A SIMPLE KIND OF LIFE
Chapter Five

April 13, 1912

The next morning, Rose awoke with a newfound feeling in her heart she had never felt before.

Rose had had time to think the night before as she lay in bed in the dark, alone with her thoughts.

She thought of Cal and wondered where he was now, whether he was looking for her or whether he would just give her up. She thought back to the night in Paris when she had thought her life would end. She thought back to when she first met Cal and how flattered she was by his affections and the love she thought she had felt for him. She thought of her mother and how she would react to the news of her and Cal’s engagement being called off.

Mostly, she thought of Jack, the kind, handsome, talented gentleman that he was. How she wished she could have met him, not Cal. How she wished he had taken an interest in her, not Cal. She wondered how happy she would have been then, if it was Jack who would have become her husband, not Cal.

All of the things she felt in Jack’s presence were new to her. Every single thought and feeling she had towards him shocked her. She would have done anything in that moment to see him, for him to hold her like he had the night before.

The dance had been one of the most powerful things Rose had ever encountered.

Rose pulled herself out of bed, sat at her dressing table, and brushed through her tangled hair. She caught a glimpse of her reflection and smiled a little. She looked happier than she had in a while. She felt it, too.

Rose shakily reached into the top drawer and pulled out a ring, a beautiful sapphire and diamond ring. Its beauty shone in the mid-morning light. The ring had belonged to her grandmother. It had been her engagement ring and it had been passed on to her when she was just a child.

Rose had been close to her grandmother, Annie. Annie had moved to Philadelphia as a fifteen-year-old girl to marry Rose’s granddad, George DeWitt.

Her mother had been born in 1872 into one of the most prominent families in Philadelphia.

Her own mother, Ruth DeWitt, had married her father, Richard ‘Dick’ Bukater when she had been twenty. It had been a match planned by both of Rose’s sets of grandparents.

Rose had been born in February of 1895.

Memories of herself as a young child playing piano on her grandmother’s lap swamped her. With just one look at the ring, she felt a huge amount of sentimentality.

She placed the ring on the engagement finger of her left hand and proceeded to dress.

She wore a lilac tea dress with a lemon and mauve hat. Rose had ordered room service, so her breakfast would be brought to her that morning. She wished to eat alone and enjoy the lovely morning air on her private promenade deck, which she had not yet taken advantage of.

A knock sounded on the door and Rose answered, revealing two stewards who had brought her breakfast. They both seemed to struggle somewhat, but still remained professional as they set the table for Rose.

She thanked them and settled herself onto the small wicker chair. The sea air this morning was divine. She took a sip of her coffee and stood to take in the sea view over the railing. As far as the eye could see was just deep blue ocean. It was heaven.

After lunch was served at 12:30, Rose decided to take the air up on deck. JJ and Madeleine were also taking a stroll, accompanied by the Countess of Rothes.

“Good afternoon, Rose.”

“Good afternoon, JJ, Madeleine, Countess.” Rose nodded to each of them.

“It is a lovely afternoon, although it is slightly chillier than yesterday, I believe.” The Countess smiled. “
Well, I will be meeting the Wideners for a cup of tea. Do you care to join us?”

“That would be lovely.” Rose smiled. Anything would do to keep her mind occupied for a while. She knew Jack would not be at tea. It wasn’t his style. When Rose thought of seeing him, she could feel herself shiver, and she wasn’t sure why. She had a sense of dread. She wished with all her heart that she could shake the feeling, but it just wouldn’t subside.

Tea was served with a small piece of fruitcake. Rose knew the Wideners from Philadelphia. The father, George, had been born and raised in Philadelphia. His wife, Eleanor, was an attractive woman and was the daughter of William Elkins, a wealthy Pennsylvania businessman. Their eldest son, Harry, was just a month older than Rose and they had attended school together when they were children. Of their other two children, George, Jr. was thirteen and Eleanor was eleven.

Rose chatted endlessly to Madeleine as JJ spoke to George Widener about business. George’s youngest children seemed bored by the unnecessary chatter and began to play with their napkins, receiving a scolding from their mother as a result.

The table’s conversation turned to business and George Widener mentioned that Rose was engaged to be married to the Hockley steel tycoon, Caledon. With that, her blood ran cold. Just thinking of him was enough to scare her. She wished with all her heart that he never found her. But that was probably a wish which would never come true, for he knew where she lived with her mother. He knew her last name, and it would be easily traced. He had the power to track her down, no matter where she went. But for now, she would have to face that moment when it came to her.

