JASMINE
Chapter Eleven

Jack put his hand on my right shoulder. I could feel the warmth from his hand radiate to my shoulder blade and warm it in the process.

Jack said, "So she’s confused. What else is new?"

I respond, "Jack…you don’t seem to understand. It’s not just that she’s confused, it’s that she feels that there’s no way out of her life besides suicide. I guess that would tragic by itself, but what makes it worse…" And it is at this point in time that I can feel a lump rise in my throat that makes talking very hard, but I continue. However, my voice creaks as I say, "…is that while I was concentrating on what she felt, something happened, and suddenly, she was not at the helm of the ship. Rather, I was. It was at that moment, before I started to cry, that I became her, and her dreams and thoughts became mine. At one moment in time, the two souls and persons, however unrelated to each other, seemed merged and became one!"

Jack’s eyes widen in disbelief, so much so that his pupils and irises dilate so much that I swear that a supernatural light is shining out of his eyes and making his irises seem to be a much brighter color of blue than they naturally would be. His face registers such a look of shock that words can’t describe it. Jack’s voice trembles as he says, "Jasmine…Jasmine…what do you say?" Suddenly, Jack begins to pant, I guess out of amazement, shock and panic, and he trembles and shakes as he continues, "Jasmine…" His voice is cracking so much I swear it’s going to break, and his face becomes quite florid, as he spits out, "Jasmine…I mean…I mean…I don’t understand…what’s going on…?" He lowers his forehead so that it rests on his right palm, but I can tell that he’s very confused.

I continue, in a matter of fact tone, "Jack, you were right when you said I was special. I have had spiritual revelations regarding Rose. It appears that a very strong spiritual force is trapped in her body, and that force is just pining to get out. Earlier, she had summoned me into her private quarters, on the pretext that she desired some cleaning to be done. Later, however, she told me that she desired me to liberate her from the shackles and the cages that had bound her in her life, for all of her life. She told me that a very strong spiritual force resided in her, and that it was my duty to liberate this force. A very strong glow emanated from her eyes, and her body shone with a celestial aura as she was talking. The voice that was talking through her, I guess, was very forceful and determined, as though it knew exactly what it wanted! At the time, I didn’t think much of it, but now that I look on it, I guess God had determined me to meet Rose, and God had determined me to help Rose."

Jack raised his head, and he gave me a look of sheer shock and amazement. I could see the color drain from his face, and a very sick look enter his face, almost as though he had nausea, and wished to throw up. He began to stutter in a very incoherent manner, "You know…you know…this is too much for me! I mean…I don’t get it. I just don’t get it!"

Then, it is I who puts the comforting hand on his shoulder as I say, "You don’t have to. All you need to do is live out your life."

Jack buried his head in his right palm, and began to softly cry into it, as though the sheer shock of the experience had overwhelmed him, and he wished to seek an outlet to relieve stress and confusion by crying. I could sense a sense of relief emanating from Jack’s mind, body, and soul, by crying, as though the action somehow opened up a release valve, which allowed the pressure that had been building in him to escape.

I instruct Jack, "Just look up at Rose, and hear what I say. That’s all you need to do. Then, you go back and clean like you’re supposed to. Don’t worry about stuff you can’t understand. That’s not your job in life."

Then Jack turned to me, with such a look of resentment on his face, and such a look of resentment in his eyes that burned like a red fire, as though I had just condemned him to a life of hard labor and peonage with my words, and he said in a very harsh and acidic tone, "Jasmine…it’s bad enough to clean this ship and get flack from my superiors and most of the people on this ship, but I don’t need it from you. Considering that you are no better than I am socially or occupationally speaking, I think you’re starting to get a bit far out of your britches!" He is practically shouting at me now.

I clarify myself. I say, "Jack, that’s not demeaning. Some people were meant to do God’s work and liberate souls. Some people were meant to be doctors. You’re meant to do your tasks as you’ve always done them, and God hadn’t intended you to ponder deep into the heart of the soul, because it has been obvious that that’s not an area you can comprehend or deal with in a rational way. Didn’t you cry a minute ago when I told you what I thought about the entire situation and tell me that you couldn’t take it?"

