JASMINE
Chapter Eleven
Jack put his hand on my right shoulder. I
could feel the warmth from his hand radiate to my shoulder blade and warm it in
the process.
Jack said, "So she’s confused. What else
is new?"
I respond, "Jack…you don’t seem to
understand. It’s not just that she’s confused, it’s that she feels that there’s
no way out of her life besides suicide. I guess that would tragic by itself,
but what makes it worse…" And it is at this point in time that I can feel
a lump rise in my throat that makes talking very hard, but I continue. However,
my voice creaks as I say, "…is that while I was concentrating on what she
felt, something happened, and suddenly, she was not at the helm of the ship.
Rather, I was. It was at that moment, before I started to cry, that I became
her, and her dreams and thoughts became mine. At one moment in time, the two
souls and persons, however unrelated to each other, seemed merged and became
one!"
Jack’s eyes widen in disbelief, so much so
that his pupils and irises dilate so much that I swear that a supernatural
light is shining out of his eyes and making his irises seem to be a much
brighter color of blue than they naturally would be. His face registers such a
look of shock that words can’t describe it. Jack’s voice trembles as he says,
"Jasmine…Jasmine…what do you say?" Suddenly, Jack begins to pant, I
guess out of amazement, shock and panic, and he trembles and shakes as he
continues, "Jasmine…" His voice is cracking so much I swear it’s
going to break, and his face becomes quite florid, as he spits out,
"Jasmine…I mean…I mean…I don’t understand…what’s going on…?" He
lowers his forehead so that it rests on his right palm, but I can tell that
he’s very confused.
I continue, in a matter of fact tone,
"Jack, you were right when you said I was special. I have had spiritual
revelations regarding Rose. It appears that a very strong spiritual force is
trapped in her body, and that force is just pining to get out. Earlier, she had
summoned me into her private quarters, on the pretext that she desired some
cleaning to be done. Later, however, she told me that she desired me to
liberate her from the shackles and the cages that had bound her in her life,
for all of her life. She told me that a very strong spiritual force resided in
her, and that it was my duty to liberate this force. A very strong glow
emanated from her eyes, and her body shone with a celestial aura as she was
talking. The voice that was talking through her, I guess, was very forceful and
determined, as though it knew exactly what it wanted! At the time, I didn’t
think much of it, but now that I look on it, I guess God had determined me to
meet Rose, and God had determined me to help Rose."
Jack raised his head, and he gave me a look
of sheer shock and amazement. I could see the color drain from his face, and a
very sick look enter his face, almost as though he had nausea, and wished to
throw up. He began to stutter in a very incoherent manner, "You know…you
know…this is too much for me! I mean…I don’t get it. I just don’t get it!"
Then, it is I who puts the comforting hand on
his shoulder as I say, "You don’t have to. All you need to do is live out
your life."
Jack buried his head in his right palm, and
began to softly cry into it, as though the sheer shock of the experience had overwhelmed
him, and he wished to seek an outlet to relieve stress and confusion by crying.
I could sense a sense of relief emanating from Jack’s mind, body, and soul, by
crying, as though the action somehow opened up a release valve, which allowed
the pressure that had been building in him to escape.
I instruct Jack, "Just look up at Rose,
and hear what I say. That’s all you need to do. Then, you go back and clean
like you’re supposed to. Don’t worry about stuff you can’t understand. That’s
not your job in life."
Then Jack turned to me, with such a look of
resentment on his face, and such a look of resentment in his eyes that burned
like a red fire, as though I had just condemned him to a life of hard labor and
peonage with my words, and he said in a very harsh and acidic tone,
"Jasmine…it’s bad enough to clean this ship and get flack from my
superiors and most of the people on this ship, but I don’t need it from you.
Considering that you are no better than I am socially or occupationally
speaking, I think you’re starting to get a bit far out of your britches!"
He is practically shouting at me now.
I clarify myself. I say, "Jack, that’s
not demeaning. Some people were meant to do God’s work and liberate souls. Some
people were meant to be doctors. You’re meant to do your tasks as you’ve always
done them, and God hadn’t intended you to ponder deep into the heart of the
soul, because it has been obvious that that’s not an area you can comprehend or
deal with in a rational way. Didn’t you cry a minute ago when I told you what I
thought about the entire situation and tell me that you couldn’t take it?"
