I HAVE NOTHING
Chapter One
The Ship of Freedom
Rose put the diamond in the coat’s
pocket again. Would that be why Cal was looking for her with such despair?
Probably it was the diamond. Her ex-fiancé was unable to be touched by anything
that wasn’t about money or power. She knew him very well.
The ice of his eyes was as
dangerous as the ice of that damned iceberg, and just a few minutes ago, when
Cal had passed nervously across the deck of the Carpathia, his eyes had held
that frozen brightness that scared Rose so much.
That look was so different from
Jack’s. Jack’s eyes weren’t cold. Their blue was the blue of the clear days of
spring, of the sea in summer, of the sky without clouds. She could have spent
the rest of her life looking into them, losing in his eyes hours, days, years,
centuries, without doing anything else—just looking at Jack and loving him with
all her soul, forever.
The voice of the officer brought
her back to reality. Around her, there was only weeping and cries of pain.
Practically all the people there had lost someone loved in the frozen waters of
the ocean—mothers hugging their daughters, old women holding their faces with
their hands, women not watching anything but the sea...many of them had in
their eyes that veil of madness, that veil that covers the eyes of those who
are not expecting anything. Of those that don’t or can’t feel hope.
But Rose wasn’t going to let that
madness affect her. She had promised Jack that she was not going to surrender.
And nothing, not even the great pain that she felt, was going to make her broke
that promise.
"Your name, please?"
asked the officer.
"Dawson. Rose Dawson."
Rose DeWitt Bukater had just
died. The poor little rich girl who had revolted on the brilliant decks of the
Titanic had also disappeared into the ocean. And with her all her past. All the
cruelty, the falseness, the coldness, and the chains that had bound her during
years of a hated destiny.
The beautiful fiancée of Caledon
Hockley, the impertinent daughter of Ruth DeWitt Bukater, the most lucky and
admired debutante of American high society didn’t exist anymore.
Now she was Rose Dawson, and she
had pronounced Jack’s last name as if it were a flag, a cry of freedom that was
born in her very soul and ascended to her throat as a new and unknown song.
For the first time in her life,
she felt the owner of her future. She could decide every step of her life
without worrying about what the others would think. She felt as free as when
Jack made her dance to the music of the third class party. She could still feel
Jack’s arm around her waist. His breath burning her cheeks, the smell of his
body enticing her senses...that night she had felt completely free and happy.
Nothing mattered then, because true love had erased all her fears and doubts.
She hadn’t felt doubt when Jack had opened that car’s door. Not even when she
had asked him to touch her.
That night, they had flown
together. When Jack had sweetly taken her dress off, she had felt his heart
against her skin. All her flesh shook when she remembered Jack’s breath, the
taste of the kisses, the sweetness of his fingers, the weight of his body
against hers, his voice, his eyes, his lips, his passion.
She suddenly felt something wet
hitting her hand—she was crying. A little girl looked at her shyly. She was
alone, in the middle of many blankets.
"Do you miss your mummy,
too?" asked the girl.
Rose approached and caressed her
hair. No, she wasn’t missing her mother. She had passed her whole life doing
it, but not anymore. When she had been a child, she would have done anything to
get her mother’s love—a hug, a kiss, a word...but sweetness had never changed
Ruth’s cold face. And Rose had gotten used to it. She hadn’t even felt sadness
when she saw her in the boat, not understanding why her daughter chose to stay
on the ship. Poor woman—her luxurious future had just run away. She hadn’t had
any daughter to marry off. Her precious daughter had run away in front of her
eyes, and she couldn’t do anything.
The little girl had just fallen
asleep in Rose’s arms. She was also going to fall asleep. She felt very tired.
The screams and cries were still in her head. How could she forget all that
pain? She was now a survivor of the Titanic, and would be that way forever,
destroying all the hope she could have had in her heart. There were going to be
no more dreams. They were all with Jack at the bottom of the ocean. Jack would
always be alive in Rose’s dreams, and she would only wish him good night. Good
night, my love. I love you. I love you. Good-bye...
*****
The stewards announced that they
were approaching New York. Far away, the city of freedom appeared above the sea
like a ghost. But nobody was glad to see it. The new life that many were
expecting to start there had been lost days ago. Now it just seemed a
punishment.
When Rose woke up, the girl
wasn’t with her. She stood up quietly, protecting herself with the blanket. The
Heart of the Ocean was still hidden in her pocket. She could sell it. Buy a
ranch in the mountains and learn how to ride like the men. With half of the
diamond’s value, she could live like a queen for the rest of her life. Live
like a queen...how silly! It would be like starting it again. Get into the
golden cage again, bind herself again to appearances, to power. It would be
like betraying Jack and the new Rose that was being born. But now nobody knew
she was alive. Nobody would look for her. She was free! And she was flying. She
could feel Jack behind her, holding her arms and singing to her.
New York was opening to her like
a gate to the unknown. And the memory of Jack was the key to open it. If the
Titanic was the ship of dreams, the Carpathia was the ship of freedom.