Her mother, Ruth, was desperate for Rose to marry into wealth, for when her father, Richard, had passed away when she was eleven, he had left them with barely enough money to survive. Ruth had wished to continue to live in luxury, but to Rose, even then she would have rather lived in a shabby hotel than be forced into marriage to someone she felt she could not love.

All of her life, she had read romantic novels. She wanted a love like that to come to her and to prove her mother was wrong when she had told her over and over, “Fairytales don’t come true. It’s all fictional. Love isn’t like that and it never will be.”

Maybe she was right. Maybe she would never be happy with a man and would have to face the fact that she would someday have to marry a man she didn’t love in order to have children.

The talk of Cal had been enough to listen to for one day. The endless praise the table had for him meant nothing to Rose, and she excused herself up on deck for some air.

Jack Dawson sat puffing away on a rolled-up cigarette. The wind through his hair made him feel alive. He loved this time of day, when the sun shone brightly and the late afternoon air was cool and crisp.

He took out his sketchbook and began to create some lines. His hands moved professionally, as he wasn’t actually sure what he was to draw. He stopped momentarily, took the cigarette from his mouth, and thought for a moment. He was all dried up. He sighed heavily and thought of giving up.

He sat almost at the stern of the ship on a bench. He knew he probably wasn’t supposed to be in these parts, but he didn’t really care. He wasn’t doing any harm.

Jack threw the small piece of charcoal onto the almost blank paper and gave up. He sighed in annoyance. He tried to think of something which would bring little inspiration to him.

He heard footsteps behind him. For a moment, he thought he was imagining it. Who else would come to this end of the ship alone?

Then, moments later, he heard the distinct sound of heels clacking against the wooden deck. It was obviously a woman.

His head whirled around to see who it could be and his heart sunk immediately.

“Rose?” he asked, concerned.

There was Rose. Her hair was unpinned and loose around her shoulders, her face seemed redder than usual, and her eyes were puffy. She appeared to have been crying.

Rose hadn’t expected to see Jack here, of all places. She had come for some peace and quiet. The tea table had turned to chat of Caledon Hockley and she could no longer stomach it. She felt achy, almost dazed and confused. She had boarded this ship to escape Cal, and now she had no idea what she was to do when she docked. While Rose had been in London, she had telegrammed her mother to inform her of Cal’s actions and that she would board the Titanic home. After Rose had returned to her stateroom after tea, there had been a note shoved under the door. The wireless officer had brought it to her room to inform her that she had received a message from her mother. It read:

Rose,

How can you be so foolish as to abandon Mr. Hockley? You are his wife in practice. You should honor him, young lady. Do not return without the presence of Mr. Hockley.

Ruth DeWitt Bukater

Rose had simply torn up the letter in response, out of anger, but mostly because of fear. She now had no home. She was no longer welcome in her mother’s house, unless she was to marry the monster she had left in Paris.

If Rose was to come face-to-face with Cal again, surely he would want revenge and most likely even kill her for the humiliation she had made sure he endured.

“Rose?” Jack repeated louder. He wasn’t sure if his voice had been audible the first time he had spoken. Upon hearing Jack’s voice, Rose lifted her head and her eyes met his.

Immediately, he came to her and moved closer. He wasn’t sure what to do, but she was clearly upset.

“Come, Rose. Sit down.” Rose nodded as he took her hand and led her to the wooden bench. She seemed to be in a dream. Her head felt lost. Everything that had happened seemed to have come at once. “What is wrong?” Jack asked. He wasn’t sure if he could help, or if she would even reply.

“Everything, Jack. Everything,” she replied, sighing. Jack could hear the emotion in her voice.

“Is there something I could do to help, maybe?”

“No, Jack. Nothing. There is only I who can untangle myself from this mess. But even that seems an impossible task.”

Her head was just a huge whirlwind of thoughts and she wished that everything would just become simple. She wished she could live a simple kind of life where everything was in order, there were no rules and restrictions, and where she was free to do what she wanted.

“There are so many complications in my life, Jack. If only you knew the half of it. You wouldn’t even dare to sit here with me.”

Jack frowned a little at her comment.

“Why? What have you done? What’s so terrible, Rose? Nothing could stop me from wanting to be here with you. Wild horses couldn’t drag me away, Rose.”

For a brief moment, their eyes met. She wondered if he actually meant the words he said. From the serious look on his face, he did. Maybe he was feeling what she was. Or maybe he was just trying to be a good friend.

“I do wish you’d tell me.”

Rose sighed a little before almost beginning to tell the story, and then she realized she couldn’t. Jack was the only person she could trust aboard this ship, and she couldn’t even tell him that.