Suddenly, Jack has a look on his face that looks as though he’s trying to defend himself from my retaliation, and he puts his palms in front of him in a gesture of resignation, "Okay. I give up. You do God’s work," he responds.

I say, "Well, let’s concentrate on Rose."

I see Rose and right now, she’s clutching her fine woven white shawl, with a look of consternation and uncertainty on her face, as though she’s pondering the imponderable, and thinking the unthinkable. I hone in on her thoughts. If I die right now, what’s to become of me. I know I would cease to exist as Rose. But is that what I really want. Why am I doing this…is it for personal satisfaction? Or is it just to get back at people who can’t hope to understand me? I guess by killing myself, the only person I would hurt is myself. I would cease to be Rose. My mother and Cal would feel grief, but this would be only momentarily, given how they appear to value money and social standing above all else. My mother would feel grief for a while, but she would soon be over it. Even my death wouldn’t shake her. Cal would probably get married and forget that I even existed. Even the people in our community would not miss me!

Suddenly, I can feel sadness washing over her whole body, as a lump of pain and loneliness wells up and rises in her throat. I can see that her whole body has turned into nothing but sadness. She looks out into the water, and is heartbroken to see a very sad girl, with a long face, and forlorn eyes looking back at her. The image breaks her heart, and she can feel that a very sad and burdened girl is looking up at her and not Rose. The image hurts her so much that tears start to fall down her cheeks, a couple at first. She pulls away from the hull and resumes with her thoughts. Damned if I do, and damned if I don’t. I swear, life’s a bitch! I could live a very unhappy yet financially secure life of misery, I could continue to be the queen of nothing, and someone else’s trophy, or I could escape, and find my own fortunes in life. If only I knew how. Right now, there is no other way out. Clearly, suicide is not the option for me, but other avenues of escape are closed. Perhaps I should wait for other avenues to open up for me.

It is at this point in time that I see that her mind begin to volley. It is as though thousands of ideas are entering into her mind at once, some conflicting others, leaving her a very confused and disoriented girl. She shakes her head, wishing to end the torment of ideas that have just entered her mind. For her, they feel like a swarm of bees who have come to accost her with their stings, but the ideas feel like stings for her.

Seeking refuge, she immediately turns her head towards the water, and she thinks, That’s it. I must end my life. If liberation means confusion, I can’t deal with it! These ideas confuse me, and I have no way to deal with them. I never wanted a life of pain or misery or deep contemplation. All I wanted was happiness. And fun, and I wanted to do what I wanted to do only! Apparently, I am not going to get that in this life, so I must aim for it in the afterlife.

Then, with seeming determination, she walks over to the hull of the ship. Her eyes and body appear to have the hardness of certainty in her decision, but somewhere, deep in her soul, I can sense a wavering spirit that tells me that she really doesn’t want to end her life, at least not right now!

I grab Jack’s hand, and say, "Come on. We have to go. She’s going to do it, and she’s not thinking about it either. If she’s successful, it wouldn’t be good. Get up!"

Jack obliges. We walk over to the hull, and we stand hidden behind some boxes. We can see Rose in the dark night, whose blackness is lit by the light of the moon and the stars. The appearance is quite celestial in nature, and the light shines very brightly on Rose, giving her a very celestial hue. The light from the moon and the stars seem to me to be gifted from God. I am so happy to see such a beautiful night that I forget that I’m freezing. We hear Rose’s light slippers slide softly along the starboard, and they remind me of a meek rabbit scurrying across the ground. Jack moves towards Rose, but quietly, so that she doesn’t notice that he’s following her. Rose is at the edge of the ship, and she looks at the dark and eerie waters quite nervously.

She thinks to herself, Once I go in, there can be no coming back!

