AFTER TITANIC
Chapter Twenty-Three

The doctor's office was empty. A lone nurse sat at the desk, sifting through a magazine, oblivious to the three people who had just entered the office. Taking in the scene, Rose wanted to turn around and leave.

"I can't do this." Rose turned to Jack, her eyes pleading with him to take her away from this place.

"Of course you can, Rose. I know you can." Jack smiled, squeezing her hand reassuringly. "We both can. Don't worry. I'll be right there with you. I promise."

Molly strolled up to the nurse and cleared her throat to get the nurse's attention. "We're here to see Dr. Alman. It's a Mr. and Mrs. Jack Dawson and Molly Brown."

"Oh, yes, here we are." The nurse scanned a clipboard. "I'll let him know you're here." The nurse got up and entered the door marked Dr. Clarence Alman.

"Don't worry, Rose. You'll like this doctor. He's the best." Molly smiled, noticing the scared look in Rose's eyes. She knew the girl was frightened by what lay ahead of her.

"The doctor will see you now." The nurse came out of the door and held it open for the three people.

"Thank you, Elizabeth." Molly nodded, leading Jack and Rose into the doctor's office.

"Hello, Molly." The doctor stood from his leather chair to greet them. "It's always a pleasure to see you."

Rose relaxed a little when she saw that the doctor kind of looked like Thomas Andrews, the man who had designed the Titanic and was like a father to her on board the sinking liner. Maybe talking to him about Titanic wouldn't be that bad. Plus, Molly did seem to trust him, which also made her feel a little better.

"Hello, Dr. Alman. I hope you don't mind me sitting in on this session with my friends here." Molly shook the doctor's hand.

"No, of course not. Maybe your presence here will help." The doctor smiled. "Come, sit down all of you, and we can start our session. Now, tell me what this is all about."

Rose didn't answer. She just squeezed Jack's hand to make sure he was still there and looked down at her other hand. How was she going to explain her hallucinations the other night, or the dream she had that very day? What would the doctor tell her what was wrong with her?

"Titanic, of course," Molly answered for Rose. "Poor Rose is having a hard time letting it go."

"Is this so?" Dr. Alman looked at Rose. "Is all this about Titanic?"

Rose just nodded. "I have hallucinations and nightmares about that night...about the freezing water and dying people. Sometimes I can even hear them screaming."

"I see." The doctor nodded, writing in his notebook. "Is this all that's happening? Or is there more?"

At first, Rose was quiet. She didn't want to tell him everything about what she saw, but she had no choice. For the sake of her marriage and her baby, she had to tell everything. "The other night, Jack and I took a walk down to the lake. It was dark and the lake water looked so much like the ocean, plus it was a little cold. Then that's when I had the hallucination. I was right back in the North Atlantic and among all those dying people. I felt so helpless. Totally helpless. Then I saw..." That was when Rose burst into uncontrollable tears as she again recalled Jack's accusing dead eyes staring at her.

"It's okay, Rose." Dr. Alman handed her a handkerchief. "Just take your time. Begin when you're ready. There's no rush here."

Rose took a deep breath in order to get her tears under control before continuing. "Then I saw Jack. He was dead, but his eyes were open and they were accusing me of not helping...of surviving."

"Oh, Rose." Jack pulled her into a hug as she again burst into renewed tears. He had no idea, no matter that she freaked out like she did. "You should've told me."

"I couldn't tell you, Jack. You already thought I was crazy. I thought that you'd think I was completely insane."

"I never thought that about you, Rose. I never thought you were crazy or insane." Jack stroked her hair, trying to soothe away her crying.

"Then I had that nightmare today. Jack and I were in the cargo hold...in a Renault someone had brought aboard. We had just gotten through consummating our relationship when Jack became absolutely freezing. I could even see his breath in the air and ice was forming in his hair. Then all of a sudden we were back in the North Atlantic ocean, and he was dead. His eyes were again accusing me of surviving and letting him die."

"You seem to be having a time of it, Rose." Dr. Alman shook his head, his eyes brimming with sympathy and compassion. "That's a horrible hallucination and dream. I can see why you don't want to talk about it."

"What's happening to me?" Rose asked, ready to hear the news that she was completely insane and had to be admitted into an insane asylum.

"You're suffering from a bad case of guilt," the doctor simply replied. "The reason you're seeing Jack dead in your dreams and his eyes are accusing you is really because you are accusing yourself. Your brain picks the person that means the most to you and has them accusing you, when it's actually yourself."

"I don't understand." Rose sniffed, leaning back into Jack's arms.

"I can tell that you adore your husband and that it'd destroy you if he didn't survive the sinking. And you know that as well. So your mind picks him and plays a what if version of things that could have taken place and says it was your fault that the ship sank and it was your fault that Jack died and that you could have done something to stop it, but you didn't. But, Rose, it wasn't your fault. The sinking of Titanic was an accident. There's nothing you could've done to stop it. You were not responsible for the deaths of all those people. Do you understand me?"

"But I could have done something more to save them. When I found out there were not enough lifeboats for everyone on board, I could have warned them." Rose sobbed.

"That wouldn't have worked, Rose. Even if you had warned them, a lot of people would have still ended up in those icy waters," Molly said.

"Plus, not enough lifeboats came back, and when it did come back, it was already too late. Almost everyone was dead. We're lucky that we didn't die," Jack added, squeezing her shoulder.

