ELUDING DESTINY
Chapter Four
Rose was trembling. She shook her
head, the room blurring as she fought a wave of dizziness. She felt paralyzed,
her feet rooted to the ground, and she could not run away, not from this. She
felt like a train wreck had just occurred in her mind. She opened her mouth,
and whispered, "No."
"Yes," said Ruth.
"I never told you because you didn't need to know. For all intents and
purposes, Thomas was your father. He was the father figure in your life. He
loved you with all his heart, unconditionally; he loved you jealously because I
don't think he ever really got over the fact that I loved James, not him, in
spite of what he said. And things were always...strained between us. I was
heartbroken when he died, Rose, but...I was also relieved. I always walked on
eggshells around him. Because he did so much for me, and I loved another man in
return."
"No, no, no." Rose did
not want to hear anymore. She put her hands over her ears, shaking her head.
"No! God, Mother, stop it; you're lying! Daddy is my father; he's my birth
father. Why are you saying this?"
"Because it's true, Rose.
It's not a lie. I understand you must be a little shocked--"
"A little?" Rose stared
at her. "I'm a little shocked? What about a lot? What about devastated? My
entire world, everything I've ever known, it's...it's nothing but a lie! My
father wasn't my father! I never met my father! And you--you are not who I
thought you to be, you--you--"
"Do you blame me?" Ruth
asked, her voice rising again. "Do you blame me for what happened? I fell
in love! That was my crime! I wanted to raise you to be different than me,
Rose. So you wouldn't make the same mistake that I did. So you wouldn't hurt
the way that I have." There was a long pause. "And now look at you.
And look at me. It's so ironic."
Ruth's words from earlier in the
day rang in Rose's head. We're women. Our choices are never easy.
Now she knew what choices Ruth
had really meant.
It was a long time before Rose
spoke, but when she did, it was with quiet sincerity, and her eyes were
steadfast. "I won't make the same mistake you did, Mother. Because I won't
send Jack away...like you did with my father."
A flash of hurt appeared in Ruth's
eyes. But, for once, she did not retaliate with a biting insult of her own. Her
head bowed, and she nodded. She looked like what she was--a beaten, broken
woman who life had taken its toll on.
Rose did not pity her. As Ruth
had said, it had been her own decision. She could have accepted it with grace,
but instead she'd acted jealously toward her husband and daughter, stung them
with her words, and shut them out. She was not strong. She was afraid.
For the first time, her mother
looked old. Youth--the love and happiness that it caters to--was years past.
Rose was all she had.
And she had tried to give her
only daughter away to a man who was incapable of love. Who would not hesitate
to hurt her.
"What about Cal?" Ruth
asked simply, her head still down.
Rose closed her eyes. She was
suddenly exhausted. She needed to feel Jack's arms around her. She needed him
to tell her that everything would be all right.
"I'll talk to him,"
Rose said. "I'll tell him I cannot marry him. That I won't."
"He'll be angry. He'll be
furious."
"Yes, I know."
"Aren't you afraid?"
"I'm tired of being afraid.
I'm tired of bowing down to him. I'm stronger than he is and he knows it."
"When will you tell
him?"
"Tomorrow. After I get some
rest. Although that's unlikely, after what I've just been told."
Ruth got to her feet. "I'll
tell him," she said. Her voice was listless. "I'm the one who forced
you into this, Rose. And he won't strike me."
"No--"
"I'm still your mother,
young lady, no matter what. Don't question me."
Ruth lifted her head and strode
calmly out of the sitting room. She beckoned to Cal, who was waiting just
outside the door.
"I'll have a word with you,
Mr. Hockley."
Cal walked back into the room,
stubbing out his cigarette as he gave both of them a dubious glance.
"Well?" he asked. "Have you decided on her punishment?"
Rose looked at him coolly. Ruth
stared at the carpet for a moment, gathering her composure, then swept her head
up with the same steady, keen gaze that Rose had seen her mother give for as
long as she could remember.
"No. As a matter of fact,
I've decided against it."
Rose looked at her mother and
they shared a brief smile, both knowing what she meant by that.