ALL THE WAY
Chapter Twenty-Seven

Later that night, Rose was awakened by a soft crash and then a loud, maniacal laugh coming from the hallway. It sounded like one of her girls, so she sat up in bed and hazily looked at the clock. It was late; three-thirty in the morning. Jillian wouldn't be coming in now, would she? She leaned over and nudged Jack, but he shrugged her off.

"What?" he complained groggily, not bothering to even open his eyes.

"Did you hear that?" she asked in a hushed whisper.

But Jack didn't answer her, and when she nudged him a second time, he didn't respond at all. He was in that deep sleep mode that he often fell into. Nothing would rouse him, save for something really big like an outbreak of another war.

Sighing, Rose rolled out of bed and stumbled out of the room. No one was in the hall, but the right bathroom door was open and a light was on. Rose went over and looked inside. To her surprise, Danielle was sitting on the floor, her hands folded in her lap, rocking slowly back and forth. Tears streamed down her face, but she was laughing.

"Danielle?" Rose whispered, cautiously coming in and closing and locking the door softly behind her.

The girl responded by looking up and smiling, but she didn't move.

"Are you all right, sweetheart?" Rose approached her daughter slowly, and as she got closer, could smell alcohol. Oh, God. Was she drunk? It looked that way. Rose inwardly groaned. Jack was not going to be happy when he found out about this. Gently, she knelt down next to Danielle and took her by the shoulders.

"Have you been drinking, Danielle?" she asked sternly.

Danielle held up her thumb and index finger. "Just a little bit," she slurred, holding her fingers close together until she accidentally touched them. "Whoops!"

Rose sighed again and sat down in front of Danielle. "Why have you been drinking?" she asked, looking her in the eye as best as possible. This was unusual. Out of all of her children, Danielle seemed like she would be the last one to go and drink to excess. She was the one who stayed home and studied every night, and the one who would give you a negative outcome to anything you wanted to do. Danielle had even stood up in front of Michael and lectured him about being drunk when he had come home hammered one night.

Danielle shrugged. "A bunch of different reasons!" she announced loudly, flinging her arms up in the air. This, however, was a bad idea, because it caused her to lose her balance, and she would have fallen over completely had Rose not caught her in time. Rose was about ready to pick her up and take her to bed when Danielle started to talk again.

"I had to get away, Mama. So I left. I went down to the bars and I drank as much as any man. But you know what? I don't care! I don't care because I'm never going to amount to anything…and everyone around me is! Ha! Isn't that right, Mama? Every one of your children is going to be something great…except Danielle."

Rose was genuinely shocked to hear this from her daughter. Amount to nothing? "What are you talking about?" she wondered aloud.

"Well, see, I overheard Matthew and Jillian talking. Before that, she was going nowhere like me…she was stuck in Santa Monica without a husband, too. But now she's going to go marry Matthew and have babies and have a life. And Michael is in Seattle; he's smart. He got out. He's got the beautiful wife and the good life. They'll have great kids, too. And Luke…Luke is over doing his part for the war, so he'll come home a hero. And Mary…she's got lots of potential. She'll be a big shot for sure! But not me…I'm going to be stuck in Santa Monica for the rest of my goddamned life! I'm never going to get married or have babies. I'll just be the poor school teacher…with a bunch of cats!"

Danielle's words were run together, and her usually carefully said sentences were chopped. This was like nothing Rose had ever heard from her before, and she didn't quite know what to do. So she moved next to Danielle and draped her arm around her shoulders. Her daughter began to cry, and leaned her head against Rose. Gently, she stroked Danielle's hair and just let her cry.

"You know what, Mom? I used to pray that I would be half as pretty as Jillian is, or that I would get some of the cleverness that Michael has." Her words suddenly became clearer, despite her tears. They actually began to make sense, much to her mother's shock and delight. There was hope at the end of the drunken tunnel.

Rose kissed the top of her head. "Darling, you're beautiful," she whispered sincerely. "And so smart. Do you know how many times I've listened to your siblings tell me how jealous they are of your marks in school?"

Danielle stopped crying and ran her hand across the bottom of her nose. "Yes, but I don't care about being that smart. And I'm not pretty; I'm pudgy and I have funny hair…and these stupid glasses." For effect, she took off the eyewear and threw it across the floor.

"You do not have funny hair," Rose protested laughingly. "Your father has told me time and time again how much it's like his mother's used to be; he loves your hair."

Danielle didn't say anything, just sat there and sniffled. Rose took it as her chance to continue her lecture.

