JACK'S ROSE
Chapter Twenty-Three

Rose sat in her normal back pew beside William. The preacher was giving a very moving sermon, but her mind was wandering elsewhere. Everyone around her was whispering, looking at her, but as soon as her eyes fell upon them, their eyes darted guiltily away. Everyone was standing now for the Lord's Prayer. Rose stood, cradling Nathan in her arms.

"Our Father, who art in heaven—" Rose started, but then she leaned close to William. "What are they talking about, William? I can see it in your eyes that you know."

"It's nothing, Rose. Don't bother yourself with it. It's simply mindless housewives' gossip."

"Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth—"

"You know, William!" Rose hissed impatiently. He glanced nervously over at her, but did not stop saying the prayer. Rose sighed and finished it with him. "Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever and ever. Amen." Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. But how can I possibly forgive Mrs. Cicly for what she said last night?

"God be with you; go in peace," the preacher closed. William sat with Rose until the church was empty save a few people like themselves. Then, she stood and slowly exited the church, leaving William to himself. She saw all the girls and women huddled into little groups across the churchyard. Rose approached Julia.

"Will you take care of Nathan for a while, Julia?"

"Oh, of course! Gladly!" Julia beamed at Rose as she took the tiny Nathan into her arms. He giggled and began to play with Julia's hair. Rose turned, somehow sensing these would be the last happy moments she would ever have with her family. Rose inched closer to a group of girls her own age talking. Rose stood not too far from them, unnoticed, and listened to their conversation.

"There is absolutely no way that she is his cousin. They look nothing alike."

"Oh, certainly. Have you seen the boy, yet? He looks exactly like Henry. He has his eyes—"

"And hair—"

"And chin. All his features," another finished. Rose had seen this girl in the store before, making a desperate attempt to flirt with William, but to no avail. Rose's breath caught in her throat. "And then she's there flirting with that William."

"The little whore—" Rose turned away. As she began to walk away, Rose bumped into William. She gasped, and it was all she could do not to fall into his arms and weep.

"Rose, I have to ask you something. Will you come with me?" She saw it in his eyes. Her jaw moved up and down.

She looked regretfully up into his eyes, then rushed away, unable to say anything. She completely forgot about everything, as she rushed down the road and turned onto Dawson Lane, except the trouble and pain she would bring—had brought upon the people she loved so much. Henry, Julia, William—and Nathan. Rose burst into the house and threw herself down on her bed, stomach first. There, she wept and wept until her sides ached with pain and she was so weak, her entire body was trembling. Her eyes were tired and sore from crying. The moment she allowed them to close, Rose fell into a light slumber.

She was standing somewhere she did not recognize whatsoever. Rose looked about her and saw that she was in a small cafe, surrounded by people talking about some theater.

Rose turned to see a young woman with a notepad in one hand and a pen and a bowl of a thick white soup in the other. "Are you gonna just stand there, or are you gonna sit down and eat?" Rose glanced at the woman nervously, then sat in the booth beside her. As soon as she sat down, the scene changed and she was sitting on a bed in a little boarding room. A dresser sat against the wall across from her, cluttered with clothes, papers, and pictures. Rose stood and walked to the dresser. There was a picture of her sitting on a horse on a beach in front of a huge roller coaster, a wide smile across her face. There was another of her, one leg propped up on a small plane, smiling a satisfied smile. And then, there was another, obviously taken by a professional photographer. She stepped back.

Rose heard a knock on the door, and quickly advanced to the other side of the room. She opened the door.

"Rose Dawson?" the young man standing there asked. She nodded. "Here's a letter." He pushed a letter into her hand, then rushed down the hall to knock on another door. Rose glanced down at the letter.

William Calvert
340 Main Street
Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin

Rose ripped the letter open and scanned over it.

Rose,

I'll be there in three weeks. Cora and Lilly are extremely anxious to see you once more. Nathan, in all of his seven-year-old charm, is rowdy, strong-headed, happy, and very handsome. He seemingly grows by the day, and learns as quickly as he grows. He is very quick to learn, and good at writing and calculations. Cora and Lilly have been attending a girls' school in the next town. They are quite the young ladies now, and Cora is close to engagement.

We all miss you, Rose.

I have to go now. I'll see you soon.

William Calvert

As Rose pulled her eyes from the letter, she was ripped out of the dream and back into the present. She heard the downstairs door open, Julia trying to shush the crying Nathan, Henry scolding the girls for having dirtied their dresses, and the girls running up the stairs. Rose emerged from her room and looked about the house, dazed.

"Rose, Nathan is hungry," Julia said matter-of-factly. She gave Nathan to Rose, and Rose retreated once more to her room to feed her precious child.

