HEARTS CAN BREAK
Chapter Eight

Soon her legs began to ache. She seemed to be climbing on and on, up and up, for what seemed like an eternity. Everything throbbed--her head, her body, her heart. Fabrizio stood beside her, mumbling in Italian. "Ragazzo mio, ma va fan culo? Dio mio andiamo! Aspetta!" Jack, who could speak Italian pretty well, shot his swearing friend a long, low stare. Fabri shook his head and made a face, but was silent. He was angry. He wasn't sure who he was angry with. Not Jack or Rose, or Tommy, for that matter. Nor himself. No, it was someone else, something else. The stupid iceberg, which had threatened to throw him out of his top bunk and had obviously gashed the hull, the ship’s officers, who had not tried hard enough to avoid the crash, the sea, which was streaming into the Titanic, and--well--Fabrizio was just angry.

He and Jack were good men. Although they lived on the streets, they never participated in the drunkenness and the taking advantage of women that others did. They worked hard for their money, both of them, taking odd jobs around cities that no one else wanted. What had they done to deserve this night?

Everyone else was still in denial, yet Fabrizio di Rossi knew what was happening, and he knew that the situation was deadly. Yet what good did it do to curse the innocent and nature itself? No matter who he was angry at, the Titanic would go right on sinking and lives would go right on ending. He dammed up his heated thoughts and began a desperate prayer to God and his saints, those who his mother had imposed on him.

Jack was sharing some of Fabrizio's misery. He knew two things--the water was cold and the ship wasn't gonna hold up forever. As he glanced at the beautiful girl next to him, his heart pounded louder and louder, until he was holding his breath to keep her from hearing it. He was going to get her out of here. Rose DeWitt Bukater was gonna survive. Whether or not there was any hope for him didn't even cross his mind.

Tommy allowed himself to climb the stairs, but he stopped his emotions. No feeling, no fear was his way of looking at it, and he choose to keep it that way. Just get to the boat deck. Don't think. Step. Step. Step. Again and again and again. Like he was already lifeless, he forced himself up.

Suddenly, they were at a flimsy door with a small porthole nailed into it. Jack threw himself against it, not bothering with the knob, and fell into the icy cold air of the outside. A frozen, cleansing feeling hit his lungs. He looked up briefly at the sky and almost gasped. There were so many millions and billions of stars, all of them shining down on the wounded Titanic as if eager to lend their light to the disaster scene. Not that it would do any good, but it was reassuring to see some symbol of hope towering over the foreboding symbol of an icy death.

"The boats are all gone!" Rose cried aloud, sending shrieks of panic through her body. No boats. Without the lifeboats, none of them stood a chance. Not that they stood that much of a chance with one.

Jack looked right, then left. Rose was right. There were no boats in sight, not on either side. Yet the Titanic was so long, he couldn't know for sure. He didn't allow it to dash his need to get Rose to safety.

As he grabbed his love's hand again and turned to run, he was suddenly jerked to a stop. Rose was talking with one of the people in her social class, someone whom she addressed with slight respect but little patience.

"Colonel," she struggled, "are there any boats on that side?" His shock at seeing Rose with Jack Dawson and his friends was erased when he heard the terrified tone of her voice.

"No, miss, but there are a couple of boats all the way forward," he answered, pointing to the starboard side. "This way. I'll lead you."

However, getting the directions they needed, the group was not interested in sticking around any longer. With Jack and Rose leading the way, Tommy and Fabrizio ran behind, their bodies mixing with the other throngs of passengers, trying to sight the nearest set of lifeboats. They were shoved and pushed to and fro, but, with their expert feet, did not lose balance. Rose, however, had both hands tight around Jack's arm to save herself from falling.

Tommy passed four men standing on the deck, each with a heavily polished wooden instrument, two he recognized to be violins. Why were they playing music? What kind of twisted person would be wanting comfort on a night like this?

"Music to drown by," he huffed sarcastically. "Now I know I'm in first class." Fabrizio turned to him and shook his head, his ever-present smile even now playing on his lips. As the ragtime faded away, it was replaced by new sounds--yelling, shouting, frightened screams. They had reached the boats.

The nearest officer, Officer Lightoller, was trying to bellow over the crowds, to calm them. A huge crowd of men, women, and children had surrounded this tiny lifeboat. A distress rocket again lit up the air as Jack realized just how desperate the situation was. Rivers of orange and red embers flowed to the wooden deck as the whiter sparks faded off into the empty night. Now the sea was clearly visible beneath them, illuminated green from the Titanic's faithful lights.

Officer Lightoller, now in a desperate attempt to capture everyone's attention, lifted a small handgun and fired two shots quickly into the air. There were shrieks of surprise and the noise level lowered a bit.

