ALL THE WAY
Chapter Eighteen
Jack sat alone on his empty bed, a lost and
confused man. He held tenderly in his hands a picture of him and Rose not long
after they had been married. It was set on the shore of the ocean. Rose's hair,
still long then, was blowing in the invisible wind and her dress likewise. She
was smiling brightly. He was standing next to her, with his arm around her
shoulder. He too was smiling at the camera. No matter how happy they looked
though, Jack couldn't help but focus on how he had screwed things up.
Silently, a tear slipped down his pale cheek
and dropped onto the glass protecting the picture. He wiped it away and then
quietly put the picture back on the nightstand. Closing his eyes, Jack flopped
back on the bed and stayed laid down. How in the hell had he let things get so
fucked up between the two of them? They had always seemed like the perfect
couple. And Jack always believed that after the Titanic and the war, nothing
bad would ever happen again.
"What a damn naive assumption," he
whispered out loud to himself. He was beginning to realize that good endings
were not always going to be handed to him in the end. He had to work at them if
he wanted them. Of course, he thought to himself, you always knew that Jack.
You just didn't let it in.
Rolling over onto his stomach, he punched the
bed with this fist. Damn it, if Rose would just come back then maybe he could
talk to her and reason with her. Mournfully, he sighed and opened his eyes back
up. His only thoughts were of Rose. He hoped she was okay, wherever she was.
She had been gone almost twenty-four hours, without so much as a phone call to
let her family know she was all right. Well, he thought, at least the children
were away and could not witness what pain their parents were in.
Quickly, for lack of anything better to do,
he slid his eyes over to the clock. It was about three-fifteen. He could only
hope that Rose was on her way home, wherever she was.
*****
Silently, Rose pushed open the front door,
came inside, and then closed it just as silently. With shaking hands, she
pulled the hood down from her jacket and flipped her hair out. She prayed that
Jack had not heard her drive up, for if he did, she would be cut off from a few
minutes of valuable planning time. She still needed a little bit to calm
herself down, which, at the moment, was becoming very hard to do. With every step
she took farther inside the house and toward the stairs, she felt her heart
pound even harder.
God this is hard, she thought. Here I am, not even aware of what I
am going to say and I am still going for it. She took a deep breath and
tried to think about how she was going to approach Jack. Should I just walk
in there? she wondered. Or should I call for him?
"Aw hell," she cursed out loud.
"I should just do this and get over with."
Her hands still trembling, she started to
take a few slow and meaningful steps up the stairs. She tired to put her feet
down as quietly as possible when she stepped; the sound of her heals on the
wooden floor could almost certainly guarantee Jack's arrival. And then, as if
to accomplish her first obstacle, she made it to the second floor without being
found. Her heart kept beating louder, and she was sure that anyone around would
be able to see it through her clothes had they been around. As carefully as she
climbed the stairs, Rose made her way down the hall way towards her bedroom.
The drawings and pictures on the walls seemed to look down on her, judging her
in such a way that Rose felt overpowered. She decided not to look at them again
and instead, looked straight ahead at that closed door which loomed in front of
her.
Before she knew it, she was standing in front
of that door. There was nothing left to do but open it. Jack was most certainty
behind it, she could feel it in her bones. What would he be doing though, she
wondered. He had to be as sorry as she was, he just had to, else things would
be ruined from Rose's reach.
With one last heavy breath, Rose placed her
hand on the cold brass doorknob and turned it just slightly. Quietly, she
pushed the heavy door open just enough to peek inside. Jack's was lying on the
bed, his face turned from her. Rose's pulse jumped and she almost backed away.
But her good sense got the best of her and she pushed the door open more,
praying that it did not make a sound. Silently, she slipped inside and shut the
door until it was almost closed. Jack had not seen her, she noticed. But now
what? she thought as she leaned against the wall, trying to decide what to
do as her heart once again beat out of control.
