FLORA
Chapter One
Flora Cartwright hesitated momentarily before
she stepped into the lifeboat. Her heart was beating a mile a minute and her
mind was whirling from all the confusion that was around her. People frightened
to death of what was happening and even worse what would happen, it all was a
jumble to her now. It almost scared her more to step into this small, crowded
boat than to stay on this big ship, but deep down she knew she had to do it.
Quickly she looked back at her Uncle
Christopher, who had turned his back so he didn't have to watch her go. Flora
knew that she was leaving behind the only known relative she had, and that made
tears come to her eyes, but still she knew she had to survive this no matter
how much she wanted to die also.
At sixteen she was expected in this
high-class society to have no fears and act like an adult, but she still had
the fears of a child. And now more than ever she felt this emotion to the core
of her soul.
Even though she felt all alone in this world,
she couldn't very well give up now. She had fought too hard to survive since
her parents had died four years earlier, and she didn't want to share their
fate. And now that the last of her Cartwright family members stood on a sinking
ship she knew that if the name that had been preserved through this much
tragedy could go on still, she would have to carry it.
"Ma'am, get into the boat please."
The man helping the ladies into the lifeboat had stepped inside himself, and
held his hand out for Flora to take. She turned her tear-streaked face to him.
His kind eyes begged her to get in, and even though she couldn't remember
seeing them before, they calmed her fears. His young face smiled at her, and
cautiously at first, then willingly, she took his hand firmly, and with the
other held up the hem of her expensive dress.
As she stepped into the boat, her heeled
shoes tripped her and she fell directly into the arms of the kind young man
helping her. She grabbed his arms, and when she lifted her face it was only
inches apart from his concerned eyes.
"Are you all right, miss?" Flora
nodded and then the man brought her to a seat next to his, and then nodded to
the officer, who motioned for the boat to be lowered.
Flora watched as she went further and further
away from the first class deck. She hardly noticed how cold she was in her
short sleeves until a coat was placed over her shoulders. Surprised, Flora
looked up to see the young man's face again.
"No, no, you need it as much as I
do!" She brushed a lock of her chestnut hair from her eyes, making eye
contact with the man next to her.
"I insist." He noticed that she was
again about to refuse. "I feel better knowing it's on you." Flora saw
it was useless to fight him, so sat still without another word for a few
minutes.
"Thank you, sir." As the boat began
to row farther and farther from Titanic, Flora took a last look at the
magnificent ship, which was full of grandeur and elegance now retreating into
the water. One end was sinking rapidly, the other rising higher in the air. She
could hardly believe what she saw.
"Matthew Cambridge is my name, ma'am.
You can call me Matthew. Formalities are not needed now." Flora pried her
eyes from the sight before her and looked to Matthew.
"I'm Flora. Hello." She reached her
hand out, which he took, squeezing it gently with a small smile.
It seemed then that all those in the
lifeboats turned dreadfully quiet. It was almost as if they could sense the end
of the great luxury liner coming. While those in the lifeboats were silent,
those still aboard the Titanic began to scream and get hysterical when they
realized all the lifeboats were gone.
It was the calm before the storm. Flora knew
what would come next, and when darkness overcame her she welcomed it, falling
back into Matthew's arms.
*****
When Flora awoke she was already aboard
another ship, in a warm cot in the corner of a big room. People were bustling
around, bringing soup to the other patients aboard. In the cot next to her was
a young man, deathly pale and completely still. A bit worried that she had been
put with the dead, she became frightened.
Flora strained to sit up, her body sore from
the exertion. She began to get light headed from her efforts, and suddenly she
heard a voice call to her.
"Flora, you're too weak still. Lay back
down!" When she looked up the familiar face of Matthew was before her,
approaching with a bowl of soup in hand.
"I'm fine now, really!" Matthew shook
his head, then seeing the determination in her eyes, helped her until she was
in a sitting position.
"You are stubborn, you know that
Flora?" Despite how much it had hurt to sit up, she smiled widely.
"I know!" Matthew mumbled something
inaudibly, beginning to thrust a spoonful of the soup toward her mouth.
"You've given me enough trouble, will
you at least eat this without a fight?" Flora nodded, taking the hot
liquid into her mouth, relishing how it warmed her body.
