A LOVE FOR ETERNITY
Chapter Eleven

Don’t Know Much

She stood by the door, waiting for him to return from work. A small suitcase stood packed by her side. The last four weeks had just been too much for her to bear.

After the incident with James, Jack had hardly talked to her. He would come home from work, totally ignore her presence, and walk straight into the guest room he now occupied. She would bring him a plate with food, leave it in front of his door. Some days she would try to talk to him through the door, but he always ignored her attempts to apologize all over. After she walked away, he would open the door and take the plate inside. She would always watch from a distance, watch his hand come out and then vanish again. And after that she would sit in her room and cry herself to sleep.

Was this the life they would lead forever? Not talking to each other, never being in the same room? It certainly wasn’t what she had imagined when they had married a year ago. And it all began after a small mistake. She had just kissed someone else. Honestly, it wasn’t that bad. But for some reason she felt guilty. After all, she had betrayed her husband. When she had met him, she had known that he would be the one and only love of her life. And then James Potter had stepped into her life and ruined it all. Yes, he was the one to blame, wasn’t he? It was so easy to put the fault onto someone else. They were the victims, and James was the one responsible for everything.

The first thing she heard were his footsteps on the stairs that led to the front door. He put down his briefcase and took out his keys. He fumbled with them, looking for the right one. He stuck it into the keyhole and turned it. The door handle moved, and then the door swung open.

*****

The day had been long. Long and exhausting. He longed to come home, to be in the warmth of his house again. But the house wasn’t really warm to him anymore. Something was missing, and he knew what it was. Love.

It had been four weeks. It seemed that they were the longest and hardest in his life. He so badly wanted to forgive her and embrace her again, but she had, after all, betrayed him. He clearly remembered the day when they had married. They had vowed that they would be together through good and bad times. These were bad times–and they weren’t together. He had practically left her. Although they lived in the same house and walked through the same door every day when they came home, they hardly had any contact.

When she brought his meals to his door, he often heard her calling for him to come out. She wanted him to forgive her, to love her again. Oh, he did still love her, but everything was so different now. He wanted to open the door and take her into his room, but something inside him said don’t do it. Don’t do it? Don’t jump? Don’t let go? Don’t do it. Don’t forgive her, it’s a trick. She doesn’t love you anymore. She now loves James. But what about James’ wife, Lily? Does she even know what happened?

He shook his head to get rid of these thoughts, but, as usual, it didn’t work. He couldn’t stop thinking about it. Rose was his life. He would do anything for her…almost anything. For some reason, he couldn’t forgive her. Don’t do it…

Without noticing, he had reached the door of their apartment. The sun was just setting in the west, and the last rays of light were shining into the hallway. Soon the sun would vanish behind the buildings of New York City. With a sigh, he put down his briefcase and started looking for his keys in the pocket of his coat. He found them, took them out, fumbled with them for a while until he found the right one. He stuck it into the keyhole and turned it around. The door swung open to welcome him.

He was rather surprised to see his wife waiting for him. She hadn’t done this in a long time. But he hadn’t waited for her, either. And then he noticed the suitcase by her feet.

"Oh, hello," he said awkwardly. The first time he had talked to her in weeks, and all he said was hello? Come on, Jack. You can think of something better.

"Hello," was her quiet response.

"Are you going somewhere?" Jack asked, pointing at her suitcase. He took off his coat and hung it on the rack; the briefcase landed on the floor.

She only nodded. He saw that she was wearing her coat. Pink. Like that one back in 1912. Ages ago. Ages? Only a year, but it seemed like ages.

"I…I’m…"

"Come on, don’t be afraid. You can say whatever it is. Do you remember how, only half a year ago, you could tell me anything? Why can’t it be like that now?" he asked softly, and approached her. She didn’t back away, at least one little victory. But she also didn’t come any closer.

"Jack, I can’t live like this anymore. It’s just that I can’t live with you while I still love you so much and know at the same time that we can’t be together. I see now that you won’t forgive me. I thought you were better than that. That you would know better than to hold that grudge. I tried. I really tried. I apologized over and over, and you just didn’t listen to me. You locked yourself in your room, didn’t come near me, and ignored me when you came home. Was my mistake really that big? Will that thing ruin our relationship–our love?"

He shook his head. "No, it won’t. You just have to give me time to get over it."

"For God’s sake, I’ve given you a month now, and you haven’t changed at all. How long will you continue with this? Half a year, or maybe a full year? Don’t you understand? I need you. I need your presence and your love. And if you can’t give me that, I can’t stand to be near you."

Did she mean what he feared she meant? No, that can’t be! that little voice screamed. But it is, said his mind against the small voice.

"You know, I thought you weren’t like that," she said.

