JASMINE
Chapter Twelve
I spent the entire day cleaning the deck of
the ship with Jack. Then, as usual, Jack and I retired to the common quarters
for the third class laborers. It had stung me to think about the fact that some
in this world referred to us as third class people, instead of the decent
humans that we were, but Jack told me not to pay much attention to this. Jack
said, "Some people in this world are insecure, and they try to make
themselves appear to be better in their own eyes than others by belittling
those who occupy a lower social class than they do. In the end, we are all
equal in the eyes of God, so it’s best to just ignore the labels people attempt
to confer on us. The labels are meaningless anyway, because they only identify
people by a very superficial quality, and not by their personality, intellect,
or their spirituality!"
Hmm…I
had thought to myself after Jack had told me that. I thought I was the only
one who was wise enough to give deep spiritual thoughts to others. Perhaps Jack
is more spiritual than I had initially given him credit for!
Anyway, we heard a knock on our cabin door.
We were just about ready to retire for bed. We had a long day the next morning.
"Jack," I said curiously. "I wonder who would think highly of us
to come knocking on our cabin quarters at this hour of the night?"
Jack said, "I don’t know."
As I got up to open the door, I was caught up
in a quandary of thoughts. It’s strange that someone should think highly of us,
the low class scum that everyone wants to forget about, to actually knock on
the door! Most people just meaninglessly barge right in, showing us little
respect or dignity in the process. I know that socially speaking, we are the
gutter scum, but deep down inside, something tells me that we, in fact, are
quite noble, and it’s the people who occupy a higher social status than us who
are the gutter scum. Sometimes I wish class status was not based on social
standing, but rather on personality, integrity, and soul!
I open the door, and lo and behold, it’s
Rose! "Rose…" I gasp. "Why are you here?"
Rose said, "I would like to invite you
to a formal dinner we are going to be having aboard the Titanic two nights from
now."
I step back in shock. Did she just say
what I thought she did? I think to myself. I know that Rose has extended
us, what appears to her, an innocent invitation, but she never did stop to
think that we just wouldn’t fit in! I mean, I’ve watched, lots of times, how
the upper class interacts with each other at formal occasions, by serving them,
but I don’t know that I could actually act like them. The mere thought of that
invokes nausea in me, and makes my skin crawl. I mean, it’s one thing to barely
stand them, and to manage, somehow, to interact with them at a very limited and
minimal level, but to come into their society, and to become one of them, if
only momentarily, and to get to know their prominent members on a very personal
and intimate level? Well, I just don’t know…I mean, I’d always known, in my
heart, that no matter what anyone else told us, we were the noble ones, not
because we had money, or social standing, or we had done great things
financially, but because we had hearts, souls, personalities, empathy, and the
ability to care enough about our fellow human beings to want to help them out!
I had often done spiritual studies on many in the upper classes, and I found
that their souls were either vacant, or occupied by entities that were not
associated with God, which was the entity that I always associated myself with.
I think about what Rose has just said, and it still makes my skin crawl, and my
stomach turn. I mean…spend an evening with a whole bunch of vain and conceited
people who thought of no one and nothing but themselves, and their own personal
welfares and agendas, and get to know them as though they were my personal
friends? I was convinced that associating myself with such fake, vain, and in
many ways, nonexistent people was soul pollution, in that their souls were so
polluted by evil and by evil ways, that anyone who was not as corrupted as them
who came into contact with their souls would immediately become permanently
corrupted, spiritually speaking. I sigh to myself, because I can tell that Rose
doesn’t see it that way. She still sees life as a game, and for her, nothing is
more fun than inviting two people that she is very close to to a dinner. For
her, it’s a compliment. For us, it’s torture, and an insult. I’d rather clean
privies than eat with the people she hangs out with. I mean, I do believe in
treating people equally and with respect, but if someone doesn’t have a soul, or
that person’s soul is saturated with evil and malice, with no room for good,
ever, is it worth my effort to even associate with that person? I look Rose
squarely in the eye, and say, "I’ll think about it."
It is at that point in time that Rose moves
into the room, and walks towards Jack’s bunk, of course! Jack looks startled, I
can see the fear in his eyes. "Rose…" he says, his eyes tinged with
fear and anxiety. "What are you doing?"
Rose said, "Why, I’m coming towards you,
my love."
"Okay. Okay," I say. "Rose,
we’ll come to the damn dinner, just get the hell out of here. You should not
have come down here to begin with."
