EVERYTHING’S NOT LOST

EVERYTHING’S NOT LOST
Chapter Forty-Eight

I took in a deep breath, focusing my eyes over Harry’s shoulder at the window outside. I can see cars and people passing by somewhat below us as Harry suddenly squeezed my hands.

"Love?" I looked from the window to him, managing a smile. The paperwork and the marriage license had all been signed minutes ago and here we are, standing in front of a judge’s desk, waiting for him to come. I guess you could call this room his office or as some may call it, the judge’s chambers. Either way, it isn’t the actual courtroom. That would’ve been a little too nerve-wracking. As if my heart isn’t in my throat already! I glanced at Nancy, sitting in a chair in the corner of the room, an enormous smile on her face. I suppose we could call her the city clerk. She hates formalities, so she’s a woman after my own heart. She’s the one who sold us our marriage license, so I guess we can call her the city clerk. Or she’s merely an employee of the city hall. I don’t really know right now.

Either way, she seems pretty excited to be witnessing a wedding, even if she’s my mother’s age. She said someone had to witness the ceremony besides the justice of the peace, or something along those lines. I wasn’t really listening when she explained it. Either way, she seems nice enough, so I could care less. Two other people in the room is certainly not as many people as there would’ve been had my mother been involved. Then again, if she had been involved…Oh, let’s not even think about that.

Anyhow, during the whole time Harry was signing his life away, Nancy…Nancy was telling me how lovely of a bride I’d be. I couldn’t help but thank her—I’m not used to having complete strangers compliment me. Either way, I was completely flattered, because Nancy is beautiful herself.

"You okay?" Harry asked me, concerned.

"Fine." I paused, looking around the room quickly. "When’s that judge supposed to get here?"

"He must’ve lost his robes," Nancy laughed, brushing blonde hair from her eyes.

"Does he lose them often?" Harry asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Every other day!"

"Why do I have a feeling he’s half-blind?" he hissed to me. I laughed at that.

"Who cares if he is," I said, shrugging a shoulder. "He knows how to marry people."

"And that’s what counts?" I nodded.

"Exactly. That’s what counts." I gestured to my ring. "Do you have the rings?" He smiled, nodding.

"Ann, I have everything. Take a deep breath." As if he’s as cool as a cucumber! He looks like he’s practically shaking. He should be taking his own advice—take a deep breath. I must’ve taken a deep breath, because he gently patted one of my cheeks. "Okay, let it out!" I sighed heavily. "You have to breathe in and out, Love."

"I’ll learn that eventually."

"Waiting for me?" We all focused our eyes on the doorway of the office and standing there in a long, official-looking black cloak is an older man, his hair fully white, papers in his hand and glasses balancing on his head. He smiled at Nancy, Harry and then me. "And you must be the bride and groom-to-be!" He gestured to either of us and we both managed a nod.

"That’s us," I said, with a slight laugh. Alright, so Harry was right—he does look half-blind as he shook Harry’s hand. He practically missed taking my fiancé’s offered hand.

"How do you do, Officer…" He gestured to Harry’s uniform.

"Harold Lowe, sir. Pleasure."

"No need for formalities! This is a grand day, why bother with them?" I smiled at that. "The Honorary Basil Lexington at your service," he said, tilting his head slightly. That’s what the name on the desk says, so I believe him. "And you, my dear." He took my hand, squeezing it. "The bride-to-be." I nodded.

"Antoinette." He smiled, dropping my hand, before clearing his throat. "Nancy?" She stood up from her seat. "Marriage license?"

"Oh, yes, of course." She took a folded piece of paper from her pocket and handed it to him. He unfolded it and quickly scanned it, before nodding in approval. I doubt he can even see it.

"Well, everything seems to be in order," he murmured. "Nancy, you never fail me!" She shrugged a shoulder, trying not to turn crimson before taking up her seat once more, crossing one leg over the other. Lexington folded the paper back up and handed it to Harry. "Hold onto it for dear life," he instructed.

"Will do." He stuffed the paper into his pocket.

"It’s one thing that can prove you actually got married," Lexington told him, "after the ceremony, of course." He chuckled at his own joke, before taking the sheets in his hand and shuffling them. "Shall we begin?" We both nodded and Harry took my hands. I find myself shaking and I swallowed. Take a deep breath, Antoinette. This is Harry. You love him. "Oh, wait, rings."

"Rings?" Nancy asked, confused.

"I’ve got them," Harry reassured all of us, taking out a small ring box in his overcoat pocket. He opened the velvet box and faced it towards the judge. "Will they do?"

