I HAVE NOTHING
Chapter Three
A New Life
The winds of war were coming from
Europe. All the people were now talking about it like something unstoppable,
and, even if it still was very far away, the tension could be sensed in the
air. Two years had passed since the Titanic’s sinking, and Rose couldn’t help
but think that the sinking had been a signal, a sign of the hard times coming.
She was absorbed in her job at the orphanage, but her memory was still lost in
the cold Atlantic waters, reliving the experience again and again.
The hours that had contained the
crash were disappearing slowly, but her happy time with Jack was intact—every
happy second that she had spent with him whispered strongly inside of her, like
it had just happened. Jack lived in her memories, and from them, he still loved
her.
"Who taught you how to spit
like that?" asked one of the children.
She smiled sweetly. "A
friend." She never talked about him. She kept him inside, like someone who
cared for a little plant, so vulnerable and delicate. She didn’t want to risk
the possibility of losing his memory and, sometimes, the words helped so much
in emptying the feelings that one ended up not feeling. But she didn’t want to
forget Jack, and that was the reason that she didn’t talk about him. Not even
to the children. Not even that evening, when they were learning on the
playground to spit like grownup people.
"Miss Dawson...you shouldn’t
do that kind of thing in front of the children."
The director of the orphanage was
used to telling Rose this kind of thing, but always in a sweet tone, like the
tone of a person who loved her. Rose felt at home there. She enjoyed taking
care of the children, especially the ill ones. Making them smile, even a
little, was a wonderful triumph that made her heart full. Not counting the
hours she had spent with Jack, this was the most wonderful time of her life.
She felt useful, and had plenty
of energy. Even after a full day of work, she found time to slip into the
children’s rooms to tell them stories or sing them songs. They were the only
ones that mattered to her. They arrived there ill, tired, abandoned, hungry,
and unloved...and Rose had all that love to give them! What was her past to
her? The pride of being rich, the feeling of being better than other human
beings. Jack had taught her that every person, rich or poor, had exactly the
same value. When she had embarked on the Titanic, she had been blind, but Jack
had opened her eyes forever, so she could look at the world in a different
light. She was different. Only the diamond and the red hair were the same.
The children and the other nurses
in the orphanage were now her family, and on the day of departure her heart
broke. Leaving them hurt her so much that she could barely speak, but she had
made her decision and she could not go back—she was going back to Europe. The
war had started, and the hospitals of the continent received thousands of
injured every day. Rose had written her name on the volunteer list without
thinking twice.
She was going to Paris, the city
Jack had talked to her about. She was going back there, face-to-face with death.
She knew very well how to face it and come out victorious. "Promise me
that you’ll never give up…" She’d miss the children and her
companions, but this year she had learn to be alone and to be strong. There was
just one thing that made her nervous—crossing the ocean again. Seeing again the
same waters that had taken Jack.
She disembarked on French soil
one stormy day. The drops of rain mixed with her tears as she walked down the ramp.
It hadn’t been easy.