Written by Kelly T.
Based on some situations originated by James Cameron.
So, you probably don't know me
well, since I only got a small part in that movie, Titanic. Yeah, I guess I just
didn't seem important. I'm portrayed as an bad guy, but really, I'm the victim
here! I was minding my own business, just sitting in the water, and then this
ship comes and crashes into me! How do you suppose that made me feel?
Maybe if you knew me a bit
better, you would understand my point of view. Let me start with my childhood.
My name is Steven Charles McGlacier III. I had a normal childhood, playing with
the other icebergs. I even went to Ship Sinking Academy, where I learned how to
sink ships, hence the school's name. But I never thought I would have to use
the skill. My parents sent me out to the ocean to live on my own one day, as
all icebergs had to. I had just graduated from school and was a young iceberg!
I wanted to drink and party all night! And those lady icebergs--they liked to
drink and party, too, if you know what I mean. I realized that I needed to get
my life in order. I went to the middle of the North Atlantic Ocean to find
myself. Find my purpose in life and realize my dream of being the best iceberg
I could be!
I was in the ocean one night,
and everything seemed calm. Hardly a breath of wind, and the water was as
smooth as a millpond. I was trying to get some sleep when these bright lights
woke me up. I decided to ignore it, but then there was yelling and bells. I
just opened my eyes at the moment when this big ship got shoved up my ass! I
woke up and was like, "What the fuck? Get this ship out of my ass!"
That night, I hardly got any
sleep, with all the yelling and screaming and the lights. It was super
irritating. So, if you all knew the pain I went through on that night, you
would know that the iceberg is not at fault! I am the victim! That ship hit me!
After all that pain, I didn't even get recognition. I wasn't in the news, and I
was only in that movie for a second. They never even paid me to be in the
movie. I asked them why, and they just laughed! I guess it makes sense, though.
I'm just an iceberg, and what could I possibly spend any money on? I’ve got
three little ice cubes at home! Don't they understand?
So, remember the events of
April 15, 1912. Events that changed my life forever! Thanks!
Sincerely,
Steven C. McGlacier III