A MISUNDERSTANDING
Chapter Eleven
What Really Happened to Rose
After the Sinking
Thinking that Jack had died in
the freezing waters of the Atlantic, I sat on the Carpathia as an empty shell, contemplating
how I could go on. But I knew that I had to. I had made a promise to Jack that
I would make each day count, and I was determined to never let go of that
promise.
When an officer asked me for my
name, I told him that it was Rose Dawson, which is why neither one of you could
probably track me down for so long.
In New York, I found steady
though under-paying jobs as a waitress and seamstress, an apartment, and loving
friends that embraced me into their world and didn’t ask me questions after I
told them, simply, "I’m a Titanic survivor."
However, they could see that the
conditions I had been through left me extremely pale with a hacking cough, not
to mention the fact that I woke up screaming almost every night. Within a week,
they dragged me to see a doctor, who, after running careful tests, told me that
I was pregnant.
Not knowing how they would react,
I kept this a secret from my friends. Who’s to know how someone will react to
an unwed mother? However, after two months, I realized what I was doing. I was
acting as if I was ashamed of this baby, and that couldn’t have been farther
from the truth. It was my connection to Jack, who I still loved with all my
heart and thought about every time I opened my eyes in the morning and each
time I lay my head down to rest at night. I told my friends about my exciting
expectancy. Their reaction was of curiosity, which surprised me more than you
would imagine.
"Do you know who the father
is?" one asked.
"Yes."
"Well, do you know where
this man is?" they all urgently asked.
"The bottom of the
Atlantic."
And, I can assure you, there were
no more questions after that.
In December, almost exactly a
month prematurely, I had Jayvelin. She was my sun, and my life revolved around
her from that day forward. And all the women and men in the building absolutely
fawned over her. She was a beautiful baby, almost as pretty as she is now, so
you can imagine what a stir she created. I couldn’t take her on a five-minute
walk without someone peering into the carriage and telling me what a beautiful
baby I had.
She was so sweet and beautiful, I
hated leaving her with a friend of mine, Mrs. Carpenter, each day before going
to work. This, however, was the only time I left her. It wouldn’t be until she
was five months old that Mrs. Carpenter took her on a Sunday, the one day I
didn’t have to work each week, and insisted that I take the day off. I refused
at first, but had to give in to such a wonderful offer in the end.
It was warm for March, and I put
on my nicest white dress with flowing skirt and red sash to sit in the park and
collect my thoughts. Afterwards, I felt completely refreshed and rejuvenated
and returned to my apartment with a light step. I was setting a pot of
newly-planted flowers on the windowsill when I heard a knock at the door.
Upon opening it, I screamed and
would have helplessly crumpled to the floor if the presumed-dead Jack Dawson
hadn’t clasped me in his arms.
"Are you all right?"
I was momentarily speechless, and
could only bob my head like a dummy before stammering out a yes. Then, tears
streaming down my face, I threw my arms around him and held him as tightly as I
could, making sure he was real. We must have kissed and hugged and laughed and
cried for a good fifteen minutes before I finally found enough sense to invite
him inside.
I had made the most of the small
space available in the apartment and was actually proud as he looked around at
the fresh flowers, furniture covers I had sewn together myself, and admired the
sunlight filtering in from the high windows, which really were the best feature
of that little apartment.
I pulled him onto the only couch,
and he preceded to tell wonderful stories to no end. As far as I could see, he
had searched every nook and cranny of the globe for me a dozen times, traveling
by any means available and pushing every limit as far as it would go.
"I would have searched a
lifetime if it just meant I knew you were still out there somewhere, making
each day count."
I leaned in to kiss him,
exploring his mouth as if for the first time and then feeling pleased that I
still remembered what it had felt like the first time we kissed. "And now
I’m here, right next to you."
"I know. I can’t believe it.
Tell me what you’ve been doing. Are you acting? No? You can be a famous actress
and come with me. We’ll travel to Cairo and Paris and Greece. I’ll show you the
world the way you’ve never seen it before. You’ll go on stages across the globe
and impress every single person watching you perform. You’ll perform cheesy
plays wearing ludicrous makeup and love every second of it. And then you’ll
perform on big, elegant stages in front of thousands, including kings and
queens, and they’ll all give you standing ovations and cheer for you all night.
Come on. There’s nothing pulling us back or holding us. We’re together at last,
and the world is ours for the taking."
That’s when the realization
struck me. He had no idea that we had a daughter. But how could I tell him? He
was meant to roam the ancient pyramids in Egypt and argue relentlessly about
religion and politics in cafes on the streets of Paris and travel on a
riverboat in Athens, not take care of a baby and support his wife.
"Jack, I love you so much.
It doesn’t matter what’s happened since we last saw each other. All that
matters is right now because I’m with you."
We spent the day together, and
that night I made love for the second time in my life. As the sun was rising
and spilling over our bodies, he wrapped me up in a sheet, and we sat by the
window, watching the ball of fire rising in the sky.
The golden light was warm on our
faces, and I could hear his heart beating in his chest. "Jack, I love you,
but I need to go to work in two and a half hours."
"You don’t need work
anymore." I knew he thought I would leave the city with him and travel
until we were both too old and weary to go on.
"Yes, I do..." I was
about to tell him, and then I made the mistake of looking into his eyes. They
were so bright and hopeful. "The landlord is a very sweet old man, and I
couldn’t just leave without paying the month’s rent. He wouldn’t be able to
supply enough food for him and his family if I did that."
"Then I’ll wait for you
here."
I knew that Mrs. Carpenter came
back with Jayvelin an hour before I came home from work each day and stayed with
her until I arrived. Jack would find out I had a child if he didn’t leave
before I left for work, and the sooner he left, the sooner the pain would go
away.
"No. Jack, you need to
leave."
"What? Why?" Pain
flooded into his blue eyes, but I knew this was for the best.
"I--I can’t be with you. I’m
sorry. I love you with all my heart, and I will never let go, but we can’t be
together. I don’t want to see you again and you are not to try to find
me."
I led him to the front door,
tears running along my cheeks and blurring my vision.
"Why? What’s going on? Is
there someone else? We can work through things. Please." I led him out in
the hall, staying in the doorway of the apartment myself. He was too
dumbfounded at what was happening to stop me.
Looking into my eyes, he stopped
protesting.
I whispered, "I love
you."
He looked at me, the lines
deepening in his face, and the pain and sadness swirling in his eyes
unbearably.
"I love you, too," he
said in a small, broken voice.
I looked at him for a split
second and then shut the door.