JACK AND ROSE: TOGETHER FOREVER
Chapter Sixty-Three
November 10, 1917
Dearest Rose,
Oh, Rose, I am so sorry I haven't written
to you yet. I know how worried you must have been and I am very sorry. I am
currently in New York and the ship over to France leaves tomorrow. I am really
dreading this ship voyage, Rose. Without you, I don't know if I can do it, but
I have to try, right? So far, all we have done is gone through training. To
tell the truth Rose, I am scared as hell to go and fight. I have no desire to
go and hurt other people. To watch people die. I am so frightened Rose, so
worried, and so lost. I almost wish you were here next to me. But then I
remember what will be going on and I don't want to expose you to all that
horror. No, Rose, you are where you need to be. At home. Taking care of Michael
and Jillian and being there for them. I miss you so much Rose. The first night
without you was like hell. I didn't get to sleep until almost three in the
morning and then I kept waking up from that point on. I want to get home
already, Rose. I want to hold you, kiss you, and just talk to you. I miss that
Rose, our heart to heart talks. Remember when we would stay up all night just
talking? It was like we were teenagers again, having sleepovers and talking all
night. At least that's what it was like for me growing up. My best friend,
cousin, and I would sleep outside during the summer and talk till the sun came
up. I don't know about you. Did your Mother ever allow things like that? I know
you had parties, but did you stay up all night and just talk like there was no
tomorrow? I feel bad now, that I never really asked. I miss our kisses too
Rose. I miss everything. Even your talking in your sleep, ha ha. But like I
said, the not having you around is the thing I really notice. And it's getting
harder by the day. Tell Jilly and Michael that I love them and that I miss them
terribly. I am enclosing some drawings for them to have. One of these drawings
is for you and you only Rose. Don't let the children see it. I miss you Rose.
And I love you Rosie, always remember that. I'll be home before you know it.
Until then, I love you more then anything...
All my love forever,
Jack
November 20, 1917
Dear Jack,
You can't imagine my worry when I hadn't
heard from you within a week. I thought something had happened. I am glad all
is well so far, darling. Jack, you talk about your first night alone was being
hell. Mine was worse. I didn't sleep at all. I think it had something to do
with sleeping in our bed without you. I missed having your arms around me. And
having you whisper in my ear. And kissing me good night. Jack, I just about
went crazy. I have gotten so I hold a pillow next to me, pretending like I am
holding you indeed. I miss you that much Jack. Please keep safe, I need you
here Jack Dawson. Oh my, I must tell you what happened. I skipped my period.
Now don't worry, I am not pregnant, thank God. When I first skipped, I
immediately went to Dr. Lennox. After the relieving news that I am not
pregnant, she said I probably skipped because I am so worried for you. Now,
that must be something because the only other times I have skipped is when I
was pregnant with Michael and Jillian. I just thought you might want to know.
But, even though I am not pregnant, someone else is: Dianna. I just about
fainted when I heard. I can't imagine what Dianna thought. It made me think,
Jack. I want to have more children, but I am glad I didn't get pregnant before
you left. I can't imagine going through pregnancy and childbirth without you. I
could never do it. Speaking of Bryan, have you talked to him lately, darling?
You must tell me how he is if you have heard from him. I do worry about all the
men over in the war. If you see anyone else we know, tell them hello for me.
Regretfully, I must end this letter. It is Jillian and Michael's bedtime. They
send their love back and loved the drawings you made them. I loved mine also,
Jack, you made me look so beautiful; I don't know how you do it. I love you
Jack; you're forever in my heart. I'll see you soon.
Love,
Rose
December 1, 1917
My dear Rosebud,
Just seeing your words made me feel
better. I pray every night for you and for our children. And I pray that this
war will end. I did talk to Bryan. Ironically, we ended up at the same camp. He
says hello and sends his love. He is also very excited--and worried--for the
new baby. Tell Dianna, Jen, and Brittany that I said hello and send my love. At
the moment, we are in France. It's not every pretty over here at the moment.