"And in any sense, you shouldn't compare yourself to your siblings. You are a different person, Danielle. I don't think you'll amount to nothing. Darling, you could do so much with your life. You just need to get out there and explore more. You've hardly left Santa Monica, except to go to Wisconsin. Why not try someplace new?"

"There's a war," Danielle reminded her mother. Her eyes dropped a little, but she snapped them back open and sighed.

"In a couple of years there won't be, hopefully. You can wait until then."

Danielle suddenly jumped up and threw her hands up. "Mom! How can you sit here and say these things to me? Your life has been so easy…you've never had this problem. You’ve never had to fight for anything in your goddamned life! You got married to Dad and everything was always so perfect! A walk in the fucking park!" She was back to her drunken outbursts.

Hardly noticing the language, with raised eyebrows, Rose stared at her daughter in disbelief. That is, until she realized how misinformed her daughter was. As far as Danielle knew, that was how her life had been. Rose's shoulders loosened, and she looked down at the floor. There were so many things she wanted to tell Danielle right then. She wanted to explain everything. But she was going to have to wait.

Sighing, Rose stood up and simply hugged her daughter tightly. "Come on," she said as she pulled away. "Let's get you into bed." Danielle willingly went along and allowed her mother to tuck her into bed like she had as a child.

Rose was wide awake as she entered her room again and flipped on a lamp. Jack didn't stir, so she walked right over to him, sat down on the bed, and shook him by the shoulders.

"Jack, wake up!" she commanded, her voice cutting through the silence like a knife through butter.

He groaned loudly and rolled over. "What now?" he grumbled, burying his head under a pillow.

"We need to talk."

Jack sat up, which was actually quite comical. His hair was all pushed to one side and his eyes were open just a sliver. But Rose didn't laugh.

"Now?" he asked in disbelief. His voice was groggy and it sounded like he hadn't spoken in years.

"Yes," Rose said edgily.

"Rose, is one of the kids hurt?"

She shook her head.

"Has the war ended?"

Another shake.

"Is the house on fire?"

A third.

"Then I am going back to bed," he mumbled, and flopped back down on the covers, not bothering to cover himself up.

Rose just sat there, staring at him until he finally sat back up and threw his arms up into the air, signaling surrender.

"Okay…fine…what?"

"I'm going to tell the kids," she said, getting straight to the point. She didn't want to be up at this hour, either, but this needed to be addressed as soon as possible. It could not wait until the morning.

Jack rubbed his eyes open and then just looked at her. "Tell the kids what?" he asked, very confused. Why on earth was she waking him up in the middle of the night like this?

"About…the boat…ship, I mean…" she said slowly, looking down as she did.

Oh, boy. Jack was awake now. Surely she did not mean what he thought she meant. The boat? That damned ship that had almost ruined their lives and had given them everything at the same time? The ship that had tried to kill him, but had given them new life? She was going to tell their children about that ship? He blinked a few times, just to make sure this really wasn't a dream and then, when he had assured himself that it was not, he stared at her in shock.

"You're going to what?" he exploded, forgetting that the rest of the house was asleep. He jumped up onto his knees and lunged toward her. "Are you out of your mind?"

Rose was quick to shush him by lying a finger over his lips. "Jack!" she warned sharply.

He shrank back and his body relaxed a little bit. But his mind was still on fire. "Why, why…why? Why on earth would you tell them?" he asked, trying hard to keep his voice down.

Rose sighed and closed her eyes. "Because I just had the strangest conversation with Danielle. She, apparently, has this idea that we never struggled in our lives, that we have never had anything go wrong, save things like the wars. And I'm afraid everyone else feels the same way. I want to prove to them that we had to work, too." She opened her eyes back up and looked at him. "Besides, Jack, they need to know. It's part of who they are."

Jack groaned and laid his head in his hands. "Now? We have to do it now?" he asked through clenched teeth.

Rose laid a reassuring hand on her husband's back. "Not this second," she said gently. "But tomorrow. Darling, it's the right thing to do, I promise you. We should have told them years ago, anyway."

"But Michael and Luke aren't here," he reminded her, bringing his head back up to look at her again.

"I know," Rose said, nodding. "But I guess we'll just tell them when we see them next. Really, Jack, this can't wait. Danielle especially needs to know."

Jack groaned again and flopped back down on the bed. "This is going to be hard. And how much are we going to tell them?"

"I was thinking everything," Rose whispered tentatively.

"Everything!" Jack's voice became very loud again, and she had to shush him once more.

"Yes, Jack. It's important."

Jack sat up and looked at her with crazed eyes. "You and me doing it in the backseat of a car is important?" he asked.

