wonder why I look so sad sometimes, when I play my harmonica. It’s because…I don’t even remember how many afternoons Kat and I spent trying to figure out how to play that thing. I sounded pretty awful, but she wouldn’t let me give up. The harmonica that I carry around? That was what she gave me on my eleventh birthday, and I’ve always carried it around to remind me of the good times we had.

One of the reasons I don’t get along with Tai is because he reminds me of Kat, a little. The same almost cockiness, even if Kat carried herself better and had hair that didn’t remind me vaguely of an erupting volcano. Heh. Honestly, if you took Tai’s goggles away, he wouldn’t be able to see a thing. Hell, he might not be able to breathe! But don’t tell him I said that, I wouldn’t want to have to rough him up.

Maybe someday I’ll have a friend that I can trust with anything again. For now, in the Digiworld, I think that my secret will stay secrets. Funny, huh? I can trust Sora, Joe, Izzy, Mimi, T.K., and even Tai with my life. I know that I could entrust any of the Digidestined with my little brother, because I know that they’d look after him.

But I don’t, because…I just… I can’t trust them with something that important. I could trust any of them with my life, but there are two things that I’d never trust anyone but me…and Kat, with. My brother and my secrets.

Even with all I’ve said to her, all we’ve been through, I can’t believe that I’m saying this, but I trust Kat more than anyone in the world. Because I understand, now, what she did. My friendship was as important to her as hers was to me, and she knew what she was risking when she told her mom. I mattered so much to her, that she was able to give me up. She’s my best friend, and I know that she always will be.

Okay Yamato, time to smack yourself in the head, check your temperature, and make sure you didn’t eat anything nasty. You’re getting waaaaaay too serious for your own good. Oh yay. I’m talking to myself. I’m sure that’s good for my health.

Dammit. What does Tai want now? Can’t a guy drown himself in self-pity without interruptions? Ah, well. I just want to get out of this alive. Maybe I’ll actually get along with Tai, for once. That’ll throw the others out of whack. Damn, he’s still calling me? On that other hand, maybe I’ll just act like I normally do.

"No way, Tai! We should go the other way!"

"MATT!!!"

****

Yargh. Fist Digimon fic, and I’m not very good at POV writing. Don’t hurt me. Anyway, Matt is, without doubt, my very favorite character. Therefore, it makes absolute sense that I should curse him with my writing, right? Like with that ‘Yamablue’ thing. Don’t even ask where I got that from. I have no idea. Okay, I know that Matt and T.K. are supposed to be half-brothers, but in this fic, they’re not. Also, the majority of the Digidestined are 14. I know that in the common opinion, they’re like, 10 or 12, but I made them all freshmen, based entirely on something from my admittedly somewhat usually more than faulty memory. In the episode where they first get back to the real world and they’re trying to convince the teacher or whatever to let them off at Heighton (I have no idea how to spell that), Joe says something like, "As an upperclassman, I’ll…" and since the term upperclassman usually refers to and senior or junior, and Joe’s always talking about medical school and stuff…anyway, I guess that’s all I have to say? I mean, everyone knows who owns the Digimon stuff, and I don’t think that they really care much about the fan stuff. And, uh, this is sort of a chaotic fic, I guess, probably because I’m sick right now. Ja ne!