Wheel of Disaster
Author's note: I wrote this when I was bored, so sorry if the humor is sorta strained and cheesy.
"WHEEL…OF…FORTUUUUUNE!!!!!!!!"
"And heeere's your host, Pat and Vanna!" the announcer dude announces in that wow-its-so-exciting voice.
Pat walks onto stage, Vanna takes here place, and the infamous Gang of Three is introduced, along with all that prelude mumbo-jumbo.
"HIIIIII MOM! I'm on TV!" shouts Ling enthusiastically.
Pat asks "Sooooo. Are you fellas ready to earn some big bucks?"
"What's a buck?" asks a confused Yao.
"Who's a whatsabuck?" chimes in Chien-Po.
Ling puts on his Mister-know-it-all face and replies,"You know, buck, as in male deer? Duh.
Pat, slightly irritated, interrupted, "*Ahem*! If you don't mind-"
"Yes, we mind!" chorused all three.
Totally ignoring them, Pat continues,"-if you don't mind, for our first puzzle, the clue is Thing.
"My name is LING-guh! Not THING-guh!" Ling snapped, mildly angered.
"I'd like to buy a vowel" said Chien-Po
Exasperated, Pat objected ,"I'm sorry, you don't have enough money, so you ca-"
Another interruption, Chien-Po again ,"Then a towel, how about a towel?"
On the verge of fainting, Pat spat out ,"Just SPIN the freakin' WHEEL!"
"Calm down, brother Pat. Chant with me. Ahhhhhhh…meeeeeeee…twohhhhhhhhh…fohhhhhh…"
"AH freakin ME freakin TWOH freakin FOH!!!" Pat struggles desperately to control himself. "Just PLEASE spinthewheel" Pat spat out the last words in a hurry, unable to control himself further.
"What's the prize?" Chien-Po perseveres.
Pat says ,"Errrg…CAR! Ungh…MONEY! You know…the usual!" Pat was literally losing it. Speech, which was such a simple thing to him two minutes earlier, had now become very hard to get by.
"What!? You don't give out free coupons to gourmet restaurants!? What kind of a game show are you running here!?" Chien Po seldom gets mad, except when food is involved. "This is an outrage! What's the point of competing then? I PASS! Go spin, Yao."
Yao reaches for the wheel, straining every muscle, but all his efforts are in vain. "Errrrgh! Ooomph! Eeeengh!" He could not reach the wheel whatsoever.
Ling and Chien-Po, seeing their little buddy in distress, rush to help him at the same time. Ling trips Yao by accident, sending him toppling onto the wheel. Chien-Po, not noticing the little incident, reaches over and gives the wheel a hard thrust.
"There, little friend," Chien-Po said, turning toward the spot where Yao was standing." I spun the wheel for y-… where's Yao?"
"YAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAA!" came Yao's reply.
"Oh."
Pat half-groans, half-whines ,"I am so NOT getting paid enough."
"Hang on! I'm coming!" shouts Ling. He grabs hold of the still spinning-out-of-control wheel in an attempt to stop that twirling beast of a game show prop. But, Ling realizes his mistake too late.
"Oops."
Being so lightweight and thin, Ling was no match for the still whirling wheel. He, too was swept onto the spinning monster.
"YAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAA!" screamed Yao.
"YAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAA!" agreed Ling.
Chien-Po stood there, eyes fixated on the chaotic scene, not knowing what to do. Meanwhile, pat was huddled in a corner, saying something about suing the network, and at the same time, sucking his thumb and crying "MOMMY!"
Just then, Mulan appears.
"Hi guys! Did I miss the show…whoa!"
Mulan rushes to the scene, grabs hold of the still spinning full-force lunatic wheel, and effortlessly brings it to a halt.
Ling stumbles off, shakes Mulan's hand, and faints. Poor Yao just faints.
Suddenly…"CUT! Beautiful! Print!"
Everyone freezes, all eyes turn toward the camera.
The director walks from behind the camera.
He was short. He had a long, thin mustache. He was carrying an authoritative-looking clipboard.
And he was red.
No, not the tinge of red like when someone's embarrassed or something. No.
I'm talkin' brilliant, vibrant, radiant RED!
And, did I mention he was short?
"MUSHU!"
"Pretty hot, huh?"
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W ) <---don't ask me what that is. Even I have no clue.