Rose started laughing. "Yes," she said, pushing him back down and then lying down next to him. "And it’s you and I, not you and me." Jack scowled at her.

"Maybe I won’t tell Mary that part, but the rest of them will know it. Just trust me, all right?" She kissed him softly on the lips for effect.

"Fine," Jack agreed, sighing. "How are you planning to do this?"

Rose thought it over for a minute. She really didn't want to just sit them down in the middle of the living room and explain things. Then again, she didn't want to make to big of a deal out of it. "How about taking them to lunch tomorrow?" she suggested.

"We don't have that much extra money right now," Jack pointed out. He really wasn't trying to shoot her ideas down, but it was true. They were scraping bottom until the next payday, which wasn't for another week and a half.

"Drinks, then?" Rose offered. "The older two can have whatever and I'll just order Mary a cherry Coke or something." She paused, and then added under her breath, "And in any sense, a little alcohol might help things." Then she remembered Danielle and thought she’d better order her a Coke as well, and maybe an aspirin.

Jack heard her last comment, but he didn't say anything about it. She was right; a little alcohol might help. Instead, he turned his attention to finalizing everything, and once that was taken care of, he bid Rose good night. Neither of them slept, however. Both clung to the other all night, their thoughts devoted to only one thing. And when morning came, they trudged out of bed, tired, grumpy, but bent on getting this over with.

While Jack jumped into the shower, Rose went downstairs. It was early still; she did not expect to see anyone up. So when she entered the kitchen and found Jillian sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal, she was a little surprised.

"Morning, sweetheart," she commented, getting a cup of coffee and then sitting down across from Jillian.

Jillian smiled brightly at her. "Good morning," she chirped happily.

Rose couldn't help breaking into a smile herself as she looked at her daughter. "You look…well," she said. It was an understatement. Jillian's eyes shone, she had showered, was wearing makeup, and the biggest smile in the world graced her face.

In response, Jillian just shrugged and went back to eating. Rose noticed that she couldn't stop smiling, even after a few minutes, and she realized that things must have gone well with Matthew indeed. She had almost forgotten about the whole thing, and quickly stole a glance at Jillian's left hand. On her ring finger was Matthew's class ring, the sapphire gleaming in the morning sun.

Jillian caught Rose looking, and she started to blush, her cheeks turning the color of her hair. "He's going to get me a real ring this week," she said softly, looking into her cereal. This was so embarrassing!

Rose started laughing and shook her head. "I can't believe my daughter is engaged," she gushed happily.

"Shh!" Jillian hushed her mother quickly, fearing someone would overhear. "We're not engaged like that. It’s more of a promise ring type situation." A promise ring that really is an engagement ring, she wanted to tell Rose. But she and Matthew had agreed to let people think it was really nothing. They would find out soon enough, anyway. "And we're not really telling everyone yet."

Understanding, Rose nodded and wiped the stupid grin off of her face, knowing it looked stupid. "Are you happy?" she asked Jillian.

Her daughter started smiling again. "Yes," she said sincerely. "It's going to take a while to get used to. But I realize it’s what I want now."

Rose didn't say anything more as Jack had appeared in the doorway of the kitchen. His hair was dripping wet and he came storming in with his shirt untucked and halfway unbuttoned, and no shoes on his feet. Rose watched him in concern. He was having a lot of trouble with the looming task, she knew.

"Morning, Daddy," Jillian said, breaking the silence.

Jack grumbled something that resembled a reply, and sat down in a huff next to Jillian. Rose shot him a disapproving look as her eyes narrowed. He got the message, cleared his throat, and then said more clearly, "Morning, Jilly. How'd you sleep?"

Jillian started blushing again. "Fine," she mumbled, getting up from the table to clear her dishes.

"Ah…Jill, your father and I would like to take you girls out for drinks at about noon. Can you make it?" Rose asked quickly, changing the subject. The last thing Jack needed was another thing on his mind--like paying for a wedding, the fact that Matthew hadn't discussed marriage with him, and that they hadn't dated at all.

"Yeah," Jillian answered, almost absentmindedly.

And so it was set. Danielle got up about three hours later, came downstairs, and then laid on the couch for about two hours while Rose fussed over her. When Jack told her to be ready at noon, she had a fit, and Rose was about ready to send her up to her room like a child. And then Mary was terrified that what they had to tell them involved moving, or worse…that they were having another baby. She threw up her hands, screamed something about how they had enough children, and then ran around the table in a fast circle.

"We are not having another baby," she assured her youngest with a sigh, as Mary calmed down. Rose was not about to get into a discussion with her about womanhood and about how Rose's biological baby-making clock had basically run out. There were going to be enough hard conversations today.

