A LIFE
OF GLAMOUR
Written by Fluffy
the Pitbull
Based on some situations originated by James Cameron.
They say that diamonds are forever. They're
lying. I have a very limited life, however long it may seem compared to those
of humans. As a blue diamond, I expected this life to be glamorous and
exciting. Well, I got some of that. But I sure had a heck of a time getting
there. I was wrenched out of my comfortable chunk of the earth, and taken to a
place where I was cut into the perfect shape of a heart. I sparkled. I shone. I
was glorious and impossibly expensive. I ached all over.
I was bought by a rich young man. Yes,
bought, just like a jug of whiskey or a hat. I was indignant. But at that point
no one was listening to me, so I consoled myself with the amount of money the
young man paid for me. Maybe I was a little bit appreciated.
This young man was going to give me to his
fiancée. Just give me away. I was just property to him. I was deeply hurt. It
helped a little that we were going on a trip across the ocean on a luxury ship.
Finally, I was getting a little of the glamour I deserved.
The lady I was given to was young, beautiful,
rich, exactly the sort of person I belonged with. Her name was Rose, and the
young man's name was Cal. On the ship, Rose met a very common fellow who was
called Jack. Really a vulgar sort, not at all worthy of our company. She
obviously disagreed, as she spent a good deal of time with him, and even let
him sketch the two of us. I guess it was a little glamorous, but it would have
been much nicer if this Jack was some kind of displaced nobleman, at the least.
Cal was not pleased with this turn of events.
Things became a bit confusing. The ship hit something and began to sink. I
believe I was put in a coat pocket. Jack's, I think. Rose was apparently quite
enamored of this vagabond. Cal, on the other hand, had an even worse opinion of
him than I had. Getting chased through a sinking ship by a pistol-wielding
lunatic was certainly adventurous, but not quite the life I'd envisioned for
myself. Somehow Rose and I escaped all right, but Jack froze to death, I
believe. I'm not quite sure about Cal. After being shot at, I really didn't
care what happened to him.
And there ended my life of glamour. I was
locked up. Kept at home. I was never taken to another party. I got dusty. I was
disgusted with Rose, and with my bad luck.
Years passed. I was taken out again. Rose
stood with me on the deck of another ship. She was older, but I knew her all
the same. She dropped me into the still sea. Ah…how romantic. She wanted me to
be with her dead lover. And then I hit the water. It was cold, it was salty,
and it was extremely uncomfortable. But what could I do? I can't swim, for
goodness sake. So here I sit, at the bottom of an ocean, writing my memoirs in
the sand.
The End.
