JACK'S ROSE
Chapter Nineteen
March 21, 1913
Dearest Molly,
First of all, before I begin this surely
lengthy letter, I must apologize for not having written in such a long time. As
you'll see, I've been very busy. Molly, I have so much to tell you!
I have been blessed with the most precious
gift I have ever received. His name is Nathan (Jack's middle name) Thomas
(after the kindest man I've ever met) Dawson. He is so gorgeous, Molly. He has
Jack's sandy hair and his eyes as deep and blue as the sea. He recently had
colic, though. Julia showed me how to ease his crying. I cannot tell you how
much I love him, but looking at him sometimes strikes an aching pain in my heart.
Sometimes, when I hold him, he'll suddenly point over my shoulder and begin
cooing as if he sees someone he's fond of. I know it's Jack.
I miss Jack so much, Molly. It is terribly
hard to raise his child without him around. I love him no less now than the day
I fell in love with him. But, Molly, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to let
him go sooner than is safe for me! William Calvert. I met him at the general
store (he works there) in December when I went to buy Julia and Henry their
present. He has been dreadfully kind and has told me that he loves me. He loves
Nathan as if he were his own son. Molly, I cannot marry again yet. Eleven
months or eleven days makes no difference. I am not ready to move on—not like
that. I haven't told William about Jack, or the Titanic, or anything about my
past except that I am from Philadelphia, and I never will. I don't know what to
do. If I did not have Nathan to take care of, I would take flight for
California, but I know I cannot. I'd have no way of caring for him, and I'm
sure I would have to take Cora as well. I couldn't just leave her here. I have
faith, though, that all will work in the end the way it was meant to be.
Perhaps not as lengthy as I expected, but
I cannot write anymore. Nathan is crying for food and William is coming for
supper. God, Molly, please tell me I'm going to survive. I need you now more
than I need anyone.
Love always,
Rose Dawson
Rose stood back, watching as Julia rolled out
the dough for cookies she was making.
"Have you decided if you'll go to the
spring dance yet, Rose?" Julia asked as she laid the limp, unbaked cookies
on the cookie sheet. Rose looked at her.
"With William, you mean?" Julia
smiled at Rose slyly.
"Yes. With William. You two haven't had
a proper courtship yet. You cannot be married without a proper courtship."
"Who said marriage is on my mind,
Julia?" Julia turned and walked over to Rose. She put her hands on Rose's
shoulders.
"I know you don't want to hear this. But
Rose, you have to get married. You cannot raise a child on your own. You need
to marry while he's still a baby so he doesn't remember that William isn't his
father." Rose's mouth was agape.
"How can you say that, Julia? If I do
not tell Nathan when he's old enough to understand who his real father is, then
his whole life will be a lie!" Rose hissed. "Nathan is part of Jack,
and Jack is part of me—"
"Yes, Rose, I know. Believe me, I
understand! But you don't understand what I'm saying. If you tell Nathan about
Jack, you'll have to tell William about Jack, and about the Titanic, and about
your past. I can tell you don't want to, and you shouldn't. I know how you must
feel about Nathan, but you don't understand this. You haven't thought about it
like that. But, you have to, or—" They heard a knock come from the front
door. Julia glanced at Rose with a warning expression across her face once more.
Then Rose went into the parlor.
"William!" Lilly exclaimed as she
opened the door. William produced a small bouquet of flowers from behind his
back for each of the young girls. They hugged him tightly.
"And these are for you, Rose," he
said, handing her a larger bouquet. Rose smiled and bent her head to smell
them.
"They really are lovely—" Nathan
began crying and Rose sighed. She quickly headed up to her room. "Nathan, Nathan,
what's wrong?" She leaned over his crib. "You were sound asleep two
minutes ago." As soon as she picked him up, his crying ceased. Nathan
wrapped his tiny fingers through his mother's hair and Rose smiled. His warm
cheek was leaned against hers, and his rhythmic breathing soothed Rose. She
decided to take him with her, so she left the flowers on her desk and went back
down to her family carrying Nathan.
"Well, hello," William said as Rose
entered the cozy kitchen. "And how is our big boy today?" he asked
happily.
"He's quite well today."
"Was anything wrong, Rosie?" Cora
asked.
"No, he just wanted to be held. As soon
as I picked him up, he stopped crying." Rose gently put Nathan in a small
floor crib they kept in the kitchen and pulled the crib up beside her chair.
Nathan looked at his mother indignantly but didn't start crying. Dinner passed
with the normal chitchat about the weather and about Nathan and about the
store. Rose and Julia quickly cleaned up after dinner, then joined everyone in
the parlor. After Julia said she would care for Nathan, William asked Rose if
she wanted to join him on a short stroll before the sun was totally
extinguished, and she accepted. They stepped outside and began walking slowly
down Dawson Lane.
"So, Rose, are you going to the spring
dance?" William asked, slipping his arm around her shoulders. She turned
her head to look at him and smiled.
"I suppose if I could find someone to
escort me, I would go," she teased.
"Pity you can't then. I hear it'll be
quite fun." She pulled away and poked him in the ribs. He laughed.
"Ralph said we can take the wagon instead of riding or walking."
"That'll be nice. It gets tiresome
walking to the church."
"I don't know how you manage to carry
Nathan there and back every Sunday." He looked over at her. "He's
getting heavy."
"I know. He's growing quite
quickly." Rose stepped around a mud puddle.
"He looks nothing like you. Does he look
like his father?" His blue eyes and sandy blond hair and little pink lips
were all picture perfect replicas of Jack.
"Yes," she answered softly. William
nervously wiped his hand across the back of his neck.
"Sorry," he apologized. Rose shook
her head.
"That's fine—" She looked down too
late to avoid tripping over a rock in the middle of the road. William caught
her, though, in mid-fall. For a few moments, William dared to keep Rose tightly
in his arms, their bodies pressed together. Then, he loosened his grip.
But she didn't move away.
Rose gazed up into his eyes, and he drank in
every moment he could hold her this close. Before either of them knew what was
happening, their lips were touching and they were kissing each other. Neither
had any idea how long they stood like that, but Rose suddenly noticed that
there was hardly any light left at all and pulled away. She looked up at him,
startled, and he down at her with much the same expression.
"We should be getting back," Rose
said breathlessly. William nodded, and slipped his arm around her waist.
And the couple started back toward the Dawson
house.