Written by Bloody Mary
"Right, then. She can
go," said the man in the spotless navy slacks and pristine white shirt as he
pushed me forward like a rag doll. I suppose that it was to symbolize my place
in this world. Where I have been since birth, and where I shall always stay.
I was ushered up a long gangplank
to the port side of the Titanic. Another man in the same uniform as the last
checked my ticket, giving me a look over, then said, "Welcome to
Titanic."
Quite frankly, it was a miracle
that I was even here on the ship of dreams. I know for a fact that at this
moment it is my dream, the Titanic, or any ship that can get me out of England.
I walked down a labyrinth of
corridors, glancing at the gates, which were so securely locked, cutting me off
from the first and second class worlds, keeping me contained, like some
dangerous animal, to my third class lifestyle. Many tongues hung in the air
like thick molasses, all of them contradicting each other. I kept my rapid
pace, making my way down towards my cabin. Finally, after taking a wrong turn
and going down into a boiler room, I made it to Cabin 16. I carefully placed my
trunk on the bed farthest to the right and rummaged through it until I found my
journal. I never go anywhere without it.
April 10, 1912
I have found my way to my
cabin aboard the Titanic. Everything here is so different. The rooms, the
people, even the halls! The things here are much nicer than the scum at the
workhouse, yet I still feel like the world is spinning around me, as if I am
falling behind. Things are about to change, because I am now on my way to
America!
Elizabeth
I gathered up my journal and made
my way to the deck. It was windy, yet the bright sun shone down upon my brown
curls, my green dress flowing out behind me. I positioned myself at the railing
and watched the general commotion below me. People were running about and third
class people were waiting in line to be inspected for lice while first class
ladies and gentlemen stepped out of their fancy cars and boarded the ship in
their graceful manner.
"Beautiful, ain’t it?"
a thick Cockney accent asked from behind me.
"Yes. It’s lovely," I
replied back to the mystery person.
"Rebecca Peak," she
said, extending her arm.
"Elizabeth Night," I
said, shaking her hand.
"Ah…feel that breeze!"
She threw her head back and laughed, letting the wind catch it and carry it
away. I did the same, letting the wind pull on my long curls.
"So, wot’s your story?"
she asked.
"My-my story? What are you
talking about?" I asked, utterly confused.
"How’d you end up ‘ere’s,
more like it," she said again.
"That," I said, turning
to look at her, "is an extremely long story."
"We’ve got lots of time,
‘aven’t we, love?" she asked, laughing once again. I chuckled; it was the
first time anyone had called me love. It felt strange, like I actually had
someone who would care for me.
"Well, let’s see…when I was
born, my father left my mother and I to go make his fortune. Three years later,
we got word that he had been killed at sea. My mother was petrified. Eventually
she went mad, and shipped me off to live with my aunt and uncle in Oxford. They
ended up dying when I was eleven, so I went to go live in the workhouse."
Rebecca gasped. "They’re horrid places. Tons of smoke and machinery. If
you’re not careful, your head can come clean off your shoulders," I said,
remembering what a seventeen-year-old had told me when I was younger.
"That’s sounds ‘orrible! No
family! No friends! ‘Ow did you survive?" she asked with a horrified look
on her face--the same look I always got when I was telling my story.
"I had friends…I had one.
Her name was Lucy," I said quietly. Suddenly, my mind flooded with
memories of her. I turned away, trying not to cry.
"Wot’s ‘appened to
‘er?" Rebecca asked, putting her hand on my shoulder.
"She got sick when we were
sixteen--the gasses in the workhouse. She lived two months in agonizing pain
before she died late one night…" I trailed off, trying not to think of the
bad times. Rebecca started to pat my back, pulling me back to reality.
"There, there, love. Not to
worry. You’re out of there now. Nothing’s gonna get you here. I tell you
something, though. Your story’s a right lot sadder than mine." Her words
were cut off by the sound of the ship’s foghorn, signifying our departure.
Everyone in the harbor below us started to wave and yell, and most people on
the deck waved back to their loved ones.
"That’s me oldest brother,
that is," Rebecca said, pointing to a blond boy standing on the roof of a
car. I had no one to wave to, no one to love.
The Titanic pulled out of the
harbor and sailed towards the open ocean. The wind picked up and gave the whole
deck full of people a humble feeling.
"Ow!" I cried as I felt
something heavy hit my arm. "What was that?"
"It’s my lucky day, ain’t
it?!" Rebecca leaned down to pick up a beautifully beaded purse.
"Is that what hit me?"
I asked, looking at it, then rubbing my sore arm.
"Don’t know, but I think
I’ll have a look inside." She started to open the purse, but I snatched it
out of her hands.
"No! You can’t just go
through people’s things!" I remembered at the workhouse they would inspect
your bedding and trunk to see if you had stolen anything that week. Nothing was
private. At one point, they even searched my journal. I felt as though they had
looked into my mind, and now they could control it.
"All right. Don’t blow your
top off. I was only going to take a peek," she said, flinging her hands
up.
"We should return it. That’s
what we ought to do, not rummage through it!" I said, looking around for a
person who looked like she had just lost her purse.
"You ain’t gonna find ‘em
down here. It probably belongs to one of them," she said, pointing to the
first class deck.
"Oh…right. Then you can do
it," I said, shoving it in her direction.
"Oh, no! I ain’t taking
that! You were the one who wanted to return it," she said, shaking her
head. "This is your job now." She walked away, not even looking back
for a second time.
All the crew was distracted,
making last minute preparations and what not. I figure it’s now or never,
right? My feet started to move towards the gate, as if my mind was
unconsciously doing so. I reached out for the handle, swung the gate forward,
and quickly slid through.
I took one step, two steps, three
steps, and then I heard a loud scream. Oh, no! They’ve caught me! I
thought.
"Where did they throw it?
I’ll kill them!" screamed a young girl; she looked about my age with
bright blonde hair neatly brushed up off her face. She suddenly stopped and
looked at me. My green dress was simple compared to her elegantly beaded blue
gown. I looked down at the purse and it seemed to match.
"My purse!" she cried.
"Oh, you found it! I can’t believe that you haven’t gone through it!"
She seized the purse out of my hands and started to look through it, confirming
that I had indeed not stolen any of her valuables. And besides, how could she
think such a thing! Why would she say such a thing, for that matter, and in
front of the girl who brought it to her?
"Hey! What are you doing up
here?" a crew member’s voice boomed from behind me, strong and loud.
"It’s all right. She’s my
servant," said the blonde girl.
"Pardon me?" I asked,
offended. I knew I was poor, but someone’s servant I was not! The crewman
resumed his task, leaving me alone with this insolent girl.
"Joanna Lovett," she
said, not even bothering to extend her hand for me to shake it.
"Elizabeth Night," I
said.
"How old are you, Elizabeth?"
she asked, sitting down on a deck chair. I did the same.
"Eighteen, ma’am," I
said, feeling like I actually was her servant.
"One year older then me!
Although I suppose that you’re one year dumber than me." I clenched my
fists, trying to hold back a rebuttal. "I think we could get along quite
nicely!" she said.
I pointed to myself in disbelief.
"But I’m…I’m not in your class."
"Oh, good heavens! You think
I could forget that? You make me laugh, Lizzie!" I hate it when people
call me Lizzie.
