TITANIC CONTINUED
Chapter Eight
When Rose's thoughts had cleared
from her dizzy head, she found herself perched on a bench on the first class
deck. The same exact bench, in fact, that she and Jack had sat side-by-side on
so happily just yesterday.
Her feelings were tossing
together like the waves that crashed against the great ship. I thought he
really loved me, she thought. Her face was still red from crying, and her
fingernails, which had been digging into her palms as she sat at the lounge
table crying while she watched the man of her dreams stroll out of her life,
had made deep, crescent-shaped impressions on her palms. Her breathing was
still uneven.
Rose looked down at the bench
seat next to her. I wish Jack were here, she thought. What did I do
wrong?
*****
Jack sat up and looked at the
watch. 10:19 AM. I wonder what she's doing right now, he thought. She
sure didn't take it well, but I knew she wouldn't. I mean…God, I'm such a fool!
The sunlight was coming in from
the small, circular window behind him in small, brilliant rays, which
illuminated the dust in the air.
He sighed. His head began to
ache.
"Wherever she is, please,
God, let her be all right."
Deep down, Jack felt like a liar.
He felt like he'd lied to Rose, lied to himself. He felt he had betrayed his
heart, his feelings.
As he sat there, looking out at
nothing in particular, his conscience weighing heavily, Jack argued with
himself. He had never had to sit and contemplate anything so hard in his whole
life. He never lived by feeling or thought; he had always lived on whims,
strictly spur of the moment, Mr. Spontaneous.
Until now.
His heart was heavy with the
words that kept echoing softly to him. You love her, Jack, and she loves
you. What is wrong with you? If you don't do something, you're gonna lose her.
Then his brain. Jack, you
can't do this to her. You owe it to her to let her have a happy life. Don't
dump off all your worries and struggles onto her. She'll understand someday.
It's for the best. You did the right thing by breaking it off.
But he didn't know which one to
listen to. It was all too confusing. Too confusing for me, he thought.
"But I have to do
something!" he said loudly. Jack looked around. He was glad he was alone
in the room. He reached up to tuck a few stray hairs behind his ear. His forehead
was damp with perspiration.
He rubbed his temples wearily,
hoping what he needed would just come to his head.
Jack stood. Something could help
him. Rather, somebody.
*****
Rose was walking now, dragging
her hand along the rail. More people had begun to flock to the deck since
breakfast had been called.
She walked slowly, trying to
replay in her mind the previous afternoon that she and Jack had walked along in
this very same place.
She stopped when she came to the
place where Jack had held her, where they'd watched the sunset, and she'd
looked into his eyes, realizing how deep this love was.
It is real, she thought with a sigh. But he doesn't
want me.
Suddenly, her mind became flooded
with thoughts. For the past few days, she'd been thinking and dreaming only
about Jack and the life she would soon begin with him. Now it seemed that Jack
had faded out of the picture, like the sun faded an old painting.
Cal, she thought. Now that she began to think
about it, Jack had been an escape from her wretched engagement to Cal. Jack was
her chance to run away, to turn her back on the pressure and the unwanted and
just move on, turn over a new leaf, look in the other direction. Now, if she wanted
to break off the engagement with Cal, she'd have to do it herself, she'd have
to face up to her mother and Cal both.
"What do I tell them?"
she whispered as she bit her thumbnail, a nervous habit she'd never had until
this moment.
Wait a minute, she reasoned. Why don't I want to marry
Cal? I have nobody now.
It was true. The more she thought
about as she walked around the ship with a distant look on her face, the more
reality dawned on her.
There really is nothing wrong
with Cal. He just needs a little love. That's all. He could give me a lot. He's
been so good to Mother and me...how could I do something so cruel as to break
off the engagement when I have...no apparent reason for doing so?
Suddenly, she saw Jack standing
at the rail a few feet down from her. Her heart leapt when he turned to face
her. He's changed his mind! He does still love me! A huge smiled danced
across Rose's face.
Then it dawned on her. It wasn't
Jack at all, just some stranger.
Rose felt like somebody had
slapped her across the face.
Anger replaced the disappointment
she'd felt when she'd realized that Jack hadn't come back to hold her in his
arms and promise her he would never scare her like that again. Jack had broken
her heart. She'd cried until it was impossible for the tears to fall any
longer. It had hurt.
Did I deserve what he did to
me? Why did he change his mind about us?
All that she could think about
now were all the negative things about Jack. She hated him for hurting her this
way. She had been crushed. But now she began to feel stronger.
"I don't need him,"
Rose said firmly.