"It's feels wonderful! Tell me, Mr.
Cambridge, why are you still with me? Didn't you have family aboard?"
Flora's voice had always been naturally soft, but even more so now that sick
people surrounded her.
"No, no family aboard. I am…well, was a
White Star Line employee. I don't know if my job is still intact, but didn't
really like it anyway." Flora for the first time noticed the British
accent he spoke with, and it sounded familiar to her. She searched his face,
trying to remember where she had seen him aboard the ship. When the realization
came to her, she again smiled.
"Oh, you were one of the doormen! To the
first class dining room!" Matthew nodded, offering her a drink of coffee,
which she happily accepted.
"Yep, that was me. The doorman."
Flora sensed he was a bit offended, and automatically felt bad.
"Oh, I hope I didn't offend you. I meant
it only in a good way." Matthew nodded, taking the bowl away when she
motioned him to do so.
"I know. And what about your family? I
searched all of the surviving first class passengers and no one claimed to be
with you." Flora lowered her eyes, the tears she had tried to keep from
flowing now beginning to fight for freedom. With much strength, she held them
back.
"My parents died four years ago. I was
traveling with my uncle back home to New York. He was the last family member I
had. He was my father's brother. Everyone else has either been lost over time
or is dead."
Matthew's face showed incredible concern, and
he gently took her hand. "I'm sorry. You mean that you're alone in the
world? No one to take care of you? How about orphanages?" Flora looked
back up to him, shaking her head.
"I'm sixteen. A bit old. Anyhow, I would
never go to one of those places. I'll be fine." Matthew looked unconvinced
as he handed her the coffee cup again.
"Your uncle must have left you money in
his will, shouldn't he have?" Flora nodded, again lowering her eyes.
"He was keeping my parents fortune as
well as his. It all is to go to me, he made that clear in his will."
"Still, where will you stay? Don't you
have any of those rich people as friends that could take you in?" Flora
shook her head, tears welling in her eyes.
"We never really associated with those
people. Not since Mama and Daddy died. Uncle Christopher despised them! He kept
to himself a lot. Never really was social like that. There is a house in London
that he owned. The place in New York he just sold not long ago, he was coming
to sign the papers over to the new owners. I guess I'll have to do that
now." Matthew was touched by this young woman's courage, and by how she
was willing to take over the responsibilities of her dead uncle.
"Forgive me for asking, Flora, but were
you…engaged to any one?" Flora looked surprised at the question, but still
shook her head in answer.
"No, I wasn't. Uncle Christopher didn't
believe in making me marry anyone I didn't want to marry." Matthew nodded,
a bit relieved but also upset that she really didn't have anyone in the world.
"So you're truly alone." Flora
smiled cheerfully through her tears.
"Don't look so sad, Matthew. Some people
might not be able to handle it, but I'm used to it. I can make it through
anything now." There was silence a moment before a loud, booming voice was
heard in the room. It was that of a woman, greeting everyone as she came into
the room. Flora recognized it as that of the only person her uncle ever
associated with in polite society, and a smile spread across her face.
"Molly? Is she really still alive?"
Matthew looked surprised as he glanced to see Mrs. Brown at the other end of
the room.
"You know her?"
"Yes. Uncle Christopher adored her! Oh,
please, will you get her, Matthew?" Matthew quickly obliged, rushing to
the side of Mrs. Brown, who sat talking with a sick young man, kindness in her
voice.
"Mrs. Brown? May I speak to you?"
Molly turned to see a handsome young man, with dark brown hair and beautiful
green eyes, which seemed to plead with her.
"Yeah, sonny, sure. What is it?"
Her normally loud voice lowered when she took him to the side and looked
directly at him.
"My name is Matthew Cambridge, and I
worked on Titanic, but what I want to talk to you about is a young lady. She
says you knew her uncle, Christopher Cartwright?" Molly's face
automatically lit up with the mention of his name, and then she grabbed
Matthew's arm.
"Are you speaking of Flora? Did she
live?" Matthew was relieved that he had found someone that knew her.
"Yes, she did! She's right over there. A
bit weak still, but she's all right! Her uncle died though."