I gave a weak smile in reply, not
knowing how to respond to her.
"Lizzie, tell me something.
Do you know what a lost soul is?" she asked.
"No, ma’am. Is it a
ghost?"
"Wrong, Lizzie. Wrong,
wrong, wrong. You steerage citizens really are as stupid as they say!" I stood
up, a blazing look in my eyes. Joanna stared at me as if I was an animal
escaping its cage, not knowing whether to run away or act dead.
"I’m not stupid!" I
exclaimed.
"No, of course not, but I
must warn you. If you have another outburst such as that I will have to have a
crew member put you back where you belong." I sat back down, not wanting
to be carried away by a crewman.
"Good. Now, where was
I?" she questioned.
"Lost souls, ma’am."
"Lizzie, I consider you a
lost soul, but never fear. I can help!" I was resistant to saying
anything. Why should she want to help me? What was I to her? Before I could
even open my mouth, she said, "Oh, I’m so glad you accept!"
"But--but I didn’t…I…"
I couldn’t find words. She was obviously not going to go back on the matter.
Joanna started rattling off to herself, making a list of things she needed to
do before making me seem the least bit respectable to the public eye.
*****
"You look marvelous,
absolutely marvelous, and it’s all because of me! Look at the wonderful work
I’ve done. Though I must say there is really no hope for your mangy hair."
Joanna pushed me in front of the mirror. I was in one of her old gowns that she
acquired in Paris last year. It was a beautiful lilac color, with a train in
the back; the beadwork was so intricate I felt as though I should not move for
fear of them popping off. My hair was neatly swept off my neck and piled into
an equally intricate hairdo. I had to admit I did look pretty, but I wouldn’t
say marvelous.
"Good gracious! Stand up straight!"
Joanna slapped my back. I squeezed my eyes shut, pain seeping through my body.
Joanna had the hardest slaps. I had already gotten five today. Joanna scurried
into her first class suite powder room to apply more blush. I swiftly retreated
into the drawing room. I sat down at the writing desk and began to write in my
journal.
April 10, 1912
I feel as though I have been
abducted. This first class world is so different from the third. I feel as if
the world I used to know has been ripped out from under my feet. I am scared,
and yet oddly excited to be experiencing the first class ways. Why Joanna has
chosen me to be her victim I cannot say, but I thank God for this experience.
Elizabeth
I looked around the sitting room.
Earlier that day, Joanna had taught me to drink tea and dance. She emerged from
the powder room moments later, ready to go. She claimed we were already three
minutes late and came up with some twisted way to blame it on me. She said if
we did not get there soon it would be considered vulgar. We walked through hall
after hall, taking many turns. I could not keep track. Finally, we made it to
the grand staircase. It was beautiful; the oak gleamed in the light, and the
dome above gave it the finishing touch. The clock in the wall read 6:10.
"Are we terribly late?"
I asked.
"Not terribly late, but we
are late enough." Joanna led the way into the dining room, which was
beautiful as well! Everything about the first class spaces seemed perfect,
except for me. I felt out of place and ostracized. We were escorted to our
table, where a group of people sat chatting and sipping brandy or wine.
"Ah…the queen has decided to
come!" said a man at the table.
"Oh, hush! I was just
helping new friend Elizabeth dress," she said, gesturing towards me.
Everyone’s gazes fell upon me. I smiled and quickly took my seat. A waiter came
by and poured Joanna and I glasses of wine. I took a deep drink, then
remembering that first class girls don’t drink so heavily, I put the glass
down. Joanna gave me a sharp look.
"Caviar, Miss?" asked a
waiter. I shuffled through my mind, trying to decipher what caviar meant. I
decided that it was best if I just accept it.
"Not too much, please. I
wouldn’t want to waste." Joanna gave me another sharp look. I guess
wasting food didn’t occur to first class women. The waiter made his way around
the table serving everyone a pile of caviar. I looked down at my own plate,
where a pile of black, beadlike things sat.
"What exactly is this?"
I whispered to Joanna.
"Fish eggs," Joanna
replied calmly.
"Fish eggs! That’s
revolting!" I put my fork back down on my blue and white plate.
"It’s not revolting. It’s
high society," she said, putting her fork into her mouth. We continued to
eat and drink. Every person at the table was asking questions, wanting to know
more and more about me.
"What is your full
name?" said a lady in a red silk gown.
"Elizabeth May Night,"
I said.
"And the May comes from
where?" asked a man in the corner.
"It was my mother’s
name."
"Are you of the Yorkshire
Nights?" asked a stout man.
"I…I…um…" I looked to
Joanna for help.
"No, she’s of the Jersey
Nights. New money," Joanna said. Everyone around the table laughed.
"And have you an escort this
evening?" asked a small lady who could only be the stout man’s wife.
"Actually, I…" I began
to say.
"She is with me, for the
time being," a man said from somewhere behind me. He sounded close to my
age.
"Ah…Mr. Lovett. I must say I
am pleased you decided to join us," said the stout man.
"Mr. Damon, surely by now
you know my ways?" Mr. Lovett asked, taking his seat next to mine. His
deep brown eyes looked around the table.
"Good evening, Miss
Night," he said, pushing a stray hair out of his face.
"Will, I thought Mother told
you to get your hair cut!" Joanna cried. Mother? I thought. That
is strange.
"Mother told me, Joanna, but
I chose not to listen." He smiled, and Joanna laughed.
"You’re…" I shushed
myself, realizing that William and Joanna were brother and sister.
"Brandy, sir?" the
waiter asked.
"Yes," William said.
"Miss Night, sorry to keep you waiting, but there was a poker game I felt
obliged to finish."
I could instantly tell his
personality--haughty, rude, arrogant, etc.
"How was your afternoon
tea?" he asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
"Pleasant, sir," I said
coolly.
"Lovely." He was
obviously not paying the slightest bit of attention to my answer.
I leaned over towards Joanna and
asked, "How old is he?"
"Nineteen, Miss Night,"
he said. My cheeks instantly began to burn red.
"A first class lady knows
how to whisper so the whole table doesn’t hear," Joanna reminded me. Her
breath tingled down my spine.
*****
Dinner finished
pleasantly…enough. The men adjourned to the smoking room for cigars and more
brandy--all the men except for Mr. Lovett.
"Would you join me on the
promenade?" William asked, holding his hand out to me. I swallowed and
took his hand, letting him guide me out of my seat. I took his arm, and we
walked out of the dining room.
We were quiet for a few minutes.
The breeze had died down, but it was still there; the night was cool and the
water calm.
"Mr. Lovett," I finally
said. He turned to me. "Why did you tell the others that you were my
escort?" The question had been fighting all night to escape my lips.
"You looked like you needed
help," he said.
"Needed help? What made you
think that?" I asked indignantly.
"Did you have a better
answer?" he asked, a cunning grin spreading across his handsome face.
"I…I could have come up with
something," I said, looking away from his intimidating face.
"As I figured you would, but
I thought it best to save you from mumbling." We walked further down and
stopped to look at the setting sun. I sighed and thought of Lucy and the
workhouse. Life was so simple back in third class. Now, with all the new rules
and regulations, I felt more alone than I ever have, even when I had no friends
and family. The sun got lower and lower in the sky, and soon we made our way
back to Joanna’s stateroom.
