A LOVE FOR ETERNITY
Chapter Ten

Hard To Say I’m Sorry

Rose couldn’t believe how fast time could go by. One moment, it was still Christmas and they were celebrating with their family and friends, and the next moment it was already April and they were celebrating the end of their first year together. Of course, it was a time of mourning for those they had lost, but it was also a time to be happy that they had met.

Jack’s business in New York was now booming. Pictures were sold faster than ever. Soon they could move into their own house in Manhattan, and from that time on it was only a question of time until their first child would be born.

Theoretically.

Practically, they didn’t have much time together. Jack was often at the gallery or at business dinners, and so Rose spent most of the day alone in their house. And that gave her time to think. Think about someone.

She hadn’t told Jack about her feelings towards James. It just didn’t feel right to tell her husband that she had a crush on someone else. But on the other hand, it didn’t feel right to have a crush on someone. Maybe it would be best if she just talked to Jim. Told him about her feelings and then sorted it all out. Maybe it would all be better if she could just talk about it.

With that plan set in her head, she called Jim Potter and told him to come. It was important, she said. And so, only thirty-four minutes later, they were sitting side by side on the new, dark green sofa in the Dawsons’ living room.

"Okay, Rose. Get it out, whatever it is. You sounded like it was really important," Jim said kindly, after he had rejected Rose’s offer of a glass of water.

She sighed deeply. "It is important, Jim. I…I think I’m in love with you."

Stunned silence. Minutes went by. "You’re…you’re what?"

Rose turned around to look at him properly. It was impossible not to like him. His black hair was more untidy today than it usually was. He was wearing simple trousers and a white shirt. His brown eyes were filled with nothing but confusion.

"I think I’m in love with you," she repeated, without looking at him. Suddenly, the tree outside the window seemed much more interesting.

"But, Rose, we’re both married."

"Yeah, I know, but still…it seems that I can’t stop thinking about you." She sighed again. It was harder to get this over with than she had thought. "Look, I don’t like this feeling a lot, either. I love Jack, and have since we first met. I want to sort out this problem today. I just want to make sure that you don’t feel the same way; that will make it easier to forget you."

Jim looked her deeply into the eyes, as though searching her soul for something. "But, Rose…I’m in love with you, too."

"What?"

Now it was his turn to sigh. "I remember the day I first met you. The way you walked and talked and laughed every time Jack told a small joke. I noticed that I was jealous of him. Of course, I love Lily a lot, but it’s not the same as with you. When I began dating Lily, I loved her with all my heart, but as time went by, this feeling passed, as well. And then you stepped into my life."

Rose put her head in her hands. This was not the way she had planned this. It should have been so easy. She had just wanted to tell him, make sure he didn’t feel the same, and then forget him. Not what had happened. It wasn’t supposed to happen. Like Jim himself had said just minutes before—they were both married to two wonderful people.

When she looked up again, Jim’s face was only inches from hers. She could smell his breath—peppermint. He smelled different from Jack, but not better or worse. His face was now directly in front of hers. No! she screamed inwardly. I won’t let this happen! It’s just not supposed to happen!

But she couldn’t fight it anymore. She leaned forward and closed the last few inches between them.

His lips were soft on hers. She felt his hand on her back, and a soft moan escaped her throat. His other hand found its way onto her shoulder. She leaned back onto the sofa. His weight was now on her. But still…

No, her mind said. Come on. Resist it. What about Jack? He saved your life a year ago. He gave you a life. You’re married to him. He’s working so hard to give you the life you deserve. And what are you doing while he’s at work? You’re kissing someone else.

She closed her eyes. Suddenly, she didn’t want to see his face anymore. She didn’t want to see the man with whom she was betraying her husband.

Neither of them heard the key in the door. Neither heard the door open. Neither heard the person step inside and close the door with a soft click. Neither of them noticed as the person stepped into the living room.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Rose’s head immediately snapped up, and she pushed Jim off of her. He landed on the floor with a thump. Rose sat up. She had never before seen Jack so angry. He stood in the doorway, his face twisted in anger, looking at her more angrily than ever before.

She had only seen him lose his patience once before. When they had been on the Titanic and that steward wouldn’t open the gate. But that time his anger hadn’t been towards her. And when she compared that to the way he now looked, his anger on the ship had been nothing.

"Jim! How dare you kiss my wife?" he shouted, and strode over to the man lying on the floor. He pulled him roughly to his feet and punched him in the face. "Answer me!"

James looked up at him, a little blood running from his nose. With a trembling voice, he answered, "She wanted it, too."

