JASMINE
Chapter Nine

It is morning, and I, Jasmine, wake up. I see the sun shining in my eyes, and I am almost blinded by the glow and radiance of it. "Ooh," I say.

Jack turns towards me. He asks, "What happened?"

I say, "I dreamt about Rose."

Suddenly, Jack turns to me, and he looks at me with wide, interested eyes. "You say you dreamt about Rose? Tell me, what did you see?"

"Well, I know that she spends many hours in deep thought." Jack gasped. "Yes," I continue, "she keeps a diary, which she writes in. She profiles her life through this diary, and her most favorite entry is one in which she is a mouse, who is caged, and Cal is the cat, who is trying to catch her, and trap her. She has realized that she is her own person, and that her mother is simply another person in her life. Her mother might have raised her, but now she is going to be an adult, either through liberation or through marriage. Her mother is totally oblivious to her concerns, needs, and life. Her mother sees things in a way that is totally different from the way that she sees things. I suppose this is normal, because they say that each generation shall be different from the last. She has realized that her mother views things in terms of societal perceptions, in terms of how her standing in society is affected by others. Living for emotions and for love, or for the love of family makes no sense for her. Marriage, for her, is not based on love, or even compatibility, emotional caring, or any kind of sustenance. It is based on money, prestige, and status. These are all very surface things. Ruth could care less that Cal is abusive. For her, he has a good name, and he is wealthy, and he is part of the elite, and based on those factors alone, he will make a good mate for Rose."

Jack asked, "What do you think?"

I respond, "I don't think this would be a successful marriage for Rose. If she marries Cal, she will become an adult, independent of her mother, and she will be known as Cal's wife. But Rose is rebellious. She'd break out of that marriage some way or another. If she breaks off her engagement and finds true happiness, then she will become a liberated soul, and in God's terms, she will be an adult, because she will have realized who she really is, taken steps to liberate herself, and taken time to find her true path in life, which, in God's realm, and in spirituality, everyone is supposed to do."

Jack breathes. "Jasmine, my God! That's very deep!"

I continue, "I believe in marriage and the family, but sometimes, I think you have to wait a while, and try to focus on God and spirituality, and listen to his true message before you make choices in life. I think, if at all possible, have the input of your family, and have support from them all throughout your life. But I don't think this is possible in Rose's case. I think she'll have to sever all ties with her family, and make a family on her own."

Suddenly, bang, bang, bang, bang! We both turn our heads, and are greeted by a cross superintendent. "So," he bellows at us. "Why are you not upstairs cleaning?"

We get dressed, and as I get dressed I think to myself, My God. It's so easy to get lost in spirituality that I forget my daily tasks!

I could tell you what we did that day, but all we did was clean the upper deck. The real surprise came at night. At night, I was playing rum with Jack, and we were betting with peanuts. Jack bet this way, because he wanted to be gentleman-like to me, and he did not want to bet with money, because I was a lady, and because I was poor. I began to get bored, so I bent my head down on my fist, and I began to think hard. I remember it was late at night, past seven o'clock at least. There was no light in the room, and we were on the deck, so we could feel the chill wind blowing past us. Our pupils were stretched wide, because we were relying on the blue darkness of the outdoors to light our vision. Well, there was a lone candle burning, but that did not really do much to dispel the all-enveloping darkness that surrounded us.

Suddenly, "Ah!" I jumped up, and almost fell backwards in my chair.

Jack gasped. "Jasmine, honey, what happened?"

I say, "I had a vision. Please, let me relay it to you." I pick my chair up, and I sit down in it. I put my forehead down on my fist, and I begin to think very, very deeply. I recite what I see to Jack, word for word. My voice becomes very mystic as I do so.

It is late at night, and I see Rose's room. It is lighted by artificial lights, and by candles, huge candles. Cal has not yet come down. I see Rose sighing, as if in resignation. She says sadly, "He won't come down now. He never does. Rum and cigars matter more to him than I do." I see her in front of her mirror, with her diary in hand. She sounds like she's about ready to cry. Her voice wavers and is quite shaky. She looks in the mirror, and she sees a very sad girl, with red, tear-stained eyes looking back at her. "Is this all I am to the world, a pretty accessory, and nothing more…I mean, I'm about to get married, and here I am, feeling quite miserable, and trapped! No one could care about my feelings. To them, I'm simply Cal's fiancée. I have everything in the world, but I still feel so miserable! There has to be more to life than what I presently experience and feel." She looks in the mirror again, and she gasps, because she sees a prairie, and the sun shining in the mirror. The glow of the sun from the mirror is so bright that she shields her eyes with her right hand. Then, she looks down at her right palm, and she picks up a dinner knife. She runs the knife across her palm, and says, "No one would care if all of the blood from my veins flowed on the floor, and I collapsed like a crumpled doll in its wake. I know. To shock them, I'll do something drastic. I'll die. Then everyone will know the true torment and suffering I have felt. Perhaps, by my death, people will better appreciate me, the sorrow in their hearts will make them long for me more. By being dead, my memory will pull at their conscience, their hearts, minds and souls, like a niggling pain, full of grief and guilt that just won't go away, and in that process, they will know who I really am, they will be reminded of the person that I really am!"