"It was lovely meeting
you," William said, taking my gloved hand and kissing it, sending sparks
up my arm. No! That is not supposed to happen! I don’t care for him
whatsoever! I thought. All I could do was give a weak nod of my head and
retreat into the room. Joanna was sitting on her bed, reading a copy of Persuasion.
She had given me a key earlier that day so I could get in when I pleased.
Joanna called in her maid to help me undress, and I got back into my simple
green gown.
"Here. Take one of my old
coats," she said, walking into her closet and pulling out a pale pink
coat. I slipped it over my dress and buttoned it up so people could not see my
hideously simple gown. I said good-bye to Joanna and ran out of the room. I
raced towards the deck, taking a few wrong turns, and glided through the gate.
I retreated farther and farther into my third class world, feeling a wave of
welcome pass over me. I soon found my cabin and opened the door. There was
nobody there, nor was there a sign that anyone had ever been there except me. I
grabbed my journal out of the coat’s pocket and began to write.
April 10, 1912
I have just met the most
disagreeable, arrogant, stupid, insolent man! His name is William Lovett, and
it just so happens that he is Joanna’s brother, making it harder to break free from
her without notice. Yet he makes me feel as though life in first class may not
be so bad. I tremble at the thought of anyone finding out my true class, and I
tremble at the thought of William Lovett ever kissing me again.
Elizabeth
I tucked my journal away and
changed into my nightgown. I lay down in bed and fell into a deep sleep.
*****
The next morning, I awoke before
the sun had risen.
"You need to get here early
so I can make you beautiful again," I remembered Joanna saying. I felt
like Cinderella, but instead of being my fairy godmother, Joanna was more of an
evil stepmother. I got out of bed and got back into my green dress. I donned
Joanna’s coat and shoved my journal back into the pocket. I ambled through the
halls of the of the third class quarters.
When I came to the gate, there
was a crewmember sleeping in a chair. I slowly approached, hoping I would not
wake him. My hand slid to the handle and pushed the gate open.
"What…hey! What do you think
you’re doing?" he asked, waking with a start. He rubbed his eyes and
frantically jumped to his feet.
"I was…I couldn’t sleep, so
I decided to take a look around the third class deck," I announced,
standing up a little straighter and pushing my chin in the air, trying my best
to mimic Joanna.
"Right…" he said, not
knowing whether to believe me; before he had time to think it over, I glided
past him. I ran down the first class halls, not knowing which turns to take. I
soon realized that I was hopelessly lost. It all seemed so easy last
night…well, easy enough. Now it was much harder. I turned down a small hall,
leading to a dead end. I retraced my steps, turned down a different passage,
and wandered further down in my first class maze. I looked behind me and in
front of me. Everything appeared the same! The white doors with the clean cut
gold numbers, with the same confounding carpet on all the floors. My head began
to feel dizzy, and I grew weak. I put my hand to my temple and rubbed it.
"Miss Night?" A hand
was on my shoulder.
"Yes?" I asked, turning
around to face William.
"Are you all right?"
"Yes, I’m fine," I
said, taking a step back, letting his hand fall off my shoulder.
"You look pale. Are you sure
you’re not feeling faint?" he asked, taking a step closer. Our faces were
just inches apart.
"I…um…I…well…yes!" I
said, stepping back again. "I’m fine! There is no need to pester me!"
"I don’t think I’m pestering
you," he said in his stupid, annoying, schoolboy way.
"Really? Well, I think you
were!" I said, stamping my foot.
"What are you doing up so
early?" he asked.
"I was going to see--wait!
What are you doing up so early?" I asked, involuntarily taking a step
forward. For the second time this morning, our faces were only inches apart.
"I couldn’t sleep, and I
suppose that is your dull excuse as well?"
"Yes! And it’s not an
excuse. It’s the truth. I don’t sleep very well when I have things on my
mind." His face moved in closer to mine. I could feel his warm breath on
my cheeks.
"What sort of things?"
he asked, just over a whisper.
I looked away from his gaze.
"Just things!" Suddenly, a door opened behind us, making us spring
away from each other.
"Lizzie? Is that you?"
Joanna’s head popped out of the door.
"Um…yes. Yes, it is," I
said, looking away from Will and towards Joanna.
"Well, what are you doing
just standing about? You know there is much work to be done. Oh, William! I did
not know that was you." She looked at William and then at me, a suspicious
look in her eyes. "Was I disturbing something?" Joanna took a step
back into the room.
"No. I was just about to
come in," I said, stepping past William and into Joanna’s doorway.
"It was divine speaking with you, Mr. Lovett." I turned sharply and
went into the room; I tore out my journal with rage and wrote three words.
I hate Will.
Joanna came in and looked me
over.
"Dear God! Did you wear that
yesterday?" Joanna screeched. I looked up to the ceiling and mouthed, Help!
*****
Joanna gave me funny looks all
throughout breakfast, especially when Will was questioning me. Something was on
her mind, and I knew I would not escape the day without questioning.
"Is there something you
would like to share with me?" she asked after breakfast.
"No. I don’t recall
anything." I took my gloves off and set them on the back of the couch.
Joanna’s maid swiftly came in and picked them up for me.
"Really? You and my brother
looked awfully close this morning, and you were oddly cool to him at breakfast.
Would you care to explain that?" she asked with a childish smirk sweeping
across her face.
"That." I laughed
nervously. "That was nothing! No, no--you see, he was showing me the
pattern."
"The pattern?" she
asked flatly.
"Yes, the pattern," I
replied.
"What pattern?" she
asked. Aggravation slipped into her voice. Clearly, she did not believe my
story.
"The carpet pattern," I
said.
"Why on earth were you
looking at the carpet?"
"Well, the pattern is just
so beautiful; I was trying to take it all in." I turned away from her
questioning stare.
"I don’t believe you, but at
the moment we have more important things to do." She led the way into the
sitting room and took a seat in the high-backed chair.
"Sit," she commanded.
"Oh, no. I’m fine.
Thanks." She gave me a venomous look. I quickly obeyed and waited for
further instruction. She soon started to talk about how a lady should act
towards a man, and my mind began to wander. Thoughts of Will popped into my
head, then of the morning’s happenings. I quickly got lost in the thought of
his fathomless brown eyes.
By the time lunch came around, I
had only comprehended a handful of Joanna’s words. William met us at her suite
and walked with us to the dining room.
"Brother," Joanna said,
"do you really find the carpet pattern that lovely?"
Will looked baffled; I managed to
catch his eye and nod my head frantically, telling him to go along with my
horrible excuse.
"Why--yes, I do," he
said, looking at me instead of Joanna. I felt myself falling into his eyes. Thank
you, I mouthed. He nodded and looked back at Joanna.
"How strange! I’ve seen
better, though. Remember the hotel in Paris? Oh, that was divine!" she
rattled on.
"Yes, that was
exquisite," he said. I thought about Paris, what it would be like. What
did the clothes look like, the parties, the places, the people…
"Miss Night, how do you like
Paris?" asked Will.
"I honestly could not--it is
lovely this time of year," I said, thinking it best to pretend I had been
there. Joanna nodded, signifying a job well done.
"What is your favorite part
of Paris?" he asked. Now, I had no inkling of what to say! I had never
been out of England! How was I supposed to name a place in France?