"Keep calm!" the crew members yelled, knocking off chains and peeling the canvas covering off the boat like one peeled an orange. After the davits were cranked in, they began to prepare to hook up the falls.

Jack understood how slim the chances were that Rose would even be on this lifeboat before it became overcrowded. He was determined to get her off this ship, but he couldn't leave her. As he tightened his grip around Rose's shoulders to try to ease her panic, he turned to Tommy and Fabrizio. "You two go check the other side," he whispered softly, trying not to let his love overhear him. They stared at him, uncomprehending for a second. "Go!" Jack raised his voice. Finally, they turned and pushed their way out of the swarm and back on the deck, panting.

Rose gasped at the sight of so many people milling around, pale and white and terrified. I must look like that, she thought. We all must look like that. Once we get in a lifeboat, who knows if we're even going to be picked up? She immediately felt ungrateful. It's better than being in that icy water. Do you hear that, all those who said this was the safest ship in the world? The Titanic is sinking to the bottom of the Atlantic.

Suddenly, the cries of a child near her awoke her from her daze. She turned slightly and saw a little blonde-haired girl hanging onto her father for dear life. "Here, give her to me," Officer Lightoller ordered.

"Daddy!" The little girl broke into tears as she was torn away from her father's chest.

"Take her!" the officer yelled, and dumped her into her mother's arms. Her sister sat beside her, and both started to cry.

"Daddy, get in the boat," the red-haired one sobbed, her tears making tracks down her face.

The father seemed to gasp for air, and Rose could tell the heart-wrenching farewell was tearing him as much as his family. Even the wife was now struggling in a losing battle not to spill over. "It's good-bye for a little while. Only for a little while. There'll be another boat for the daddies; this one is for the mommies and the children. You hold Mommy's hand and be good little girls."

The red-haired girl shook her head and fell into the arms of her mother, crying so hard her shoulders rocked. Her sister also began to weep, but couldn't tear her eyes from her father. It was almost as if, even though they couldn't be more than six or seven, they knew somewhere deep down that there was not another boat and they would never see him again. It was almost as though they had some knowledge of the painful death their papa faced. She shifted her jade blue eyes in front of her.

The painful death all the men faced.

Until now, it hadn't hit Rose that Jack wouldn't be going with her. She had thought they would both board the lifeboat and huddle together to keep warm until help arrived.

Women and children only.

Jack Dawson was neither a woman nor a child, and she knew that even if he had the chance to escape, his sense of selflessness would persevere over his fear. She realized that she would be forced to leave him on this death trap, without any means of escape.

No.

After all they had been through tonight, from the fires of love to the ice of fear, she refused to get into that boat alone.

She turned to him and pressed her palms against his chest. She said her heart in five words.

"I'm not going without you."

Jack's insides twisted. This had been what he was afraid of. He would not let her endanger her life for him, not her perfect, wonderful life.

"No! You have to go!"

"No, Jack." Although she hated to hurt him like this, she simply would not be separated from him. The pain in both of their faces was as evident as the dawn.

"Get in the boat, Rose," he whispered, trying to win her over.

She shook her head again. "No, Jack."

"Yes!" Rose DeWitt Bukater was going to survive if it was the last thing he did. He started to gently push her to the lifeboat. "Get in the boat!"

She had opened her mouth to again say No, Jack! when the words died in her throat.

"Yes. Get in the boat, Rose." Caledon Hockley appeared out of nowhere by Jack's shoulders, throwing him a dirty glance before shoving him away and transferring it to his fiancée.

They both stared at the rumpled-looking tycoon, angry and shocked. This man--who had tried to pull them apart--was trying to convince Rose to save herself? What was it for? The beauty of his wife, perhaps?

Rose had made a decision that night that she was no longer the girl who had boarded this ship with Cal. She was now a woman who disembarked with Jack Dawson, whether by emergency or by normal routine.

"My God. Look at you. You look a fright!" Cal exclaimed. He stripped the blanket from Rose's shoulders and crumpled it into a wad. "Here," he mumbled with disgust, and threw it into Jack's arms. Removing his overcoat, he wrapped it around Rose's shoulders. She looked at Jack helplessly, her eyes begging for assistance, but he was frozen, watching this man touch the love of his life. In that moment, he knew firsthand what hate was.

"Come," Cal continued, trying to pull Rose to him and stroke her hair. It was then Jack woke from his stupor. How dare this man--who had tried to make him out to be a thief, who had tried to make Rose distrust him, who had tried to throw away everything they now based their lives upon, who had threatened this beautiful girl for months--how dare he even go near something as precious as Rose?

Now it was his turn to push Cal out of the way as he regained his place in front of the one he adored. Her eyes turned immediately warm with relief, but froze again when she heard Jack's words.

"Go on. Get on. I'll get the next one," he urged. He wasn't stupid. There was no next one, and he knew it. But he would do anything to get this girl off of Titanic. He loved her so much--he didn't know what he would do if he was responsible for hurting her.