"Oh, and he was all she had! Christopher
used to worry so about what would happen if he died! Her parents are both dead,
you know! Marie, her mama, died giving birth to a boy four years ago. The babe
died too. And Robert shot himself not a week after it happened. He never was
right in the head, God rest his soul! Little Flora, well, she went to her
grandma's, but she died not a month after, and then finally to Christopher's,
where she has been all this time. She must be crazy with grief." Matthew
felt even sadder for Flora after hearing her whole story. He knew what it was
like to lose someone close to you. A year before his wife and daughter had died
of tuberculosis, and the pain had been unbearable. Luckily, he had had more
strength then Flora's father had.
"I know she is, but she won't show it.
I'm worried that she's keeping it all bottled up inside. I was hoping that
maybe if you stay with her a while she will tell you what she's feeling."
Molly nodded her agreement, then with a sly smile looked up at Matthew.
"Will you tell me why an employee on a
ship has taken so much interest in little Flora?"
"I just want to make sure she is all
right, that's all." Matthew tried to convince himself that was all, but he
knew the truth must show in his eyes.
"That could be. But maybe, could it be
that little Flora ain't so little no more?" Matthew's guilty eyes met with
Molly's, both knowing the truth but not saying it.
"She's over there." Matthew pointed
the corner where Flora was, and Molly started her way, a sly smile the only
good-bye Matthew got.
*****
Finally Flora lay asleep in her warm cot.
Molly had ordered another blanket be brought for the girl, and even though they
had to search high and low they had found one for her.
Flora had let out all the pent-up emotion
that was held inside of her, and had had a good cry. Her eyes now were red and
puffy from the exertion, but they were in a restful sleep. It had been all
Molly could do to not join in with her crying. It seemed unfair to her that
someone as gentle and kind as Flora Cartwright had to suffer this much in her
few years of life. Now was the time she was supposed to be having fun, being a
teenager, but instead she had to find a way to survive without anyone.
Molly took that back. Flora had her, and she
had told her that while Flora had used her shoulder to cry on. She wasn't about
to let this girl go through the world alone. Until she could find her way on
her own, preferably with a husband to care for her, she would stay with Molly.
Flora wasn't the type of person that could make it through life alone,
completely unlike Molly who didn't mind living without a husband. Flora would
have to have someone to love her unconditionally, a man to take care of her
when she got weak.
Molly smiled at the thought that maybe that
wasn't too far off. If the way that Matthew Cambridge had taken care of her was
any indication of his feelings, then they were strong. Even Flora talked about
him with that glitter in her eyes, saying how kind he had been to her and how
he had taken care even though he didn't know her at all, except for her name.
With a sigh, Molly stood up, a bit curious as
to what the story of Mr. Matthew Cambridge was. With determination, she set out
to find him and get the story straight from him.
*****
Molly found him sitting out on the deck with
a few of the officers from Titanic that had survived, and a few men that were
workers on the Carpathia. All the men stood when they noticed the presence of a
lady, and Matthew stepped forward a step.
"Is Miss Cartwright all right,
ma'am?" Molly nodded, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Yep, fine. Can we speak a moment, Mr.
Cambridge?" Matthew nodded, saying his good-byes to the other men and
walking with Molly until they were as far away from the group of people as they
could be, then stopped. Molly put her hands on the railing and looked out over
the still water, finding its beauty remarkable, but now realizing how dangerous
it could be.
"Flora is gonna come stay with me when
we get to New York, and then come to live with me in Boulder. She needs someone
to be with her, and I couldn't leave her alone, poor darling." Matthew
felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders and a smile came to his
lips.
"Thank you so much, Mrs. Brown! I was
worried a bit about that." Molly smiled at him, turning to face him
directly before she continued with what she had come to say.
"I don't intend on ever letting her
leave my house unless she has someone to be with her always, by that I mean a
husband. And, I was wondering if a husband is what you would like to be to
Flora someday?" Matthew was shocked at the directness of the question, and
he turned his eyes away from hers momentarily, then let them come back.
"Ma'am, I'm only a poor Englishman with
no money and now no job. I could never marry someone like Flora."