"All of it," I said,
before realizing the words had even come out of my mouth.
"All of it? You must be
quite the traveler! But surely you must have one spot in particular that you
enjoy over the rest."
"No, all of it is just so
breathtaking! The…general…greenery," I said, topping it off with a nervous
smile. We made it to the Café Parisian, where we would be dining, and took our
seats.
"What will you be having
today, sir?" asked a waiter as soon as we were settled in.
"The salmon, please,"
Will said, handing his menu to the waiter.
"The lamb, I think,"
Joanna said, and smiled sweetly.
"I…" I could barely
understand the menu, much less say the things on it! "I suppose I’ll have
the escargot." I was surprised I could even get that out.
"Right away," said the
waiter, hurrying away to the kitchen. We sat in silence, sipping our drinks.
"Oh, Will! That is
you!" said a high, squeaky voice from behind Will.
"Ah…Miss Bennett. How lovely
it is to see you," Will said, standing up, taking the young lady’s hand,
and kissing it lightly. The girl giggled and blushed, her red pin curls
bouncing up and down.
"Mr. Lovett! How you make me
laugh." I recalled the feeling I got when Will kissed my hand. A wave of
green envy flooded over me. No! I thought. No, no, no! I despise
Will. I hated every second of that kiss to the hand! He means nothing to me!
Nothing whatsoever!
"Excuse me," I said,
standing up. I grabbed my purse and ran to the powder room. I closed the door
and locked it before pulling my journal out of my bag.
April 11, 1912
I don’t know what is going on!
I can’t be jealous over Will! That simply can’t be possible. But this Miss
Bennett character--who is she? And what does she want with Will--no, what does
she want with Mr. Lovett?
I frantically turned the page.
These things that I was writing--they weren’t true.
I think I love him.
No, that wasn’t true either! I
threw my journal to the ground and screamed.
"What is going on?" I
asked myself, putting my head in my hands. There came a soft knock on the door.
"Lizzie? Lizzie, are you in
there?" Joanna’s voice sounded through the door. "Is everything all
right?"
"Yes. I’m fine," I
said, scrambling to pick up my journal and stuff it back into my bag.
"Miss Bennett would like to
meet you, but you ran out so quickly she didn’t get the chance."
"I’m coming. Don’t
worry." I pinched my cheeks to regain some color, adjusted my red-beaded
gown. I unlocked the door, and walked out.
"Are you feeling well?"
She held my face in her hands, making my cheeks look pudgy.
"I’m fine," I struggled
to say in-between her hands. We walked back together and took our seats. Will
gave my one of his annoying, stupid, repulsive…wonderful, adorable, caring
looks. Stop that! I scolded myself.
"Miss Night, may I introduce
you to Miss Caroline Bennett?" Joanna asked, gesturing towards the
redhead.
"Charmed, I’m sure,"
she said, eyeing me.
"Um…yes?" It sounded
more like a question than a statement.
"New money," Joanna
labeled me.
"No wonder I haven’t heard
of you!" Caroline laughed in a hyena-like way. Our food soon arrived on
large silver platters.
"Your escargot,
Madame," said the waiter, a placing a plate in front of me. I gave the
round things on my plate a questioning look.
"Surely a woman who loves
every part of Paris would enjoy snails," Will said, looking at me.
Snails! I wailed inside my head. I ordered
snails!
"Of course! What would make
you think I don’t?" I asked defensively. I picked up a snail, pulled it from
the shell, and popped it into my mouth. It tasted absolutely disgusting! It was
slimy and wet in my mouth, and felt like glue running down the back of my
throat. All I could do was grin at everyone’s quizzical gaze. When I felt like
no one was watching I picked up my glass and drained it, trying to rid myself
of the horrible taste.
After lunch had finished, we all
went out on the promenade. Instantly, Miss Bennett attached herself to Will’s
arm. I dug my fingernails into my palms. Joanna walked next to me, talking of
pointless things. I zoned out. It was as though I was on a different planet and
every move I made was scrutinized. I only snapped back when I heard Joanna say
Will’s name.
"Will and Miss Bennett do
look glorious together, do they not?" she asked, sighing as if true love
was standing right in front of her.
"What do you mean?" I
asked.
"Will and Miss Bennett.
Don’t you think they make a lovely couple?" Joanna asked in a dreamy tone.
"A…a couple?" I
stammered. My breathing got a little faster. Is Will--is Will courting this
girl? I thought. I shook my head in disbelief. He couldn’t! He just
couldn’t!
"Yes, a couple!" Joanna
squealed. I felt dazed, as though I was going in slow motion and everything
around me was moving too fast.
"I’m going back to the
room," I said, breaking free from Joanna. I ran and ran until I got to the
room, not caring who saw me. I was dizzy when I collapsed on the bed.
"This can’t be happening! I
don’t even love him!" Still, the feelings inside of me told me otherwise.
I wrenched out my journal and frantically wrote.
April 11, 1912
I don’t know what is going on,
or how to control it. My mind tells me to lock my heart away from Will, to not
fall for his kind. But my heart tells me to love him. My body feels torn in
two! Should I listen to my heart or should my mind prevail? Oh, Lucy, where are
you when men come into my life? I feel like an outcast in the ways of men. All
the first class young ladies know how to behave, and how to act towards them,
but me, I am lost. My heart is winning the battle, but I fear I will lose it.
Oh, God! Why must this happen to me?
Elizabeth
I sat and thought for some time.
Then I turned the page. I knew that my heart had just won.
I love him.
*****
The dinner horn blew a few hours
later. Joanna stopped her lesson on how to read menus and quickly picked out
something to wear.
"This one! Oh, I forgot
about this." Joanna pulled out a beautiful, pale blue gown. The beading
was all throughout the hem and the bodice, and it flowed down gracefully to the
ground.
"You’ll look lovely in
it," I said, and truly meant it. The blue silk shone in the light and the
black beads formed the most beautiful of patterns.
"Not me. Good heavens, no!
It is for you to wear," she said, holding it out to me.
"I couldn’t. It’s far
too…" There were no words to describe it.
"I insist! Besides, I
wouldn’t be caught dead in last season’s evening wear." I took the dress
from her hands and stood in front of the mirror. I got undressed and slipped
into it. Joanna’s maid tied my corset and buttoned the dress.
"Now for your hair,"
Joanna said, picking up one of my curls and twirling it around her finger. She
called for her maid to come in. She did my hair in such a way that it was
neatly swept off my face, only leaving a few short curls in the front.
"You look like a
princess!" Joanna exclaimed. Her dress was far superior to mine, but I
thought I was the most beautiful girl in the entire world. My smile lit up my
face, and the room around me.
"Any man would be lucky to
have you on his arm," Joanna said.
"I suppose." I thought
of Will. Then I thought of Miss Caroline Bennett. How jealous she would be! I
would have to win Will over!
There was a knock at the door.
Will’s voice came through. "You ladies ready?"
"Learn to be patient,
Will!" Joanna said, opening the door.
"Hello, sister!" he
said, his bright smile illuminating his perfect face. I stepped out from behind
the door. "Miss Night, you look…amazing," he said breathlessly. I
smiled weakly, feeling myself blush. He took my hand and kissed it. This time,
my hand was bare. His lips were soft and smooth. I swallowed hard, trying to
remain calm.