"I’m not like that. I’m just hurt. You hurt me, and I need time to recover," he answered, and raised his hand to touch her face. She raised her arm, too, and caught his hand before it reached her face.

"Don’t do that. If you touch me now, I don’t think I’ll be able to do what I have to do. It would hurt even more."

"Please…listen. I wanted to forgive you. I tried. But somehow, I can’t find the strength to. I’m too weak without your love," Jack said softly.

"I give you love, but it obviously can’t reach you through your door." She kissed his hand and then let go of it. Rose turned around and took her suitcase. She walked over to the door and fumbled with the lock for a moment before it opened and they could see the now almost completely dark hallway. She turned around to look at him.

"I’m sorry, Jack. I really am. But I don’t see a choice. I’ll be in Denver. Good-bye. Maybe we’ll meet again someday."

And then she walked out of the door, vanishing into the darkness. Jack was left behind, feeling as if his world had just collapsed.

That evening was the first time in four weeks that he slept in their bed. It was too large without her. How could she sleep in it alone? The house was too quiet. He missed her laughter. It was all his mistake. He was the one to blame.

Why didn’t I see it earlier? Why didn’t I see that she would leave if I behaved like that any longer? Why was I so blind? Don’t do it…that voice in his head. Could he blame his inner voice? No. That would be blaming himself again.

He turned over in bed to stare at the ceiling. He could see the first rays of sunlight creeping into sight. Soon it would be time to go to work. Dust was swirling through the sunlight, settling down onto furniture and the floor. The room grew steadily brighter. Jack realized that he hadn’t slept a minute last night, and even if he had, he wouldn’t be able to go to work. It just hurt too much. She had left. It stung his heart. What had she said so long ago? Well, I’m fine. I’ll be fine, really. She wasn’t fine at all, and it was his fault.

Maybe she would be better off if he had died that night. Then she wouldn’t have to deal with him now. She could kiss whoever she wanted without someone being angry at her afterwards.

Finally, the room was completely filled with sunlight, but he didn’t even notice. It didn’t matter how many days would go by, he would still miss her. And many days would go by before they had any contact again.

*****

Rose sat at the window, looking out at the sky. So much time had gone by. How many days had it been? Maybe it was months, or even years? No, it couldn’t be years. It was still 1913. She watched as the snow fell. Christmas would come in one and a half months. It should be their Christmas again. But a year ago, everything had started. She had started to like, really like, James Potter.

She sighed. She missed him a lot. Of course, life with her mother and Molly wasn’t that bad either, but a big piece of her heart was left in New York. Would it feel like that forever? So hollow, so lonely.

*****

At the same time, someone was thinking of her, too.

Jack didn’t even listen to what Virginia was telling him. Probably something about her seven cats or her five brothers and three sisters. He had dated Virginia for about a month now, and she loved him, he knew. But he still loved Rose. His Rose.

Although he had to admit that Virginia was beautiful, she couldn’t compare to Rose. Her long, blonde hair fell down her back without any curls, just straight. Her gray eyes were often cold and her smile wasn’t a true smile.

Jack had met her at work. She was someone’s secretary, and one day she had asked him out. Yes, she had asked first. He would never find the strength to invite a woman who wasn’t his Rose.

"Jack, are you listening at all?" Her shrill voice brought him back to reality.

"What?"

"Jack, what’s the matter with you? Every time I try to talk to you, you seem so far away with your thoughts."

"I’m sorry. I was just thinking of…" His voice trailed off. He hadn’t told Virginia about Rose, but he knew he would have to sooner or later. After all, they had dated for a month now. He couldn’t keep his wife a secret forever.

"Is it another woman?"

That caught him off guard. That simple, straight question. It reminded him of a question he himself had once asked…do you love him? But what should he answer now? On the one hand, he didn’t want to lose Virginia, but his love for Rose was too strong.

He nodded. "Yeah. I was thinking of her."

"Who is she? Some whore you once had and then never met again?" Virginia asked angrily. Sometimes she got jealous.

That hurt a lot. Rose wasn’t a whore, and never would be!

"Don’t you ever call my wife a whore again! Do you understand?" It was finally enough for him. He would leave Virginia now. It was over. He still loved Rose too much to be with another woman.

"Your…your wife? You’re married?" Virginia screeched. By now, the whole restaurant was watching them.

"Yes, my wife. I should have told you earlier. I’m sorry that I have to hurt you, but I’m leaving you. I don’t know why I thought that I could forget Rose. I never want to see you again!"

He stood up, his chair falling down, and threw a little money onto the table. "Here, I’ll pay for our last dinner. Good-bye, Virginia. It was nice knowing you."

And after that, he left the restaurant, leaving a very confused and angry Virginia behind.

Chapter Twelve
Stories