As Nathan sucked hungrily, Rose fought back the tears welling up in her eyes. She felt weak and nauseous, but did not give way to her emotions. Would this really be the last time would ever be able to sit here with Nathan like this? Would this be the last time she sat on this bed, in this room? Would this be the last time she would ever gaze out this window? Nathan pulled away and looked up at her. Rose gently laid him over her shoulder and patted his back. She began pacing the room, bouncing him ever so lightly. Nathan was giggling in between his tiny burps and playing with his mother's hair. When Nathan was no longer burping, she laid him in his crib and looked down upon his small, happy face. He peered up at her with such love in his eyes, Rose could no longer hold her tears back.

She turned and dropped to her knees beside her bed. She dragged the large leather suitcase from under the bed and set it on the bed. The first thing Rose placed in the empty suitcase was the dress box with the diamond, her dress, the newspaper clipping, and the rose. She moved to her desk, grabbed Jack's old portfolio, and laid it gently on top of the box. Then, she went to her closet and emptied it of all dresses. She gently folded them and placed them in the suitcase. Rose opened one of the desk drawers and pulled the earrings William had given her out. She wrapped them in a piece of tissue paper she tore from one of the large sheets protecting one of her dresses, and placed them in the handbag she kept her money in. When she had everything in the suitcase, Rose locked it and shoved it back under her bed.

"Rosie?" Cora's voice sounded from the hall. "Are you all right? I mean, I heard a lot of noise coming from your room." Rose opened the door and looked at Cora, worry spread across her young face.

"I'm fine, Cora. Don't worry. I was just—ah—moving some things around." Rose smiled at the young girl.

"Well, lunch is ready." She peered past Rose to Nathan. "Is Nathan asleep?"

"Yes. He's taking his nap. You can play with him later, though." Cora nodded. Rose reached down and took Cora's hand. They walked down the stairs together and into the kitchen, where they sat down for lunch.

*****

The little bell hanging above the door flew off its hook as William violently shoved the door open. As the small, dented bell clanked to the floor, three heads flew up from where they were bent, looking at a roll of material, one of those heads being that of Ralph Jones. The two customers he was assisting glanced nervously up at William, and William began to blush as he carefully shut the door. William picked up the small bell, grabbed a chair, and pulled it in front of the door. He carefully balanced on the rickety chair as he hung the bell on its small hook once more. William made sure it was on securely, then dismounted from the chair and grabbed his apron from the hook beside the door. The two customers, which he did not recognize, paid Ralph and quickly exited the store, being very cautious of venturing too near the flustered young man.

"Christ, Will," Ralph mumbled, placing the money in the cash register. "It couldn't possibly have gone that bad," he said softly.

"Then why do I still have this?" William said, all but shouting, as he slammed the small golden ring down on the counter. He listened as it fell to the floor, making small clanking sounds each time it bounced on the hard wooden boards. Ralph bent and scooped it up.

"Calm down, William. What exactly happened?" the older man asked quietly.

"I asked if she could meet me later. I didn't want to ask right there at church. She just left. She didn't say anything. Just left." William threw himself down into one of the chairs, propped his arms on his knees, and let his head fall into his hands. "Why did I ever think someone like her would ever marry me?"

"Because she will, William. Something is wrong, and I suggest that you talk either to Henry or Julia before Rose jumps head first at something she'll regret later." William glanced over at Ralph indignantly. "Damn it, William! If you don't, God knows this might be your last chance. You might wake up tomorrow, decide to go down there, and she'll be gone."

"She won't be gone, Ralph."

"And how do you know that? Tell me how you can guarantee Rose will be there tomorrow or even the day after? William, please. If not for your, or even her sake, then for Nathan's." William's eyes flashed as they darted towards Ralph.

"Tomorrow. I'll go tomorrow morning." Ralph sighed heavily as William stood and walked to the back of store where he began to mindlessly stack and re-roll the fabric. Ralph watched, knowing it was already too late.

*****

Rose sat at her desk, staring out at the setting sun, clutching Nathan in her arms. The day had flown by. Rose had drunk in every possible moment she spent with Cora, Nathan, and Lilly. She watched as Cora and Lilly played with Nathan. Nathan would giggle, laugh, and smile as the girls tickled him and kissed his cheek. Rose watched thoughtfully, storing each moment in that place where she kept Jack. Inside, she felt as if she was dying—wilting. Julia seemed to be aware something was wrong, but said nothing. At lunch, Rose barely ate, and at supper she had touched nothing on her plate. Henry did, though, keep glancing at Rose with an expression of pity and anger, and she knew he, too, had heard the rumor.

