Written by Doug
Kuhlman
Based on some situations originated by James Cameron.
Jack was running, feverishly. He hoped that
he was running away, but he knew what he was running towards. The ground sped
by in a blur as he rounded the last corner and saw his house engulfed in
flames. He ran towards the inferno, only to be held back by the choking smoke
and his choking fear. His parents were in the house, but he couldn't make
himself go in to get them.
The same nameless man then appeared. He
carried Jack's mother in his arms and laid her gently on the ground. The look
he gave Jack was almost entirely sympathetic, but Jack always felt reproach in
those eyes. Why hadn't Jack been there? Why wasn't he helping?
He held his mother in his arms. For years,
he'd touched her and seen her in his dreams, her body blackened almost beyond
recognition, her once-long hair now just blackened ash against her head. But
her voice was steady, as it always was in his mind. "Jack, are you
there?"
"Yes, Mother. It's me. I'm here."
Why didn't she ever know him?
"Jack, you must promise me
something." He could see how hard it was for her to draw breath. She was
struggling to communicate this message to him, her only child. He could see the
agony inherent in each breath, but she persevered.
"Anything, Mother. What do you
want?"
"Promise me that you will do the things
your father always wanted to do. Live your life, Jack. Make each moment
count."
"I promise."
"Make it count."
"I promise, Mom, I'll make it
count."
She smiled at him then and died in his arms.
At least she'd smiled. He hated it when she died unhappily. From long
experience with this dream, he knew that her feelings when she died gave an
indication as to his satisfaction with himself. Her smile let him know that he
was pleased with himself. But Jack also heard the undertones of the other
promises he had made that day--promises made only to an open sky--promises to
never leave someone to die again--promises that had warped into never loving
again--promises screamed and whispered--promises to affect his entire life.
At least, in this dream, he couldn't smell
the charred flesh. The sickly sweet smell of his mother and father's flesh was
always the worst part of the dream. But tonight, tonight he smelled something
different; the aroma was sweet perfume.
In the instant he recognized what it was, he
was dancing with Rose. He was holding her close, just as he had a few hours
before. In his sleep, Jack smiled. He so seldom had pleasant dreams.
As the music slowed, more of the surroundings
came into focus. Everybody looked like one of his drawings, with slightly
over-large hands, and black against a flat surface. But it was obvious that
they were at a wedding, his wedding to Rose. She was radiantly happy, as was
he, but he felt something was wrong. He couldn't put his finger on what,
though.
As he concentrated, the scene skipped ahead a
few months. He was dressed in a conservative suit, sitting across the breakfast
table from Rose. She already had her corset on, as he demanded. He heard
himself lecturing her on how important appearances were. He heard himself say,
"Rose, you have to act properly! If there's any chance of my getting ahead
in the world, you need to support me!"
The flash of confusion and anger on her face
was sickening. Jack's form slowly started to morph to Cal's form. "You are
my wife and you will obey me."
In his small bunk, Jack shifted
uncomfortably.
He was watching Cal and Rose eat breakfast.
They'd hired him as a family artist, at Rose's insistence. His commissioned
drawings were always carefully planned to show Rose smiling with her two
children on her lap. In those painstakingly choreographed images, Cal was the
perfect, supportive father and husband, with a loving look on his face.
But Jack didn't just draw what he was paid to
draw. He saw the whole life, and, as he had so often done before, he etched
what he viewed. Many of those scenes were horrible, Rose with eyes swollen red
from sobbing, the children being slapped for using the wrong utensil, Cal
fornicating with other women, money and jewels taking the place of hope and
freedom.
He decided to try again to take her away from
this. He found her alone, as he had done occasionally before. "Walk with
me?"
As they started strolling, the scene changed
again. They were young once more, on board Titanic, sauntering unworriedly
along the boat deck. Rose was staring at him, and he was looking back into her
eyes, entranced by what he saw.
He realized he was seeing hunger and the wild
look of a wounded animal. His stomach growled. They had been married for a few
years, but Jack had been injured and could no longer do his job. He had been
quickly fired and now Rose knew. He knew she wouldn't work; she still thought
of herself as a lady. She had tried being a seamstress but had quit after only
a few stitches. He didn't know what they were going to do. As he watched, she
wasted away before his eyes.
Jack squirmed again, trying to get
comfortable, inadvertently redirecting his dreams.
The squeak of Fabrizio's squirming in the
bunk above him translated into the sounds of Titanic arriving at the dock in
New York. He had failed in all of his attempts to reach Rose for the remainder
of the voyage. Now, he was pushing through the crowds of departing passengers,
straining for the speed necessary to get to Rose. He was just starting to break
free of the teeming mass of people when he caught a glimpse of her getting into
a car, followed closely by Cal and her mother. He put on a burst of speed, the
kind only possible in a dream, but the car kept dwindling further away, without
actually moving. She was gone.
Jack had wandered New York and then
Philadelphia for days trying to find Rose. He had almost made it through a
window to her wedding to Cal, but he'd been spotted and nearly captured. He
desperately needed to know that she was going to be OK. Just today, he'd heard
a rumor about the location of her new house. It was miles from town and he'd
been walking for hours, but he needed to get there. He was just starting down
the private entrance to the estate when a car zoomed past, impossibly fast. In
a trance-like clarity, he saw Rose's face through the window, but he knew she
couldn't have seen him. He sat down and started to cry.
He was crying about the newspaper article he
held in his hands. He read the obituary again, hoping beyond reason that he'd
misread it the first time. "Rose Hockley found dead in the Delaware River.