I can sense another lump of nervousness rising in her throat. I can see that her body and spirit are wavering, as though she is persuading herself to undertake an action that she really doesn’t want to undertake. Then, she tilts her body outward into the ocean, she has tilted her body far enough so that if no one catches her, she’ll fall into the ocean, probably to her death.

Then, I hear a scream emanate from her direction. She cries out, "Ah! Help! It was a mistake. I don’t want to die, but it’s too late now!"

Immediately, just as she’s hanging onto a frozen bar on the outside of the ship, for dear life, and looking nervously at the dark and cold waters, and she’s shivering because she can feel the cold currents from the sea bathe her body, Jack leans over the side of the ship, and he reaches for her hand. He says, "Come now. Hold my hand."

Rose looks at him, her eyes widened in shock. "Jack…you couldn’t possibly support me!"

Jack’s voice hardens. "Damn it, Rose. Just hold my hand."

Rose nervously extends him the hand that’s not holding onto the bar.

Jack continues, "Okay. So now let go of the bar!"

Rose says, "But, Jack…"

Jack’s voice hardens and acquires a steely, no nonsense, just do what I say tone to it. "Rose, do what I say, or we’ll both be in the water!"

Rose meekly obliges. Now I can see Jack straining himself to pull Rose up. He is successful, but in the process, her petticoats and she are on top of him, so that it looks, to an innocent bystander, that he’s trying to take advantage of her modesty and her honor.

Suddenly, I hear shouting. "You nave, get away from her!"

Some upper class men have spotted Jack and think he’s some sort of scoundrel, but I know better. Jack quietly slips out from under Rose, and moves towards the boxes where I am standing. The upper class men walk away.

Rose said, in a very unthankful, why did you do it tone, "Jack, you didn’t need to save me."

Jack sniffs in contempt and disbelief. He retorts, snapping, "Yes, I did."

Rose says, "I wanted to die. I mean, why did you do it?"

Jack said, "Because you were making a mistake. You even said so yourself. Don’t act all hoity-toity with me, miss. I may be a lower class man, but that doesn’t make me unintelligent. You want to die by suicide about as much as I want to dye my hair green! Besides, if you’d really wanted to die, you’d have done so a long time ago, and you wouldn’t have asked for help before you decided to die! I did the right thing, even if, right now, you can’t see it that way. I know I won’t get any appreciation for my work, and I don’t expect any, nor do I expect recognition for work that I’m supposed to do, but by golly, I’m not going to put up with any arrogance. Okay? You got it? You’ve been living in the lap of luxury all your life, so you don’t understand how other people live, or even the trials or tribulations that other people have to face. You value everything in life based on material worth. And you know what? That’s wrong, because life’s not all about getting stuff, and walking over other people and profiting off of other’s blood and using others. Life is about appreciating others, being happy and content with what you have, liking who you see in the mirror, liking your life, accepting yourself for who you are, realizing that you are God’s creation, and therefore, you are a very beautiful person, not living your life the way others think you ought to, appreciating the work that others do for you, learning to be modest and humble in life, even if you’ve sometimes got to swallow your pride and eat humble pie in the process, appreciating everyone for who they are, learning to respect others in life, not compromising other’s situations just because you aren’t having all of the fun in life that you want, knowing when to compromise, knowing when to make sacrifices, not expecting everyone to take care of you so that you can live a life of sheer luxury while others break their backs, their hearts, and souls to make life so easy for you. That and more is what life is all about. There’s a lot in life that you’ve got to see before you can be a whole person, and Jasmine and I are going to try to show that side of life to you! The life you’re living is so narrow, it’s fake! Well, you’re safe for now. Go back to your fiancé and go to bed. Jasmine and I had better go to bed because we have to get up early and work tomorrow."

Jack walks away from Rose. I can sense he’s tired and fed up with Rose and her attitude, because he’s not even looking at her. I guess I can’t blame him. I mean, Rose did diss Jack, even though he risked his life and faced personal humiliation to do so. A wave of understanding and warmth begin to wash over me as I realize that there are few people in life who would have done, at a moment’s notice, what Jack did. In that way, he is really selfless. He is a person from God, as I am, and he should be blessed from God.