"Shall we go?" Joanna
asked. She walked through the door and took Will’s arm. I stepped out of the
room and closed the door. "Where is Miss Bennett?" Joanna asked.
"Why?" I asked.
"She needs an escort, silly!
Tonight is the Captain’s Ball!" Joanna giggled like a child.
"You forgot to mention
that," I said.
"Maybe it was when you were
daydreaming, Lizzie," she said, hitting my arm…again. "Oh, the Captain’s
Ball will be wonderful!" she said.
"What is it?" I asked,
knowing it was a foolish query.
"After we all dine, the
stewards take away the tables and chairs, and we have a ball!" Joanna
said, clapping her hands together.
"Calm down, Joanna. It is only
a ball," Will said.
"I know, but you and Miss
Bennett--think, Will. This could be the night." Joanna’s voice echoed
through my head like a ghost. I felt tears in my eyes, but I blinked them back.
I was not going to cry. I was not going to admit defeat, not when the game
hadn’t even started!
"Miss Night," Will
said, waving his muscular hand in front of my face. "Do you often stare
off?" He laughed to himself.
"No." I had to make it
seem as though nothing had changed. I still had to act like I loathed him. I
tried to pay attention to the conversation, yet I felt distant. We took a
different turn than usual and ended up in a long corridor.
"I’ll get her," Joanna
said. I could only assume her meant Miss Bennett. Joanna went up to a door and
knocked. A quirky redhead answered, laughing like a hyena.
"Oh, of course I’ll help
you!" Joanna said to Caroline. "Will, Lizzie, I’ll be just a
minute." Then she was gone inside the room. Will and I were left alone.
"Mr. Lovett," I said,
but he cut me off.
"Call me Will," he
said.
"Will," I struggled to
get out. "I want to thank you for going with the carpet pattern
conversation," I said.
"You looked like you needed
help," he said. "And I love to help."
"I did not need help…well,
maybe I needed a little, but next time, I won’t get it from you!" I said.
Will laughed at me. "I
see," he managed to get out through his laughter.
"What is so funny?" I
asked indignantly.
"Nothing. It is
nothing," he said.
"Well, then, Mr.
Lovett--" I was cut off again, but this time not by Will.
"Oh, William! How delightful
it is to see you again!" Caroline bounded up to us, her emerald gown
matching pleasantly with her hair.
"Ah…Miss Bennett," he
said, bowing. She laughed and took his arm, not even acknowledging me. They
walked ahead, leaving me in their wake. Will turned to look back at me. I’m
sorry, he mouthed. We arrived at the dining saloon and Joanna and Caroline
ran ahead of us, wanting to say hello to Mr. Astor--the richest man on the
ship.
Red hair, blue eyes, a few
inches taller--that’s the girl he wants. Not me. I’m not that girl, I thought. Suddenly, the dress I was
wearing didn’t seem as beautiful. We could never be together anyway. He’s
first class and I’m third. The minute we step off this boat, we’ll never see
each other again. We moved through the chairs and tables until we reached
ours.
"Miss Night," Will
said, pulling out my chair, "I hope you’ll save at least one dance for
me."
"I shall try," I said
passively, but on the inside I was jumping for joy. He pushed me back in and
waited for the others to join us. Once our group was together, dinner began,
Caroline on the other side of Will. She was always watching him, making sure
that whenever he turned to me she could stop him. Then the ball began. The
musicians who had been playing in the background at dinner now took their
places just to the right side of the dance floor.
"Wedding Dance,"
the main violinist said, and they began to play.
"Have fun!" Joanna
called to me; she was leaving with Mr. Astor for a dance. His wife, Madeleine, was
dancing with Mr. Guggenheim. Caroline, like a magnet, took Will’s hand and they
walked on the floor together. I sat down, waiting for that one dance with Will,
even though I had to pretend that I hated it. I waited, but Will was always
carried off again by Caroline. I thought it was funny how she wanted complete
control.
"Miss Night?" asked Mr.
Andrews, the ship’s designer.
"Why, yes, Mr.
Andrews?" I asked, nodding. I was glad to see him. We talked together at dinner
and I found him to be quite pleasant.
"Would you like to
dance?" he asked, holding out his hand.
"Of course." I took it
and he led me to the dance floor. Mr. Andrews was a splendid dancer. We talked
about the ship and how it was made. He told me about the namesake and how much
he loved the ship. When the dance was over, Mr. Andrews led me back to my seat
and bowed.
"Thank you for the
enlightening conversation, Miss Night," he said. Then he was off in the
sea of people. He had other guests to entertain. Song after song crept by.
Still no sign of Will. I was about to slip away when Will came to me.
"Eliza," he said,
sending chills up my spine. In my eighteen years of life, no one had ever
called me Eliza. It was different, yet it felt so soothing to hear it come out
of Will’s mouth. "Sorry to keep you waiting."
"Not to worry," I said,
smiling; I no longer cared about keeping my hatred towards him. I was going to
act like I always wanted to around him.
"Would you do me the honor
of being my partner for this dance?" he asked. He extended his hand to me.
"With pleasure," I
said, taking it. He led me to the dance floor and the song began, a moderate
tempo, not too fast, not too slow.
"Ready?" he asked,
smiling.
"When am I not ready?"
I asked, laughing. He took my waist. I felt like I was going to melt in his
arms. "Will, I should warn you. I don’t know this dance," I said.
"I know," he said.
"Then why did you ask me for
this dance?" I asked.
"You looked like you needed
help." He pulled me closer. "Just follow me." He started to
move. I followed, never falling out of step, not wanting to miss a beat.
"May I ask you a
question?" I asked, looking up from my feet.
"Anything," he said,
looking into my eyes.
"What is your relationship
with Miss Bennett?" I knew it was personal, and he probably wouldn’t
answer it, but I had to ask.
"She…" He sighed.
"It is a bit complicated."
"How so?" I probed him
for information.
"Joanna and Caroline have
been good friends since birth. They have concocted some sort of theory that they
should be sisters-in-law, and I am the one stuck in the middle of it. At first,
I didn’t catch on, but then I figured that Miss Bennett didn’t just pop up on
this ship. This must have been part of their plan. In the beginning, I don’t
think she liked me that much, but now, with every growing minute, I think she
likes me more and more." He finished his speech with a sigh. Yes! He
doesn’t love her! I thought. Then, somewhere in the back of my mind, I
heard, That still doesn’t mean he likes you. "And what about you?
You must have suitors banging down your door," he said. I laughed.
"No," I said.
"It’s not like that. It’s not like that at all."
"Then what is it like?"
He stopped dancing. We were in the middle of the floor. He leaned in closer;
his breathing was slow and steady.
"I don’t think you’d
understand," I said. I wanted to tell him, tell him everything.
"Teach me to." He put
his hand on my cheek, rubbing his thumb up and down, warming my face. He moved
closer, and just as our lips were about to touch, he took my hand and pulled me
out of the room.
"Will!" I laughed.
"Will, stop! Where are we going?" He led me out on deck. No one else
was out there, and the music was still wafting out of the dining saloon. He
took my hands in his. "Will, what are you doing?" I asked. I
instantly got lost in his eyes, and just as our lips were about to meet, for
the second attempt of the evening, I heard a scream.
