A LIFE SO CHANGED
Chapter Ten
Speaking her mind had always been
Sarah’s forte. She could often stun people with her attitude and thoughts. But
as she saw Cal standing across from her in the kitchen, a million and one
thoughts racing through her mind, she found that none could meet her lips.
"Sarah, sweetpea, talk to
me," she heard Cal pleading to her.
Her eyes couldn’t even meet his.
They were engrossed in the fascinating brown color of the dining table, also
the color of his eyes. She looked down at the white tiles. There. There was no
harm in white tiles.
"Sarah?" Cal offered
gently.
She was going to ignore him for
the rest of her life if she had to. There was no way that she could even speak
to him again. He had betrayed her! Oh, she wanted nothing more than the simple
pleasure of screaming at him...
"Sweetpea, look at me,"
Cal said again, a little more serious this time.
She decided to just get it over
with. She slowly looked up at the same brown eyes as hers and let out a small,
"Why?"
"Why?" Cal asked.
"What do you mean, why?"
"Why did you do it? Why did
you kill yourself? What made you think there was no way out of whatever was
eating at you?"
Cal, hands in his coat pockets,
looked down at the floor. "Because there wasn’t. I couldn’t tell you that
you weren’t really mine. You would have run away."
"I would have."
"See? And who knows what
would have happened to you?"
Silence. She looked out the
window at the cloudy sky.
"If I told you why I’m here,
why can’t I go?" Cal asked. "I’d like to leave earth a bit sooner
rather than later."
"Because you don’t like that
I’m not accepting everything. And all you want is forgiveness for your death
and all the lies. And I suppose you won’t cross over until I can accept and
forgive."
"And why can’t you?"
"Because I can’t. It doesn’t
need an explanation."
Silence.
"You’re here for Rose, too,
aren’t you?" she asked.
"Yes," Cal said
hesitantly.
"Then what the hell are you
waiting for?" Sarah nearly yelled.
"Well, I do believe you have
to tell her for me, and seeing as you won’t talk to me, that serves as a
problem. And Sarah Marie, language!"
She stood up, resisting the urge
to dramatically slam the table. "I am through with being polite,
Goddammit! I will talk any way that I see fit. You do not own me, and you
didn’t own Rose, either!"
Sarah could feel herself
cracking. She tried to stop, but the words kept coming out of her mouth.
"Fine! You want to know why I can’t forgive you? Because you were a bad
father! You were never there for me! You never let me say a damned thing. You
made me keep everything to myself. You just wanted me to be a copy of Rose.
Well, guess what? I’m not!"
The room was so silent one could
hear a pin drop. Sarah felt like the weight she had been carrying for fifteen
years had been lifted off of her chest. She felt happier, but her head hurt
even more than usual when Cal was around.
Cal appeared an inch from her
face. He was trying to stare her down, trying to regain the control between
them. But Sarah didn’t meet his eyes.
"Look at me," Cal said,
quietly but sternly.
She didn’t. She focused her eyes
on the blue chair in the parlor.
"Look at me, you
filth!" Cal shouted.
Sarah snapped her eyes back to
him. "Is this your unfinished business? You never got to tell me what you
really thought? That I was on the same level as that gutter rat? Oh, excuse me,
Jack?"
She had won. She could see the
anger and defeat in Cal’s eyes. Sarah felt satisfied for finally making Cal
start to pay a long overdue debt.
*****
Sarah stared into Joey’s blue
eyes as he held her hands. He brushed a strand of hair away from her eyes.
"You’re sad again," he
said. "You’re sad a lot."
"I have a lot going
on," she replied. "I don’t mean to look like I’m always depressed.
Because I’m not, Joey. I’m really not."
"Do you want to tell me
what’s bothering you all the time, then?"
"You’ll think I’ve gone
crazy."
He chuckled. "No, I won’t,
Sarah. Nothing you say can make me think you’re crazy."
"You promise?"
He nodded.
"And you promise that you’ll
support it, no matter how ridiculous it is?"
He nodded again.
"All right...I’ve seen your
brother, Joey," she said. "I’ve seen Jack."
He smiled. "That’s so cool!
Where is he? Did you see him while you were living in Brooklyn?"
"No. When I first came to
Boston."
"Where? When?"
"A few months ago."
"Do you know where he is?
I’d love to see him."
"No, Joey. It’s not that
kind of seeing."
"What? Sarah, you just said
you saw him."
"I did. But he died fifteen
years ago."
Joey frowned. "You’re
fifteen."
"I know. Joey, I’m different
from a lot of people. I see dead people."
This statement floored Joey. The
one he loved, who was holding his hand and who he had taken to the fireworks
show just a few days ago, was now saying something that couldn’t shock him
more.
"You...you see dead
people?"
She nodded. "Your brother
was stuck here on earth because of Rose. He needed to tell her one last
thing."
Just one look at his disbelieving
eyes made her want to cry. "You don’t believe me, do you?"
"No, Sarah. No, I do. I do.
It’s just a surprise. That’s all." He hugged her. "But what does this
have do with you being distant?"
"Because my father, the one
I told you killed himself?"
Joey nodded.
"He’s still here, too."