"Why not? It isn't like her family will
disapprove of it. She ain't got no one to say nothing about it, and I know that
Christopher has left her quite a fortune that could last her for a long, long
time. You would have enough money, and Flora has a house in England her uncle
left her, so you could go back to your homeland and be with any family you
have. I'm not trying to rush nothing now, but it seems perfect to me."
Matthew turned so he was facing the water, Molly now staring at his cameo
against the sky.
"I was married once. Her name was
Lillian, and she was a stage actress. I was seventeen then, and she was
sixteen. We fell in love madly, and we married that month. Nine months later
she had a baby, a little girl. I was acting then at a local theater, and was
making a good, solid amount of money. Everything seemed perfect then, we were
all so happy. My mum and dad came down with tuberculosis, and died. Lillian
went to take care of them because I was touring at the time in London. She came
down with it, and before I could get home to help she had given it to the baby.
They died the day before I arrived. I found them both in our bedroom, all cold
and pale. The day they were buried I swore to myself I would never let anything
affect me like that again, never allow myself to care."
"But you cared enough for Flora to take
care of her when you didn't have to." Matthew nodded, still looking out
over the ocean.
"Yes, that's what scares me."
"It seems to me that you and Flora have
a lot in common. You both are alone, and you both need someone. Son, if you're
figuring on hiding out from the rest of the world 'cause you don't want to get
hurt, you'll miss out on a lot of really good things in life. I can't imagine
what you've been through, losing all those you love like that, but Flora
can." Matthew finally turned to meet her eyes, Molly smiling a bit before
patting his hand and walking away to leave him in thought.
Maybe she was right. He had hidden from the
world after Lillian's death, had even quit acting, which he loved more than
anything, to take odd jobs wherever he could find them. He had never thought of
finding someone else to marry, he had always thought of it as replacing
Lillian. He had had his share of short-lived romances and one-night affairs,
but none had meant anything to him. At the tender age of twenty he had lived
more than most fifty-year-olds had in their lifetime. He figured that Flora
felt the same way.
He saw in her eyes so much pain and suffering,
and those feelings were all so familiar to him. It brought back to him all his
heartaches, but still he felt like he wanted to take her in his arms and
protect her as best he could from any more tragedy in her life. His heart told
him to do it, but common sense reminded him of all the factors against their
being together.
With a sigh he walked back to where the
fellows were, taking his place among them again and trying to forget the most
beautiful woman he had ever seen.
*****
When Flora awoke and realized that neither
Molly nor Matthew was near her, she began to get hysterical. A kindly woman
came to try and calm her, then another woman she had remembered from the first
class dinners. She began to calm her, smoothing her hair reassuringly and speaking
in a calm voice.
"Now, now, don't cry honey, it's all
right." These comments were repeated until Flora had gotten her emotions
under control, and the young woman finally relaxed enough to move from sitting
on the side of the bed to the chair next to the cot.
Flora looked at the woman a moment, trying to
place her. The fiery curly red hair and blue eyes seemed awfully familiar, and
especially that shy smile she gave her. Finally, Flora's questioning look
prompted her to introduce herself.
"I'm Rose DeWitt Bukater." Flora
didn't remember the name, but from whispered conversations on Titanic, and she
only knew the girl from a few passing greetings in the dining room and when
walking on the deck, but still her kind eyes made Flora calm, and she lay back
against the pillows.
"Flora Cartwright." Rose smiled,
holding out a glass of water for her to take, which she did.
"I know. Molly asked me to sit with you
while she was gone. She's helping some of the others, you know how she likes to
be of use." Flora nodded, the next question popping into her head just
moments before she blurted it out.
"Where's Matthew? Is he gone too?"
Rose nodded, her eyes undauntingly on Flora.
"Yes. I don't know exactly where, but he
is off somewhere also." The more Flora looked at the beautiful woman in
front of her the more she remembered her from Titanic.
"Weren't you with Mr. Hockley? I think
that's where I remember you from." Rose nodded, a bit flustered at the
mention of his name.
"Yes. But no more. Here, have another
drink." Flora declined the offer, and sat still a moment, listening to her
own heart as it beat.