There's awful smells and the sounds of war all around. The boat trip over here
was very nerve racking and I didn't rest for one minute. Scenes from the
Titanic kept flashing through my mind. And without you there, there was no one
to calm me when I would get worked up over those images. I hated the boat, to
say the least. I spent a lot of the time out on deck, looking at the water. I
thought about you the whole time Rose. Anyway, we are still just drilling and I
pray that it stays that way. I want to get home so back. I miss the ocean so
much; the oceans here not as beautiful as back home. Rose, go out there for a
little while sometime and just stand there. Do it for both of us. And I swear
Rose, with our hearts connected as they are, I will be able to be standing
there with you, somehow. Even if I am just there spiritually, do it Rose. You
never know how special or important or loved something is until is ruined or
gone. How are things over in Santa Monica? I bet it's beautiful again this time
of year. I can almost see it in my mind. All the sights, smells, people...I had
to stop for a few minutes. Now there is talk of a real battle later this week.
I am not looking forward to this at all. I know just hearing your voice, Rose,
would guide me through all that is ahead. I carry your letter around all the
time, pretending you are smiling at me from across the table at home. I kiss
your words in attempt to kiss you in a way. I miss you so, so, so much. I need
you so bad, you have no idea. I promise that when I get home Rose, we'll spend
so much time together that you won't believe it. I am never going to leave
again. And if I have to, you are coming with me. I love you Rosie. I'll come
home soon, I promise. And don't us Dawsons always keep our promises?
Love,
Jack
December 14, 1917
My Dear Jack,
Everything in Santa Monica is the same.
You know how I love it at this time of year, and this year is no exception. The
ocean is just beautiful. I did what you told me to, Jack. I left the kids with
Jennifer and took a walk on the beach at night. I sat at the edge of the surf
for a long time, just thinking. I tried to imagine you were right next to me. I
could have sworn you were right there after a while. I sat there and cried to
myself for the longest time. I miss you so much, Jack. I need to hold you so
bad. I have taken to sleeping on your side of the bed, breathing in that scent
of yours that is still there. It calms down; helps me to relax somewhat.
Sometimes I wear your clothes to bed. I hope you don't mind. Somehow, I know
that you don't. Jack when you get home, let's go away for a few days. Just us.
No children, friends, pets, anything. Just you and me. Maybe we could go up to
that cabin you suggested going to? Remember we always talked about doing
something like that. It doesn't have to be right away, but within a few years.
But I think we should do something like that. Just be alone for a while. I
hope, that wherever you are, that this idea will make you think of happier
times and places (ha ha). Michael and Jillian both say hello. They miss you so
much, Jack. Everyday I hear: 'When's Daddy coming home,' from Michael and 'Dada
home,' from Jillian. They continue to love all the drawings you send them. I
took them to the beach the other day. When Michael asked where you were, I told
him across the ocean. He, of course, does not understand that there is more the
one ocean in the world. So as soon as I had set up a blanket and given Michael
permission to go play, he walks out to the surf, raises his hand, waves, and
yells 'Hi Daddy' as loud as he could. It was the sweetest thing; I had tears in
my eyes. Michael is looking more like you every day, Jack Dawson. He acts like
you, too. He doesn't care what people seem to think about him and doesn't take
anything seriously. Jillian is growing up so fast. Her hair is getting longer
and she is talking a lot more. Its strange, she'll sit for hours drawing lines
or circles on paper. And she loves to be read to. Every night she begs to me
read to her. And even though she can't understand some things some of the time,
she listens attentively. And she is so sweet, always smiling and laughing. She
is definitely your little girl, Jack. And of course, Addy is fine. She misses
you though. I take her out on walks a few times a week, and she loves it. But I
know she would rather have you walking her. I must stop writing now; I am
getting very tired. And it's getting very late. I need to get to sleep if I am
going to keep up with those children of ours tomorrow, ha ha again. I miss you
more then you could imagine. And I love you higher than the heavens.
Eternally yours,
Rose
December 22, 1917
Rosie,
Merry Christmas! I know you won't get this
until after Christmas, but I wanted to send it and wish you Merry Christmas
anyway. I miss you so much. It doesn't seem much like the Christmas season
without you. I am sending something I picked up in France, but it may take a
while to get there. Longer than this letter will take. But look for it. I miss
you all and I wish I could be there to celebrate with you. It's getting worse
over here. It's so depressing. And freezing! It's so much colder then at home.
But I keep telling myself that I've been much colder. And I think of home and
how it is there. We've had a few battles over the past few weeks. Nothing
really big though. So far, I've been lucky. I haven't been hurt or anything. I
guess I should be thankful for that instead of feeling depressed for myself.
