AFTER TITANIC
Chapter Seventeen

"You’re in love," Abby stated as she and Rose were up at about two AM, eating a midnight snack together.

"What? No," Rose said dismissively. "I wish I was."

"How do you know you’re not? And don’t give me that he’s not Jack bit," Abby said. "That’s not gonna cut it."

Rose shrugged. "I just…I don’t have that feeling." Abby shook her head. "I miss that feeling."

"What do you miss?"

Rose hesitated. "Having someone to talk to at midnight. Having someone who knows me inside out. Someone who loves me unconditionally."

Abby smiled. "You have that with me."

Rose smiled back. "Someone with a penis," she said. She began to laugh at her words. Abby cracked up as well. She gripped her sides and tried to breathe, then stood up and patted her mother’s shoulder as she went to get more pie. Abby enjoyed the sound of her mother’s laughter. But something about it seemed unfamiliar, and she turned around to see Rose’s mouth open in a large frown. Her eyes were squinted half shut and her cheeks were red with tears streaming down them.

"Oh, Mother," Abby breathed. She couldn’t think of what to do, except put a hand on the back of the woman crying hysterically. "Oh, Mother."

Rose took a deep breath and her body shook. She trembled a few times and then stopped. "Do I love him?" she asked in a choked voice. Her daughter sat down at the table next to her.

Abby put her elbows on the table and rested her chin in her hands, giving her mother a coy smile. "Yes, you do."

"No, I don’t."

Abby leaned closer to her mother and looked as if she was studying her. "Tell him."

Rose gave her an are you kidding me? kind of look, but couldn’t think of a good retort. "Go to your room."

Abby gave her the same look back in defiance. "Tell him!"

"No," Rose said flatly, and wiped the last of the tears away. "Because I’m the mother, and you’re the daughter, and in some cultures that means you have to do what I say."

"If you don’t tell him in two weeks, I will."

"Though apparently not in this one…"

"Just tell him!" Abby threw her hands into the air.

"Listen," Rose said, pushing her chair closer to her daughter’s. "I don’t love him. I…can’t love him."

"Fine," said Abby, "Do what you want. Ruin your life. But don’t come crying to me when you’re all alone." With that, she got up and put her plate in the sink.

"Where are you going?"

"My room. You need some alone time to think." And she went into her room, feigning anger, and slammed the door.

Rose sighed, went to her own room, and lay on her bed. "One, two, three, four, five…" Rose was counting the ceiling tiles to avoid thinking about James. "…thirteen, fourteen, fifteen…I don’t love him…sixteen, seventeen, eighteen…he’s just not the man for me…nineteen, twenty." She finished counting and started over. "One, two…besides…three…if I love him…four, five…I’ll marry him…six, seven, eight, nine…and if I marry him…ten, eleven, twelve…then I won’t be able to spend eternity with Jack…thirteen, fourteen, fifteen…what do I do? Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen…give me a sign…nineteen…" Rose fell asleep before she could finish counting.

*****

The next morning, James met her to walk her to work, as the school and the theater were in the same direction. Rose blushed when he told her she looked beautiful. He smiled when she said, "You clean up pretty well yourself." And when they reached the entrance of the school, she felt ripples of joy surge through her body as he kissed her.

Rose opened her mouth to speak, but closed it. Then opened it again, but still didn’t talk.

"Is there something you want to say?" James asked.

She rotated her eyes around and shook her head. "No."

"Okay. Well, I’d best be going. See you tonight." He kissed her again and turned around to leave, but Rose suddenly grabbed him by the collar, stood on her tiptoes, and kissed him hard on the mouth. She arched her back in pleasure as the kiss went on and on before finally pulling away with a gasp for air.

"Bye." She smiled and went inside the school, blushing.

*****

"Hi, Mama!" Abby jumped out from a corner.

Rose fell back a step and struggled for breath in fear. "My God! Don’t scare me like that!"

Abby laughed. "You looked pretty friendly with James over there," she said in a mocking tone.

"Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to spy?" Rose teased.

"Who knows? I never listen."

Rose laughed. "Yeah, so? I like him."

"Just like?"

"Go to class," Rose said casually.

"Class doesn’t start for twenty minutes. Why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you?"

Rose sighed and relented. It was too hard to keep this from her daughter anyway. She took her and led her to a little nook where they wouldn’t be overheard. Not like it mattered, anyway. "Do you think you spend eternity with the ones you love?"

"I…guess so." Abby was confused.

"Well...I’m never going to love James the way I love Jack."

"And?"

"And I want to spend forever with Jack. But if I marry James—"

"Marry!" Abby leaned forward in excitement.

"Just a thought. Let me finish. If I marry him, than in heaven’s eyes, James is the one I’m to spend my forever with."

Abby looked to the floor, and it looked almost like she was studying the pattern of the stones or something. "D’you want to know what I think?"

"That’s why I asked," Rose said with a nod.

"If there is a heaven, and heaven is paradise, and paradise is pure happiness, then I think you spend heaven with those you love most in the time you were happiest. If that is Jack and me, then that’s who you’ll be with."

"But Jack and I weren’t married," Rose argued.

"You were as married as any two people on this earth."

"Not in a church!" she insisted.

"I don’t care. There was no time for that. But…well, you get my point."

Rose smiled and nodded. "Well…time for class, I guess." And she hurried away.

*****

"I’m bored," Rose said suddenly as she and James were eating dinner in her apartment.

"Bored with what?" he asked, without looking up from his chicken.

"Everything."

Now he looked up. "So, what do you want to do about it?" His tone was almost erotic.

She smiled. "Screw dinner. We’ve talked enough. Come with me!" She grabbed his hand and rushed out of the flat without a shawl or anything.

*****

"Where are we going?" he asked curiously as they climbed the main stairwell.

"This is where I go whenever I…need to." She was going to say when I miss Jack, but that wasn’t entirely true anymore. She opened a thick green door, and they shivered from the sudden burst of cold air.

"The roof?"

"Yup." She stepped out onto the rooftop, five stories up or so, and looked into the dark night sky. "Oh!" she cried in ecstasy. "The stars! They’re so beautiful!"

They sat down on the cement and looked up. "Look, Rose!" James whispered. "A shooting star!"

A light grin crossed her face and she took a few heavy breaths. "Someone once told me that every time you see a shooting star, a soul is going up to heaven."

He watched her with deep eyes, as if he were reading her like a book. Did he know her thoughts? "I like that," he said.

"Me, too." Her breath made little clouds in the air and she shivered.

"Oh, here," James said, and took off his coat and put it around them both. He held her in his arms and she rested her head against his shoulder. "Rose, look!" he cried. "There’s another one!" She lifted her head abruptly and looked to the heavens. Dozens of shooting stars began to fall, flying quickly in front of her eyes.

"Oh, James," she said, without looking away from the miracle. It was as if Jack were saying, It’s okay. Go for it. Tell him. I want you to.

"Oh, James," she said again, still staring at the shower of stars. "I love you."

Though she didn’t look away from the sky, she knew he was smiling when he said, "I love you, too."

Chapter Eighteen
Stories