"What? What are you saying? Get out of this apartment this instant, or I will call the police! Get out!"

Jack dragged James to the door and practically threw him out. Before he shut the door behind him, he shouted, "And don’t you dare come back here, ever again! Do you understand me?"

Rose heard a muffled answer from Jim, and then the door was closed with a bang. She closed her eyes, prepared for what was to come. She knew that she really shouldn’t tell him the truth. Tell him that he had started kissing her and that she hadn’t wanted it at all. But she was sure that he would know if she lied to him. She felt him sit down next to her. He didn’t put his arm around her, but she felt his piercing gaze on her and opened her eyes to look at him.

Jack still looked confused. Who could blame him? He had just seen his beloved wife kissing one of his best friends. And quite passionately, too.

"Is it true? That you wanted it, too?" he asked quietly, hoping that James had lied to him, that he had forced Rose to kiss him.

Rose hesitated. If she told him the truth, it could mean the end of their relationship. Maybe he would never love her again. On the other hand, he would believe James, too.

Slowly, she nodded. "Yes, Jack, he told you the truth. I wanted it. I started kissing him. I’m so sorry. I never meant for it to happen, but I’ve been in love with him for months. I swear, I wanted to tell you. I wanted that feeling to come to an end. That’s why I asked him to come today. I wanted to tell him, make sure he didn’t feel the same–but he did. Please, you have to believe me—I never have and never will love him the way I love you. You’re everything to me. He’s just someone."

Jack’s head shot up. "Yes, someone? How many have there been, then? Four, maybe five? For how long has this been going on? Have you betrayed me all the time? I thought that you only loved me. I would give up everything for you. I would give my life for you–as I almost did when that bloody ship sank! Do you remember?"

"It’s not the way you think. It was the first time. I have never before kissed him or anyone else since I met you. Please believe me! You’re the only one for me! And wasn’t I the one who gave up everything? I left behind seventeen years of my life! I left my money, my own mother, a secure home—I even left my fiancé to be with you!"

Jack closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself, which didn’t work as well as he had hoped. He opened his eyes again and looked at her. She was so beautiful. It was hard to believe that James had been the first man she had betrayed him with. And she had admitted that she had wanted it, too.

"Why should I believe your excuses? I don’t know what happens when I’m at work. I don’t know what you do all day."

"I meet friends. Mother, Molly, and Anne often visit for a day or two. But you can’t know. You’re always at work."

"Do you blame me now? Do you blame me for the fact that you love someone else?"

She quickly shook her head. "No, no, no. Of course not."

They were silent for a long while, each of them lost in thought. Could he forgive her? Her explanation seemed plausible, but still…he had seen the look on her face when she had kissed him. There had been passion and love. The look she normally gave him.

"Do you love him?"

Do you love him? You are being very rude. You shouldn’t be asking me this. Well, it’s a simple question. Do you love the guy or not? This is not a suitable conversation. You don’t know me and I don’t know you and we should not have this conversation. Did she love James?

"I think so. I’m sorry."

"What are you sorry for? It’s not your fault you found someone better than me. Someone who can be more important to you than I."

"You’re absolutely wrong, Jack. He’s not more important. Yes, I admit, that I’m in love with him, but you’re my world. There’s no one I love more than you."

She leaned over to kiss him, but he pushed her gently away. It was the first time he had refused one of her kisses.

"Do you really think that we can go on and pretend that nothing has happened? Do you think that? Then you’re wrong. I know that you don’t love me the way you did a year ago, but I didn’t think you’d go that far. Do you remember what you said so long ago? When this ship docks, I’m getting off with you. And I said that it was crazy. I know. It doesn’t make any sense. That’s why I trust it. You kissing James doesn’t make any sense, either–do you trust that, too?"

He got up and walked over to the window, leaving Rose alone on the sofa. It had started raining. The sky was gray, and the street was now almost empty. It was beginning to get dark, and the night spread its coat over the city.

"I’m sleeping in the guest room tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow." And with that, he turned around and walked out of the room without another word.

Rose buried her head in her hands. How was this possible? Everything had gone so completely wrong. At the beginning of the day, she had lived in harmony with her loving husband, and now she was alone. All alone. Would he leave her, or would he get over it? She hadn’t meant for this to happen.

Tears started to fall down her face, and she sobbed uncontrollably. Usually Jack would wrap his arms around her now, whisper comforting words into her ear–but he didn’t come this time. Rose was all alone. The upcoming night would be the second worst of her life, topped only by that cold April night long ago, when she had almost lost Jack, but she was afraid that she had lost him now.

Chapter Eleven
Stories