"I am definitely not finished," I say to Jack. "But doing yourself in with a knife on the wrist is the oldest attempt in the book. I think that her statements were…well…they were made out of desperation. They remind me of a lot of poetry, and stuff like that, but, now that I think about it, all of that really did come from the soul!" I look at Jack. "Look, I mean, technically, we don't owe her anything. I mean, from a purely rational point of view, if she suffered, it wouldn't have any effect on us, because we have not caused her suffering. If anything, because of the social class that she belongs to, and due to the way that they treat us, perhaps, you could say, that indirectly, she has caused our misery. I mean, an act of God, or a miracle, notwithstanding, there is no way our lives are going to change. We'll die cleaners, and dock men and women. People from her class, however, have real choices in how they live their lives. If they don't like a certain occupation, they can just move on to something else. We don't have that luxury. We'll always have to serve them. But something tells me that a higher power is going to be very mad with the both of us if we do nothing to help her, and besides, I think she should get a real shot of happiness." I smile at him. "How about you?"

Jack looks at me. "Yes, I think we should help her. I am quite disturbed that she wishes to take her life. I think it's tragic."

I respond, "You know, rationally, and technically, there is no real reason why Rose should be unhappy. She sits in the lap of luxury, and has never known hard work or struggle in her entire life. Most people would be set for a year, in terms of money, by just auctioning off her old clothes. That's how well off she is. But, in Hinduism, and in ancient spirituality, the sages have since time immemorial taught that true happiness is never defined by material wealth, by your perceived social standing in society, or by who you marry. True happiness is defined by your ability to accept yourself and by your ability to be happy with yourself. I guess the only way you can find true happiness is by seeking your inner self, and by listening to who your soul is, and what it wants from life. Material things will only give momentary joy, but the joy fades, and then you're back to the way you were, in terms of happiness. It is only by accepting who you are, and by learning to live in harmony with your environment, which is ultimately God's realm, that you can find true happiness. For centuries, spiritual leaders have said that the path to true happiness lies via finding your inner self, by the inner path in life, which is the true path, because that path leads to God and to God's realm. I think Rose may benefit from this."

Jack looks at me with wide eyes. "Jasmine, you have the wisdom of sages. I think you come from God. You must. I talk to a lot of people, and I have yet to meet anyone who thinks quite like you!"

I continue, "Let me finish with my spiritual introspections."

Rose says, "Why is life so cruel to me? It appears that no one ever listens to me. Here I am, virtually nonexistent to everyone. It's not fair! Sometimes, I really feel like screaming! They don't care if I live, and they couldn't care less if I died. All I am to them is an accessory in life! What about my feelings, and my pain? Why does everything have to be seen in terms of money? Why is there little room for personal happiness?" Suddenly, she tears over to her chest, where there's that Hope necklace. My God! It looks nice, but for all of the misery it has caused everyone who has ever held it, is it worth keeping? She picks it up. "This necklace looks nice. It is intriguing, but I could really care less for it. Sure, when I wear it, I look like a princess, but what else does it do for me? It has not made me a happier person, and it is a real dead weight, in many ways. Why do I need it? Why do I need anything in life? Why do I need my life? Why do I need to live my life? All my life, I've always lived life based on the way that others thought I should. I've lived a real lie in life, and I've not been my true self. Now, I am at the brink of making a total life choice that will change my life forever. Once I am married, there can be no going back! But, I don't even want to get married! I want to have fun. I've never had fun in my entire life. I've lived in misery." Now, I see her looking in her mirror in defiance, as she tosses her head. "Well, that's for someone else. I'm going to exit from life."

Jack gasps. "No, Jasmine. No!" he cries out. He grabs my wrist, and I pull back in pain and shock.

"Dammit, Jack!" I exclaim. "That hurts!"

"No, honey," Jack says. "This can't happen. I mean, Rose, she is my Rose…I can't bear to see her in pain!" He looks at me with pain in his eyes, and I can feel that his heart is breaking. This is funny, because until recently, I felt that that was a figure of speech. I never really knew that anyone's heart could really break.

"Well, Jack, she's just contemplating. She hasn't done a damned thing yet."

Jack interrupts me. "But she was thinking, and I think she'll actually do it!"

"You're probably right," I say, "but if you'd listened to my reflection, you'd have seen that she didn't really want to die. All she wants to do is escape, and since she can't think of a real way of exit, for her, dying is that way."

"But, Jasmine, it's wrong!" Jack says.

I smile at him. "Now you know how all organized religions feel about doing yourself in. Well, I think in this case, the issue goes beyond a moral stance. I mean, from a moral standpoint, hocking yourself may be wrong, but if you feel bad, all of those bad feelings are just going to simmer and collect in you, and they'll eat away at your soul, and eventually, at your physical body, until nothing's left, and you collapse, both physically and spiritually. Then, you're really dead. I think that we'd be better off if we helped her. I think that that's all she wants and needs."

Jack says, "But how?"

I respond, "Well, I think she'll try to do herself in by trying to jump off of a hull. That's what I saw in my reflections. I think she'll try it, either tomorrow night, or the night after that. We should be ready for her when she attempts this."

Chapter Ten
Stories