Cal Hockley had affected her in a way she had never thought she could be affected. Just the name filled her with dread. She would be his forever now. He would find her and her mother would force them to marry. Rose had no skills or experience to work and hold down a job. She probably couldn’t even survive as a working class lady. She had money which would last her a few years, but her family name would give away her identity. It was hopeless. Maybe she should have given in to Cal’s urges and let him have his way with her. Maybe this life was what she was meant to live. Women’s choices were never easy, and this choice she was about to make certainly wasn’t--but maybe she should just give herself up and marry the man she didn’t love.

Tears flowed from her eyes, knowing that even thoughts of him scared her. She knew what her life would be like when she docked, and she was frightened of the future. Just days before, she had been happy to have escaped, but no she had little or no choice.

“Rose?” Jack saw the tears run from her eyes and he took her hand in his. As he did, he felt her pull away from him immediately and she stood. Before he knew it, she was running down the deck away from him, sobbing.

He wondered what he had done. He had to know--so he grabbed his portfolio and ran after her.

When he reached the first class entrance, she had vanished from sight. He didn’t know where she had gone. He sighed heavily and gave up. He checked his pocket watch. The time was 5:15 PM. Dinner wasn’t served for another two hours.

Maybe I should go to her stateroom and call upon her, he thought. But then his thoughts ceased. He was terribly worried about her. Her own thoughts had made her become this victim of her own imagination. She had bottled up a lot of information and Jack wanted her to come out with it. He wasn’t a gossip. She knew that. But was there anything, really, that he could do?

She seemed so off-limits to him. They were of the same social status, yet she seemed so much higher than him. Like an angel, and he was just a stable boy pining after her. Jack knew that she would never have the same thoughts he had for her in a million years. He knew that he and she could never be. But he wished hard he could just help her become the person she once was when they met on deck.

It was just days before, but it seemed like forever.

By the time it was time for dinner, Rose seemed to have composed herself a little. She had thought of not attending dinner, but she knew she would have to or the people she sat with would be worried if she didn’t attend without an explanation.

She had dressed in a cream and navy dress which came to the floor. A small blue flower rested on the shoulder and Rose wore ivory gloves to match. The sapphire and diamond ring which once belonged to her grandmother sat on her finger. Her earrings were of aquamarine and her necklace matched.

The elaborateness and color of her dress did not match her mood. She felt black. She felt as though this once grand ship was a slave ship taking her back home in chains. Once again, Rose put on the brace face she was so used to from growing up in a prominent and wealthy family.

At seven o’clock, a knock sounded at the door. Rose was already dressed in her fine clothes and came eye to eye with Jack at the door. Just the sight of him made her heart soar, but she held back her enthusiasm and controlled her nerves.

“Hello, Jack,” she greeted him calmly.

“I was wondering how you were. If you were to accompany me to dinner?”

“I’m very well, thank you, and no, there will be no need for me to be accompanied.” Rose kept her composure. All of the etiquette and education she had learned all of her life stopped her from just running into his arms and accepting his offer.

“Rose…why are you being like this?” Jack knew he had to cut out the pretense now. Something was wrong. He didn’t know what it was, but he felt she was avoiding him for some reason, and he wanted to know why.

“Excuse me?”

“Why have you changed so?”

“I have not changed. Do not assume things, Mr. Dawson.”

“Why avoid me?” he asked her straight out. “Why are you keeping up this falseness? You’re not one of them, Rose, and I know it. You know why? Because I know you. I know you probably better than these people who have known you from your childhood. Why avoid me?”

He wanted to know now. He was desperate. He took one step closer to her and was almost inside her stateroom. She looked up at his handsome face and saw genuine concern. She wanted to just lose herself in his gaze and it took her all of her strength to stop herself from falling more and more for him.

It was then that she gasped a little. Falling for him? That was it. She was falling for him. It was then that she knew why she was feeling all of this. Why she was so nervous, why she was so on edge. With him so close to her, she could feel his breath on her cheek. His amazingly blue eyes on hers. She gazed at his lips and for once in her life wondered what it would feel like to kiss him.

It was then that she stopped herself from thinking. Kiss him? God, what was wrong with her? She felt crazy. She had known this man for a little over two days and was having these sort of thoughts. She had known Cal for two years and hadn’t had these sort of thoughts about him.

“I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore, Jack. I don’t know how I feel about…”

She stopped, not wanting to continue that sentence, afraid what she might confess.