Bryan sends his love again and said to say hello and Merry Christmas. I
promised him I would tell you that, just in case he ever asks. It was nice to
hear how Jilly and Michael are doing. I wish I could be there to be with them.
I feel like I am missing a lot of their childhood. Hopefully, I'll be home very
soon to be with them, and you. I need to hold you so bad Rose. I need to hear
your voice. I need you Rose. Just to talk to you for a little while would make
me feel better, Rose. You know you are like my best friend, as well as my lover
and soulmate. I love you. And I still promise I am coming home. I'll never let
go of that promise Rose. Never forget that. Say hello to everyone for me. Give
kisses and hugs to Michael and Jillian.
I love you,
Jack
January 6, 1918
My Love,
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you!
The feeling of peace and joy didn't seem to be around without you. The house
didn't seem as bright or cheery. For Christmas Eve, we went over to Jennifer's
and had a little party. All of the children really enjoyed it. Oh, and Michael
wanted me to tell you that Santa brought him some new things for his art set.
And he promised to draw a picture for you and he did! I am sending it with this
letter. It is you, Jillian, he, and I on the beach. I am also sending you a
little Christmas present that I hope they will let you have. It is a small
little bible you can carry with you. I have found that talking to God has
helped me through some days recently. Be sure to read Song of Songs all right?
Don't think I am being all religious or anything, I just think we should
remember who ultimately controls when the war ends. Anyway...in your last
letter Jack, you sounded so depressed. And you sounded worried beyond words.
You are making me more frightened for you. Please take care of yourself Jack.
Don't go looking for trouble. You know how much I need you to come home. I miss
everything about you Jack. I miss how you would call me Rosie and Rosebud. And
how you would wake me up by gently kissing me. And how we would just stay up
all night and talk about nothing that was really important. Like we were best
friends seeing each other for the first time in a while. And I miss our old
sleeping position we always found ourselves in. You know, with my head on your
chest, our legs wound together, your hands caressing my hair and back. I am
torturing myself now, but I don't care. You need to know how I feel Jack. And
like I said, take care of yourself and come home as soon as you possible can.
To let you know, I am keeping my promise. I am not going to give up. I am
surviving. And I am trying to make the days count until you come home. I live
for the day when you will be home Jack. Just knowing that you will be home soon
allows me to fall asleep, helps me to get up every morning. Reminds me to
breathe and to live. But I still miss you more then anything. I love you Jack.
I always have. Ever since I first saw you. Only I didn't know it then. But by
after that night of dancing on the ship, I knew. I just knew. And I still love
you. More then ever. Everyday I love you more, if that's possible. No matter
what, I will always love you. Nothing on heaven or earth could come between us.
I love you!
Love,
Me
January 25, 1918
Rosebud,
Your last letter gave me so much courage
and hope, once again. Thank you so much. And I love the bible you sent to me.
And yes they let me have it. I read what you told me too. And I felt like
crying afterward. One verse reminded me of you: Song of Songs 4:9: "You
have stolen my heard, my sister, my bride. You have stolen my heart with one
glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace..." It may be corny,
but this is what you have done Rose. You have stolen my heart with one glance
of your eyes. I can remember seeing you for the first time, that day out on
deck. You were above me and looking out at the ocean. Then you turned your head
and looked right into my eyes. And I could feel something Rose. Our souls
connected at that point, and they haven't let go of each other since. I love
you so much, never forget that Rose. We have seen more battles lately. I am
still scared before everyone. I can't help it. And I can't wait to get home. I
miss you so much. Oh God, I miss you. I could write an essay, no, a book, on
how much I miss you and about all the things I miss about you. But since I have
little time and supplies, those words must be restricted to letters. I miss
you, home, Michael, Jillian, our friends, you, work, you, everything and
anything about Santa Monica. Of our lives before I left. It so hard to be away
from all that. It's like a part of me is gone. I hate is here. I want to be
home! Hopefully that day will come soon--very, very, very soon! I love you. I
love you. I love you. Tell Michael and Jillian I love them and miss them also
and kiss them everyday for me. Tell all our friends hello and tell them I miss
them all very dearly. I love you!
