AFTER TITANIC
Chapter Nine
Rose was still at home with her
little Abby. Other teachers were filling in for her until she came back. The
mother cradled her daughter in her arms. Abby was precious to her. She was all
she had left of Jack. She still missed him so much and could still feel that
knot in her heart, although it was considerably looser now that she had
Abigail. As she was feeding her baby, Rose received an unexpected visitor. Rose
answered the door after she heard the knock and saw Mary standing in the
threshold. "Oh," Mary breathed when she saw the four-week-old infant.
"She’s even more beautiful than before."
The baby gurgled. "I think
that means thank you," said Rose. "Would you like to come in?"
Mary nodded. "Um…how did you get away from St. Martin’s?" Rose asked.
"I sneaked out," Mary
replied shamefully. "I know I shouldn’t have, but I just couldn’t take it.
And I wanted to see you. You’re the only person who understands."
"It’s all right, Mary,"
Rose told her. "I’ll have to bring you back later. I don’t want you walking
these streets alone. But you can sneak in a window or something. I know what
it’s like to be a rebellious youth. And this will give me a chance to visit the
girls and introduce them to Abby."
"And thank you so much for
naming her that. It really means a lot to me," Mary said. Rose could tell
that she and Mary were going to have a special relationship at school. She
liked the idea of being so close to her students. "Mrs. Dawson," Mary
began.
"Tell you what, Mary. How
about you call me Rose when we are in private? Much less formal that way,"
Rose said. Mary hesitated, but agreed.
"Wow…Rose…I’ve never seen
you…not pregnant before. You look so beautiful," Mary said, admiring Rose
in her slimming light blue dress. "And you should wear your hair down more
often. It looks so pretty."
Rose blushed. "You know I
can’t wear it down at school. Can you imagine Miss Crawford’s face if I
did?" Both of them laughed, and talked for a while until they realized
Mary had to get back for dinner. Rose, carrying the baby, walked back to the
school with her and helped her sneak in the back way. Rose joined them all for
dinner that night, showing off her baby girl. Even though she didn’t want to be
away from Abby, Rose was looking forward to getting back to school. Teaching provided
her with a satisfaction she couldn’t find anywhere else. Rose liked being
happy.
Every day at home with her baby
was a new adventure. Rose had fun taking care of her daughter. Yes, it was a
responsibility, but it didn’t seem like it. Abby was very good for her mother.
She almost never cried. "Well, at least my bad temper did not pass on to
my offspring," Rose told Meg, causing them both to laugh. And all Abby did
was smile and laugh. She was a happy baby, and her mother loved her so much. "She’s
like my little good luck charm. And…she’s all I have left of Jack."
"Jack would be proud of you,
Rose," Meg said. "You have really, truly gone on. You’re over
him."
Rose smiled and nodded. Soon
after, Meg left, leaving Rose alone to ponder her words. Was she over him? No.
Rose knew this. She didn’t cry so much anymore. But she still talked to him,
and felt so, so sad. And Rose felt guilty about feeling so depressed and alone,
because she had her beautiful baby girl. Rose didn’t know what was wrong with
her. In order to figure that out, she would have to have Freud work on her full
time. But she felt how she felt, and there was nothing she could do about it.
Rose remembered some of Jack’s
final words to her. "You’re going to make lots of babies, and you’re going
to watch them grow…" In order to have lots of babies, she would have to be
with another man who was not Jack. She didn’t know if she would ever be ready
to marry. She had found the right man. And with the exception of Abby, she
would never love anyone as much. Such a thought was inconceivable. Sad tears
welled in her eyes, and for her daughter’s sake, she tried to keep them from
spilling over. Abby giggled and Rose picked her up. Her face was tickled by her
mother’s red hair and the baby laughed, causing Rose’s tears to change from sad
ones to happy ones.
"I love you, Abby,"
Rose whispered. "And I promise, I will try to go on. For you."