Suddenly, Jack has a look on his face that
looks as though he’s trying to defend himself from my retaliation, and he puts
his palms in front of him in a gesture of resignation, "Okay. I give up.
You do God’s work," he responds.
I say, "Well, let’s concentrate on
Rose."
I see Rose and right now, she’s clutching her
fine woven white shawl, with a look of consternation and uncertainty on her
face, as though she’s pondering the imponderable, and thinking the unthinkable.
I hone in on her thoughts. If I die right now, what’s to become of me. I
know I would cease to exist as Rose. But is that what I really want. Why am I
doing this…is it for personal satisfaction? Or is it just to get back at people
who can’t hope to understand me? I guess by killing myself, the only person I
would hurt is myself. I would cease to be Rose. My mother and Cal would feel
grief, but this would be only momentarily, given how they appear to value money
and social standing above all else. My mother would feel grief for a while, but
she would soon be over it. Even my death wouldn’t shake her. Cal would probably
get married and forget that I even existed. Even the people in our community
would not miss me!
Suddenly, I can feel sadness washing over her
whole body, as a lump of pain and loneliness wells up and rises in her throat.
I can see that her whole body has turned into nothing but sadness. She looks
out into the water, and is heartbroken to see a very sad girl, with a long
face, and forlorn eyes looking back at her. The image breaks her heart, and she
can feel that a very sad and burdened girl is looking up at her and not Rose.
The image hurts her so much that tears start to fall down her cheeks, a couple
at first. She pulls away from the hull and resumes with her thoughts. Damned
if I do, and damned if I don’t. I swear, life’s a bitch! I could live a very
unhappy yet financially secure life of misery, I could continue to be the queen
of nothing, and someone else’s trophy, or I could escape, and find my own
fortunes in life. If only I knew how. Right now, there is no other way out.
Clearly, suicide is not the option for me, but other avenues of escape are
closed. Perhaps I should wait for other avenues to open up for me.
It is at this point in time that I see that
her mind begin to volley. It is as though thousands of ideas are entering into
her mind at once, some conflicting others, leaving her a very confused and
disoriented girl. She shakes her head, wishing to end the torment of ideas that
have just entered her mind. For her, they feel like a swarm of bees who have
come to accost her with their stings, but the ideas feel like stings for her.
Seeking refuge, she immediately turns her
head towards the water, and she thinks, That’s it. I must end my life. If
liberation means confusion, I can’t deal with it! These ideas confuse me, and I
have no way to deal with them. I never wanted a life of pain or misery or deep
contemplation. All I wanted was happiness. And fun, and I wanted to do what I
wanted to do only! Apparently, I am not going to get that in this life, so I
must aim for it in the afterlife.
Then, with seeming determination, she walks
over to the hull of the ship. Her eyes and body appear to have the hardness of
certainty in her decision, but somewhere, deep in her soul, I can sense a
wavering spirit that tells me that she really doesn’t want to end her life, at
least not right now!
I grab Jack’s hand, and say, "Come on.
We have to go. She’s going to do it, and she’s not thinking about it either. If
she’s successful, it wouldn’t be good. Get up!"
Jack obliges. We walk over to the hull, and
we stand hidden behind some boxes. We can see Rose in the dark night, whose
blackness is lit by the light of the moon and the stars. The appearance is
quite celestial in nature, and the light shines very brightly on Rose, giving
her a very celestial hue. The light from the moon and the stars seem to me to
be gifted from God. I am so happy to see such a beautiful night that I forget
that I’m freezing. We hear Rose’s light slippers slide softly along the
starboard, and they remind me of a meek rabbit scurrying across the ground.
Jack moves towards Rose, but quietly, so that she doesn’t notice that he’s
following her. Rose is at the edge of the ship, and she looks at the dark and
eerie waters quite nervously.
She thinks to herself, Once I go in, there
can be no coming back!