Love,
Jack
February 17, 1918
My Dear Jack,
I love you. I love you. I love you. I love
you. And I miss you as much as ever. More then ever really. God, how I miss
you. It's so strange waking up and not finding you lying beside me. I am still
not used to that. Jillian and Michael are doing well. They send their love and
ask about you every day. They are good children Jack, although Michael always
seems to be in the middle of trouble. I wonder where he gets that from...hmm? But
he is polite and nice and sweet. Charming really. Jillian is a little angel,
most of the time. She is constantly trying to join her brother in whatever he
may do. But being as young as she is, it is sometimes hard for her. She plays
well with Matthew and Grace though, so that is good. I think they will grow up
to be good friends. Michael likes playing with Meaghan or by himself. Although,
he will play with Jillian if no one else is over and he is getting bored with
playing by himself. I think that when they get older, they will want to play
together more. Already Michael and Jillian want to do a lot of things together
besides play. I only hope they will be as close as I wanted to be with my
sibling that I never had. I got a job, Jack. Now, it's nothing big. I am
teaching drama at a theater downtown. It's only twice a week for a few hours,
but its a nice change and it helps me get my mind off things for a while. The
children stay with Brittany most of the time. Poor Brit, she and Cameron were
separated so soon. Every time I see her, my heart aches. I hope and pray that
Cameron, along with you, Bryan, and Scott, come home safe and sound. You know,
you are the easiest person in the world to talk to. For me at least. I feel as
if I can, and do, tell you everything and anything. You're like my best friend.
You know that, right? We're not just lovers, but best friends. I think that's
one of the things that makes us so close. And I think that's important. I don't
know why I am rambling on about this to you for. I just need someone to talk
to, I guess. Dianna is always busy or in a bad mood (plus, she isn't really the
person I feel like talking to right now). Jennifer is always busy as well, and
even though we are friends, we're just not the close talking type of friends.
And Brittany is just not the person I usually talk to. She and Jennifer and
Dianna are good friends, they just don't understand me like you do. I am
rambling on again aren't I? Oh well. Valentine's Day was depressing. Not just
for me, but I think for the entire population of Santa Monica. The feeling just
isn't there. Everyone is missing someone or has lost someone. Its been cold and
dreary and wet here the last couple of days and that just adds to the feeling
of loss. I am lying here listing to the rain, and it's a really depressing
sound. Gosh, I wish it would stop. Oh dear, Jillian just woke up, which means
Michael will be up any minute now. I must hurriedly finish this. I miss you
heaps Jack Dawson. Keep safe, keep warm, and always remember I love you. I wish
you were here instead of this pillow I am cuddling up against. I love you.
Lovingly,
Your Rose
March 10, 1918
Dear Rose,
I just got your letter yesterday; the mail
is becoming slower. It was nice to hear about Michael and Jillian. I miss them
so very much. I miss that the war would end, and soon. Rose, you know that you
are my best friend also. And I know what you mean by wanting someone to talk
to. None of the people around here understand me like you do. Bryan is okay to
talk to, but I miss you dearly Rose. Things out in the field have been getting
worse and worse. It's horrible watching men suffer and die. Just the day before
yesterday, a man two feet away from me, in a trench, was shot down and died. It
was terrible Rose. That man's poor family. I keep thinking about him. I have
seen other people die, but this man looked young and I can't help but wonder if
he was married. Or engaged. And if he was married, if he had any children. All
things keep running through my mind. Geez, this is painful to write--but I need
to tell someone what I am feeling. And even though you are hundreds of miles
away, you're still the one who I want to talk to. Need to talk to. I am scared
everyday Rose. This is worse then anything I have been through. Worse than the
fire that killed my parents, worse then living in poverty for so long, or the
Titanic. I want, and I need, to get home so bad. Thank you for listening to me
like this Rose. I miss you every millisecond of every second, of every minute,
of every hour, of every day, of every week. I long for the day when I will be
able to come home. To hold you again, Rose. I love you.
Love always,
Jack
Rose looked at an extra page of the letter
Jack had just sent her. Jack had traced his hand on a blank sheet of manila
paper. Under the outline were the words "To the stars...I love you,
Rose." Tears sprang to Rose's eyes as she stared at Jack's handprint. It
had been too long since she had held that hand in her own. She missed it.
Suddenly getting an idea, she grabbed a pencil off the nightstand and traced
over Jack's hand with her own. She would send this with her next letter.
Underneath Jack's writing she wrote the words: "You jump, I jump. Forever.
I'll love you always, Jack Dawson."