Little did he know that a parting would hurt Rose more than any ocean or sea ever could.

She gazed deeper at him, searching his face. "No," she pleaded rubbing through his shirt and suspenders to warm him. "Not without you!" Neither was aware of Cal's impatient presence.

"Listen. I'll be fine. I'm a survivor. All right? Don't worry about me!" He was now virtually begging her, but he didn't care. As long as she got off. He knew that it pained her to leave him, so he was trying to make it easier. Still, she had to go, and he wouldn't take no for an answer.

"I-I've made an arrangement with an officer on the other side of the ship." Cal reappeared. He was trying to ignore the man who Rose was clinging so desperately to, but in order to get his prize fiancée out into that lifeboat, he was going to have to mend their differences. Or pretend to.

"Jack and I can get off safely," he went on. His gaze swept to the gutter rat, who was staring at him angrily, his arms around Rose. "Both of us."

In Jack's heart of hearts, he knew Cal was lying. His face flickered with doubt, fear, and contempt for just a second. He knew there was no time, and he knew that the only way Rose would get in a boat was if she thought he was safe. Her will was as strong as iron.

He put on a mask of reassurance and looked straight into Rose's sapphire jade eyes. "See? I got my own boat to catch."

Jack's words half-convinced her more than any of Cal's ever could, but Rose was still unsure of what to do. She looked at Jack more desperately for his thoughts. He nodded towards the boat.

"Better hurry." Cal sighed, slow and calm, yet he was gulping for his words. "Almost full."

"Step aboard, miss!" Second Officer Lightoller shouted above the noise of the crowd. He held out his gloved hand. Confused, dazed, and shocked, Rose automatically took it, only to realize she was being pulled away from Jack. She looked helplessly behind her as her love assisted her over the gap between Titanic and the boat. She slipped and dropped onto the wooden, unstable keel. Jack's hand fell from her waist, but before he could pull it back, she grasped it in her own, refusing to let go, knowing if she did the realization of what was happening would hit her. He looked up at her and squeezed her fingers tighter, telling her good-bye without meaning to.

"Clear the rail, please!" Officer Lightoller now yelled as he shoved Jack from the edge of the ship, tearing the two lovers apart. With the force of the movement, Rose fell back into a seat and immediately felt what she had feared. She had just lost a part of herself, the part that was truly who the new Rose was. She longed to throw herself back into Jack's arms. Without warning, an evil thought was bestowed in her head. Would she ever be in those arms again?

"And lower away!" A command was bellowed, the knots were untied, the chains undone. Soon the davits began to creak as the ropes holding the lifeboat were let down. She was being taken away. Terrified, she looked at Jack. Horror, fear, hurt, and love echoed from her expression as she glanced around herself vulnerably and then shifted her gaze back up.

Jack would give anything to take that look away from her. He could hear her heart breaking as she was moved farther and farther from him. Although his breath was now coming in awkward, rapid gasps, he managed to nod to her, to let her know she was doing the right thing. He didn't want her to feel guilty about getting to safety, or to feel pain about leaving him. All he wanted was to get her off of this closing death trap.

She seemed so hurt. Oh, God, he prayed, take away her pain. Let us both live. If it's my time--I can deal with it. But not hers. Please, please, not hers. Take me instead.

"You're a good liar." Again, Cal's voice suddenly appeared at his shoulder. Caledon Hockley was also looking down at the beautiful woman in the boat, but what knifed his insides was that she wasn't even giving passing notice to him. She was only staring at that boyish man beside him.

"Almost as good as you," Jack replied, never varying his gaze. He saw Cal nod out of the corner of his eye. "There's…uh…there's no arrangement, is there?" he went on, knowing what the answer was.

"Oh, there is." Cal seemed to be struggling for words. It was strange to be standing next to his enemy. "Not that you'll benefit much from it." Here they did look at each other, maintaining eye contact. "I always win, Jack. One way or another," he continued, letting a false smile hide his uncertainty and fear.

Jack's mind comprehended this last sentence and his vision swept back to his love, overwhelmed by the unfairness of it all. It wasn't fair that a man like Caledon Hockley got to get off this sinking ship and go to Rose while he stayed behind and struggled to survive. Suddenly, he felt guilty for his selfish thoughts. At least Rose was safe and off the Titanic. At least he had been granted that much.

Back down in the continuously lowering lifeboat, Rose's gaze never left Jack's. One question was whipping through her mind like the wind at sunset. What am I doing? The answer pierced her like an arrow.

I am leaving the love of my life on a doomed ocean liner, facing certain, painful death, while I escape. There are not enough lifeboats and the water is freezing. If I am not there to push him forward, he will die. He. Will. Die.