And so, with Jillian the only one happy, they left the house at half past eleven and made their way downtown. Jack selected a quiet and remote--not to mention inexpensive--restaurant and they filed in, taking a table up in the back. He ordered himself a brandy, and then asked if anyone else wanted anything. Jillian ordered a glass of wine, Rose a good stiff whiskey, and then ordered her youngest two Cokes. Danielle almost threw another fit at this, until Rose gave her a look that said, Don't, or everyone else will know. She shut up after that.

After the drinks arrived and the waiters were convinced they weren't ordering food, Rose downed half of her glass in one gulp and then shot a glance at Jack. He shrugged and she could tell he was thinking, It’s now or never.

With a sigh, she got their attention, and then started to tell the story. With shock, curiosity, and just about every other feeling in the book, Jillian, Danielle, and Mary listened, wide-eyed, as their mother explained how she had grown up…and whom she had been engaged to. It was like a big fairytale until their mother suddenly paused after explaining that they arrived in England after being in Paris for a month. Jillian could tell something was wrong as she watched her mother grab her father's hand and hold it so tightly that both hands turned white.

Rose was feeling overwhelmed already, and she hadn't even gotten to the hard part. With tired eyes, she turned to look at Jack. He sighed, nodded at her, and then picked up where she had left off.

"I was in England, too…in Southampton." He paused and watched for a reaction from his daughters, but they just looked at him with curious eyes, so he continued. He explained how he was dirt poor, had no plans, and was basically just sitting around waiting for life to hand him his next opportunity. "And then…" He cleared his throat. "I…ah…was in this bar one day, playing poker with a couple of guys, and I…ah…me and my buddy won tickets for a passage home on this ship."

Rose closed her eyes, listening to Jack tell this. She knew what was coming next, and with a trembling heart, listened to his next phrase.

"The…ah…Titanic, as it were."

She opened her eyes back up and stared at her children. Jillian's eyes had widened, her face white as a sheet, and her hand slowly rose to her mouth. Danielle was hardly much better, except she blinked a few times and then just stared.

"Is that the one that sank and killed a whole bunch of people?" Mary suddenly asked, blurting through the silence.

Rose paled, and she sighed heavily as Jack mumbled a curt, "Yes, honey." After that, she took over, however, telling the whole story to her wide-eyed daughters. When she got to the drawing and car incident, she told them with subtle hints, hoping the older two would read between the lines. They did; Rose saw them blush. But she quickly moved on, and with Jack's help, they explained the rest of what had happened, right down to the last detail.

When it was finished, Jack sat back, exhausted, and let Rose lean against him in the bench-like seats. All three of their girls were sitting there, paler than ghosts. Jillian had tears in her eyes, and she kept swallowing, choking back sobs. Danielle just sat in shock, finally understanding why her mother had gotten weird the night before when she had commented on how easy their life had been. Poor Mary was crying softly and reached across the table to hold Rose's hand.

"I can't believe it," Jillian said when she found her voice again.

Rose nodded slowly; she couldn't believe it herself, still, after all these years.

"You never told us…" Danielle sighed, leaning her head in her palms. "Oh, my God."

Jack sat up and cleared his throat. He, too, was choked up. It had been harder than he thought. He could almost feel the icy water around his body again, Rose's hand slipping from his. "There never…we…" He sighed, unable to get the words out.

"There was never an opportune moment," Rose finished softly for him. "And we realize this is hardly it, with your brothers away. However, it needed to be done. We're going to tell them as soon as we see them." She paused for a minute, and then looked Danielle straight in the eye. "Do you understand now?"

Danielle nodded numbly. "Yes," she whispered.

Things had changed. Rose and Jack, although very tired, felt like a great burden had been lifted from their shoulders. It had been a long time coming, and now that it was over with, they both wondered why they hadn't done it sooner. Danielle realized how stupid she had been, and began to see things more clearly. A few different twists of fate, and she might have not been sitting at that table at all. Jillian started to see the true meaning of the phrase ‘making it count’ and realized what the ship her parents had often talked about in hushed whispers really was. And Mary, the baby, the little, innocent twelve-year-old, grew up. That was the day she crossed over from child to young adult. And while she never gave up her antics, the memory of her parent's tale was never far from her mind.

When the boys found out, Michael later that year and Luke when he returned home, their reactions were much like their sisters‘. There was disbelief, shock, and a better understanding of where they came from, not to mention the desire to live a fuller life.

Rose and Jack taught their children a valuable lesson in this sense--make it count.

Chapter Twenty-Eight
Stories