*****
Jack thought he heard something, but decided
to ignore it. He instead tried to think of what to say to Rose when and if he
did meet with her again. They would most assuredly have to be simple, yet
loving words. He had to make her see how much she still meant to him. The
money, the Depression, everything he had said, was forgotten, or at least
pushed into the back of his mind, now. He knew what he had done wrong, he
recognized how insensitive and, to put it bluntly, what a jerk he had been. But
Rose didn't know that. For all he knew she thought he was a money-minded fool
who had yelled at her for no reason. Jack closed his eyes, he felt very old and
was completely lost. What was he supposed to do, what was left of them now?
As he opened his eyes back up, he again
thought he heard a noise. This one sent goosebumps up and down his arms, and across
his back. And strangely, he felt almost compelled to turn around and see what
was behind him. It was as if some mysterious force was beckoning to him from
anything world. He was scared though, to turn and look. Because if she wasn't
there, it was just going to be a giant let down. But then again, he thought, if
she was there, that would mean she was home and possibly ready to reconcile.
Slowly, purposely, he turned his head around.
She was indeed standing there, her eyes shut in thought. A huge trench coat
covered her body, and the sleeves, to long for her body, hid her hands. Her
skin was white, and dark lines could be seen under her eyelids. She looked
fatigued, and completely worn out.
Quietly, Jack rose and walked softly over to
her. In a gently tone, he whispered her name. Rose's eyelids fluttered open and
then her eyes looked directly into his, filling with tears as she did so.
Feeling more guilty then he had ever felt
before, Jack said nothing, but instead pulled Rose into an embrace. She made a
sound that was like a moan and a sigh combined and resisted at first, almost
unwillingly letting herself be pulled toward him. But after a few moments, she
relaxed and ever so tenderly, slipped into his warm arms and molded her body to
his. It felt so good that for one split second everything was forgotten.
Certainly he was not mad now, he wouldn't hold her this was if he was upset.
Jack buried his face in her hair and just
held his wife close. Just her simple scent alone was intoxicating after being
away from her so long. After a minute of precious silence, he softy whispered
in her ear, "I missed you."
Rose said nothing, but instead pulled away
from Jack and looked into his eyes. Her look said it all, and Jack knew. He
crushed her back against him and that's when Rose began to cry. She laid her
head on his shoulder and he held her while she sobbed. Rose was tired of it
all, the stress, the worrying, the pain. She just wanted things to be the way
they used to. And for this she cried. This stupid fight had just been a dumb
mistake, why didn't they see that before?
"Oh Jack, I missed you as well,"
Rose said amidst continual sobs. "And I'm so sorry. I never meant for this
to happen."
Jack closed his eyes and continued to softly
stroked her hair. "I'm sorry too, Rose. I didn't mean a word, I swear. I
just was...tired, really. I was so worn out." He pulled Rose away once
again. Tear's ran down her cheeks and mascara had formed a tiny semi-circle's
under both her eyes. Gently, he wiped them both away and then smiled at Rose.
"I've thought a lot about what you said. You were right, I was being
a--"
"Oh, but Jack," Rose cut him off,
trying to speak. Jack silenced her with his finger tip.
"I was a jerk Rose. God, I can't even
believe how insensitive I was being. I've changed Rose, I swear I am going to
be the old Jack, the carefree Jack that you married."
Rose, for the first time in weeks, smiled up
at Jack, making his heart swell. "I'd like that," she whispered
softly. "Oh but Jack, we do have to worry. I understand what your frame of
mind was. I don't know what we're going to do."
"So we'll save a little more, not spend
money on pointless things. And so what if we have to dip into our savings,
that's what it's there for. We will be all right, you'll see. I promise you,
everything will turn out okay."
Rose took a deep breath and studied Jack's
face. That shine in his eyes was finally back, tenderness coming from them like
before. He didn't look tired, or angry. He just looked like Jack, the lovable
man she had married almost eighteen years ago. She trusted him, she always had.
And his promises meant more to her then anything. He always kept his promises,
no matter how hard they were at times.
"You're back," she whispered,
tracing his face with her finger.
Jack nodded and then reached up, pulling her
hand away from his face. Rose's heart started to pound as he slowly moved in to
kiss her, acting as if he wasn't sure this is what she wanted. She just closed
her eyes and wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him ever closer to her
body. And then finally, for the first time in so long, Rose and Jack's mouths
came together in a tender kiss. He softly caressed her back and then worked his
hands up until one was on the back of her neck and the other was in her hair.