The devastation that wreaked agony through her body at the moment was indescribable. In her complete confusion, she had somehow accepted that Cal would make sure Jack got off Titanic to be with her for an eternity. She had boarded a boat, alone. She knew that Cal would never help a man who was competing with him, especially a man not from the better half. And now she was leaving him. Again, in order to understand her thoughts, she had to sort them out.

She. Was. Leaving. Him.

Water that wouldn't spill gathered in her eyes. After the spoken dialogue between the two men that Rose couldn't hear, she knew that she was saying good-bye. It was written by the hopelessness in Jack's face. Cal would never help a man who was competing with him, especially a man not from the better half.

Her eyes swept to the right. Beside her, the two little girls from moments ago sat on their mother's lap, who had finally surrendered to her tears and was now weeping openly. Two little hands thrust themselves in the air, as the sisters waved to their father, who was stranded on deck. Their faces were so wet that strands of hair stuck to their cheeks. They were screaming with a child's grief, knowing that they would be forced to grow without the man that they loved in their life.

How could she live without Jack?

As the sounds faded away, she glanced up to the davits and saw Officer Lightoller moving his hands in slow motion, shouting something to the crew members, symbolizing the tearing of her heart. Not being able to stand it anymore, she desperately turned back to Jack, the terror in her eyes as bright as sunshine.

He stood above her, both hands on the rail. Gulping, he nodded, his enchanting blue eyes begging, Rose, it's all right. Just go.

As she watched his face, another white distress rocket burst into the cold air above, dazzling and glimmering some of the darkness away. She and Jack continued to hold eye contact throughout the splendor.

Instead of burning rapidly into ash, this time was different. White streams of magnificent light showered Jack Dawson's beautiful form, like he had already been taken from her. He swallowed again, and she could see the tears turning his eyes into the ice that seemed determined to claim him. He knew that this was the last time they would see each other.

If she stayed in the lifeboat.

Will this be the last time I ever see him? Rose wondered feverishly. Like this? In the black, the black of night and sky and sea, so afraid, so alone, so sentenced? No, it can't be. I won't let it be. I love him. I will die for him.

These facts were enough for her--last time, sea, death, and love.

I can't leave him to fight alone.

She stood.

Jack, who had been staring transfixed, suddenly awoke from his daze.

"Rose! Rose, what are you doing? No, Rose!" he shouted over the railing. He watched, helplessly, as she thrust herself out of the lifeboat and hung onto the side of Titanic's promenade.

"No!" he yelled, oblivious to Cal's, "Stop her! Stop her!" He watched as two men hauled her safely onto the deck of the ship, and he saw the edge of her gown as she turned and ran.

As soon as she was gone, he whipped around and tore through the crowds, struggling to get to her, wherever she was. Why did the ship have to be so damn big? Why did she have to jump out? Oh, God! He had to save her. Why was she risking her life like this? Why?

Down on the promenade, Rose shoved people out of her way, her dress and the overcoat soaring behind her. She was desperate to feel him against her again--how could she have even entertained the thought of leaving him?

With frantic gestures, she pushed open the door that led into the main section of the A-Deck Grand Staircase. As she streaked across the floor, she saw Jack jumping down the last few linoleum steps to the landing, his boyish face lined with disbelief and worry. They both sprinted the last few feet, Rose's damp red curls flying behind her.

"Rose!" he shouted as they met at the base of the stairs. She threw herself crying into Jack's arms with a loud sob. He lifted her up to his face and began to kiss her fervently, on her cheeks, her eyes, her forehead, her nose. She was here, engulfed in his body, weeping her heart out. She pressed her hands to his cheeks.

"You're so stupid, Rose!" he cried, entangling his fingers in her hair before kissing her briefly on the mouth. "Why'd you do that, huh?" This time, he wasn't able to take his lips away so quickly. He allowed himself to kiss her again and again, her tears running into his mouth. Soon he broke away, holding her face, and they trembled together. "Why'd you do that? Why?" he demanded, holding her momentarily from him to see her expression better.

She managed to hold her sobs back for a slight second as she gazed into those eyes that were penetrating her very being. "You jump, I jump, right?" she asked, again referring to the saying that had become a part of them. As she was waiting for him to answer, she caressed his neck, his shoulders, and then his face.

As he stood, he realized that she had endangered her life because she loved him. He wouldn't separate them again.

"Right." His voice, so full of love, again breathed life back into Rose. She kissed him again, allowing the taste of his tongue and his lips and his mouth to flood through her. She had thought she would never be warm again, but with his arms around her, she found out she was wrong.

When the kiss ended, they embraced, Rose burying her face in Jack's shirt, Jack's in Rose's neck.

"Oh, God. I couldn't go. I couldn't go, Jack."

"It's all right. We'll think of something."

"At least I'm with you."

"We'll think of something."

Chapter Nine
Stories