I look at Rose, and I see the sense of amazement that appears on her face. For the first time in her life, she is smiling, and she looks quite beautiful to be doing so. Smiling makes her human! I see her jaw drop in amazement, and I see a warm light begin to light up her face, giving it a very warm and humane glow. I can sense that she is amazed because this is the first time in her life that anyone has ever made a sacrifice for her, and gave her a talk straight from the heart that was meant to improve her, no matter how acid it may have seemed. I can sense that Rose’s heart is beginning to warm up with the love from God. She feels a very special warmth and glow emanating from her heart and spreading to the rest of her body because of her encounter with Jack, because she realizes that he cares about her, and that he loves her! The mere fact that he saved her life and then gave her the talk of her life, when everyone else would have ignored her, signifies to her that he is different, and that he was sent to guide her soul, even though she has no concept of the soul, much less how one guides a soul.

Rose can’t comprehend the feelings she feels, nor how she has begun to change emotionally or spiritually. She is still an innocent little girl who just wants to shut out the world and play and have fun, but Rose does realize that this is a night she’ll never forget. And through her innocence, and lack of understanding, she does see that her life is about to get vastly different. She can feel the seeds of change in her body, even though she wouldn’t call it that. She can feel the warmth growing in her body. This is a new experience for her, because she never understood what love meant, nor what it felt like to be compassionate or care about others you didn’t know. All her life, she has just know getting things, having nice things, and ordering others around while she sat around and occupied herself with daydreams. All her life, her life and its focus has been centered around her and her needs. She has never had the concept of a world where others existed, or where others even had needs. All her life, she has felt as though the world has revolved around her and only her. This is a new experience for her.

She looks at me, and instead of seeing a person, she sees pure light, whose essence enters her eyes, and begins to change her in ways that she can’t understand. She runs towards me, and she kneels towards the floor and puts her hands at my feet. I have recognized this as a sign of obeisance for spiritual forces that was afforded to deities in India. I am shocked because I have never thought of myself as a spiritual force.

She looks up at me. With a smile on her face, and her eyes shining, she says, "Oh…thank you, Jasmine. Thank you for saving my life…you’re right, I have been ungrateful. I should have thanked Jack for what he did."

"Rose," I say, "I was not the one who lectured you. Why are you thanking me?"

Rose responds, "Because I know that you were the one who would have thought of this. I sensed all along that Jack is incapable of understanding deep spiritual things. I sensed that you cared about me, and that you would see my true spirit. I sensed that you would have Jack help me! That’s part of the reason why I tried to kill myself. I wanted to have someone listen to me!" She giggles in glee. "And I see that someone has!"

I tell her, "Rose, you’d best go sleep now. You’ll catch cold if you sit on the top of the ship all night. Anyway, I’ve got to go now. Unlike you, I’ve got a long day ahead." Then I ponder, before I say, "Though, it must be nice not having to work at all and getting to do whatever you want all day."

Rose’s eyes become sad, as does the rest of her face, and she says, "Jasmine, it’s not nice. It’s hell, sometimes. I get so bored. I feel trapped!"

Well, I see Rose heading towards her quarters as I walk away towards mine. I think about what has happened, and how disturbed Rose must have been to even want to attempt to take her life. I realize that Cal wouldn’t give a damn. In fact, he probably won’t even miss her. That’s when my body fills with rage, and in that second, I wish to teach Cal a lesson! Rose is a very important girl, and not a trophy or an object to be sported. She has real feelings and emotions, and she deserves to be helped! It’s not fair to her that she’s treated like an object by a society that has no respect for human life! The fact that they wouldn’t even miss her in the event that she decided to take her life is evidence of that!

I think to myself, There’s got to be a way that I can help Rose, and I intend to find that way!

Chapter Twelve
Stories