"As long as they fit, they’re perfect." And they do. Harry had practically dragged me through that jewelry store to make sure the bands fit properly. As he placed the box on top of the judge’s desk, the judge himself, sighed, frustrated—patting himself down suddenly, as if he’s looking for something.

"Problem, Judge?" Nancy asked, her smile not seeming to fade.

"My glasses, where the heck did I put—" I cleared my throat, gesturing to my head. He got the idea and laughed at himself. "Oh, here they are! Thank you, my dear." Well, he needs his glasses so we can get this ceremony done and over with, right? He placed his spectacles on the brim of his nose. "Now, shall we begin?" My heart began to unexpectedly pound, but as I saw Harry nod, I shook my head.

"Restroom?" I asked suddenly, breathless, trying to stop the proceedings for merely a minute. Good excuse, Antoinette, great excuse—Oh, that excuse was awful.

"See that door?" Lexington asked me as I glanced over my shoulder. "Right through there." I managed a nod and dropped Harry’s hands.

"Ann—" He stopped himself as I quickly made my way out of the room.

"Is she alright?" Nancy asked both of them.

"Cold feet already!" Lexington decided. "She’ll be alright, just give her a minute or so to pull herself together—how about you, dear boy? You’re shaking yourself…" His voice trailed off as I took a step into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I went for the mirror, of all things, my footsteps echoing around the room. I placed my crutches against the wall to my right. I need something to lean against and that porcelain sink in front of this said mirror is good enough. Why am I suddenly so clammy? I felt my cheek with the back of my hand, and I’m practically shaking in my skin. Come on, Antoinette! This is no big deal, dilemma or trauma. You’re merely finalizing something you knew was going to happen from the first day you met Harold Lowe. Great, now I’m coaching and talking to myself at the same time.

I ran the water and splashed my face, if nothing else, to calm myself down. As I went for a towel to dry my face, I looked back up at the mirror and I saw my father. I practically screamed, almost falling back onto the floor—but scurried for a towel as I dried my eyes. I got myself closer to the mirror, looking over my right shoulder in the glass. I swear to God, I saw him. I looked over my shoulder at the empty wall to find myself looking at nothing more than the wall. Nothing more. Just the wall. But, I swear…I turned back to the mirror, staring into it. What am I doing? Have I completely lost my mind? I know I question my sanity every other day, every other hour, but I think I have now lost my mind. I saw him. I saw someone who should be dead. I touched the glass of the mirror delicately. Maybe it’s corrupted, broken, cheap…Or am I merely beginning to see things? Am I hallucinating? What if that really was him? He seemed to look happy, of all things. He was smiling. Oh…what if he is here?

"Dad." I spoke it so softly, the words didn’t even seem to echo across the room. "Are you here?" Why am I asking questions to an empty room? "God, am I making a mistake?" Why did I just ask that? I slapped my forehead with my palm. That was stupid. I know I’m not making a mistake. My mother and everyone else in her crotchet circle may think I’m throwing my life away, but I’m not. I gripped the sink tighter than before. I’m not throwing my life away—I’m just starting to finally live life.

I wiped my face again with the soft towel, blotting away a dab of smudged make-up near my left eye. And I look awful, did I mention how awful I look? I never thought I’d look this bad when I got married. Oh, I’m being vain and I sound like my mother. I fixed the necklace across my neck, making it as straight as possible. I know Harry doesn’t care how I look, but I, at least, want to look presentable.

Anyhow, this all may just be wedding jitters. Maybe that judge is right, maybe I am getting cold feet…No, no. Let’s get married. I’m going to let myself get married to the most wonderful man alive and not regret it. A knock on the door made me jump and I almost fell to the floor—again.

"Love, you okay?" Harry. I forced a nod, merely for myself.

"I’m fine," I reassured him.

"You sure?"

"Positive."

"Well, whenever you’re ready…"

"Hold on—" I wiped my face once more. Well…I took in a deep breath. It’s now or never. I took my crutches and after one final glimpse in the mirror to not see my father there, I opened up the bathroom door and walked out—to find Harry leaning against the doorway that led back into the judge’s chambers. "Hi, stranger."

"Hi," he grinned, but I could hear his voice shaking. He’s nervous, too. At least I know it’s not just me. "You ready?" I glanced over my shoulder at the closed bathroom door. If that was my father, was that his way of saying, go for it, sweetheart? Or was it a sign to run for the hills? At this point, I have no idea.

"Yeah." I’m taking it as a sign to go for it, sweetheart.

