Written by Sunny
Based on some situations originated by James Cameron.
Moonlight glittered down, falling on her
already pale face, creating shadows on and around her. Winking stars looked
down upon her, singing to her in their own mystic way. She could only stare up
from her place on the ground, her body sprawled out in the grassy fields of her
backyard. The ground was cool, grass tickling her bare neck, and the cool air
raising goosebumps from her skin. It was near morning, but still the darkness
prevailed, allowing her to watch the heavens as they passed over her.
Her mind was beautifully blank, her awe of
the masterpiece before her overshadowing all other emotion. Logically her mind
knew that as soon as the sun rose, she would feel again. She would feel the
pain, the sadness, the terror, and anger all over again. It happened ever year.
It had been happening for twenty years, and it would tonight.
She also knew that if anyone saw her, they
would instantly worry. She did the same every year, but it didn't stop them
from worrying. Her husband, Charles Calvert, had asked about it so many times.
But she only told him half the truth. She told him of Titanic, but not the
thing that had changed her forever. Her children thought she was crazy, but her
eldest, Mary, also knew that something wasn't right about the way her mother
went outside and watched the stars every April fourteenth. The weather didn't
matter. Even if it were cloudy and raining, Rose would still go out and stare
at the sky as if it held some answer to a question never spoken aloud. And she
would stay all night, waiting for an answer that would never come.
In the morning she would go inside, make
breakfast, say hello to her two children and kiss her husband good-bye as he
went off to work and promptly go to her room and lock the door. When Mary and
Edward had been children, she wouldn't lock the door until they were asleep for
nap, and only then would she allow herself to feel again.
The cold in her body always reminded her of
the cold terror she'd felt one night. A night when she had feared she would
never see daylight again. When she'd fear that she and the man she'd come to
love in a very short time would sink into the icy depths of the sea, consumed
by darkness forever. But the light always came, even if it came from a window.
It warmed her body and spirit, reminding her of her life and the lack of life
for Jack.
The deep sadness would usually come next.
Jack had saved her, shown her how to live, given her hope and the determination
to break free from the cage she had lived in. And yet he had died that night.
He had made her promise to go on, and died. Sometimes she was angry with him,
for leaving her, for dying. But then the tears would come, and she would be
left with the emptiness of an irrational anger.
*****
She loved her husband, Charlie, of course. He
was easy to love, warm and kind. He was a bit shy, but could be quite
adventurous if he allowed himself to be. He was very intelligent, and always
appreciated her opinion. He wasn't Jack. He wasn't carefree or playful. He
wasn't an artist. He loved her, but he never looked at her with insightful,
loving, fiery eyes. He wasn't Jack, he never would be.
She knew comparing Charlie to Jack was
impossible. The two were so different that it was just silly to compare. But she
loved the both. For different reasons, albeit, but she did love them. Jack was
gone, and when he'd left, a piece of her had gone with him. But his last words
to her kept her going, gave her hope and life. It had ignited the fire in her,
and it was still burning brightly with her life and spirit.
*****
The stars glittered tonight. They shone with
a brightness she'd never seen before. The sky was clear, but not as clear as it
had been when she'd watched them from atop a piece of Titanic, afloat in the
middle of the North Atlantic. She had been numb then, numb from the cold. Now
she was numb from the pain.
She had gotten used to it. It hadn't been
easy, and it hadn't been fun, but she'd made it. She had lived her life as she
had always dreamed of and the very thought of it made her smile. But the
feeling she'd felt in Jack Dawson's arms had always escaped her. Charles
provided warmth, and safe love. But being in the arms of Jack had always
felt...different. Their love was unthinkable. A social, rich, upper-class girl
falling in love with a carefree, wild, steerage boy.
She shook her head, knowing she would get
grass in her hair, but not really caring. It was really no use comparing the
two, and yet she found herself always doing it. Well, not always. There were
times when she managed to not think of Jack Dawson for days at a time.
Those days were like a blessing and a curse.
Forgetting about him was freedom from the pain, a reminder of how she was happy
and living her life like he'd wanted. But she was afraid. Afraid she would
forget about the one man who'd changed her entire world upside down, the man
who'd loved her enough to die for her.
But she never could forget about him.
Something or other usually reminded her of him. Water usually did the trick.
Cold water, reminding her of the water that had nearly killed her that night so
long ago. It was like a chain reaction, she couldn't think about Titanic
without thinking about Jack. Even though she never told anyone about him, he
was like her little secret. It made him special to her and her only.
*****
She sighed, and watched as her breath created
a thin cloud of warm air until it dissolved like sugar in warm tea. She usually
didn't start thinking about all this until morning. Until day's first light hit
her face, and reminded her of the daylight Jack would never get to see.
She knew Charlie was watching her, despite
the fact that he had to work the next day and she didn't. She hadn't worked
since she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, fourteen years ago. She could
feel his concerned chocolate eyes staring her down from her spot in the middle
of the lawn. She didn't really care though. Before she'd gone out he'd tried to
convince her to stay in and talk about it. She'd only smiled at him, and he
knew that this was the only time she would allow herself to grieve, and knew he
could do nothing about it. He'd admitted defeat, but told her he'd watch over
her. She still wondered about his reaction if she told him that she already had
an angel watching over her.
She smiled, feeling at peace. The peace of a
victory after a long, hard battle. The peace of sleep, even though she was wide
awake. The peace of her grief over the past, put to rest for yet another year.
She stood just as dawn's light touched her fiery red hair, igniting her curls
until they shone.
She tilted her head, peering at the small
bird perched on the old maple tree in her yard. The cold in her body seemed to
evaporate, the sun was warming her. She would live another day, and she owed it
all to Jack Dawson.
She whispered the three words she'd once said
to him as good-bye, and felt, more than heard, the words being repeated back to
her, even though she'd never heard them from his lips. She turned back to her
home, humming happily. She had never let go, and she never would.
The End.