"Will!" Caroline raced
forward and pushed me to the ground. "Will, you are so lucky I stopped
you!" She was out of breath.
"Lucky?" Will asked,
kneeling down beside me. "How is that lucky?"
"Do you not know--well, of
course you wouldn’t." Caroline glared down at us.
"Know what?" he asked,
looking from me to her.
"She’s third class,"
Caroline said.
"What? What does she mean by
third class?" Will asked me. His eyes were tearing a hole in mine. I
wanted to look anywhere but his face. Tears were burning in my eyes, and soon
they flowed down my cheeks. "Is that the truth?" he asked me.
"I…it wasn’t supposed to
happen. You…you weren’t supposed to…I’m so sorry," I said, wiping the
tears off with the back of my hand.
"But Joanna would never…she
would never socialize with a third class girl," he said, backing away from
me, as if I carried some foul disease.
"In regular circumstances,
but in this case, by obligation, she was forced to. Don’t you see? It was a
bet! I bet her that she couldn’t save one lost soul, and by that I meant some
vermin third class girl, and she bet me that I couldn’t get you to fall for me.
And, naturally, you have fallen for me." She laughed. This time, it was
more like a cackle, something only an extremely wicked person knows how to do.
A smile of pure evil spread across her face. I looked at her in despair.
"Why don’t you just go back where you belong?" she asked me.
"But I thought--I thought
you loved…" He shook his head, clearly not wanting to believe the facts.
"You thought she loved
you?" Caroline asked in disbelief. "You thought that thing could be
capable of emotion?"
I couldn’t take it anymore. I
stood up and ran, not wanting to ever stop. That’s why! That’s why she
helped me. I was just a tool!
"Eliza! Come back!"
Will called after me. I ran past person after person, pushing people aside. I
tore off my shoes and threw them to the ground; tears trickled down my cheeks
as I ran. I never wanted to go back; I never wanted to see Will again. I ripped
the beaded clip out of my hair, letting it fall. I reached the gate to the
third class deck and wrenched it open. I heard footsteps behind me, and I was
halfway down the staircase when Will spoke. "Where are you going?"
Will asked breathlessly.
"Back where I belong."
*****
I didn’t sleep well that night;
the thought of Will’s face haunted me. He looked like a child, helpless and
lost. When I went up on deck that day, I saw him pacing, waiting for me to
appear, as if wanting proof that I was actually third class. He looked at me
intensely; I turned my head away, not wanting to face him. I looked so simple.
My simple gown and shoes, my hair untidy and not up.
April 12,1912
My heart feels like it has
been torn from my chest and broken in two. I want to scream and I want to cry.
There are no more tears. I want Will to understand. I need Will to understand
that I meant him no harm or embarrassment. But I know now that we can never be
together again.
Elizabeth
My journal was now the only thing
that I could trust. I didn’t eat that day. I sat out on the deck with my legs
tucked into my chest, Joanna’s warm, old coat wrapped closely around me like
loving arms.
*****
I had nightmares and horrible
dreams. I could not sleep. Not like that. It was four, maybe five in the
morning when I got out of bed and put on Joanna’s coat.
April 13, 1912
I do not know how much longer
I have to live like this. I have lost track of time and days. I just want to be
in America and put this all behind me.
Elizabeth
I slowly made my way out on the
deck. The morning air was cool and harsh. The lights were still on,
illuminating the rows of benches. I lay down on one and looked up at the stars.
They were like a different world, vast and endless. Maybe the stars had lives.
Maybe they fell in love just like we humans. I heard the gate open and close,
but I thought nothing of it.
"Eliza," Will said.
"Mr. Lovett," I said,
quickly standing and curtsying.
"Eliza, stop," he said.
"As you wish," I said,
getting back to my feet.
"I came here to--I came here
because…" He couldn’t seem to get the words out.
"If someone catches you down
here, your social status will never recover. How will Miss Bennett like you
then?" I asked.
"I don’t care what Caroline
thinks, or what Joanna thinks! I don’t care about what anyone thinks." He
stepped closer to me.
"Are you sure?" I
asked, stepping closer to him.
"Yes! All I care about…is
you." He leaned in and our lips met. For the first time, I didn’t feel
segregated by class. I felt like I could fly or jump to the moon if someone
asked me to. For this moment in time, the world could stop spinning, for all I
cared! Nothing existed in my mind except me and Will, and what was best was
that we were kissing! He put his hand on my face.
"Does that change
things?" he asked.
"More than you can
imagine." I laughed. For the first time in a very long time, I actually
laughed. I put my head on his chest and listened to the steady beat of his
heart. I held onto him, never wanting to let go. "Stay here with me,"
I said.
"No. I can’t," he said,
true regret in his voice. "I would, believe me, but they would notice I’m
gone and come straight here to look."
"Then when the ship docks,
I’m getting off with you," I said, determination in my voice. "We’ll
travel America, just the two of us…together." We both laughed.
"I will follow you to the
ends of the earth if you wish to go there," he said.
"As will I." I put my arms
around his neck and hugged him. "Look," I said, pointing to the sky.
"A shooting star."
"Make a wish," Will
said. I closed my eyes and made my wish.
"What did you wish
for?" I asked him.
"If I tell you, then it will
never come true." He laughed; his smile was as bright as the stars. The
sun slowly began to sneak into the sky, spreading light across the deck. People
would be waking up soon; we both knew our time was limited.
"What about you? You should
be getting back," I said.
"I know, but we’ll think of
something. I’ll see you sometime throughout the course of the day," he
said. Lights slowly began to turn on in the first class windows. I nodded, not
wanting to see him go. "I’ll come to see you. I promise." He kissed
my forehead and walked to the gate. He opened it and looked down at me.
"Go. I’ll be fine," I
said. He drifted through the gate and disappeared. The smile that was on my
face could not be wiped off. Will was in love with me. What more could I ask
for? Rebecca came out a little later, rubbing her eyes and yawning.
"Hey, you! Long time no
see!" she said, noticing me.
"You’ll never believe what
happened," I said.
"Try me." Her Cockney
accent was warm and welcoming. I told her my story the best I could, trying to
get all the details right. I described Will, Joanna, and Caroline. She was a
good listener, and it was refreshing. Once I finished, she spoke.
"’E was ‘ere, on this very
deck?" she asked, astonished. "I’m sorry I missed someone as
beautiful as ‘im!" she said, sighing. She sat silent for a few seconds and
then she began to laugh.
"What’s so funny?" I
asked.
"To think all this never
would ‘ave ‘appened if I didn’t make you take the purse back!"
"I suppose you’re right, and
for that I must thank you." I hugged her. Rebecca and I ate our breakfast
together. Then we went back out on deck to wait for Will. Soon the children
came out with their assortment of toys and began to pass the day away. We
watched them laugh and scurry across the deck, yelling to one another. Rebecca
and I joined a game or two, just to squander time. I noticed an Irish boy about
our age who kept looking over at Rebecca. "I think he likes you," I
said, nudging Rebecca. Rebecca’s hand automatically went to her hair.
"Really? You think so?"
she asked, sounding hopeful. I nodded and we both giggled like little
schoolgirls exchanging secrets.