"Okay. Let’s go, then." He wrapped an arm around me and we began to make our way back into the office. Both Lexington and Nancy seemed to sigh a unanimous breath of relief when they saw us come back together.

"All set?" Lexington asked, with a smile. I nodded. I’m as set as I’m going to be. Harry led me back in front of the desk, where we had been before I had decided to practically jump out the window and get out of here, in front of our guests. "Shall we begin again?" I nodded.

"Yes." I sound so sure of myself, I shock myself sometimes. Harry slipped his hands into mine and squeezed them. Lexington flipped through the pages once more, before smiling to himself when reaching, what I think, is the proper page.

"Friends…" He glanced over at Nancy, who’s still smiling, "…And Nancy." I giggled at that. "We have been invited here today to share with Officer Harold Lowe and…" He looked up from the page to me. "Didn’t quite catch your name, dear," he admitted, looking slightly embarrassed.

"Antoinette Andrews."

"Antoinette Andrews," he restated, "a very important moment in their lives. In the years they have been together…" I looked up at Harry. More like days! I saw him holding back his laughter. "…Their love and understanding for one another has grown and matured, and now they have decided to live their lives together as husband and wife." He paused, clearing his throat. "If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace." Our eyes all seemed to glide to Nancy, who shook her head.

"I have no objections," she laughed. Well, my mother would—but my father wouldn’t. At least we don’t have to worry about someone shouting in disapproval. If anyone’s yelling, I can’t hear them. Harry kept his eyes locked on me and my stare locked onto him. I can’t believe this. I can’t believe this is actually happening. To me.

"Merely procedural," Lexington told us, with a slight shrug. "Now, please hold hands." Well, Harry gripped my hands tighter than before, and I don’t think he plans on letting go. "Do you, Harold Lowe, take this woman, to be your lawful wedded wife, to love, honor and cherish her through sickness and in health, through times of happiness and travail, until death do you part?"

"I do." He said it so simply and grinned down at me, as if the big question of the decade had just been answered.

"And do you, Antoinette Andrews, take this man to be your lawful wedded husband, to love, honor and cherish him through sickness and in health, through times of happiness and travail, until death do you part?"

"I do."

"Officer, please repeat after me," Lexington instructed. "I, Harold…"

"I, Harold."

"Take you, Antoinette."

"Take you, Antoinette." He smiled when he said my name.

"To be my lawful wedded wife."

"To have and to hold."

"From this day forward."

"For richer, for poorer…"

"For richer, for poorer."

"In sickness and in health."

"To love and to cherish."

"To love and to cherish." I smiled at him when he said that. He already loves and cherishes, me, that’s the God’s honest truth.

"From this day forward, until death do us part."

"From this day forward, until death do us part." He sighed somewhat of another breath of relief. Now, this should be easy for me, to repeat what the judge says. If Harry can do it, than anyone can…of course, that’s in theory.

"Now, Antoinette, please repeat after me." I nodded at him, keeping my eyes locked on Harry. "I, Antoinette."

"I, Antoinette."

"Take you, Harold."

"To be my lawful wedded husband."

"To be my lawful wedded husband," I smiled. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

"To have and to hold."

"From this day forward."

"From this day forward," I repeated. Lexington wiped his brow quickly before clearing his throat.

"For richer, for poorer…"

"For richer, for poorer."

"In sickness and in health."

"To love and to cherish."

"To love and to cherish." I swallowed hard, my eyes welling up with tears. Oh, Antoinette, calm yourself! This is your wedding, don’t cry.

"From this day forward, until death do us part."

"Now, the rings," Lexington said, with a smile. Harry picked up the box from the table and opened it. He gestured to Harry. "First, you Harold. Place the ring on her finger." He hesitated and the judge chuckled. "Come now, my boy, don’t be shy!" He took my left hand and although he’s shaking, he slipped the band onto my finger before staring me straight in the eye, his goofy smile more apparent than ever. "Please repeat after me. With this ring, I thee wed."

"With this ring," he said, "I thee wed."

"And now, Antoinette," Lexington instructed. Harry handed me his ring and I held it tightly between my fingers. "Place the ring on his finger and please repeat after me." I took his hand, myself shaking just as bad as him, if not worse and placed the gold band on his finger, fixing it to make sure it fit. It fits just fine. "With this ring, I thee wed."

"With this ring, I thee wed." I glanced at Lexington, breaking my glare with Harry momentarily.

"By the power invested in me by the State of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife." He smiled. "You may now kiss the bride." Harry laughed and pulling me in close to him, he wrapped his arms around me. And what did we do? We did as we were told—we kissed.

Epilogue
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