I can sense another lump of nervousness
rising in her throat. I can see that her body and spirit are wavering, as
though she is persuading herself to undertake an action that she really doesn’t
want to undertake. Then, she tilts her body outward into the ocean, she has
tilted her body far enough so that if no one catches her, she’ll fall into the
ocean, probably to her death.
Then, I hear a scream emanate from her
direction. She cries out, "Ah! Help! It was a mistake. I don’t want to
die, but it’s too late now!"
Immediately, just as she’s hanging onto a
frozen bar on the outside of the ship, for dear life, and looking nervously at
the dark and cold waters, and she’s shivering because she can feel the cold
currents from the sea bathe her body, Jack leans over the side of the ship, and
he reaches for her hand. He says, "Come now. Hold my hand."
Rose looks at him, her eyes widened in shock.
"Jack…you couldn’t possibly support me!"
Jack’s voice hardens. "Damn it, Rose.
Just hold my hand."
Rose nervously extends him the hand that’s
not holding onto the bar.
Jack continues, "Okay. So now let go of
the bar!"
Rose says, "But, Jack…"
Jack’s voice hardens and acquires a steely,
no nonsense, just do what I say tone to it. "Rose, do what I say, or we’ll
both be in the water!"
Rose meekly obliges. Now I can see Jack
straining himself to pull Rose up. He is successful, but in the process, her
petticoats and she are on top of him, so that it looks, to an innocent
bystander, that he’s trying to take advantage of her modesty and her honor.
Suddenly, I hear shouting. "You nave,
get away from her!"
Some upper class men have spotted Jack and
think he’s some sort of scoundrel, but I know better. Jack quietly slips out
from under Rose, and moves towards the boxes where I am standing. The upper
class men walk away.
Rose said, in a very unthankful, why did you
do it tone, "Jack, you didn’t need to save me."
Jack sniffs in contempt and disbelief. He
retorts, snapping, "Yes, I did."
Rose says, "I wanted to die. I mean, why
did you do it?"
Jack said, "Because you were making a
mistake. You even said so yourself. Don’t act all hoity-toity with me, miss. I
may be a lower class man, but that doesn’t make me unintelligent. You want to
die by suicide about as much as I want to dye my hair green! Besides, if you’d
really wanted to die, you’d have done so a long time ago, and you wouldn’t have
asked for help before you decided to die! I did the right thing, even if, right
now, you can’t see it that way. I know I won’t get any appreciation for my
work, and I don’t expect any, nor do I expect recognition for work that I’m
supposed to do, but by golly, I’m not going to put up with any arrogance. Okay?
You got it? You’ve been living in the lap of luxury all your life, so you don’t
understand how other people live, or even the trials or tribulations that other
people have to face. You value everything in life based on material worth. And
you know what? That’s wrong, because life’s not all about getting stuff, and
walking over other people and profiting off of other’s blood and using others.
Life is about appreciating others, being happy and content with what you have,
liking who you see in the mirror, liking your life, accepting yourself for who
you are, realizing that you are God’s creation, and therefore, you are a very
beautiful person, not living your life the way others think you ought to,
appreciating the work that others do for you, learning to be modest and humble
in life, even if you’ve sometimes got to swallow your pride and eat humble pie
in the process, appreciating everyone for who they are, learning to respect
others in life, not compromising other’s situations just because you aren’t
having all of the fun in life that you want, knowing when to compromise,
knowing when to make sacrifices, not expecting everyone to take care of you so
that you can live a life of sheer luxury while others break their backs, their
hearts, and souls to make life so easy for you. That and more is what life is
all about. There’s a lot in life that you’ve got to see before you can be a
whole person, and Jasmine and I are going to try to show that side of life to
you! The life you’re living is so narrow, it’s fake! Well, you’re safe for now.
Go back to your fiancé and go to bed. Jasmine and I had better go to bed
because we have to get up early and work tomorrow."
Jack walks away from Rose. I can sense he’s
tired and fed up with Rose and her attitude, because he’s not even looking at
her. I guess I can’t blame him. I mean, Rose did diss Jack, even though he
risked his life and faced personal humiliation to do so. A wave of
understanding and warmth begin to wash over me as I realize that there are few
people in life who would have done, at a moment’s notice, what Jack did. In
that way, he is really selfless. He is a person from God, as I am, and he
should be blessed from God.
