HOPE
Chapter Five
A Hidden Burden
April 23, 1912
Rose awoke in the morning with a feeling of
awkwardness, if nothing else. She was feeling better, but didn’t feel herself.
Something about her was different. She just couldn’t place it.
She looked over at Molly’s bed. For once, she
had woken up before Molly had. She looked out the window and realized that it
was open. The sun was only beginning to show its golden crown over the large
city. The birds sang their song of happiness, and it gave her a warm feeling
inside.
"Why must the sun shine so early?"
she heard Molly mumble under the covers.
"What’s the matter, Molly? Not an early
riser?" Rose teased.
"Never have been, never will be."
She uncovered her face and spoke again. "I didn’t realize you were such an
early riser." She rubbed her eyes of the lingering sleep, and then sat up.
"How did you sleep?"
"Just fine, thank you." Rose
thought momentarily of the dreams she had had of Jack. She quickly shook them
from her thoughts. She didn’t want Molly to worry for no reason. "Did you
sleep well?"
"I guess you can say that," she
said warily. "I never have been a sound sleeper, but I slept well for
me."
"Hmm." Rose looked out the window
in a daze. The big city of New York was wonderful and beautiful, but she knew
she didn’t belong there. She belonged somewhere else, where painful memories
were not so dominating. She was still too close to her mother and Cal.
Philadelphia was only a short distance away. She was glad Molly has asked her
to go to Colorado with her.
"Are you feeling better, dear?" she
heard Molly ask, and she snapped out of her trance.
"Oh, yes. Much better," Rose
replied. "Just a little bit weak. I think it’s just because I’ve been
stuck in this hotel room for the past week."
"Well, you need your rest. You have the
rest of your life to..." It seemed as if her voice got softer and softer,
until Rose didn’t hear her anymore. She was thinking of what Jack had said to
her. I have brought you this dream for a reason. What had he meant by
that? Why would he and Molly be watching her so closely? She just sat there and
thought for a minute. Then, suddenly, feelings of joy, fear, loneliness,
closeness, and confusion came over her all at once.
Just a few months ago, when Rose was still in
what she thought was love with Cal, her mother had jokingly told Rose to keep
track of her menstruation cycles. She hadn’t really thought about what she had
said until now. Her last cycle should have come on the seventeenth when she was
on the Carpathia. And like clues in a mystery, they all fit together; she was
going to have Jack’s child.
At that moment, hundreds of thoughts rushed
through her head. How would she explain this to everyone? Would she be a good
mother? How could she take care of her child, when she didn’t even know how to
take care of herself? She completely forgot that Molly was in the room and just
started to cry aloud.
"Jack....why did you leave me here like
this? You know I’m only just beginning to learn to live again." She just
broke down and shouted, "Why?!" She cried uncontrollably then.
"Rose, honey, what’s the matter?"
Molly quickly got out of her bed and rushed to Rose’s side.
Rose could hear the concern in Molly’s voice.
She couldn’t speak. She was crying too much. She managed to let out, "Oh,
Molly...why?"
"Whatever it is, it’ll be all
right," she said calmly. "It’ll be all right." She held Rose
close in her arms. "Just let it all out."
Rose was so scared of what was coming, she
hadn’t even had time to think of the joy that would surely come with the baby.
She would realize that later, but now she was too confused to think of that.
All she could do was cry and ask, "Why?"