Now, as she sat there in front of her desk, watching the sun slowly slip behind a hill, sorrow filled every inch of her body. Rose looked down at her tiny child and gently stroked his cheek, saying, "Nathan, someday you'll know why I made the choices I did. But for now, all you need to know is that I love you more than any words can possibly say. And so does your father, Nathan." Nathan peered up at his mother, then stretched his arms, reaching out for her. Rose lifted him to her shoulder, and laid his stomach against her chest. He twirled his tiny, white fingers through his mother's hair, and laid his head on her shoulder. Rose cried silently into her child's back, no longer being able to hold her tears back. Nathan didn't seem to mind, and soon, Rose felt his rhythmic breathing rising and falling perfectly in time with her own breathing and knew he was asleep. She gently took him from her shoulder and laid him in the crib. Then, she quietly made her way to Cora's room, where the young girl was sitting on her bed, writing in the small book Rose had given her. Lilly was playing with a doll beside Cora.

Cora's eyes lit up as Rose entered. "Hi, Rosie!" she beamed. Lilly echoed Cora.

"Hi, Cora, Lilly," Rose said gently as she sat down on the bed beside her. Cora's face dropped.

"What's wrong? Is Nathan sick again?" Cora asked innocently, laying the quill and book down.

"No. I—I just need to talk to you." Cora's eyes filled with the expression of a child about to get scolded by its parent, while Lilly sat calmly looking up at Rose.

"What did I do?" Cora asked nervously. Rose forced a laugh.

"Nothing, love." Rose's laughter quickly faded as she stared into the deep, dark eyes of this young girl. "You didn't do anything." She paused again. "Cora, Lilly, I'm going away for a little bit." Cora stared up at Rose.

"I want to come, Rosie. Take me." Rose tore her eyes away from Cora.

"You can't, Cora. And neither can Nathan. I need you to promise me to take care of Nathan. Promise?" Cora and Lilly looked suspiciously up at Rose.

"Yes," Lilly said, answering for them both. "We promise." Lilly glanced over at Cora, and Cora nodded in agreement.

"But, how long will you be gone? It'll only be a few days, right?" Cora pushed.

"I don't know how long I'll be gone, Cora."

"Why are you leaving?" she asked in all of her eight-year-old innocence.

"I just have to, Cora."

"Is Will going with you?" Lilly asked. Rose shook her head.

"No. I'm going by myself. It's something I have to do alone." Cora gazed at Rose a moment longer and then said, "I found this. I think it's yours." She handed Rose a crumpled piece of paper, and Rose stared down at it. She recognized it.

"Thank you, Cora." Rose bent and hugged Cora tightly then kissed her gently on the forehead. "I love you, Cora."

"I love you, too, Rosie." She kissed Rose's cheek. Rose embraced Lilly then and held her tightly. Rose wanted to clutch these few moments and hold them forever. She stood. "Night, night," Cora called as Rose left the room.

"Night, Rosie," Lilly said, leaning around Cora so she could see Rose.

"Good night," Rose answered as she shut the door behind her.

Rose made her way downstairs where Henry and Julia were quietly talking.

"Hello, Rose," Julia said quietly. "I thought perhaps you'd retired for the night already."

Rose inhaled deeply, trying to muster together as much strength and courage as she possibly could. "No. I...was just...just saying..." Rose paused, gazing down at Henry and Julia. Sorrow gripped her heart tightly, wrapping its fingers around her heart and squeezing. Rose felt weak and nauseous and she mumbled her last words. "Good-bye," she whispered breathlessly.

*****

Ralph Jones was still down in the small, comfortably cluttered general store when he saw a figure carrying a large suitcase walk quickly past the store. He dropped the bag of salt he was holding and rushed to the door. What on earth is anyone doing out this late? he thought as he cracked open the door. The moon was bright enough so that he could see her red curls spilling out from under her hood. His stomach turned over inside him as he watched her quickly making her way down the road towards the next town, where, no doubt, she would buy a train ticket—and then be gone, perhaps forever. I pray William is looking out his window, he hoped, glancing up at the ceiling above him.

He wasn't.

William lay in his bed, staring at his ceiling. I was right, he persisted once again to himself, I was right not to go today. I was. He restlessly rolled over once more. William pulled the quilt tight around him, trying to protect himself against the cold. The cold of his heart, of his actions, of his stupidity. He quickly wiped the tears forming in his eyes away with the quilt. He felt like a small lost child with no one's hand to hold. His someone was gone. Perhaps far away by now. His elder had said she might be gone in the morning. Where would she go? Home, to Philadelphia? California? He knew so much about her, and he knew so little. Why had she left? What was she hiding? Whose child was Nathan? Surely the housewives and giggly young girls were wrong. Rose was their cousin. Wasn't she? William stood, the light in his oil lamp now growing low. He moved to his desk, which was situated in front of the window, and reached out to adjust the wick.

But his hand stopped.

There she was, running toward the next town, dragging her heavy suitcase behind her. It was all a bad dream. It had to be. He was still asleep. This whole day had just been a nightmare, right? Of course. This couldn't happen to him. No. William blew the lamp out and crawled back in his bed. When he awoke next time, the world would have been righted.

Right?

Chapter Twenty-Four
Stories