"Go talk to him!" I
said, pushing her forward.
"Elizabeth! No. I
can’t," she said through laughter.
"No need. He’s coming to
you!" I said, pointing at the approaching boy. "Quick! Act normal!"
We both sat down and crossed our legs, doing our best to impersonate first
class women.
"Hello," he said
holding his big hand out to Rebecca. "I’m Neil."
"Um…I’m…" She couldn’t
seem to find words. I nudged her in the ribs, bringing her out of her fantasy.
"Oh, right. I’m Rebecca." She looked like she was about to faint.
"I’m Elizabeth," I
said, trying to save her.
"Hi," he said, ripping
his eyes away from Rebecca. "Mind if I join you?" he asked.
"No…not at all,"
Rebecca said, scooting into me. "Oh, sorry." She was dazed. Neil sat
down, and the three of us sat in awkward silence.
"So, Neil," I said,
trying to make conversation, "what are you going to do once you’re in
America?"
"I’m going to work on the railroads.
My brother and father are out there already, and I’m going to join them,"
he said.
"Fascinatin’." Rebecca
sighed. Her eyes were wide. She was hopeless. I decided to take a turn about
the deck, giving Neil and Rebecca time to talk privately and get to know each
other. I walked close to the gate, waiting…hoping for Will to suddenly appear.
I sat on the stairs and took out my journal.
April 13, 1912
This day could not get any
better! It seems as though the world is finally happy! Oh, but how my heart
longs for Will to return. When will he return to me? But Rebecca! How she makes
me laugh. Neil seems to be a wonderful person, and the way I see things, we all
deserve a chance at love, no matter what class we’re in.
Elizabeth
I looked over at Rebecca and
Neil, and all I could do was laugh. She looked as though she would fall into
him at any time, and he looked quite the same way. The ability to talk had come
back to her, and she was laughing and smiling at a joke that Neil had told. I
looked at the gate. He wasn’t there. In time, Elizabeth. All in due time. I sat
and waited. Soon the lunch horn blew and we scurried inside. Neil sat with us,
telling us stories of Ireland and of his family, and in turn we told our
stories.
After lunch, we went back out on
deck. Neil joined some of his mates in a card game, leaving Rebecca and I to
talk and fantasize. I kept my eyes on the gate. Finally, I saw him. My heart
leapt from my chest.
"Rebecca! He’s here!" I
said. We got up and approached the gate.
"That’s ‘im? ‘E’s a handsome
one, ain’t ‘e!" she said, straightening her dress. "I ‘ave never met
anyone in first class before," she said.
"Don’t worry; he’s not like
the rest." I walked up the stairs to him. The gate separated us. He looked
out of breath.
"Sorry it took me so
long," he panted. "I had to escape Joanna and Caroline."
"That’s fine, just as long
as you’re here," I said, smiling. We stared at each other for what seemed
like centuries before Rebecca cleared her throat loudly. "Oh, right. Will,
this is my friend, Rebecca," I said, gesturing to her.
"Pleased to meet you,"
she said, holding out her hand. Will took it without hesitation, not like most
first class men. They would have spat or shrugged her hand off.
"Will! Will, where are
you?" Caroline was approaching. He shook his head, as if to say, Why me?
"I have to go. I’ll come
back tonight. Wait for me," he said, holding my hand.
"As long as I must," I
replied. He started walking away; I let my hand stay in his as long as
possible. He looked back at me once more before turning the corner.
"Wot a gentleman!"
Rebecca said, her hands on her hips.
"Yes…he is," I said,
watching him until I could no longer see him. Rebecca and I sat down and began
to talk again. Neil came out shortly, and all was going well.
*****
I sat on the deck, waiting for
Will to come. It was late and everyone had already gone to bed. I stared up at
the stars just like this morning.
"Surprise!" Will
called, making me jump.
"What did you do that
for?" I cried, pushing my hand to my heart, trying to calm it down.
"You gave me a fright!"
"Believe me, that was not
the intention," he said. He held out a single rose. "For you,"
he said shyly.
"Thank you," I said,
taking it and breathing in its sweet smell. I knew I was going to cry again if
I did not say something. "How was your day?" I quickly asked.
"A day of running from
Joanna and Caroline can be quite tiring," he said, sitting down. His fine
evening wear was far superior to my simple gown. I sat down next to him and put
my head on his shoulder. "You must be freezing." He took off his coat
and draped it over my shoulders. I must have fallen asleep, because I woke up
to Will stroking my hair.
"What time is it?" I
asked him, rubbing my eyes.
"It’s about three," he
said.
"You should have woken me!
You must be exhausted!" I said.
"I’m fine, Eliza," he
said.
"This is insane!" I
said.
"What do you mean?"
"That we--two completely
different people--would end up together!" It was all so unbelievable to
me.
"I must have done something
right," he said.
"Or something terribly
wrong." I chuckled. I began to feel drowsy again. "I think it’s time
to retire." I got up and we walked to the door. "Mr. Lovett, a
pleasure as always," I said dramatically.
"I agree, Miss Night, a
pleasure." He was so close to me that I could see every eyelash. I leaned
in and just as our lips were about to touch, he quickly ran away, laughing.
"Very funny, Will!" I
called after him. He ran back to me and gave me a small kiss on the cheek.
"Night," he said. I
trudged back to my cabin and crawled into bed. Will’s coat was still draped
across my shoulders.
April 14, 1912
There are no words to describe
this feeling. I’m still trying to convince myself that all this is not just
some amazing dream; yet Will’s coat is still here…so it must be real.
Elizabeth
I awoke later than usual. Then
again, I went to bed later than usual. I got dressed and went to find Rebecca.
She was sitting with Neil; they were just finishing up breakfast. I grabbed a
slice of toast and smothered it with jam.
"Look who decided to get
up," she said as I sat down.
"I have a good excuse,"
I said, yawning.
"Oh, really, and wot would
that be?" Her Cockney accent was cheery in the early morning.
"I was out until three with
Will."
"Oh…that is a good
one." She sighed.
"If you don’t mind me
asking, who’s Will?" Neil asked.
"It’s a really complicated
story," I said, taking a bite out of my toast.
"It ain’t that complicated.
‘Ere. I’ll tell you." Rebecca turned to Neil and began my story. He looked
more interested in Rebecca than in my story. I was left to my own thoughts.
*****
The horn blew for dinner and
everyone rushed off the deck and down into the dining room. Neil, Rebecca, and
I took our seats and talked about the usual things while we ate a hearty meal
of potato soup. We were still in the dining hall well after dinner was
finished, and it wasn’t until 9:30 that Neil left to catch the air on deck.
"Wot were ‘er dresses
like?" Rebecca asked.
"Joanna’s?" She nodded.
"Well, they were breathtaking, to be honest." I described her closet
and all its contents, and when I told her that Joanna would probably wear each
outfit only once, she about died. Her reaction was priceless. Her eyes got as
wide as the plates and her cheeks were drained of all color.
"That’s a downright
shame!" she cried, pounding a fist on the table. "I’d get good wear
and tear out of ‘em before they was even a year old!" I laughed at her
improper grammar. Joanna would have killed her.
"Would you like to see
one?" I asked her, remembering the blue dress I wore on the night of the
Captain’s Ball.