“About what, Rose?” Jack asked. He seemed a little hopeful, and he was. He was wondering what the ends of the sentences were. He glanced down at her, dressed in her fine wear, her beautiful dress and delicate gloves, but even dressed down in daywear, her beauty shone through. She was radiant. Her face had glowed with happiness the day before, but now she seemed to have lost her shine.

“About anything, Jack. Please, just leave…”

Defeated and crushed, Jack nodded in understanding and turned to leave. As he reached the corridor, he turned and saw that Rose had closed the door almost in his face. He nodded once again and continued his stroll to the dining saloon. Maybe food would perk him up, but he knew it wouldn’t.

The dinner table was alive with the usual faces--the Astors, Benjamin Guggenheim and his mistress, Madame Aubert, the Duff-Gordons and, of course, Jack and Molly.

Molly continued to chatter endlessly through dinner. But to Rose, her stories seemed to fade into the background noise of mindless chatter.

What mattered to these people? Obviously not the important things of the world such as war, child cruelty, poverty. All of these subjects were actual problems. Not just who had the most money or who owned the most property. It was hideous.

Rose could feel Jack’s eyes burning into her. She had caught his gaze several times throughout dinner. It was then that she had realized that attending dinner was a bad idea. She had remained unusually quiet throughout and picked at her lamb. She felt sick. The heat in the room seemed to burn her body and she felt more melancholy than ever before. She wondered if she stood up and screamed at the top of her lungs if anyone other than Jack would actually pull away from their so-called important conversations to look at her.

“Isn’t that right, Rose?”

Rose blinked her eyes and realized she was being spoken to. She hadn’t heard the mention of her name until now.

“Isn’t what right?” Rose turned her attention back to the table. She saw the look on Jack’s face and he smiled a little, but Rose didn’t smile back. She just composed herself as a proper young lady would.

“You are to marry Mr. Hockley within the year.” The question came from Duff-Gordon, a man who ran in the same circles as Cal.

Rose was floored. She simply did not know what to say.

“I…um…yes. Yes, that is correct.”

“He is a lucky man. Such a respectable gentleman. You have done well, Miss Rose. He is a fine man.”

Closing her eyes, Rose muttered words of prayer to help her through this dinner.

“Yes,” she simply replied.

“When are you to marry, Miss Rose? Before the year is out? Please do send an invite. It is such a long while since Caledon and I spoke together. I hear business is booming for him. Just think, your children will be the heirs to all of that wealth.”

That was it. How could she take much more? She stood immediately and suddenly, shaking the table and sending an expression of shock across the faces of those at the table.

Rose glanced at the exit and saw a few more eyes upon her. Everything which society had ever taught her had stopped her from just sprinting out of the room and never wanting to return, but she calmed herself and managed to clear her bleary eyes.

“Do excuse me. I am not feeling so well. Please continue to enjoy the evening. Good night.”

Rose smiled, nodded, received a few good nights in return, and within seconds, the party had forgotten her existence at the table in the first place. When she reached the exit, Rose ran as fast as she could out on deck. She felt the freezing cold air hit her at once, but she continued to run and run as fast as she could until she reached the railing.

She glanced over it with blurry vision. When her vision cleared, she saw the drop into the cold, dark water of the Atlantic below her. She contemplated what it would be like to drop the eighty or so feet into the darkness. She wondered how fast death would come to swallow her up. She knew that jumping from a ship in the evening would make sure she was never found.

She pondered for a minute and then frantically let rip. She pulled at the pins in her hair and threw each one to the ground, freeing her curls. She grabbed her necklace, ripped it from her throat, and threw it overboard into the darkness below. The necklace was worth thousands and she knew it would never be recovered. She felt like stripping herself of every ounce of wealth she owned.

A sob overcome her, she felt her chest tighten, and she suddenly couldn’t breathe.

Seconds later, she heard footsteps behind her. Quick and uncertain, like a man’s. She whipped her head around, cleared her vision, and paled at who she saw.

“Jack?” she whispered. He had come to find her. She could not explain the happiness she had at just seeing his face. She thought no one would follow her or even care--but he did.

Jack inched closer to her. He could feel the chill and saw her small shivers. Various lights lit the deck, but it was the moonlight and the stars which provided the luminous beauty on her face.

“Rose, what’s wrong?” His voice cracked a little. He had never encountered anyone so hysterical in his life. He was unsure of what to do or how to approach her.

“Nothing, Jack. It’s just…” She trailed off, unsure herself what was wrong.

“Just what? Why are you so nervous around me?”

Rose blinked back her tears. She didn’t know herself why she was so nervous around him. Was it because of Cal? Was she afraid to be hurt again? Was she afraid to let herself love another man because she feared he would turn out to be just like that monster?