"It's incredible. They're all dead, my
uncle, Mr. Andrews, even that kind captain man. You know, he let me stand at
the wheel for a few minutes and pretend to be captain of the ship! Childish, I
know, but still it was fun." Rose chuckled, the smile becoming more and
more of a comfort to Flora.
"Not childish. A person has to have fun
sometimes. We can't always be ladylike, now can we?" Flora laughed and nodded,
pulling herself up a bit more with less effort than the last time.
"I guess not. Did Mr. Hockley get off
alive, Rose?" Rose nodded, her eyes lowered from Flora's.
"Yes, so did Mother." Still, Rose
looked forlorn. Flora reached for her hand and took it, squeezing it gently.
"Then everyone you love is all
right!" At these words Rose broke out into tears, uncontrollably sobbing.
Flora sat a moment wondering what she had said to get Rose so upset, at first
drawing a blank.
After a moment's thought she recalled what
all the gossip she had heard about Rose had been. She remembered the good
looking blond man that had been to that one first class dinner, the one that
had escorted Rose and Molly to dinner. He had reminded her of an old photo that
had been taken of her father at about that same age. She had been so stunned at
the resemblance that she had dropped her fork on the floor, and he had picked
it up and handed it to her with a smile. The old lady she sat next to had
scorned her for being clumsy, and the man had heard, giving her a reassuring
wink as he walked away.
Everyone after that had talked about how he
was from steerage, and that Mr. Hockley's fiancée was running around with him
unsupervised. It must be that man that Rose now cried over.
"Oh, Rose! I'm sorry! I didn't remember
him! Can you forgive me, please?" Rose calmed herself, and raised her
teary eyes to Flora's.
"You couldn't have known, it's not your
fault. I feel so selfish crying over my loss when you lost your uncle also. I
am the one that should be sorry." Flora shook her head, and before she
realized it, they embraced each other lovingly, each having found someone that
understood the others feelings perfectly. They both knew they had found a
friend.
*****
The day they docked in New York Molly was one
of the last off, having helped everyone she could with whatever they needed.
Flora realized by observation more than anything that Rose was trying to hide
from her mother and fiancé. When they asked for names she had said she was Rose
Dawson. Flora understood why she did it, Rose having told her the whole story
of Jack in the many hours they had been together. Molly had been busy helping
others and she hadn't seen Matthew since he had gotten Molly for her. She had
sent Rose searching for him on the ship, but she always came back unsuccessful.
When they began to file out of the boat
finally, Molly and Rose on either side of her, Flora surveyed her surroundings,
hoping to see Matthew but she didn't. Rose noticed this, and sympathized with
her. Flora wasn't much for talking about her feelings but Rose sensed that she
was in love with this young man she had spoken of. She couldn't understand,
really, how Flora could keep everything inside, but she did, except for asking
for him at least twenty times.
"Come on girls, let's get going. I
talked to Cal on his way out, honey, and he told me where he was staying.
That's why we're staying in the total opposite hotel. Come now, Flora is still
really weak." The three women went away from the ship that had brought
them the rest of the way after Titanic had gone down, not one of them looking
back.
*****
When they were all checked into the hotel,
Molly brought the girls to their room, the one they would share since Flora was
still too weak to be alone. Molly had her own room, and many times was gone off
to do something to help the others with whatever they needed. Mrs. Astor, the
Countess of Rothes, and even Rose's mother Ruth were among those she helped. It
didn't bother the girls though; they had become wonderful friends since the
time they met. Rose dedicated herself to the task of getting Flora back
healthy. She did actually more than needed to be done, but Flora made no
arguments. She knew that Rose was busying herself to keep her mind off Jack, and
it didn't bother Flora that Rose needed to be needed by her. Truth was, she did
need Rose. She felt an attachment, a sisterly bond, between the two of them,
and it was obvious Rose felt the same.
Day after day Flora prayed that Matthew would
come looking for her but he never did. She had almost given up hope of ever
seeing his kind face again, but Rose's reassurances that they would be reunited
kept her hope alive. The day before their departure from New York to Boulder
Rose started to pack everything. Molly had bought them both new clothes and all
other accessories, and even some new suitcases to put everything in. Flora was
by then well enough to be up and around, and even found enough strength to help
fold the clothes so Rose could pack them. As they did this chore, a knock came
to the door.
