I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I saw my soft red curls, my pale skin, but I saw nothing else. My eyes were cold and vacant, and I almost didn't recognize myself. Since I'd boarded the ship, I'd been numb to the world around me. It had actually started long before that, the moment I'd met Cal Hockley. I'd been pushed into the relationship, told countless times it was best for me and my mother. The only thing I'd gotten out of it was this cold feeling, this loss of control. I no longer felt like I was in control of my own life and I felt like a pawn in my mother's chess game. The only time I'd truly felt alive since boarding this ship was the night I'd almost ended it all—the night I met Jack.
Jack had reignited the spark within me, the fire that society had been putting out. I loved the way I felt around him. I hated the person I was with Cal. He was wealthy and handsome, yes, but I didn't want him. I’d already learned he was controlling and abusive. I already knew he was a greedy swine. I knew all he cared about was money and power. He was cold, just as cold as he made me feel. He'd iced my heart, dousing the flames that once powered my soul, weakening my spirit until it was something he could control. Weakening me and changing me into the fiancée he wanted.
I ran a brush through my thick hair as I sat in my nightgown, readying myself for bed. I turned my head quickly when I heard the doorknob creak. I saw Cal standing there, watching me admiringly, a small smile on his face.
"I know you've been melancholy; I don't pretend to know why," he said as he walked towards me, coming to stand behind me in the mirror. He pulled out a box from behind his back and leaned against the table in front of me. "I intended to save this until the engagement gala next week, but I thought—tonight..." He trailed off, opening the box to reveal the most beautiful blue diamond I'd ever seen in my life.
"Good gracious," I gasped, cutting him off.
He studied my face with a smirk. "Perhaps it's a reminder of my feelings of you," he said, moving behind me and brushing my hair from my neck to clasp it in place.
"It's overwhelming," I sputtered out, unable to think of another response as I stared at the necklace. It felt heavy on my neck, like the weight of the person I was supposed to be, the person I was when I wore this for him, was too much. I looked at myself with the diamond hanging there, almost choking me of life, and I hated myself.
"Well, it's for royalty; we are royalty, Rose," he said. He toyed with my hair as he knelt down beside me, watching my face.
"You know, there's nothing I couldn't give you. There's nothing I would deny you," he said, studying me as I held my own gaze in the mirror, "if you would not deny me." He had a hint of possessiveness in his voice. I turned to face his gaze, his eyes moving low on my neck to the necklace and then farther down. "Open your heart to me, Rose..." But my heart wasn't his.
He reached up to touch me, pushing my hair from my face and letting his hand wander low on my neck. I stiffened at his touch and his hand grazed the necklace before moving down to my breasts.
"Cal," I said quietly. He didn't acknowledge that I had spoken and he placed a kiss on the exposed skin of my neck. I stood to escape his touch. "Cal..."
"Why do you continue to deny me, Rose?" he asked in a frustrated tone. "I give you everything, buy you whatever you wish, but you won't let me in!" Anger sparkled in his eyes as he stood, too, and held my gaze.
"I..." I didn't love him. I never had. I'd been forced into the relationship by everyone, but I had never truly wanted it. I didn't want the rest of my life to revolve around money and fancy parties and being Cal's prize. I didn't want to be smacked around anymore for not being his perfect fiancée or for speaking my mind. I wanted to be free. And when he touched me, Jack's face flashed through my head. Jack was free.
He'd only hit me once, and I tried to forget the time he turned a table over on me at breakfast, but still, when his temper rose like this and I frustrated him, he scared me.
"I'm sorry," I said softly, taking another step back.
"You are my fiancée. We will be married and you will be mine," he said in a calm, cold tone, breathing deeply as he stepped closer to me. My body froze. "Do you not want me?" he asked as he stood on front of me.
I hesitated as he reached forward to stroke my arm. He leaned in, grabbing my chin and kissing me. It wasn't rough, but it wasn't gentle or loving, either. It was hungry. His arms wrapped around my waist, holding me possessively. I felt them wander lower on my body.
I broke away, gasping for air. "I…" I took a deep breath. "I don't want this. I'm not ready for this," I said, breaking his hold.
He dropped his hands to his side with a frustrated growl. "You're never ready! You never will be ready!" he snapped.
He reached forward, toying with the necklace he'd given me moments before as a token of his "love". He was so selfish, I'd yet to be convinced the man really did love me.
"You like pretty things like this, Rose?" he asked softly.
"Yes, but I—" I was so confused.
"I always get you nice things, and I always will. Don't you think it's time you gave me something?" He had a glint in his eye that scared me.