Rose was in heaven, she could hardly believe
what was happening. Two weeks ago, even forty-eight hours ago, so was she Jack
would never be able to show love again. And then after the disastrous argument,
she was sure her marriage was annihilated. But now, everything seemed perfect.
They were back again. Rose couldn't help but shake the feeling like she was
forgetting something though. And as Jack's lips moved to her neck, her mind
flashed back to another similar incident and suddenly her memory was back. The
baby! Quickly, she pulled away, startling Jack.
"What is it?" he asked
breathlessly.
Rose groaned and looked around the room a few
times, only finding out that it was still raining. Still looking out the window
she spoke again. "We need to talk about something else Jack," she
said timidly.
Jack's eyebrows came together and he looked
worried. "Are you okay?" he asked, his voice tense and thin. Typical
Jack, Rose thought, he could always tell when there was something big in the works.
This was going to be interesting.
Rose took his hand and led him into the
seating room type area they had. She sat him down on the small couch and then
pulled a chair over. She sat down across from him and took a deep breath. Here
goes, she thought. Smiling a tense smile at him, she grabbed his hand and
held it in her lap.
Jack smiled at her, trying to encourage her.
Rose just took another deep breath and let it out slowly. This was going to be
harder then she thought. She had said these words four times before, but she
never had trouble saying them. Somehow she knew Jack would always respond
positively. Now she couldn't be entirely sure. Finally, she just said what was
in her mind.
"I'm pregnant."
Jack's reaction was priceless. His jaw
dropped down, his eyes grew huge, and his skin went white. He didn't say
anything for several minutes, making the room silent. Slowly, she felt his hand
start to go cold in her own.
"Jack?" Rose tilted her head to the
side and looked at him closely. "Jack....Jack? I'm still here." By
now she was worried. He hadn't said anything for a minute or so. Her only
thoughts were of how he was going to hate her now and how everything was once
again ruined. Rose gulped and looked at him hopefully.
Finally, Jack, his eyes still big and skin
still white, nodded. He didn't know what to say. He was shocked out of his
skull, to say the least. Rose was pregnant? He couldn't move past that line.
How could he have not known that? Oh my God, he thought. I had really
became the most shallow person on the fast of this planet. I didn't even see
that my wife was pregnant. Oh my God, she is going to kill me!
"Are you okay?" Oh great Dawson!
Jack mentally shot himself in the brain. Of all the things he could have said,
he had to pick the worse one. What a stupid remark you idiot!
But Rose didn't blow up in is face like he
expected her to. Instead she started laughing and then did the most wonderful
thing. She reached over and put her arms around Jack's body, holding him close
in a warm hug.
"Oh Jack," she sighed gently.
"I know this is going to be a big change again. But it will be okay, it
will all just fit into our plan like we said." She pulled away from him
and looked straight into his blue eyes. "But I understand if you are upset
and need some time to think about it. That's all right with me. You have a
right to be angry."
Jack's eyes widened and he stood up abruptly,
startling Rose. He paced around for a few moments before turning to her. In his
eyes, Rose saw tiny tears begin to form. "Is that what you think I am
Rose?" he asked softly, his voice breaking. Surprised, Rose continued to
look at him until he came over to her and strongly, yet tenderly, pulled her up
so that she was standing in front of him.
"Rose, how could I be angry of something
so beautiful?" he asked in almost a whisper. He parted her jacket and
placed his hand up against her abdomen. "I was taken off guard is
all," he said after a minute.
Rose placed her hand over his and then looked
up at Jack, tears once again spilling out of her sapphire blue eyes. "Are
we good now? Is everything okay?"
Jack's answer was a simple nod and a smile as
he stared lovingly back at his wife. She looked radiant, he decided, like a
dream that he was only imagining. But this was real. He could feel it.
Rose sighed happily. "I missed
you," was all she said before she could speak no more. Jack's mouth was
once again upon hers picking up where they had left off.