MAKING IT COUNT
Chapter Four
Words Cannot Express
Same Afternoon
John and Rose walked down Pennsylvania Avenue
and turned down onto East Colfax. Rose didn't know where John was taking her,
but she just followed along. They turned various corners until Rose could see a
diner just ahead.
The chilly air wrapped around Rose's body and
she found herself rubbing her arms to try to make herself warm.
"You're shivering," John commented.
"Here, take my coat." John took off his coat and wrapped it around
Rose's shoulders.
"But you'll--"
"Shh, take it. We're here anyway."
John opened the door to the diner. "After you," he said plainly.
A waiter led them to a small table next to
the fireplace. He handed them menus, and told them he would be back shortly
with two cups of hot cocoa. When the waiter had at last left, John sighed and
looked at Rose. Her left elbow was placed on the table and she rested her head
on her hand. She was running her right hand across the rim of her water glass,
just staring at nothing in particular. She seemed to be mumbling something to
herself under her breath.
"Rose?"
"Yes?" She did not lift her head to
look at him.
John sighed again. "Nothing," he
said dully. Now he, too, began to stare about the room. He leaned back in his
stiff chair and tried to think about what to say. He had brought Rose here so
they could talk, but thus far, it wasn't getting them anywhere.
"John, this is absurd," Rose said
suddenly. John looked at her, and she was actually looking him in the eyes.
"What is?"
"We're sitting here, thinking the same
things, I'm almost sure, but not saying a word. There is much to be said."
Rose's last words trailed off, and she once again looked down. John reached
across the table and lifted Rose's chin with his hand until she was looking at
him.
"No blame?" he asked her sweetly.
"No blame," she agreed. John
brought his hand back down to the table, and Rose joined her hand with his.
"So..." she started. "Where do we go from here?"
"Well, I suggest we order first."
John picked up his menu and scanned over the various entrees. "What do you
want?"
"Whatever you have will be fine. I'm not
terribly hungry right now, anyway."
"Are you feeling ill?"
"No. This is just a little bit of a
shock to me, is all. I'll be fine," Rose assured him. She smiled at him
ever so slightly.
"It's so wonderful to see you smile. It
brightens up your whole face." Rose, suddenly turning shy, blushed and
looked down.
The waiter came over to their table carrying
their cocoa, and asked for their orders. John ordered them just two burgers
with two baked potatoes on the side. Throughout lunch, they didn't talk much.
They both desperately wanted to ask the other so many questions, but neither
spoke.
After they had finished lunch, John paid the
bill and they began walking down the streets again. They decided they had
better be heading home, because the air was getting even cooler, and the
accumulating clouds did not look very friendly.
Just as Rose and John approached the front
door to 1340 Pennsylvania Avenue, the first snow of the season began to fall.
John looked up, as did Rose. Tiny white snowflakes fell on Rose's lashes, and
it made her feel like a child again.
"Come on. It's cold out here." John
opened the door for Rose and followed her into the house. Rose hung John's coat
on the coat rack next to the door, and they walked up the stairs to Rose's
bedroom, where Hope lay, still sleeping.
John came up behind Rose and whispered in her
ear. "She looks so peaceful." He sat down on Rose's bed, centering
himself and outstretching his legs. "Come here." He patted the bed
next to him. Rose eyed him suspiciously. What was he up to this time?
"Do you honestly think I would
let...that happen again, after last time? I don't think so...now come sit next
to me." Rose's tension eased, and she did as he asked. She sat down next
to him, placing her head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.
"There, now is that so bad?"
"No," she said softly.
"What are you thinking about,
Rose?"
"That's not such a simple
question."
"Please?"
Rose exhaled deeply, then tried to explain.
"I've been thinking lately, and not just today, what my life is all about.
I went to New York to live life on my own, right? But why? That's all I've been
asking myself. I mean, what am I really looking for?" After a brief
moment, she continued, "I realized that what every person searches for is
love and companionship. So I keep on asking myself why over and over, but I
can't find the answer to that question. But you want to know what I did find
out?"
"What's that?"
"That living without you is something I
never want to do." Rose became quiet, waiting for John's reaction.
John pulled Rose tighter to him, with tears
beginning to form in his eyes. He kissed her forehead and stroked her hair
softly. "I love you, Rose. I always have. You know that, right?" His
voice was shaky and full of emotion.
"Oh, God, I love you, too. I'm sorry,
John. So sorry." Rose began to cry uncontrollably now. She wrapped both
her arms around his neck and cried into his chest. He caressed her back gently
and tried to soothe her.
"Shh, it's all right," he whispered
into her ear. "Everything is going to be all right. I promise."
Rose didn't know what to say. How could he
promise that?
"Shh, please, Rose. What are you crying
for? The past is the past. Have I done anything in the present to make you
cry?" he asked her contentedly.
She just shook her head.
"Then there's nothing to cry over."
Rose just had to smile at him. She looked up
into his green eyes that were glassed over with tears. "Now what are you
crying over, silly?" she teased.
"I'm just so happy to be here with
you." He kissed her lightly on her forehead. "So, Rose, what have you
been doing in New York?"
"Well," she started. "I have a
small but nice little apartment there. It's in the city, but it's not too
crowded...yet. I work at this one restaurant. It's a real classy place. I got
Molly to give me a reference and they hired me on the spot. It pays nicely and
the tips are great. I have time in the afternoons to spend with Hope, and they
have a piano there, which I play sometimes after closing."
"Well, it certainly sounds like you have
a very nice life there." John was extremely happy for Rose, but also very
sad for himself.
"And what about you? What are you doing
all the way out there in Iowa?"
"Hmm…well, oddly enough, I own and
manage my own restaurant now."
"Well, well, well...sounds like you're
doing a little better than me, wouldn't you say?"
"I suppose," he said with a sigh.
"But it gets lonely. I have friends, but I've never really been too close
with them. Have you made many friends?"
"I have people...friends that I go out
with sometimes, but not really the kind of people I would confide in. You know
what I mean." Rose ran her fingers up and down John's arm.
"Rose, what's your middle name?"
Rose laughed. Where had that question come from?
"Why?" she asked curiously.
"I just want to know. It's just one of
the many things I don't know about you."
"My middle name is Patricia. Rose
Patricia Dawson...that work for you?"
"It's beautiful. A beautiful name for a
beautiful woman." He placed his chin on Rose's shoulder. She could feel
his warm breath on her cheek as she asked him what his middle name was.
"John Thomas Calvert. If that's not
common enough, I don't know what is. Now, let me guess. Hope's middle name must
be Lynn. Am I right?"
Rose looked at him, confused. "Right.
How'd you know that?"
"Just a guess."
"Are you a mind reader, Mr.
Calvert?" Rose mocked.
"Why, yes, Mrs. Dawson, I am," he
played back.
"Well, then, what am I thinking right
now?"
John looked down at Rose as she turned her
head to face him. He leaned down and brushed his lips softly against hers. They
had both longed for that feeling for so long. Rose adjusted herself so she was
balanced on her hips. She placed her hand on the back of his neck. The kiss was
soft and sweet, yet reflective of the passion shared between them.
Rose pulled away and brushed her hand across
John's cheek. She looked into his endlessly green eyes and smiled.
"Was that what you were thinking?"
John smiled devilishly. Rose just smiled her usual innocent grin as John kissed
her softly on her neck.