Rose settled a little. She thought of whether to tell Jack or not. He came closer to her and she felt herself go dizzy. Her head pounded and she felt sick.

“Jack…the real reason why I left the great Caledon Hockley is because…well…he attacked me.”

Jack felt his stomach lunge and his eyes widened in shock.

“What?” he asked in disbelief.

“Yes. He made sexual advances and when I objected, he attacked me. I hit him with a vase and left him lying in his own blood on the bed. I took ten thousand dollars from the safe and fled Paris.”

Just reliving the memory was enough to cause a heart-wrenching sob to escape her lips. Jack wanted so badly to pull her body close to his, to comfort her, but he didn’t know how to approach this woman before him.

“My God, Rose. How could he harm you? How could he have looked at you with anything else other than love?”

Rose’s breath become caught in her throat at the word love. She didn’t know what Jack was referring to, but she felt more tears escape her eyes and run down her cold face. She could see her own breath in the air and could feel the cold wrapping its chill around her body.

“And now…now I’m so scared, Jack. I’m so scared of him finding me and wanting revenge.”

With that, Jack pulled Rose a little closer to him. She rested her head numbly on his shoulder, felt his arms wrap around her, and in those few seconds, she felt more loved than she had in a long time. She hadn’t been embraced for years. She had almost forgotten what it felt like.

“He won’t, Rose. I’d never let that happen to you, ever. I could never let harm come to you. I couldn’t live with myself if I did.”

Jack knew his truth was slowly being revealed. He loved this woman in his arms. He had since the first moment they had met. Just feeling her body next to his made him feel warm in the mid-Atlantic chill. He would do anything to make her happy or protect her in any way. If she wanted him to, that was.

Rose pulled away slowly. She felt the moment turn awkward as she realized what she was feeling now. Stronger feelings than ever…so strong she had to take a step backwards to calm her emotions.

“Now you’re here. The exact opposite of Cal. So kind, generous, caring, and thoughtful…and now I’m feeling…”

Rose halted, not knowing exactly what to say or what she was feeling. Was it love? Or just an attraction? She didn’t know. Her heart felt as though it was being ripped open because she knew as soon as she said those words of what she felt, she would never be able to take them back. She knew as soon as she admitted her feelings to Jack she would have to admit them to herself, and she wasn’t sure if she was ready to.

“What, Rose? What do you feel?”

“I feel…”

“What, Rose?” Jack pushed her. He wanted to know. There was no going back now.

Rose took a long pause and a deep breath. She wasn’t even sure how to communicate anymore.

“Things I have never felt before…for you.”

She had said it now. It was admitted. She had thought Jack’s reaction would have been worse than it was, for he simply smiled warmly as he looked into her eyes. She could feel herself falling into him.

“You have?”

Jack couldn’t believe she had told him this. A smile crept across his face. He had never felt happiness like this.

Rose ripped her eyes away from his at his response. She felt more exposed than she ever had in her life, and she didn’t like it.

“Jack, don’t pry. I feel so utterly exposed already.”

Jack’s heart sank. He hadn’t meant to sound like he did.

“Rose, look at me. Please.”

He wanted to show her he felt the same way. He wanted her to know how happy she had just made him, to know what she felt and that it matched his feeling exactly.

Nervously, Rose lifted her eyes from the deck and up to Jack. She watched as his tender artist’s hand touched her left cheek. He felt how cold she was and he pulled her body a little closer to his by placing his hand on the small of her back.

He leaned forward ever so slightly, so that their lips came into contact for just the briefest few moments. Rose felt her heart flutter and all of her nerves seemed to disappear. She was experiencing emotions she had never felt before.

When he pulled his face away from hers, he gazed at her lovingly to observe her reaction. Shakily, her hand raised to her lips and she gently touched the area where his lips had been seconds before.

Gently, Jack took her hand in his and moved forward once again. He kissed her again with more passion than the first time. She could feel his warmth next to her, but yet she still shivered. The outside world seemed to disappear. It was just them now. No more words were needed to express what each felt towards the other.

For both of them, it was their first kiss, and it was a moment neither would forgot.

Jack felt Rose’s small shivers. He pulled away from her, removed his tuxedo jacket, and draped it around her shoulders. To his surprise, she put the jacket on properly before thanking him quietly. She felt shy and, to be honest, so did he. He placed his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him once again.

“I want to do what I can to make you happy, Rose,” he whispered into her ear. He didn’t see the tears rolling down her cheeks, but he smiled and gazed at the stars. He felt it was his duty to protect her now.

Chapter Six
Stories