"Rose, what I want you to do is be firm and tell yourself that the sinking of Titanic wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could do for all those people and you were lucky that you and Jack survived. I want you to tell yourself that and believe it," the doctor said.

"Now?"

"Now." The doctor nodded.

"Okay." Rose sighed, taking a deep breath and trying to be as firm and determined as she could muster. "The sinking of Titanic wasn't my fault. There was nothing I could do for all those people. I'm lucky that Jack and I survived ourselves."

"How do you feel?"

"No different," Rose said.

"Did you believe what you were telling yourself?"

Rose shook her head. "Not really. I can't. I still think I could have done something."

"Like what, Rose? Tell me what you could've done to help those people until the Carpathia arrived. Tell me how you could've kept all those people alive."

Rose thought about it. She searched and searched her mind, and came up with nothing. There was nothing she could've done to help those people. They all would've died anyway. "Nothing. There was nothing I could do to help them." Rose bowed her head, tears pouring from her eyes. "They all would've died anyway."

"Exactly." The doctor smiled, happy to be able to get through to Rose. "So, answer me this. Was it your fault that Titanic sank and that all those people died?"

Rose looked up from her examination of the floor and looked the doctor squarely in the eyes. Her eyes were full of determination and firm belief. "No, it wasn't. The sinking of Titanic wasn't my fault, and it wasn't my fault that all those people died. There was absolutely nothing I could do for them."

"Exactly!" The doctor was triumphant. "It wasn't your fault. There's no reason to blame yourself. Rose Dawson, I now declare you cured."

"Really? You think my nightmares will stop?"

"Of course they will. There's no reason for you to blame yourself anymore. There's no reason for you to feel guilty ever again."

Rose smiled happily and hugged the doctor. "Thank you, Dr. Alman...you don't know how much you've helped me."

"I have a feeling I do." The doctor smiled, pulling away from the hug. "You just take care of that baby."

*****

That night, both Jack and Rose dreamed of Titanic. But it was a different kind of dream than either of them had ever had.

They were back on Titanic at the steerage party. They were sitting at a table with Tommy, Fabrizio, Helga, Cora, and Cora's father. Everyone was laughing and having a good time.

"We've missed you, Jack!" Cora laughed.

"We missed you, too, Cora. In fact, Rose and I have a surprise, for all of you, really." Jack smiled. "If the baby's a girl, the baby's middle name will be Cora, and if it's a boy, we're naming it Tommy Fabrizio."

"You hear that, Daddy? I'll be a namesake!" Cora giggled excitedly, turning to her father.

"Why, Jack...Rose...I'm touched." Tommy sniffed, his eyes full of emotion.

"So all's forgiven?" Rose asked.

"There never was anything to forgive," Fabrizio replied. "We all were so happy that you two had survived and married. We all had a party when you two said I do, and we had another party when you two got back together after that old witch tried to break you up."

"The only thing you needed to do, young Rose, was to forgive yourself." A familiar Irish accent spoke up behind them. Jack and Rose turned to see Mr. Andrews smiling down at them.

"Mr. Andrews!" Rose exclaimed happily, hugging her friend. "I'm so happy to see you."

"No happier than I am to see you, young Rose. You had us all worried there for a while."

"I'm sorry about that. But all that's over now. I now realize there was nothing I could have done to save you all."

"I'm glad to hear you say that." Mr. Andrews smiled.

"Hey, Rose, they're playing our song!" Jack smiled as the ad hoc band began playing the song that he had forced Rose to dance to with him after the first class diner. "Come on, let's dance. For old times’ sake."

"Oh, I don't know..." Rose was reluctant. She didn't remember the moves.

"Don't worry. I remember all the moves." He pulled her onto the floor, and they began dancing.

*****

It was dawn, and Jack and Rose were standing on the deck of Carpathia, saying good-bye to their friends.

"Don't forget us now," Tommy said, hugging Rose.

"There's no danger of that." Rose hugged him back even tighter.

"Take good care of her, boy-o. And no more dates with lasses that aren't your wife." Tommy turned to Jack, who turned pale at the memory.

"So that really was you," Jack's voice was full of wonder.

"Who else would it have been?" Tommy laughed, giving Jack a brotherly hug.

"See you around, Jack and Rose." Fabrizio tipped his hat, an arm slung around Helga's shoulders.

Jack pulled Fabrizio to the side. "Do me a favor, Fabrizio...if you see my parents..."

"They already know, Jack. They told me to tell you how proud they are of how you turned out, and that they will see you again when the time is right."

Tears were in Jack's eyes when he heard this. He had no idea that his parents were watching over him.

"Good-bye, Jack and Rose." Mr. Andrews waved as everyone boarded the Titanic and sailed away into the rising sun, leaving Jack and Rose onboard the Carpathia, waving good-bye.

*****

Rose and Jack bolted awake with the sun in their eyes. They turned to each other, wonder in their eyes, as they realized they both had the same dream. How was that possible? Unless...it wasn't a dream...unless somehow they really were back on Titanic, saying good-bye to their friends.

"Rose...did you?" Jack began. "Did you dream of Titanic...of Tommy, Fabrizio, Cora...Mr. Andrews?"

Rose nodded, her face turning pale. They both realized it wasn't just a dream. Somehow they were both back on Titanic, and they had made peace with it.

Chapter Twenty-Four
Stories