A MISUNDERSTANDING
Chapter Twelve
Moving On
I never saw Jack again, at least
not until today. I was worried that he would come back, so one month later,
after I had saved enough money, I moved to California with Jayvelin. There, I
went to auditions and was soon working at a simple theater in Santa Fe. The
owner of the theater was a man named Phillip Quinn, who recognized my talent
and reluctantly helped me join a much larger theater, where I made a small
fortune and had my heart broken from sadness each night.
I was around such perfect
happiness. I wore fine clothes and jewels, the other actors and actresses loved
me, and the crowds poured in at all my performances, shouting encores and
throwing flowers every night. It was everything I had ever dreamed of, yet I
was still unhappy.
Two and a half months after
arriving, yet another doctor's visit gave me the news that I was pregnant once
again. I had already made enough money to support a family of twelve if I
wished, and I didn't know how to tell all my fellow actors that I was pregnant.
So, after a particularly lively performance, I went backstage, told everyone
who I had grown to love that I was leaving, and moved to a much smaller town
three hundred miles away to have Jacob.
After his birth, I now had two
wonderful children to fawn over and take care of. For years, I numbed myself
from everything in my past just to take care of Jacob and Jayvelin. I read to
them, I sang to them, and at night, I took them for walks to look up at the
stars. I bought them toys, and I bought them books. I took them to parks and
other children's homes to make friends. Their world was my world, and I was
perfectly fine with that.
Then, on a random night out of
hundreds, I woke up from a deep sleep, wide awake. I don't know what caused it.
There was this impulsive energy running through me, and the only thought I was
capable of was Cal, Cal, Cal.
Oh, I'd thought of him
repeatedly, but never had I really paid much attention to it. Now, it was like
a siren going off in my head. I didn't sleep for the rest of the night, and in
the morning, I quickly dropped the children off with the babysitter, telling
her I wouldn't be there to pick them up until late that day.
I had some serious contemplating
to do. What had caused this sudden obsession?
Oh, I remember that morning so
clearly. I was wearing a light blue dress with dark blue in the billows of the
skirt. I'd gathered my hair up and stuck a comb in it, and then I went to a
shady tree in a nearby park to be alone with my thoughts.
For hours, I sat in agony. I
couldn't put words together to form a sentence in my own mind! I thought I was
going insane! Then, like a bolt of lightning, three words screamed out at me. I
love Cal!
All of a sudden, all the puzzle
pieces fit. I was at peace. In a rush, all the images of Cal came back to me,
and I knew another minute away from him would be hell.
The next thing I knew, I was on a
train to Philadelphia. My emotions were once again a whirl. I thought of Jack
and Cal and of my children and what I was to make of this whole mess. I was
entombed in my own thoughts, and a depression came over me. It was all
so...confusing. But don't misinterpret me. I was a driven woman. I was on a
mission, and I would not live without having fulfilled it.
And it was fulfilled. Until
today, at least.