"Cal, I don't...I…" I couldn't find the words to describe what I was feeling. Did he think because he'd bought me this diamond that I didn't even want that I owed him? That my virginity was his reward...his payment?
He wrapped his arms around me again, ignoring my struggling. "Because I do..."
He captured my lips quickly in a kiss as he tangled his hands in my long, thick hair. I shoved him away, but he held me into him.
"Cal!"
"Shh, love. You'll enjoy this," he said, grabbing my wrists roughly and leading me over to the bed. He pushed me down on it to my protests and crawled on top of me.
"Cal! I don't want this. I don't want to make love to you. Please stop this," I begged as he reached down to silence me with his lips. He pulled my hands above my head and held my wrists down with one hand while using the other to explore my body. He reached his hand up my nightgown to graze my thigh and I squirmed away from him.
I didn't want this.
I felt the tears brimming hot in the back of my eyes and I tried to blink them away, to no avail. Anger suddenly flared inside of me. I wasn't his, and he couldn't just take what he wanted from me. He broke our kiss to suck on the skin of my neck, and I lost it.
"You sick bastard!" I spat at him. I'd rarely cursed in my life, but in this moment, it felt good.
He raised his head and looked at me in shock for a moment. Then there was a glint in his eye and a smirk spread across his face as his eyes held mine. Before I knew what was happening, he raised his hand and smacked me hard across the face.
"You really do displease me, Rose," he said as he stared down at me with cold yet amused eyes. It was foolish of me to provoke him; I knew he wasn't above hitting me. I looked away from him, tears falling harder, unable to meet his gaze. I turned my head to the side and stared at the wall, at anything but him.
I'd given up.
I knew there was nothing I could do to stop him. If Cal wanted something, he always got it.
"Now, lay still and enjoy this, love," he said, reaching for his suspenders. "You're lucky to have me." He smirked, unfastening his suspenders and pushing them aside. I gulped. He reached for his shirt and undid it slowly, staring at me the entire time. "Oh, come on, Rose. Don't be so cold," he said, grabbing my face and tilting it forward so I was forced to look at him. "That's better," he said, slipping off his shirt and revealing his toned torso. I definitely wasn't going anywhere. He'd stop me easily.
The tears that had been falling at a steady pace quickened and I let out a full sob. He quickly undressed the rest of the way until he was naked before me. I shut my eyes tightly and breathed deeply, trying to escape this hell. He reached forward to caress my cheek, and I cringed.
He reached for my nightgown and slipped it off of me, taking in the sight before him. He shamelessly looked down at me, running his eyes over every inch of me.
He pressed his body against mine and I felt the evidence of his arousal against my skin. I felt sick to my stomach as his hands roamed my body, shamelessly grabbing at my breasts. He took one of my nipples in his mouth, sucking on it, before biting down hard. I let out a loud cry of pain and his hand came crashing down on my mouth. "Shh," he warned. A smirk spread across his face. "I know how to shut you up. On your knees!" he said harshly. I lay there, pleading to him with my eyes to just stop. "Now!" he roared, and the anger in his voice had me shaking in fear. I sat up, my knees on the bed. He laid back on it, putting his hands behind his back in a relaxed pose. "In your mouth," he ordered. I looked at him, wide-eyed. "Goddammit, Rose! Do it," he said, grabbing me roughly by my hair and forcing my head down towards him.
I whimpered in pain. "Please, don't make me," I begged, a tear falling onto down his skin.
He smacked me hard across the ass and I cried out again. "Now," he repeated. I reluctantly took him in my mouth and he bucked into me. I came up for air and he roared at me. "Don't take it out!"
I took him in my mouth again and he bucked into me once again. I soon found myself gagging and choking around him, which only earned a moan from his mouth. I finally had to stop and I sat up, begging for air.
He groaned. "Enough of this." He grabbed me, throwing me back down on the bed before positioning himself over me once again. He licked my body before his fingers found my core, and I cringed. I shook in fear, as I knew what was finally coming. Sobs racked my body once again.
"Cal, please don't," I begged as he shoved a finger inside of me roughly, causing me to arch off the bed and scream in pain. He quickly added another and began pumping them in and out mercilessly. I whimpered with each movement, clutching the bed sheets in pain. "Please, stop," I begged, tears soaking my face. He lined himself up with my entrance and gave me one last hungry kiss before slamming into me as hard as he could. I'd never felt so much pain. It was excruciating. I felt myself tearing and stretching and I cried out in pain. I heard him groan above me and my stomach turned.