Apparently, someone tied a rock to her finger and drowned her. She is survived
by...." The article continued but Jack couldn't read it. He knew which
finger Rose had intentionally tied to the rock. He could hear the echo of his
voice. "You'd have gone straight to the bottom." He knew Rose's death
would haunt him to the end of his days, even as his parents' had.
But then, she was alive again and standing on
a high ledge. He was creeping along the ledge toward her, trying to talk her
out of it. "You don't want to do this." For her, things had gotten
even worse than on the Titanic, but he hoped a rational voice would help her
again. "Give me your hand." Unfortunately, just as their hands firmly
grasped each other, Jack's foot slipped off the narrow projection. In slow
motion, Jack felt himself pull on whatever was available to try to save
himself. He tried to stop himself, but it was too late. Rose tumbled from the
ledge to the ground below. Her scream sounded like, "Jack, NOOOOO!"
In the few seconds of his dive after her, he thought of his promise and how
he'd failed.
"NOOOOO!" Jack shouted as he sat
bolt upright in bed. He was panting and drenched in sweat, despite the relative
coolness of the air. His blankets were twisted into knots on either side of
him.
Fabrizio's head appeared over the side of the
bunk, startling him again momentarily. His friend spoke consolingly. "Bad
dreams again? You really should tell me what they are. Maybe I help."
Jack shook his head in the blackness, knowing
Fabrizio couldn't see it. "No. They're not your worries. You worry about
Helga. I can take care of myself." They'd exchanged very similar words
several times in the past. Jack wondered if Fabrizio would ever start sleeping
through Jack's nightmares. Jack often did, but tonight's were a special breed.
In the stillness, as Jack forced his
breathing into rhythmic calmness, he tried to focus on the positives, hoping
that he could change the course of his dreams or even eliminate them entirely.
He wanted to enjoy the rest of the night, just as he had enjoyed the evening.
"Oh, the evening with Rose. Her sweet laughter. That smile that he could
feel like a punch to the lungs. Those deep, expressive eyes. Her soft
hands." His contemplation of her lulled him back to sleep.
Considering his thoughts, it was no surprise
that his sleep was immediately filled with dreams of Rose. At first, all he could
see was her perfect features, outlined by the sky behind. As his vision grew,
he saw the ocean behind her and felt the waves running across his ankles like
tiny feet.
They were in the surf of the Pacific Ocean,
walking along through the foam. They talked idly of the weather or other such
nonsense, but Jack's main attention was on their hands, which were intractably
locked together, like the covers of a book. He heard her laughter and saw the
joy in her face. He felt joy like he'd never felt before. His whole world was
wrapped up in this woman and he had to let her know.
He faced her and pulled her to a stop.
"Rose, I love you." In that instant, Armageddon struck at the
foundation of his being. Rose's reaction scarred the features of his life.
Rose started laughing so hard her entire body
was quivering. She looked at him and said between bursts of mirth, "Oh,
Jack...how droll. I would never..." Something in his face must have spoken
to the gravity of his feelings then, because she suddenly stopped laughing and
turned away from him, walking quickly back the direction they had come.
He turned and ran after her, calling,
"It was a joke! I was only kidding." The words tore at him, but he
had to try to get Rose back. He'd meant the earlier sentiment completely, but
he was more than willing to live a lie if it meant being able to spend more
time with Rose.
He sped after her. She was walking but
somehow easily outdistanced him. As he ran, Jack cursed himself. "You are
such a fool! Why did you have to ruin a good thing with such a stupid comment?
STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!" He continued to curse himself. He vowed not to
make that mistake again.
With the vow came a renewal of the walk on
the beach. He was with Rose again, but they were no longer holding hands. They
were talking again, but somehow it was subdued, as if some vital element had
been removed. In his dream, Jack knew that somehow it was his fault, but he
couldn't recollect where he had made his mistake.
They slowly drew near to a pair of horses,
standing calmly, as though placed there just for them. Jack turned to Rose and
started coaching her through the paces of riding a horse "like a real
man." He longed to touch her, to help her to get into the right position,
but the inexplicable distance held him away.
"Just swing one leg over the top. Don't
worry, you're not wearing a fancy dress, so nobody can see anything...just
bring your left leg forward over the front of the horse...that's it." Rose
was slowly adjusting to the new style. "Now, put your foot into the stirrup
here. And your other foot. Don't sit so stiffly...relax and lean forward a
little." Finally, he had her positioned close to correctly.
He swung onto his horse with practiced ease
and they were off--galloping through the spray. Somehow, the speed of the
horses or the delighted laughter from Rose erased the chasm between them. Jack
was watching her closely, catching the sudden increase in her smile when she
glanced at him.
They reigned the horses to a walk, so they
could talk again. Jack, with his heart pounding an aria in his chest, said to
her the three words of doom. "I love you."
Instantly, the earlier dream rushed into
Jack's dreaming consciousness. He thought, "Oh no! What have I done? Don't
let it end!"
Mercifully, it didn't. Rose turned to him and
smiled. "Oh, Jack. How I've longed to hear you say those words. I love
you, too. I was just scared to say it."
The dance that they hoped would continue all
night was ending again. When the music stopped, Jack asked Rose, "Do you
have to go?"
She answered with a shake of her head and a
quiet, "No."
They started dancing again. They danced
slower and closer together, slower and closer. Jack tilted his head slightly in
an invitation. Rose accepted and their mouths met, sending Jack's nervous
system into system overload.
In his sleep, Jack smiled. His dreaming now
at an end, he felt the oblivion of deep sleep overtake him, with its
delightfully full embrace.
The End.