HOPE
Chapter Eight
Dinner
April 25, 1912
Rose sent a note to Cal’s suite, telling him to
meet her at the restaurant across from the hotel at precisely 7:30. She wore
her beautiful new evening dress that seemed to bring out the color in her eyes.
After going to a few jewelry stores, she bought a simple paste diamond
necklace. It looked much like the one she had worn to dinner on the Titanic the
night Jack had attended.
She walked into the restaurant with a feeling
of awkwardness returning. Being around high class all the time had slowly eaten
away at her soul. When she had met Jack, it was as if her soul had been
returned. Her hand slowly crept down to her stomach at the memory of Jack. She
now had a permanent bond with him. Their souls were tied together forever.
A man standing behind the podium asked her
kindly, "Can I help you, miss?"
"Yes. I am meeting Mr. Hockley here this
evening. Has he arrived yet?"
"Yes, miss. This way." He led her
to a small table, where Cal was waiting patiently. The man pulled out Rose’s
chair for her to sit.
"Thank you." She made sure to use
her etiquette voice. Her smallest actions, such as the way she spoke, were
starting to annoy her now. Just one more night of this, she told
herself. Then she could get rid of it forever.
"I was starting to worry that perhaps
you had changed your mind," Cal said kindly. It was almost eight o’clock.
He had been waiting there, tapping his fingers on the table the whole time. He
had to make this perfect. He had to convince her that he had changed. And he
had honestly changed. On the Carpathia, he had not known that Rose had survived.
He had thought that she had died among the others. For the first time in his
life, he had felt completely alone. Heartbroken. He had never told Rose his
true feelings toward her. Emotions were never shown in the Hockley household,
and Cal was just a product of this. Whether Rose had ever loved him did not
matter; it only mattered that he tell her that he loved her. He knew that Rose
would not come back to him, and perhaps not even forgive him. But he owed it to
her to apologize, and to explain himself.
"What do you want from me, Cal?"
Her voice was cold and harsh.
"As I said this morning, I wanted to
apologize for my actions over the past month. I had no right. I do not expect
you to understand, but I must tell you something." He sounded very sincere
and honest. Rose was very confused by this. He had sometimes tried to act
sincere, but Rose could always tell that he was just acting.
With a confused look on her face, she asked,
"What is it?"
"Well, I know that when we were engaged,
and even before that, I never expressed my true feelings towards you. You and I
both know that if I had, our relationship would have been very different, and
perhaps we might be in Philadelphia at this moment saying our vows." He
stopped talking for a moment, trying to gather words. Rose could have stopped
him at that moment, but for some reason, she didn’t. He looked down, not able
to look Rose in the eyes. "Rose, I do not expect you to come back to me,
or even forgive me, but...I love you." He paused again, and still, Rose
did not speak. "I know you do not believe me, and I don’t blame you, but I
have changed, Rose. I truly have."
She struggled over what to say. Finally, she
came to terms with what he was saying and spoke. "You know, at the
beginning of our relationship, I thought you were the best thing for me. You
looked at me with those big brown eyes of yours, and I thought so this is
what love is like. As time went on, more and more I felt like you did not
love me. Sure, you bought me flowers and gifts, but they were never from the
heart. It was like you felt obligated to buy them. Then, of course, you asked
me to marry you. I told you I would take a while to consider it. Mother, for
her own selfish reasons, told you that I had agreed, when in reality, I had
decided not to." He looked at her in astonishment. She had never agreed in
the first place. His heart jumped into his throat.
"I wasn’t strong then. I couldn’t back
down after what Mother had told you. By that time, I knew that you would never
truly love me. Then came April, and you decided to book us passage on the
Titanic. If there is any part of my meeting you that I’m thankful for, it is
that you insisted on the best—Titanic." She looked past the present world
and through a window into the past. "If you hadn’t, I would have never met
Jack." She was brought back into the present again. "And now you tell
me that you love me. It doesn’t make any sense, Cal. None whatsoever. Maybe at
one time, I could have returned your feelings. But not now, and not ever. I
forgive you for not showing your true feelings. I cannot forgive you for what
you did to Jack and me. Your behavior was inexcusable." She paused for a
couple of seconds to catch up with herself. "Now, if you will excuse me, I
must be going." She stood, and her voice became hard and strong. "I
do not wish to see you again. Is this understood?"
He was in shock. She had come a long way from
the woman he had known a year ago. A very long way, indeed. "I understand.
What shall I tell your mother? " He was in such shock that his voice
trembled as he spoke.
"If she knows nothing of this meeting,
let her think that I have perished. It will be easier for all of us that
way." She started to walk away when she heard Cal’s voice call after her.
"Good luck to you, Rose." His words
were soft and considerate. Where had she heard those words before? She just
kept walking. She knew if she was able to walk away from Cal now, she would
never have to deal with him again. And so she did.
Caledon Hockley sat at the table, thinking
about the past month. He really had to hand it to Jack. He had given Rose such
strength. He was sad to see her go, but was glad to know that she had finally
loved someone. He stared at the ceiling and started to talk softly, "You
really did love her, didn’t you?" He saw one of the ceiling lights
flicker. "Then I apologize. You win, Jack...you win."
"You don’t get it, Cal, do you?" Jack’s voice echoed in Cal’s head. He searched
furiously, looking for the source of his panic. "I didn’t win, and
neither did you." Cal stopped squirming and listened curiously. "She
won, Cal. She won." The voice diminished, and he realized that Jack
was right. It wasn’t about how either of them felt. It was about Rose and her
happiness. And she was happy with Jack. That was all that mattered.
Cal left the restaurant that night with a
newfound joy—the joy of knowing that the woman he loved was truly happy.