Rose looks at me, with innocence in her eyes.
"Why?" she asks innocently. "I thought you were my
friends."
I respond, "Rose, we are your friends…but…I
mean…okay, you’re a high class girl, right, and you’re coming down to see us.
Now, technically, you should only be associating with people from your class.
The reason why is if you get caught, you’re going to get fried, and we’ll get
in trouble as well, also. I imagine that your fiancé watches you like a hawk,
given the pretenses and traits of upper class men. If you were to get caught,
you’re going to end up in a lot of trouble. I mean, I’m not saying this because
I want to be mean, I’m saying this to protect you."
Rose says, her voice full of confusion and
pain, "But you don’t seem like lower class people to me. You seem like
noble and dignified people. I see the vivaciousness and the integrity in you. I
see that you are very beautiful people. You shine with the beautiful colors of
the sunrise. I can see that your souls are pure and beautiful. As for being a
high class girl…well…I’ve had it with that. For me, all it’s been, for all of
my life is a damn trap. I mean, I had to trade personal freedom and happiness
for seeming financial security. Right now, I’m in a position where I will never
have freedom. You don’t understand that freedom is something that I’ve so
hungered to taste for all of my life. I thought I would never get to taste that
until you came along. Somehow, you sparked a process in me, a process that
begin to set me free from my cages, from my long years of captivity in a class,
in a life that I never belonged in!"
Rose is still talking to me, but the word
cage makes me gulp. All of a sudden, I can feel a lump forming in my throat. My
God! I’ve been in cages all of my life, as well! Perhaps there’s some
correlation between the visions I’ve seen earlier and the conversation we’re
having now, as well as what has just happened tonight. Perhaps it’s a message
from God that something dramatic is about to happen!
Rose continues, "I never knew real
people until I met you. All of my life I was told that social status, prestige,
and rank were important, but now I’ve begin to realize that that is wrong! It’s
only now that I’ve begun to realize who I am and who I can be and the potential
that I really have. I am not a trophy girl or wife for someone. Rather, I am a
living and breathing human being with real nerves and aspirations!"
God, this time I feel like crying. I’ve
been trying to define my life by fighting similar notions myself! Suddenly,
a sense of realization that takes the form of sincerity, and a sort of lowering
of the guard that allows Rose to see my soul is reflected in my eyes. It is
right now that Rose can see my true self. "Rose…" I say. "I see
what you mean. I hear you!"
Rose says, "Then please listen to me!
I’ve found myself, thanks to you…"
Found myself! I think to myself weakly. Isn’t that what I was
trying to do? Suddenly, I feel sick, like a sense of despair is washing
over my body.
I let Rose continue. "I thought my life
was insignificant, and I thought that there was nothing…no one who would help
me…until you came along. I don’t even know how to describe it…but somehow,
you’ve given me the keys to unlock my life and my soul."
Okay, I think to myself. Then, I start to have visions, in which I see
myself in the future, locked up in a room, with sharps in my hand, attempting
to take my life, because I feel my life is insignificant! Somehow, am I that
person? I feel very weak now, because, until now, I thought of myself as a
strong and self-reliant person. I mean, therapy was always for other people,
and not for myself. I am also shocked by the speech Rose has just given me. I
had always thought of her as an innocent and naive girl, who wasn’t capable of such
deep and spiritual thought. I mean, that was supposed to be my realm!
"Rose…" I say, my voice having a
steely edge to it. "We’ll go to your dinner. Just get the heck out of
here!" She looks in my eyes, and she sees that I mean business. She turns
around, and proceeds to walk back to her cozy quarters.
But before she goes, I must comment on the
way she looks now. She’s wearing a fine satin-flowered dress. She has a very
fine spun white cotton shawl that she wears around her shoulders, but somehow,
instead of looking like a high class girl, which no one can touch, she appears
to be a nice, normal girl, who is no different from Jack, or I, or anyone, for
that matter! I sigh in a sign of relief and amazement. It’s amazing, I
think to myself. How quickly my perception of a girl can change. Earlier, I
saw her as a very confused girl who had all of the symptoms for spiritual
discovery, but who was showing none of the signs. However, she appears to be
taking the reins by the hand, and she appears to be thinking for herself. Or is
it just my perception? Perhaps she really is changing…well, if she is, it will
be a good thing. She is a girl who deserves to think for herself, for once,
instead of having everyone else do the thinking for her. She had the potential
all along. It’s just that someone had to instill the confidence in her that she
was a girl capable of making her own decisions, who was a very worthy person. I
guess we were that someone!
