What a Remarkable Age This Is!

My dear Mr. Latimer!
Prepare to meet our clientele
Our meeting is imminent
Our having just run the dinner bell
It won't be a novelty
We mostly have seen them all before...
Prepare for the usual
You should be aware of what's in store...
We've served them on the Baltic
And the Oceanic
Olympic and Majestic
And today's the same
There's nothing changed...

Mr. Astor takes his toast dry
Mrs. Straus likes the grouse
With the sauce on the side
And the Wideners love kidney pie
Bring it hot, if it's not
They'll be fit to be tied
They're accustomed to the best
Of all that money buys
The world of free enterprise
Has given this privilege to the rich...
When they're idle
They're entitled to the luxury
Which we provide
That's forever the source of our pride...
Which is why we're always there
With our special form of care
For every hungry millionaire
By now they've all arrived...

We're sailing aboard the greatest ship
That ever sailed the seas
The hull and the keel imperviously
Stronger by degrees!
Magnificent crystal chandeliers
Parquet in all the floors
The ceiling is Jacobean
A decor the world adores
Oh what a ship!
Remarkable keel
Oh what a keel!
Remarkable steel!
Oh what a ship!
If it could be put in a phrase...it's
What a remarkable age this is!

A fellow's invented see-through film
He calls it cellophane
Another has built a parachute
For jumping out of an airplane!
Remarkable things flow endlessly
From out the human brain!
Indeed
And what a remarkable age this is!

Keep the Captain's table pristine
Where we seat the elite whom we happily serve
Here they dine on fine French cuisine
It's the Crème De La Crème’s
Exclusive preserve!
It's the pleasure of the leisure class's greatest wits
To be where the Captain sits
When taking their dinner on the sea.

Giving difference to their preferences
Is our chief art!
We play a part
In a perfectly working machine
You should ever be aware
This is a privilege great and rare
A special burden that we bear
In our respective lives!

Remarkable! U.S. Steel
Is splitting share at five to four!
Monopoly makes the industry
Far better than before!

Attending the coronation of King
George the Fifth was grand.

And afterwards off to Monaco
To frolic in the sand.

Remarkable talk
Oh what a talk!
Remarkable times
Oh what a time!
Remarkable world
Oh what a world!
So much to surprise and amaze...
And...

What a remarkable time
What a remarkable world
What a remarkable age...

The hull and the keel impervious
Magnificent crystal chandeliers
A fellow's invented see-through film
And what a remarkable age
This is!