AFTER STARTING ANEW
Chapter Six
Excerpts from Ruth’s journal
April 15, 1913
One year ago, I sat in a bobbing lifeboat in
the middle of the North Atlantic, an embittered, lonely and sad woman. I had
seen everything in my life go down with Titanic, my daughter, my possessions
and my potential financial security. My life ahead looked bleak indeed, on that
cold, starry night.
I hated Jack, Cal, and Captain Smith.
Everyone who had caused such turmoil in my life. I knew not what was going to
happen to me or where I would turn. Perhaps to the Hockley’s, but without Rose,
they owed me nothing. And I was right.
I will always remember how about two weeks
after the sinking, I sought out Molly Brown’s assistance. I thought that
perhaps I might be able to borrow some money from her, after I had been so
coldly, but predictably, cast out by Cal and his father. She seemed an unlikely
candidate for someone like me to turn to, but she was the only one I knew who
would help me without insulting me or asking too many questions.
But the help Molly gave was not the help I
sought. I wanted monetary assistance. Instead she gave me a new life. For
without her encouragement, I never would have unburdened my soul. Never would
have truly understood that I could change. That I in fact, needed to change.
When I discovered that Rose was alive, but
married to Jack, I felt a knife in my heart. I was just learning to accept
things and at first the idea of their marriage seemed almost too much for me.
Little did I dream how fond Jack and I would become of each other. But he too,
was to be an unsuspecting factor in how my life turned around. His insight and
truthful words were the final catalyst in my metamorphosis. I will never forget
what I owe to Molly, Jack and of course, Rose. Without my daughter’s acceptance
of me as a new person, the life I now have would be empty indeed.
I am writing these thoughts down now, a year
later, in hopes that someday when we are all gone, my grandchildren and their
children will know that there is always hope in life, always room to change and
improve.
In a few weeks, Rose and Jack will be married
for a year. They live on practically a pittance, but I have never seen two
happier people. Their little twin daughters are adorable and I live for the
days when I come and take care of them. One of the girls bears my name as her
middle name. Something that was Jack’s doing, I am told. Nothing could have
flattered me more.
My life now is very different from what it
was a year ago. The things that were important to me then, position, wealth,
propriety, mean nothing. My requirements are much simpler. When I sit across
from Rose and Jack at dinner and see the love in their eyes and look at those
two little babies, I feel like the wealthiest woman in the world. They have
opened their home to me, involved me in their activities. We are a family now.
A family filled with affection, happiness and warmth. These are the riches that
I crave. Ones that come not from the bank, but from the heart.