"Jack," I say. "Is it just me,
or is Rose really changing?"
Jack responds, "Jasmine, it’s not just
you. Rose really is changing, and for the better."
Then, I look at his bed, and I notice
something on it. I move forward to the bed in curiosity. "Jack…" I
say, gasping. "What is that?" Jack attempts to cover the object with
a sheet, but to naught. I pull back the sheet in curiosity, and I look at the
painting. It’s a painting of him and Rose standing at the hull of the Titanic.
I can see the spirit of freedom in the painting. And I can see that Rose is
happy. Jack is holding Rose in his arms, and they look like real lovers, like
soulmates. "Jack…" I gasp. "You can see the spirit of people.
You can see the spirit of freedom and of vibrancy of life. You have a very
special gift. You give life and spirit to your paintings!"
Jack looks at me in shock. "What do you
say, Jasmine? I mean, I just paint because it gives me pleasure. It’s a sort of
therapy, the way I express myself. I don’t know what you’re talking
about."
"Jack, you don’t have to. You have the
gift. It’s given to you by God."
Jack rolls his eyes in exasperation. "Oh
God, Jasmine, and you were the one who told me I wasn’t spiritual. Remember
that nice lecture you gave me yesterday when Rose attempted to take her
life?"
I can tell by the way that he placed emphasis
on the word nice, and by the way that he winced when he said it that I had hit
deep when I gave him the lecture that I did, and that I had hit where it had
hurt. "Oh, Jack!" I say, as I move over to him, my voice full of
empathy and compassion, and my eyes full of empathy. I can tell by the
expression that he gives me that he accepts my apology. "I’m so sorry! I
never meant it that way. What I meant is that you are not able to see souls the
way I can see them. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t see souls! Everyone has
a different way of seeing souls, and this is your way of seeing them!"
I can see the sense of relief coming over
Jack’s face, and he says, "I see what you mean. I mean, we all have a
different purpose in life, right?" He is smiling at me now.
I sit down on his bed next to him in deep
thought, my brow furled. Jack looks at me and he says, "Rose’s
conversation had some effect on you. I can tell by looking at your face."
"Jack," I say, with a tone of
seriousness in my voice. "It’s not that. It’s that Rose managed to hit my
soul with what she said. I mean, when she talked, it became obvious to me that
her soul was finally beginning to wake up and express herself!"
Jack looked at me in confusion. "How do
you mean, Jasmine?"
"Jack, think." I gasp. "Do you
really think that she, a naive seventeen-year-old girl who’s only known a life
of parties and being waited on and boarding schools could have thought of that
by herself, or do you think that she had perhaps, albeit probably
subconsciously, have gotten guidance by some sort of higher power?"
Jack thinks for a minute, and then he says,
"Oh, yeah. I see what you mean!"
I continue, "But it wasn’t just that
that got my attention. When she talked, I began to have flashbacks and visions
towards certain phenomenon that have happened in my life, and suddenly, she was
not talking about herself. Rather, she was talking about me! In some way, by
helping her, I have served to help myself. I had visions that the key to
liberating myself would lie in liberating her, and now, I see that that is the
truth. It became obvious when she talked to us!"
Jack looks at me in awe, and a look of
amazement comes over his face. "Jasmine, I wish I had your insight. I
mean, it must be awesome for you to be able to look into the essence of people,
to understand what is really affecting them, and how to best help them!"
I tell him, "Oh, no! Sometimes, it can
be a real nightmare!"
I get up, and I look at the picture of myself
in the mirror. I feel like crying. I mean, here I am in a washerwoman’s clothes,
when I know that I should be wearing the clothes of a princess.
"Jack," I say, my voice cracking. "It’s not fair. It seems that
I have always had to serve people, and get crumbed on, while I got nothing in
return. Why do I get the short end of the stick in life?"
Jack begins to pass his hands down my arms in
a very soothing manner. "There, there," he says, in a very soothing
voice. "It depends on how you look at it. Perhaps, that was the role God
had intended for you. Perhaps you were supposed to be the soul who liberated
people, and let them realize their full potential in the process. I mean,
that’s not a curse. In a way, it’s a gift, because there aren’t many in this
world who are afforded that privilege. I don’t care what anyone says. You are a
lady!"
I smile to myself, but I think to myself, Okay.
Now we have to pretend to be people we aren’t. In a way, this should be fun and
interesting!