"’Course I would." She
hopped up and let me lead the way to my cabin. We raced through the halls,
acting like young girls, screaming and laughing until we crashed through my
door. I rushed to the small closet and pulled out the dress. "My Lord!
That ‘as got to be the most beautiful dress I’ve ever seen! Quick! Try it on! I
want to see exactly how you looked that night."
It took about an hour and a half
to actually get the dress on. First, we tied the corset wrong and had to untie
it and then retie it, and all throughout that we were having fits of laughter.
Then, Rebecca did the buttons wrong and we had to redo those--all forty-seven
of them. Finally, I had it on.
"Well, that is harder than
it looks." She stared enviously at the dress. "Teach me how to act
like a first class lady," she said. I began with teaching her how to walk,
eat, and dance. She ate my words up.
"Would you like to try it
on?" I asked.
"Yeah--I mean--yes,
please," she said, using her most snotty voice. She started to undo the
buttons when there was this terrible crunching noise, and then the ship began
to shake and rumble. Rebecca and I looked at each other. It stopped as quickly
as it had come.
"What do you think that
was?" I asked. I glanced at the clock; the time read 11:40.
"I ‘ave no clue." She
looked scared. I grabbed Joanna’s coat, tossed it to her, and wrapped Will’s
coat around me.
"Come on. Let’s go find
out," I said. We made our way to the deck, hearing little snippets of others’
conversations.
"I heard it was a
berg."
"That’s not what I
heard."
"No, Anna told me it was an
iceberg."
We emerged on the deck to find
chunks of ice scattered across the deck. Young boys were playing football with
it or throwing little balls of it at each other.
"Rebecca! Elizabeth! I’m so
glad I found you." Neil came running towards us. "It was an iceberg.
I saw her hit."
"Hit?! What do you mean,
hit?" Rebecca asked frantically.
"She swiped the berg on her
starboard side," he said. There was fear in his eyes, but his voice was
trying to remain calm.
"The ship can’t sink! She’s
unsinkable!" cried Rebecca.
"Of course. Elizabeth, might
I have a word with you?" He pulled me over to the railing.
"Neil, is there something
wrong?" I asked.
"She’s going to sink."
"What?" I asked,
stunned.
"The Titanic is going to
sink. She’s sinking now. Look, I helped build her, and she can only stay afloat
with her first four compartments breeched, but not five. And water is getting
into boiler room six." I looked down at his legs. His pants were dripping
wet with water. So, it was true. The Titanic was going to sink.
"We should tell
Rebecca," I said, turning to get her.
"No! You mustn’t tell
Rebecca. She told me today that her biggest fear was that the Titanic would
sink. Promise me that you will not tell her." His eyes had a pleading look
in them.
"Fine. I will say
nothing…until it is absolutely necessary," I said.
"And Elizabeth, there is one
more thing…" He took a long pause. "There are not enough
lifeboats."
"How do you know this?"
I asked.
"Some things just travel
around."
"How many are there?" I
questioned.
"Enough to save half, maybe
a little over that," he said. I staggered back. Only half, I
thought. Half these people are going to die. "You need to find one as
quickly as possible," he said.
"I have a plan. Don’t
worry." I turned to go to Rebecca, but then turned back to Neil.
"Thank you."
"Hurry!" he said, and
ran off. I headed towards Rebecca, trying my best to stay calm. "Button
your coat all the way so no one can see your dress," I said. She looked
confused, but did as I told her. "I’m going to give you a tour of the
first class decks."
"But I…I don’t think…"
I grabbed her hand, headed towards the gate, and glided through. People were already
starting to gather on the deck. Where was Will? I glanced at the people’s
faces, trying to find him.
"Eliza! Eliza, where are
you?!" I heard Will call. I couldn’t find him, but I heard his voice.
"Will! Will, I’m over
here!" I called, hoping that he would follow my voice. I dashed through
the crowd, pushing people aside, closely followed by a fearful Rebecca. I felt
someone grab my arm and pull me to the side.
"Eliza, thank God you’re up
here," Will said. Crewmembers were already starting to uncover the
lifeboats. Rebecca visibly tensed.
"Don’t worry, Rebecca.
Everything is going to be all right," I said. "I just need to talk to
Will for a moment. You stay here and look around." I pulled Will to the
side.
"Thank God you’re
fine," he said, putting his hands on my arms.
"I suppose you’ve
heard," I said. He nodded gravely.
"Women and children,
please!" the crewmember called. "I need all the women and
children!" I turned from Will and pushed Rebecca towards the boat.
"Everything is fine," I
said, trying to keep a cheery voice. "It’s just a simple precaution."
I handed her to the crewmember and he gently placed her in the boat. I walked
back to Will. "I got Rebecca in," I said. He looked alarmed to see me
again.
"Why didn’t you get
in?" he asked. I just stared at him. "Eliza, you were supposed to get
in, too!"
"No," I said quietly.
He looked at me with his big brown eyes.
"Get in the boat,
Eliza," he said. His grip on me was tight as he was trying to walk me to
the boat.
"No! Not without you!"
I struggled to get free. I felt tears burning in my eyes.
"Eliza, please. Get in the
boat." I could tell he was starting to get frightened that I would
continue to resist.
"No!" I screamed.
"I will not live and watch you die!" The torrents of tears continued
with a vengeance.
"I’m not going to die. I
have to catch my own boat," he said soothingly. I watched the other ladies
around me; some of them were clinging to their husbands and sobbing hopelessly,
others were forcibly being handed into the boats. "Eliza…please." He looked
as if he was about to cry, yet I knew he wouldn’t. He was strong. He could
live. "Just get in the boat."
"Will…" I hugged him
tightly. "I don’t want to leave you here." Will wiped away my tears.
"Don’t cry. There is no need
to cry." He was guiding my feet towards the boat. "Everything will be
all right. We’ll be together soon."
"How can you be sure?"
I asked.
"The stars are watching over
us," he said.
"What?" I asked,
confused.
"Do you want to know what I
wished for that night?" he asked. I nodded my head like a small child.
Distress rockets were firing over our heads. "I wished that we could be
together for the rest of our lives, and that no harm would come to us," he
said, lifting my chin up so I could look him in the eyes.
"But…" I said.
"Eliza, please. I need you
to get in the boat." His voice was stressed. I nodded again and took the
last steps forward to the boat. I turned back around and flung my arms around
Will’s neck and kissed him. I never, not in a million years, wanted to leave
him. "I’ll be fine," he said, giving me a reassuring smile. He
quickly slipped something into my pocket; I took no notice of it. "I’ll
look for boat seven in New York." He kissed me one last time and handed me
to the crewmember. I looked at Will, for what we both knew was the last time.
Then we were lowered into the black sea. And then all there was to do was
wait…just wait.
*****
It wasn’t until I was on the
Carpathia, our rescue ship, that I finally read the note that Will had given
me. A tiny slip of paper. Where he got it, I couldn’t be sure, but on it were
three words.
I love you.
I cried. I cried for hours. I got
out my journal, which I had managed to stuff into my pocket.
April 15, 1912
He’s gone. I know that. I knew
that when he sat me down in the lifeboat. Yet I know there is a logical reason
as to why God has ripped him from me. You see, my dear journal, he told me his
wish. That is why it didn’t come true. He told me…
The End.