As whenever this happened, Rose went to the
next room in case it was her mother or Cal, and let Flora answer it. When she
opened the door she was surprised to see Matthew standing in front of her, his
hair swept back from his face and new clothes on his back. He looked as
handsome as anyone she had ever seen in her entire life.
"Flora, may I come in?" Flora was
still in shock, but at his words she was brought from her reverie and invited
him in with a sweep of her hand. Rose emerged from the other room, curious to
see what this man Flora spoke of so highly looked like. When he noticed someone
else was present he smiled at Rose, more of a forced smile than a real one.
Flora came up next to him and smiled contentedly at Rose, obviously elated he
was here. Rose smiled, happy to see her this happy.
"Rose, this is Matthew Cambridge.
Matthew, this is Rose Dew…Dawson. Rose Dawson." Flora looked a bit
flustered from her mistake, and looked to Rose for a sign that it was all
right. Matthew shot Rose a puzzled look, clearly remembering her as Miss DeWitt
Bukater, but didn't say this. He knew there had to be a reason for the change
of her name.
"Hello Miss Dawson." Rose extended
her hand and shook his, a small smile on her lips.
"Mr. Cambridge. Flora darling, I'm going
to go in the other room and let you talk. Call if you need anything."
Flora agreed, still walking on air with Matthew by her side. Rose turned and
left for the parlor, a bit saddened by the memories that Flora's love brought
back. A picture of Jack's face flashed in her head, but she pushed it away,
still clinging to the fact that she needed to be strong for Flora.
Flora offered Matthew a seat, which he took,
and then sat next to him, her heart beating so loud she thought that for sure
he could hear it. A moment went by when there was nothing but silence, then he
began to speak.
"Flora, I am sorry that I disappeared,
but the truth is that…"
"I love you Matthew!" The words
burst from her lips, surprising not only Matthew, who sat in astonishment, but
also Flora herself. She never thought she would have the courage to tell him,
but she just had.
"That is what I came to talk to you
about. I'm sorry if I led you to believe I cared for you as anything other than
a sick girl, but the truth is I really don't care anything for you." It
was Flora's turn to sit in astonishment, tears filling her eyes and finally
spilling out onto her cheeks. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"If you don't care as much as you say,
then why did you even bother to come to me and tell me this? Why didn't you
just leave without seeing me again?"
Matthew was silent a moment, realizing that
it was harder than he thought to let this girl go like he was doing. The truth
was, he had come to have one last look at her lovely face, and one more time
stare into her beautiful eyes. He really did love her more than he was even
willing to admit to himself. He didn't know why he felt this way. He had always
been attracted to women that had the same qualities of Lillian, a brash,
courageous, loud person that wasn't afraid of anything. And here he was in love
with a quiet, gentle, and mysterious girl.
"I just thought that you deserved that
much. I better go now. Good-bye, Flora." Quickly, before his actions
betrayed him, he bolted to the door, started slowly down the hall. He was
nearly to the stairs when he heard a woman's voice behind him. When he turned
to face in her direction he saw it was Flora's friend Rose.
"Yes?" Rose approached him, pain
reflected in her eyes as she looked at him. "I heard what happened in
there, and I wanted to tell you that you are making a big mistake."
Matthew lowered his eyes, not wanting to meet hers.
"I don't care for her…"
"Oh, please! You may be able to fool
Flora but you can't fool me. I know that you are lying when you say that. I've
been there, Matthew. I've denied that I felt for someone something other than
what I declared. But I was lying. I realized that I loved him just in time. I
changed my mind, and it was the best decision I've ever made. If I had waited
one day, he would be gone and I never would have known him as well as I do now.
Those few days we spent together were the best of my life, they changed me, and
I'm grateful for every hour, every minute we were together."
"What does this have to do with
me?" Rose wasn't surprised by his outburst, and continued.
"I'm just saying that one day you may
change your mind, like I did. But you best hope that it isn't too late when you
finally do." With this Rose turned back and went into the room, leaving
Matthew alone in the hall. Finally, after a moment's thought, he turned and
went down the stairs, disappearing from sight.