I look at Rose, and I see the sense of
amazement that appears on her face. For the first time in her life, she is
smiling, and she looks quite beautiful to be doing so. Smiling makes her human!
I see her jaw drop in amazement, and I see a warm light begin to light up her
face, giving it a very warm and humane glow. I can sense that she is amazed
because this is the first time in her life that anyone has ever made a
sacrifice for her, and gave her a talk straight from the heart that was meant
to improve her, no matter how acid it may have seemed. I can sense that Rose’s
heart is beginning to warm up with the love from God. She feels a very special
warmth and glow emanating from her heart and spreading to the rest of her body
because of her encounter with Jack, because she realizes that he cares about
her, and that he loves her! The mere fact that he saved her life and then gave
her the talk of her life, when everyone else would have ignored her, signifies
to her that he is different, and that he was sent to guide her soul, even
though she has no concept of the soul, much less how one guides a soul.
Rose can’t comprehend the feelings she feels,
nor how she has begun to change emotionally or spiritually. She is still an
innocent little girl who just wants to shut out the world and play and have
fun, but Rose does realize that this is a night she’ll never forget. And
through her innocence, and lack of understanding, she does see that her life is
about to get vastly different. She can feel the seeds of change in her body,
even though she wouldn’t call it that. She can feel the warmth growing in her
body. This is a new experience for her, because she never understood what love
meant, nor what it felt like to be compassionate or care about others you
didn’t know. All her life, she has just know getting things, having nice
things, and ordering others around while she sat around and occupied herself
with daydreams. All her life, her life and its focus has been centered around
her and her needs. She has never had the concept of a world where others
existed, or where others even had needs. All her life, she has felt as though
the world has revolved around her and only her. This is a new experience for
her.
She looks at me, and instead of seeing a
person, she sees pure light, whose essence enters her eyes, and begins to
change her in ways that she can’t understand. She runs towards me, and she
kneels towards the floor and puts her hands at my feet. I have recognized this
as a sign of obeisance for spiritual forces that was afforded to deities in
India. I am shocked because I have never thought of myself as a spiritual
force.
She looks up at me. With a smile on her face,
and her eyes shining, she says, "Oh…thank you, Jasmine. Thank you for
saving my life…you’re right, I have been ungrateful. I should have thanked Jack
for what he did."
"Rose," I say, "I was not the
one who lectured you. Why are you thanking me?"
Rose responds, "Because I know that you
were the one who would have thought of this. I sensed all along that Jack is
incapable of understanding deep spiritual things. I sensed that you cared about
me, and that you would see my true spirit. I sensed that you would have Jack
help me! That’s part of the reason why I tried to kill myself. I wanted to have
someone listen to me!" She giggles in glee. "And I see that someone
has!"
I tell her, "Rose, you’d best go sleep
now. You’ll catch cold if you sit on the top of the ship all night. Anyway,
I’ve got to go now. Unlike you, I’ve got a long day ahead." Then I ponder,
before I say, "Though, it must be nice not having to work at all and
getting to do whatever you want all day."
Rose’s eyes become sad, as does the rest of
her face, and she says, "Jasmine, it’s not nice. It’s hell, sometimes. I
get so bored. I feel trapped!"
Well, I see Rose heading towards her quarters
as I walk away towards mine. I think about what has happened, and how disturbed
Rose must have been to even want to attempt to take her life. I realize that
Cal wouldn’t give a damn. In fact, he probably won’t even miss her. That’s when
my body fills with rage, and in that second, I wish to teach Cal a lesson! Rose
is a very important girl, and not a trophy or an object to be sported. She has
real feelings and emotions, and she deserves to be helped! It’s not fair to her
that she’s treated like an object by a society that has no respect for human
life! The fact that they wouldn’t even miss her in the event that she decided
to take her life is evidence of that!
I think to myself, There’s got to be a way
that I can help Rose, and I intend to find that way!