"So tight, Rose," he growled in a hoarse voice. I whimpered as he pulled out of me and thrust into me again. "I'll look forward to this every night when we're married," he whispered in my ear before slamming into me once more. I gasped at the sudden pain. I reached up and grabbed onto his arm, needing something to hold onto. I gripped it so tightly at the pain, digging my nails into it, that I was sure I was leaving a mark.
He pulled out of me and pushed into me again and I gripped his arm harder, not sure how it wasn't yet broken.
He hissed. "Jesus Christ, Rose," he said, grabbing onto my hand and pushing it away from him. I cried harder. The one comfort I'd been taking in him, just using him as something to grab onto, and he didn't even want that. This man didn't love me. He was just using me.
He continued to push into me again and again, causing me to scream each time, before he finally released inside of me, moaning with pleasure. He pulled out of me roughly after riding out his orgasm, causing me to let out another loud cry of pain. He moved away from me. I looked down and caught sight of a bloodstain on the bed. My stomach turned once again. He wiped himself off, using the bed sheet to clean the blood off, before collapsing beside me, breathing deeply. I turned so I wasn't facing him and curled away from him and into myself. I let the sobs continue as the pain in my body throbbed uncontrollably.
He reached over and shut off the bedside lamp, clearly deciding he was staying in here and that we were going to sleep.
I couldn't stop the sobs that racked my body. I was ruined, I was stuck with him, and I was his—forever. No one would have me now. There was no way out.
"Shut up, Rose. I can't sleep," he growled, turning to face me and pull me into him from behind. Our bodies touched and I involuntarily shivered. I didn't want his touch. He wrapped his arms around me and I felt his breath on my neck. "It'll be better next time," he whispered, almost kindly. I didn't want there to be a next time. I'd go my whole life without making love if it had to be with him.
*****
I walked the deck the next day, my hair falling down into a mess in the wind. I'd wanted to be alone and excused myself from the table. I was still sore, so I walked gingerly, taking a peaceful stroll and trying to forget all memories of last night.
I suddenly felt myself being pulled into a room and felt the door shut behind me. I looked up—Jack. My heart skipped a beat. He'd dragged me into the empty gymnasium.
"Rose!" he said in an excited tone. His face fell a bit when he saw the look on mine. I'd been trying to hide the fact that something was wrong, but I'd obviously been doing a terrible job at it. Jack hadn't been the first one to look at me like that today. "Rose," he said softly, studying my face. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, Jack. I can't—I can't be here. I have to go. I can't see you anymore," I said quickly before turning to leave.
Jack grabbed my arm tightly to stop me from leaving and I winced in pain, letting out a small hiss. There was a bruise there from where Cal had held me down.
I turned to face Jack to gauge his reaction, hoping he hadn't heard me. His face was a mask of confusion as he let go of my arm quickly, an apologetic look on his face. He leaned forward and grabbed it again gently, pushing up the sleeve of my dress and exposing the dark bruise forming there, one of many. His eyes widened in shock, but quickly turned angry.
"Rose," he said gently, dropping my arm. "Who did this?"
I turned from him, towards the door, shaking my head furiously. He couldn't know.
“Rose," he said again, more desperately. I halted, but didn't turn. "You have this amazing fire about you, Rose, and every day you're with them. Every day, I see it burn out a little. And if you keep doing this to yourself, soon it's going to burn out." His words hurt because they were so true. I choked back tears and turned to face him. "Now, tell me what happened," he said gently, coming to stand in front of me, backing me up against the wall.
I looked away from his burning gaze and swallowed hard. "It was nothing, Jack," I said softly, not meeting his gaze. "I have to go." I shifted to move, but he stopped me.
He grabbed my chin gently and tilted it up to meet his. There was so much sympathy and concern in his eyes that my heart hurt. "What happened?" he breathed.
"Cal," I said quietly.
His fists clenched and his jaw locked instantly. "He hit you?" he asked incredulously. I nodded, looking away again. If only that had been it. He studied my face.
"That's nothing new," I offered.
He growled in anger. "What else?"
The tears finally spilled over that I'd been fighting so hard to hold back. Jack gently reached forward and wiped them away with his thumb. I let out a sob at the sensation. I arched into his touch. It was one that I actually liked. It was gentle and loving, unlike Cal's cold, harsh one.
"I'm ruined," I said softly. "No one will ever want me; I'm truly trapped with him now," I sobbed.
"He raped you!" Jack spat.
I let out another light sob as the tears started to flow freely. I couldn't stop them. I was still looking away, mortified, anywhere but at his face.
He reached forward and gently pulled me into him. I clung to him, sobbing into his chest as he wrapped his arms protectively around me. "Shh," he whispered, stroking my hair gently. I could hear the pain in his voice. "I want you."
The End.